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So. A once good friend, I'll call him - hell, he deserves to be publicly called to the carpet, so I'll name him: Spencer.
A once good and dear friend, Spencer, earned my final 'kiss off' on my last birthday, end of April -- He'd promised to emcee at my final fundraising dinner party (remember I was running for City Council At-Large), and at the last minute - literally - hours before the party, he backed out, calling me on my cell phone, telling me that his pastor (he himself is a minister) needed him to set up a hall for a party for two days away! I knew that he was lying; he and I had quarreled about politics. I supported our then-incumbent mayor, and he supported a newcomer (who is now our mayor). In fact, I ran on our former mayor's slate. *shrug* Now, I'm good with disagreement, but I am NOT OK with one 20+ friend screwing another at the literal last minute at such an important event as this!!! Politics ought to have been set aside OR Spencer ought to have told me in the beginning that he would not help me - one or the other. But to leave me hanging at the last minute? NO! It's just plain WRONG, isn't it???
So, at the last minute, another dear friend, a Jamaican Baptist minister, "W", came through for me, and found, amongst his flock, a deejay to do the job on 90-minute notice. NOTE that it took a Jamaican deejay to get the job done. That didn't escape my notice.
Anyhoo, incensed, I texted the following to Spencer: "In accordance with proper Jewish Halachal law, I hereby declare you DEAD to me. From this moment forth, you are DEAD. You no longer live. You no longer exist. Should we pass each other in public, I do not see you, I will not hear you, you are but a ghost. You are DEAD to me and mine. Your name will never again pass my lips and I shall never again read your name. You are DEAD and buried; you have ceased to exist in my world."
It's ^ a decent street level translation of the formal Hebrew used in the formal ritual.
And, as of April 27th, I have lived by my words. Words are nothing if not backed by actions, and I always live by the consequences of my actions. I unfriended him on FB. I never saw him in public that I ever noticed. I found other side streets to drive up out of Orange Valley, and have avoided his. I cut contact with my other 20+year friends who just happen to live next door to Spencer, solely so that I would not risk running into Spencer. I preferred to give up M & G as friends and ditch their friendship rather than possibly running into Spencer. When I saw his across-the-street neighbor - also a friend, I ignored him, too, and refused to acknowledge that man's greeting, as well; it was just easier. When I say "you are dead to me", I freakin' mean it!
So... today, the sound of a chat box sounded while I was online and on FB. It was Spencer. The text in the chat box: "Stephanie, pls call me 908xxxxxxx"
I ignored it.
The sound of another chat message sounded about 12 minutes later.
"Steph, PLS PLS call me 908xxxxxxx pls call"
Pissed off, I deliberately closed that chat box. I ignored it. i can be a real b****.
Before I could close FB, another chatbox opened: "Steph, i kno im dead to u but pls call me anyhow, Jesus raised the dead and ur still Christian pls call me 908xxxxxxx pls forgive me and call me"
So..... Do I call him? Or not?
What would unnu do??
I'm still inclined to leave him dead. Dead is dead. And I have no real reason to change my mind about Spencer. I'm Christian, and yes, I've forgiven... but forgiveness doesn't mean forgetfulness. One can forgive, yet not forget. I may forgive him, but that doesn't mean that I would ever give him the change to screw me again. Jesus mandated forgiveness. That I've done. I'm good. And I've run that by my confessor. I think I'd prefer to leave Spencer as dead to me. I'm much happier that way. In fact, I like it that way.
What would unnu do???
A once good and dear friend, Spencer, earned my final 'kiss off' on my last birthday, end of April -- He'd promised to emcee at my final fundraising dinner party (remember I was running for City Council At-Large), and at the last minute - literally - hours before the party, he backed out, calling me on my cell phone, telling me that his pastor (he himself is a minister) needed him to set up a hall for a party for two days away! I knew that he was lying; he and I had quarreled about politics. I supported our then-incumbent mayor, and he supported a newcomer (who is now our mayor). In fact, I ran on our former mayor's slate. *shrug* Now, I'm good with disagreement, but I am NOT OK with one 20+ friend screwing another at the literal last minute at such an important event as this!!! Politics ought to have been set aside OR Spencer ought to have told me in the beginning that he would not help me - one or the other. But to leave me hanging at the last minute? NO! It's just plain WRONG, isn't it???
So, at the last minute, another dear friend, a Jamaican Baptist minister, "W", came through for me, and found, amongst his flock, a deejay to do the job on 90-minute notice. NOTE that it took a Jamaican deejay to get the job done. That didn't escape my notice.
Anyhoo, incensed, I texted the following to Spencer: "In accordance with proper Jewish Halachal law, I hereby declare you DEAD to me. From this moment forth, you are DEAD. You no longer live. You no longer exist. Should we pass each other in public, I do not see you, I will not hear you, you are but a ghost. You are DEAD to me and mine. Your name will never again pass my lips and I shall never again read your name. You are DEAD and buried; you have ceased to exist in my world."
It's ^ a decent street level translation of the formal Hebrew used in the formal ritual.
And, as of April 27th, I have lived by my words. Words are nothing if not backed by actions, and I always live by the consequences of my actions. I unfriended him on FB. I never saw him in public that I ever noticed. I found other side streets to drive up out of Orange Valley, and have avoided his. I cut contact with my other 20+year friends who just happen to live next door to Spencer, solely so that I would not risk running into Spencer. I preferred to give up M & G as friends and ditch their friendship rather than possibly running into Spencer. When I saw his across-the-street neighbor - also a friend, I ignored him, too, and refused to acknowledge that man's greeting, as well; it was just easier. When I say "you are dead to me", I freakin' mean it!
So... today, the sound of a chat box sounded while I was online and on FB. It was Spencer. The text in the chat box: "Stephanie, pls call me 908xxxxxxx"
I ignored it.
The sound of another chat message sounded about 12 minutes later.
"Steph, PLS PLS call me 908xxxxxxx pls call"
Pissed off, I deliberately closed that chat box. I ignored it. i can be a real b****.
Before I could close FB, another chatbox opened: "Steph, i kno im dead to u but pls call me anyhow, Jesus raised the dead and ur still Christian pls call me 908xxxxxxx pls forgive me and call me"
So..... Do I call him? Or not?
What would unnu do??
I'm still inclined to leave him dead. Dead is dead. And I have no real reason to change my mind about Spencer. I'm Christian, and yes, I've forgiven... but forgiveness doesn't mean forgetfulness. One can forgive, yet not forget. I may forgive him, but that doesn't mean that I would ever give him the change to screw me again. Jesus mandated forgiveness. That I've done. I'm good. And I've run that by my confessor. I think I'd prefer to leave Spencer as dead to me. I'm much happier that way. In fact, I like it that way.
What would unnu do???
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