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<span style="font-weight: bold">9 love myths debunked</span>
By NADINE WILSON All Woman writer [email protected]
Monday, December 05, 2011
THEY have been perpetuated so often that they have become the cause for many break-ups and heartbreaks over the years. Yes, you got that right, we are talking about love myths — the myths that go contrary to world realities and have you doubting a genuine relationship in your quest for perfection.
But the reality is that matters of the heart are not set in stone and should not be dictated by a movie director either, no matter how captivating the storyline is. Today we come with one agenda; to blast those common misconceptions on love and relationships, so that you can fully enjoy the most gratifying of all emotions without the strings attached that can so easily weigh down a good thing. To help give you that cold dose of reality, we have also enlisted the help of relationship expert and counsellor, Wayne Powell.
You need more than love to sustain a good relationship.
1/1
MYTH#1: You only have one true love. This talk of soulmates as portrayed in fairy tales has got quite a few women feeling hopeless as they wait with bated breaths for their one true love. The fact that there are approximately 3.5 billion men in the world it appears has never crossed their minds, because the belief is continually perpetuated that God earmarked just one special man for every woman. But then, that cannot be the case, as you'll hear from those women who have been able to fall in love again after losing a husband or getting a divorce.
MYTH#2: All the good ones are taken. You have been saying that for the past 20 years and since that time you have watched your siblings and friends find suitable partners. No, God did not just create these men overnight so that they could walk down the aisle with everybody but you — they followed the natural growth progression. So look at the man who's right under your nose. "There are good, eligible bachelors out there. The eligible, single ladies just have to be in the places where they are such as church, gyms, social/service clubs. Ladies, don't forget that some of the nice guys are shy guys so you may have to make the first move," said Powell.
MYTH#3: Love is blind. Shakespeare wrote that "love is blind and lovers cannot see", but then again, he was the author of Romeo and Juliet and their solution to being together was to kill themselves. According to Powell, the term which has become increasingly popular, refers to a situation where someone naively ignores the shortcomings of their partner. "For example, a lady may remain in an abusive relationship on the grounds that she believes that the man beats her because he loves her. She obviously is living in a state of denial and refuses to accept the reality of the situation," he said, while being keen to point out that such a person could be suffering from low self-esteem.
MYTH#4: It was love at first sight. While someone can be attracted to you the first time they see you, love is a process and grows with time. "Love is much deeper than physical attraction and requires some amount of time to grow and develop," said Powell. "If someone comes to you and claims that he loved you at first sight and proposes to you after a week of meeting you for the first time, RUN," said the relationship expert.
MYTH#5: Great relationships involve two perfect people. No one is perfect, so to expect a perfect partner is not only far too idealistic, it is naive. You are most likely going to encounter a habit or a personality trait in your partner that probably gets on top of your last nerve. So don't be quick to dump your beau just because he always leaves the toilet seat up, or finds hanging out on the couch watching a football match more interesting than spending time with you. As long as your partner's flaws are not the abusive kind, then you can learn to live with them. But if his imperfection lies in destructive behaviours — like he's a jobless, irresponsible alcoholic — then move on.
MYTH #6: Having children together will bring you closer. Children enrich our lives in so many ways, but if you are counting on them to get your partner to stay with you, you'll be better off coming up with another strategy. The truth of the matter is that children help to further complicate relationships since they can take away from time with each other and hit your bank account where it hurts.
MYTH#7: Your partner is responsible for your happiness. The assumption is often made that the earth will stand still and all your troubles will disappear once you meet a guy. Probably that could happen if you were living in a world of make believe, but this is the real world, filled with humans and their own frailties and issues. As such, Powell warns that, "one's happiness should not solely depend on the other person, you must take responsibility for your personal happiness." Unfortunately, he said, some people, especially those with low self-esteem, have been subjected to this belief that their partners are responsible for their happiness. "There are some men who take advantage of women who act in this way and more often than not these women are not as happy as they would want to be," he said.
MYTH#8: True love conquers all. This is a very romantic concept and has probably been allowed to perpetuate over the years because people crave romance. But as fascinating as this notion is, it has often been used by abused women to justify the actions of their violent spouses and countless other atrocities committed against them by members of the opposite sex. The fact is, you need more than love to sustain a good relationship. You'll need mutual respect, tolerance, common values and a bit of humour, among other things, for a lasting union.
MYTH#9: Sex can be a casual act. There is nothing casual about the act of two bodies mingling. Sex on a whole triggers romantic love. It is for this reason that some women feel heartbroken and rejected after waking up to realise that the man they have spent the night making love to disappears without a trace. STDs, which spread easily due to casual hook-ups, is also not something to be taken lightly.
