Wedding guests...the root of all evil?

[phoenix]

I was speaking to my mother about my guest list for my wedding and clearly, the woman does not listen. I explained almost immediately after the engagement (months ago) that it would be a small wedding. I even said, 'very small'. I said it would likely be fewer than 20 people. So now, I wonder why she didn't believe me. She thinks I am being unreasonable to not include various family members. I am not having friends that I would love to have, but she expects me to have family who, I don't like.

Am I being unreasonable?

Who has been there and done that? And by 'that' I mean had the wedding you wanted rather than the wedding family wanted?

[kia027]

Re: Wedding guests...the root of all evil?

your 1st mistake is in even thinking the wedding is about you

once u madda involve dats it.. so here is what you do
play along mek she pay and have kids; make sure you have a daughter so you can do the same thing to her [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/bannana_purple.gif[/img]

[ILP]

Re: Wedding guests...the root of all evil?

You could just live in sin like me [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70374-lipsrsealed.gif[/img]

mi muddah love fi weave daht inna argument...

[MarieK]

Re: Wedding guests...the root of all evil?

Phoenix, have a destination wedding. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/wink.gif[/img]

nuff a di hungry belly people dem nah guh pay fi plane ticket fi nyam yuh food [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/laugh.gif[/img]

[kia027]

Re: Wedding guests...the root of all evil?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Mrs. MarieK</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Phoenix, have a destination wedding. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/wink.gif[/img]

nuff a di hungry belly people dem nah guh pay fi plane ticket fi nyam yuh food [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/laugh.gif[/img] </div></div>

If you do; just dont go from atlanta to italy, fly from prague to montreal and drive into NY [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/eek2.gif[/img]

[julie*mango]

Re: Wedding guests...the root of all evil?

My wedding was ultra small...cute wedding on the beach in St Pete's and we didn't have nobody there but me and my husband...the family still vex wid we but coming from two large families we never had money fi feed all a dem wanga gut like dat plus if yu invite one yu haffi invite all...they wanted us to have a reception in my SIL's backyard when the time got warmer (we got married in February) but I think that is tacky so we decided that when the time is right we will renew our vows but in Jamaica so as smaddy seh, nuff ppl nah jump pan plane fi eat yu food so it will still cut costs. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/grin.gif[/img]

Good luck. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70409-waytogo.gif[/img]

[Kurlie]

Re: Wedding guests...the root of all evil?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Kia</div><div class="ubbcode-body">your 1st mistake is in even thinking the wedding is about you

once u madda involve dats it.. so here is what you do
play along mek she pay and have kids; make sure you have a daughter so you can do the same thing to her [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/bannana_purple.gif[/img] </div></div>

true ting Kia...When I just got engage and started planning with my mom, one day hear her...."then mi nuh haffi invite mi friend dem a mi wedding" then she correct herself and say "you wedding".

[Wahalla]

Re: Wedding guests...the root of all evil?

yes you are being unreasonable yu getting married in B'ham and dont invite all and sundry. Go to the Caribean (Dom Rep) to get married.. it works out cheaper... Invite every body who you mada want.. (pay for your mother's ticket) And that sorts out all those who really care and those who just want to get drunk..
Also not Jamaica yu probably gort family and dem wi nyam yu out.... Barbadoes they speak english.. Dom Rep wi scare aff the hangers on...

PS give your husband some oral action on the wedding night....

[phoenix]

Re: Wedding guests...the root of all evil?

Kia, I really thought that is was about us, but apparently not. I actually was kept awake the other night trying to think how I would negotiate my way through that this.

Juss, I am living in sin, and have been for years, and to hear my mother talk you would think I was selling what god give me on the street. Yes, she has prayed about it! You would think she would be happy now, but nooo...

I did consider a destination wedding, but there isn't anywhere I really wanted to go, plus I like the idea of having a hand in everything and getting exactly what I'd like, even though it's only a little wedding. The appealof a destination wedding is exactly what Wahalla said, it would sort the wheat from the chaff.

(Thanks Wahalla, of thinking of my husband to be...I think)

I am just going to ring up the one or two people who matter and tell them what I have planned early on, so they know. Hopefully that will help. One aunt had a bee in her bonnet because I did not tell her that I was engaged - she heard it from somewhere else as she would - will still have to appeased for want of a better word, but she is not coming to the wedding. That will reate all sorts of trouble, no doubt.


We are paying for the wedding, and we both want the same thing. If we do it as we have planned, then we will have a good day, as will our guests. The alternative will be a huge wedding which I will hate. Think of those pictures! I will have to stand firm against my mother. What fun. Only 12 months to go....

[Gen]

Re: Wedding guests...the root of all evil?

Skells-not all backyard weddings are tacky, if you have a large enuff backyard you can do it under a tent and that could run up to any amount [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70379-moneyeyes.gif[/img]



Phoenix-a Destination wedding does not mean that you can't have a hand in planning it. there are local event/wedding planners who will work with you to make sure that you get the wedding of your dreams.

[julie*mango]

Re: Wedding guests...the root of all evil?

My SIL backyard is a fairly comfortable size but I just don't think it is for me. Now I have a backyard of my own and it is beautiful and better suited at accomodating guests than my SIL's but I still wouldn't have my wedding there.

[phoenix]

Re: Wedding guests...the root of all evil?

There isn't really anywhere I want to go, or have been to that made me think, 'I really would love to get married here'. I think if I felt that way about somewhere, I would make it happen, distance aside. It bugs me that I should even have to consider a destination wedding to avoid the hassle of my mother's dream wedding for me.

I have started wince I posted e-mailing and telling people what the exact plans for the wedding are, so they have 12 months to get over it.

[Gen]

Re: Wedding guests...the root of all evil?

okay well you shouldn't have to be emailing anyone on "what to expect". Cut dung the guest list to what you feel comfortable with and call it a day. Mek yuh madda know seh is your day and if she nuh agree mek she know seh unnu can always elope [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70456-eyebrows.gif[/img] I think that will bring har to har senses.

[MarieK]

Re: Wedding guests...the root of all evil?

We had a destination wedding of some sort and I planned the entire thing. We REFUSED monetary contributions because then the IL would have taken over and Marie wants what Marie likes and Marie wont have it any other way, get me. I could see myself walking itno the church not liking it and walking out so we definitely had a hand in everything.

We chose our colors, the cake, the menu, everything. We did the whole church thing because his mom had him convinced we'd burn in hell if we didn't get married in a church but the reception was at a plantation. A couple I know used the plantation for the ceremony and the reception (they had a dusk pool side wedding) and it was beautiful.

Oh trust me you can have a hand in your own wedding.

Oh and take it from me, trust me on this. You need to gather the reigns and draw them in on your plans, it HAS to be about you because after you do it once you will NEVER and I repeat NEVER have the desire to do it again.

[phoenix]

Re: Wedding guests...the root of all evil?

Geneva, MarieK, thanks for the advice. My boyfriend and I are paying for the wedding, but that doesn't stop Mother from being vocal about it. I think she believes it is her divine right.

I've decided to gather the reigns as you say, because it is our day. We have managed to confirm a venue here which is ideal for what we'd like. Next goal: find a dress!

I never imagined that my wish for a simple wedding would be so fraught.