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[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/nahtalktoyuh.gif[/img] ....it look like some ah wi figet di rules.....but mi nah seh nuttin...mi juss ah trow di book out deh...
1. Rule: ALWAYS USE PROTECTION!!! If you don’t know why this is a rule go get tested for an STD right now. Or just take a moment to imagine your booty call as the mother or father of your child. If that thought makes you howl with laughter, then use protection.
2. Rule: Booty calls are like vampires, they should never see the light of day. In fact just to be safe, they should never be seen before 10:30 pm.
3. Rule: Never arrive anywhere with your booty call. After 10:30 pm always meet her/him at the bar/party/social gathering. That is, if you have to see them in public at all. Ideally you do not. Ideally they are a phone call you make during the cab ride home.
4. Rule: Be flakey, unreliable, and undependable. When you say that you will call or show up in 15 minutes, really do it in 45. Change your plans often. Be elusive about where you are. Disappear for a day or two.
5. Rule: Avoid doing any “boyfriend/girlfriend-like” activities. Boyfriends/girlfriends are required to do thoughtful, courteous things. You are not. Boyfriends/girlfriends are required to put their needs aside sometimes to accommodate yours. Booty callers are not.
6. Rule: No excessive amount of money should be spent on a booty call. In fact, you shouldn’t really be spending money on them at all. If you have to spend it, it should be no more than the equivalent of three drinks and a slice of pizza after the night out. This means no more than $35 ($55 if you are in New York). However, spare no expense if an emergency cab ride to get out of their home and safely back to yours is necessary.
7. Rule: Try not to meet too many of their friends, especially their oldest and best friends. Avoid meeting siblings like the plague. Under no circumstances meet the parents. This should be a no-brainer but as you probably know, brains are not a requirement for a booty call.
8. Rule: Beware the relationship hunter disguised as a booty caller. This shameless predator seeks to lure innocent booty callers down the rabbit hole of monogamy. They seduce their prey with luxuries and favors. Don’t get too comfortable. That’s when they pounce with their demands, accusations and needs.
Warning: It is easy to overlook these signs because of their subtlety. The other person is, in fact, doing something nice for you. But remember, with all bait, there is a string attached somewhere. She will do his laundry, cook him nice Italian meals and maybe even clean his place. He will take her out to dinner, buy her a dress and maybe even give her a back rub. That’s all fine and dandy and it’s nice to be taken care of, but now you owe each other, which is the modern-day basis of all relationships.
9. Rule: Romance of any kind is strictly forbidden. A booty call should never spend the night, but if you are too drunk to drive home, avoid cuddling, cozy breakfast mornings and kissing on the lips. Watch the music you play during and after sex. NO PETER GABRIEL. MEATLOAF is also a big no-no. Stick with Jay-Z and you’ll be keepin’ the bangin’ real. A man who has “99 problems but a b**h ain’t one,” is a man who knows the rules of booty calling.
10. Rule: A booty call should be ended at the first signs of any feelings, either yours or theirs. This is to avoid any serious drama or being ensnared unexpectedly in the trap of a relationship
1. Rule: ALWAYS USE PROTECTION!!! If you don’t know why this is a rule go get tested for an STD right now. Or just take a moment to imagine your booty call as the mother or father of your child. If that thought makes you howl with laughter, then use protection.
2. Rule: Booty calls are like vampires, they should never see the light of day. In fact just to be safe, they should never be seen before 10:30 pm.
3. Rule: Never arrive anywhere with your booty call. After 10:30 pm always meet her/him at the bar/party/social gathering. That is, if you have to see them in public at all. Ideally you do not. Ideally they are a phone call you make during the cab ride home.
4. Rule: Be flakey, unreliable, and undependable. When you say that you will call or show up in 15 minutes, really do it in 45. Change your plans often. Be elusive about where you are. Disappear for a day or two.
5. Rule: Avoid doing any “boyfriend/girlfriend-like” activities. Boyfriends/girlfriends are required to do thoughtful, courteous things. You are not. Boyfriends/girlfriends are required to put their needs aside sometimes to accommodate yours. Booty callers are not.
6. Rule: No excessive amount of money should be spent on a booty call. In fact, you shouldn’t really be spending money on them at all. If you have to spend it, it should be no more than the equivalent of three drinks and a slice of pizza after the night out. This means no more than $35 ($55 if you are in New York). However, spare no expense if an emergency cab ride to get out of their home and safely back to yours is necessary.
7. Rule: Try not to meet too many of their friends, especially their oldest and best friends. Avoid meeting siblings like the plague. Under no circumstances meet the parents. This should be a no-brainer but as you probably know, brains are not a requirement for a booty call.
8. Rule: Beware the relationship hunter disguised as a booty caller. This shameless predator seeks to lure innocent booty callers down the rabbit hole of monogamy. They seduce their prey with luxuries and favors. Don’t get too comfortable. That’s when they pounce with their demands, accusations and needs.
Warning: It is easy to overlook these signs because of their subtlety. The other person is, in fact, doing something nice for you. But remember, with all bait, there is a string attached somewhere. She will do his laundry, cook him nice Italian meals and maybe even clean his place. He will take her out to dinner, buy her a dress and maybe even give her a back rub. That’s all fine and dandy and it’s nice to be taken care of, but now you owe each other, which is the modern-day basis of all relationships.
9. Rule: Romance of any kind is strictly forbidden. A booty call should never spend the night, but if you are too drunk to drive home, avoid cuddling, cozy breakfast mornings and kissing on the lips. Watch the music you play during and after sex. NO PETER GABRIEL. MEATLOAF is also a big no-no. Stick with Jay-Z and you’ll be keepin’ the bangin’ real. A man who has “99 problems but a b**h ain’t one,” is a man who knows the rules of booty calling.
10. Rule: A booty call should be ended at the first signs of any feelings, either yours or theirs. This is to avoid any serious drama or being ensnared unexpectedly in the trap of a relationship
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