Read more: http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magaz...#ixzz1gQdb1uqO
By NADINE WILSON All Woman writer [email protected]
Monday, December 05, 2011
THEY have been perpetuated so often that they have become the cause for many break-ups and heartbreaks over the years. Yes, you got that right, we are talking about love myths — the myths that go contrary to world realities and have you doubting a genuine relationship in your quest for perfection.
But the reality is that matters of the heart are not set in stone and should not be dictated by a movie director either, no matter how captivating the storyline is. Today we come with one agenda; to blast those common misconceptions on love and relationships, so that you can fully enjoy the most gratifying of all emotions without the strings attached that can so easily weigh down a good thing. To help give you that cold dose of reality, we have also enlisted the help of relationship expert and counsellor, Wayne Powell.
You need more than love to sustain a good relationship.
1/1
MYTH#1: You only have one true love. This talk of soulmates as portrayed in fairy tales has got quite a few women feeling hopeless as they wait with bated breaths for their one true love. The fact that there are approximately 3.5 billion men in the world it appears has never crossed their minds, because the belief is continually perpetuated that God earmarked just one special man for every woman. But then, that cannot be the case, as you'll hear from those women who have been able to fall in love again after losing a husband or getting a divorce.
MYTH#2: All the good ones are taken. You have been saying that for the past 20 years and since that time you have watched your siblings and friends find suitable partners. No, God did not just create these men overnight so that they could walk down the aisle with everybody but you — they followed the natural growth progression. So look at the man who's right under your nose. "There are good, eligible bachelors out there. The eligible, single ladies just have to be in the places where they are such as church, gyms, social/service clubs. Ladies, don't forget that some of the nice guys are shy guys so you may have to make the first move," said Powell.
MYTH#3: Love is blind. Shakespeare wrote that "love is blind and lovers cannot see", but then again, he was the author of Romeo and Juliet and their solution to being together was to kill themselves. According to Powell, the term which has become increasingly popular, refers to a situation where someone naively ignores the shortcomings of their partner. "For example, a lady may remain in an abusive relationship on the grounds that she believes that the man beats her because he loves her. She obviously is living in a state of denial and refuses to accept the reality of the situation," he said, while being keen to point out that such a person could be suffering from low self-esteem.
MYTH#4: It was love at first sight. While someone can be attracted to you the first time they see you, love is a process and grows with time. "Love is much deeper than physical attraction and requires some amount of time to grow and develop," said Powell. "If someone comes to you and claims that he loved you at first sight and proposes to you after a week of meeting you for the first time, RUN," said the relationship expert.
MYTH#5: Great relationships involve two perfect people. No one is perfect, so to expect a perfect partner is not only far too idealistic, it is naive. You are most likely going to encounter a habit or a personality trait in your partner that probably gets on top of your last nerve. So don't be quick to dump your beau just because he always leaves the toilet seat up, or finds hanging out on the couch watching a football match more interesting than spending time with you. As long as your partner's flaws are not the abusive kind, then you can learn to live with them. But if his imperfection lies in destructive behaviours — like he's a jobless, irresponsible alcoholic — then move on.
MYTH #6: Having children together will bring you closer. Children enrich our lives in so many ways, but if you are counting on them to get your partner to stay with you, you'll be better off coming up with another strategy. The truth of the matter is that children help to further complicate relationships since they can take away from time with each other and hit your bank account where it hurts.
MYTH#7: Your partner is responsible for your happiness. The assumption is often made that the earth will stand still and all your troubles will disappear once you meet a guy. Probably that could happen if you were living in a world of make believe, but this is the real world, filled with humans and their own frailties and issues. As such, Powell warns that, "one's happiness should not solely depend on the other person, you must take responsibility for your personal happiness." Unfortunately, he said, some people, especially those with low self-esteem, have been subjected to this belief that their partners are responsible for their happiness. "There are some men who take advantage of women who act in this way and more often than not these women are not as happy as they would want to be," he said.
MYTH#8: True love conquers all. This is a very romantic concept and has probably been allowed to perpetuate over the years because people crave romance. But as fascinating as this notion is, it has often been used by abused women to justify the actions of their violent spouses and countless other atrocities committed against them by members of the opposite sex. The fact is, you need more than love to sustain a good relationship. You'll need mutual respect, tolerance, common values and a bit of humour, among other things, for a lasting union.
MYTH#9: Sex can be a casual act. There is nothing casual about the act of two bodies mingling. Sex on a whole triggers romantic love. It is for this reason that some women feel heartbroken and rejected after waking up to realise that the man they have spent the night making love to disappears without a trace. STDs, which spread easily due to casual hook-ups, is also not something to be taken lightly.
Read more: http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magaz...#ixzz1gQdb1uqO