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'I was stupid, but I didn't want him to go to jail' Stepmom tells why she didn't report incest
"HE could never touch my daughters," the woman, a housewife vehemently declared. "If he does that I'll kill him."
She doesn't try to justify why she's so protective of her daughters, but stood by doing nothing while she suspected her husband was molesting her stepdaughter. She goes silent for a minute when asked what she did when she had confirmation, then admitted, "I was stupid, but I didn't want him to go to jail."
The mother of four girls said she rubbishes suggestions that she didn't act because the child affected wasn't biologically hers, saying instead that "other people knew and did nothing".
She does, however, admit some amount of guilt that the child, now a struggling young woman unable to keep a job or a steady relationship, "didn't make anything of herself".
"It happened years ago," she said. "I was young and had young children so I forgave him. I still hate him, but I couldn't let my children grow up without a father."
It happened in 1998 when the stepdaughter was 10. Having been sent by her mother to live with her father and his new wife, the child attended school regularly, initially, and did well.
Eventually her grades dropped, and the stepmother said she began to suspect something was awry because of "how close they were".
When she found her husband scrambling from the child's bed one night, then had a tearful confession of the year-long abuse from the child, she chased the child out of the house.
"I told her she wouldn't ruin my family, so she was sent to live with my husband's sister. Everyone knew. So I can't be the only one everyone blames."
Today she said she puts it to the back of her mind, and even has a relationship with the girl, who visits the family from time to time.
"I give her money and clothes. I invite her to Christmas family dinners. We have a good relationship. We just don't talk about the incident," she said.
Psychologist Dr Leahcim Semaj said denial and the need to hold on to one's marital/couple status is what has allowed mothers to know that their daughters are being molested by their fathers/stepfathers and turn a blind eye to it.
"She just tells herself that it is not real," Dr Semaj explained. "Because if she admits that it is happening she would have to do something about it. It means she would have to leave the man, which means her status is going to change, or money going to change and all of these things. So that represents a serious, serious problem. So she doesn't say anything."
He said, as a result, some mothers will go months into years pretending things are normal or telling the child he/she is lying or that he/she is imagining things even though she has strong suspicion that it is happening.
"Part of the denial is where she blames the daughter -- 'if you never put it in him face', 'if you never tempt him', 'you a walk round the place wid all them nakedness', 'is you put temptation in him way'," he explained. "So again that is part of the denial. If she was to accept and admit to what is happening she would have to do something about it. And this could mean ending the relationship which could mean seriously jeopardising her status and her financial arrangement. It's as tough as that."
He compares a woman allowing incest to continue to a married woman who refuses to insist that her partner use a condom even though she knows he is sleeping around.
"The woman with the highest risk of contracting venereal diseases /AIDS is a married woman," he said. "The fact that her husband is out there, she knows that he is out there with other women, but she will not admit it to herself and insist that he uses a condom. Because if she insists that he uses a condom, that is admitting that she knows what is going on, so she doesn't. She just pretends that it's not happening. So it's a matter of what I don't know won't hurt me."
Attorney-at-law and women's and children's rights advocate Margarette Macaulay said stricter penalties should be meted out to family members who know that a child is being molested by another family member and allow it to continue.
The lawyer, who noted that incest was still too prevalent in Jamaica, and who was peeved that in many cases the crime goes unreported because families cover up the act, believes the punishment for men should be extreme.
The Sexual Offences Act allows persons convicted of incest to face the same penalty as rape convicts, which is a maximum sentence of life in prison. But while she said there is no clear provision in the Act that the family members who know can be prosecuted, families who are found to be complicit can be charged under the Child Care and Protection Act, which allows that anyone who knows of a child who was abused or is being abused physically, sexually or mentally, should report it or face being charged with an offence bearing a maximum fine of $500,000 or up to six months' imprisonment or a mixture of a fine and prison term.
"I'm really passionate about incest. It's happening a lot; it happens generationally, like a man has done it to his daughters and now he's doing it to his grandchildren," Macaulay said.
In many cases the cover-up goes so far that the pregnancies resulting from incestuous relationships are aborted, with the help of the children's mothers or the babies given the surname of the young mother.
"The families themselves cover it up, and so most of the incest offences never see the light of day," Macaulay said. "It used to be like domestic violence used to be — behind closed doors — but now it's behind closed families."
There is no statute of limitation on reporting incest in Jamaica.
