ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

[DearK]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Geneva</div><div class="ubbcode-body">this is nat the DearK mi know..the one that used to comfort mi [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70402-thinking.gif[/img]

madaratos is wah unnu do wid the ole DearK [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70394-bawlout.gif[/img] </div></div>

((((Geneva)))) This is tough love.

(((((ILP)))))

[mountaingal]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

if ILP does not communicate with T, she risks damaging her relationship with BG. that is the dilemma as I see it (unless mi wrong,ILP you can correct me). but it is a matter of weighing what is more important, what is worth a tradeoff.

the longer ILP is incommunicado, the more BG will feel that ILP is not only rejecting T but also rejecting BG. so mi seet.

[damask]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70394-bawlout.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70394-bawlout.gif[/img] calling Dr. Dudd fa DearK

[missus_vegas]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

this is actually very scarey. it makes you want to be careful of watever bad habits u pick up. seem like she learn some very bad habits form she young and she neva got over them.

really ghetto streggeh [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70400-talktohand.gif[/img]

[DearK]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

I'm not suggesting that ILP cut off all communication w/ T, just that maybe right now you need a longer breeak from her, and maybe the christening is going to be too taxing??

This doesnt preclude a visit or call later on to shoot the breeze and keep the lines open.

Now this is going to sound even more contrary, but you might find that mom is going to need BG more. When BG was 3, 4, 5 y/old, sending her off w/ you might have been a great alternative to what having a young child underfoot means. Now that she is 15, can help herself, AND can help mom and new baby. well...

[Bandana]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Geneva</div><div class="ubbcode-body">this is nat the DearK mi know..the one that used to comfort mi [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70402-thinking.gif[/img]

madaratos is wah unnu do wid the ole DearK [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70394-bawlout.gif[/img] </div></div>

[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/704555_dwl.gif[/img]

woooiiieeee..

Geneva [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70459-hugs.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/704555_dwl.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70459-hugs.gif[/img]

back to read the rest...

[MarieK]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: iluvportland</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dear K</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> The teach a man to fish analogy comes to mind when considering the many bail-outs, and I'm not sure I agree with the expensive vacations with you... </div></div>

I take her with me because I am going anyway. My parent raised me to "see the world and learn about yourself". I want that for Babygirl A. Thats all. </div></div>

Actually ILP I agree with you. My mother is a firm beleiver in exposure when raising children and even though we had it hard because I had an idiot for a father, she sent me on expensive vacations. My friend was here over the weekend with her two boys and she moved them from Bushwick brooklyn to the suburbs in Maryland and there is a change in them.

My brother also exposes his children to the finer things in life and they are sooooooooo very different from the males in his wife's family.

She has been exposed to a world that she otherwise wouldn't know existed. it will push her to work hard to achieve what she has witnessed for herself. Whether we want to beleive it or not, many children don't know they can strive for a college education because they are nto exposed to many who do and even though T has a bit of education, she's not the epitome of a strong black educated woman.

Had ILP not shown her the world, the only exposure she'd have is the trifling experiences of her mother and you do not want her idolizing those behaviors.

[Bandana]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

I hear what you say DearK.

It made me remember a little "tough love" that Nunya gave in my Roommate thread...

She made me think a different way for a minute...

Nunya DearK now??? [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70402-thinking.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/eek2.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70402-thinking.gif[/img]

[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/704555_dwl.gif[/img]

Either way ilp, I wish you the best of luck, and I [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70384-praying.gif[/img] for all of you...

[Bandana]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

duppy [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/mad.gif[/img]

[Yvonne N.]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

I think we have now come face to face with a real live “bad-girl”: bold, conniving, smart, fearless, a risk-taker and a rule – breaker. She seems to scream the bad-girl mantra, “If I can imagine it, then I can do it!”

She is wild.

She is charming.

She knows the rules...and she uses them.

Did you notice that she has not had a definitive mental breakdown but busily using romance to keep herself fairly sane and well?

Do you realize that the missy knows what’s going on and is watching everyone watching her? Did you see how quick she was to point out to you her rights as a parent?

Do you see how loyal you are to her? Of course. She’s a sweet-natured ‘girl’ in her moments of clarity...and she’s to be admired when she becomes firmly adversarial.

You love her ...you love everything about her...and because she is almost totally different from you, she makes you appreciate life with fresh eyes...she helps you to value and cherish the current Mr. Ilp, she causes you to endure and treasure the notion of family, and , ultimately, she helps you to fathom the true meaning of unconditional love.

Call her and talk...as if you bore her wounds.

You have nothing to lose and she has everything to gain.

All the best. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70409-waytogo.gif[/img]

[Hush Darlin]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dear K</div><div class="ubbcode-body">. The teach a man to fish analogy comes to mind when considering the many bail-outs, ...


</div></div>
well she has taught her to fish by finding her jobs

[HIMdaughta]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dear K</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

Her finances - Using her child's SS# to open credit accounts. <span style="color: #3333FF"> Do you now how many 3 y/olds have a phone/light bill? poor desperate parents do this all the time, not saying it's right, but does that mean she doesnt hug her child at nights, talk to her, care about how well she does in school etc? </span>
</div></div>

<span style="color: #6600CC">
It doesn't matter if everyone mother in town did it, it's still wrong. I have a friend who is in a very bad financial situation with two children and times are very very hard for her. However she values her children's future too much to even think about doing such a thing to them.

And there is definitely no jusification there when monies are being spent to buy gift for another man. ALL money should go to the children and their well being. Until the family is well off enough. </span>

[Ochigal]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: HIMdaughta</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dear K</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

Her finances - Using her child's SS# to open credit accounts. <span style="color: #3333FF"> Do you now how many 3 y/olds have a phone/light bill? poor desperate parents do this all the time, not saying it's right, but does that mean she doesnt hug her child at nights, talk to her, care about how well she does in school etc? </span>
</div></div>

<span style="color: #6600CC">
It doesn't matter if everyone mother in town did it, it's still wrong. I have a friend who is in a very bad financial situation with two children and times are very very hard for her. However she values her children's future too much to even think about doing such a thing to them.

And there is definitely no jusification there when monies are being spent to buy gift for another man. ALL money should go to the children and their well being. Until the family is well off enough. </span> </div></div>

HIMd,

I was about to say the same thing. T may love her daughter...but she is NOT putting her daughter first. She used her money to buy a 17 year old BOY jewelry and expensive gifts all the while not paying for the basic necessities of life such as clothes and school supplies for her daughter, phone and light for her house and RENT for a roof over their head. If not for ILP...they WOULD be homeless...but her boytoy would have a nice gold chain round him neck! You dont put your child this low on the priority list in your life and then say you LOVE them...no...uh uh...it dont work that way.

T can go have nasty sex every night of the week with a different man as long as its behind closed doors and her daughter doesnt know about it...but DONT TAKE FOOD OUTA HER MOUTH to pay for that sex...a woman like this doesnt deserve to be a mom! Being a mom is a blessing!

[Bandana]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70458-applaud.gif[/img]

[MsExced]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

Wow ILP I just read this and I think you should talk with T and her daughter. You are truly amazing [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/notworthy.gif[/img]