Read more: http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines...8#ixzz1V7Wii3V0
"HE could never touch my daughters," the woman, a housewife vehemently declared. "If he does that I'll kill him."
She doesn't try to justify why she's so protective of her daughters, but stood by doing nothing while she suspected her husband was molesting her stepdaughter. She goes silent for a minute when asked what she did when she had confirmation, then admitted, "I was stupid, but I didn't want him to go to jail."
The mother of four girls said she rubbishes suggestions that she didn't act because the child affected wasn't biologically hers, saying instead that "other people knew and did nothing".
She does, however, admit some amount of guilt that the child, now a struggling young woman unable to keep a job or a steady relationship, "didn't make anything of herself".
"It happened years ago," she said. "I was young and had young children so I forgave him. I still hate him, but I couldn't let my children grow up without a father."
It happened in 1998 when the stepdaughter was 10. Having been sent by her mother to live with her father and his new wife, the child attended school regularly, initially, and did well.
Eventually her grades dropped, and the stepmother said she began to suspect something was awry because of "how close they were".
When she found her husband scrambling from the child's bed one night, then had a tearful confession of the year-long abuse from the child, she chased the child out of the house.
"I told her she wouldn't ruin my family, so she was sent to live with my husband's sister. Everyone knew. So I can't be the only one everyone blames."
Today she said she puts it to the back of her mind, and even has a relationship with the girl, who visits the family from time to time.
"I give her money and clothes. I invite her to Christmas family dinners. We have a good relationship. We just don't talk about the incident," she said.
Psychologist Dr Leahcim Semaj said denial and the need to hold on to one's marital/couple status is what has allowed mothers to know that their daughters are being molested by their fathers/stepfathers and turn a blind eye to it.
"She just tells herself that it is not real," Dr Semaj explained. "Because if she admits that it is happening she would have to do something about it. It means she would have to leave the man, which means her status is going to change, or money going to change and all of these things. So that represents a serious, serious problem. So she doesn't say anything."
He said, as a result, some mothers will go months into years pretending things are normal or telling the child he/she is lying or that he/she is imagining things even though she has strong suspicion that it is happening.
"Part of the denial is where she blames the daughter -- 'if you never put it in him face', 'if you never tempt him', 'you a walk round the place wid all them nakedness', 'is you put temptation in him way'," he explained. "So again that is part of the denial. If she was to accept and admit to what is happening she would have to do something about it. And this could mean ending the relationship which could mean seriously jeopardising her status and her financial arrangement. It's as tough as that."
He compares a woman allowing incest to continue to a married woman who refuses to insist that her partner use a condom even though she knows he is sleeping around.
"The woman with the highest risk of contracting venereal diseases /AIDS is a married woman," he said. "The fact that her husband is out there, she knows that he is out there with other women, but she will not admit it to herself and insist that he uses a condom. Because if she insists that he uses a condom, that is admitting that she knows what is going on, so she doesn't. She just pretends that it's not happening. So it's a matter of what I don't know won't hurt me."
Attorney-at-law and women's and children's rights advocate Margarette Macaulay said stricter penalties should be meted out to family members who know that a child is being molested by another family member and allow it to continue.
The lawyer, who noted that incest was still too prevalent in Jamaica, and who was peeved that in many cases the crime goes unreported because families cover up the act, believes the punishment for men should be extreme.
The Sexual Offences Act allows persons convicted of incest to face the same penalty as rape convicts, which is a maximum sentence of life in prison. But while she said there is no clear provision in the Act that the family members who know can be prosecuted, families who are found to be complicit can be charged under the Child Care and Protection Act, which allows that anyone who knows of a child who was abused or is being abused physically, sexually or mentally, should report it or face being charged with an offence bearing a maximum fine of $500,000 or up to six months' imprisonment or a mixture of a fine and prison term.
"I'm really passionate about incest. It's happening a lot; it happens generationally, like a man has done it to his daughters and now he's doing it to his grandchildren," Macaulay said.
In many cases the cover-up goes so far that the pregnancies resulting from incestuous relationships are aborted, with the help of the children's mothers or the babies given the surname of the young mother.
"The families themselves cover it up, and so most of the incest offences never see the light of day," Macaulay said. "It used to be like domestic violence used to be — behind closed doors — but now it's behind closed families."
There is no statute of limitation on reporting incest in Jamaica.
Read more: http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines...8#ixzz1V7Wii3V0
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