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why is it that when say, two three years into the marriage or after a couple of kids and the wife starts not wanting sex anymore and the man goes outside to get it, he's dogged? isn't it the wife's fault for not tending to his needs in the first place? isn't she the one who broke the vows first?
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Re: innocent question time
Yes and yes. -
Re: innocent question time
No, and no. It is the responsibility of *both* partners to meet each other's needs, and after a "couple of kids", if the husband is not showing sensitivity in helping on the home front, then it shouldn't be too surprising if the wife isn't interested in sex anymore. An exhausted woman/wife isn't interested in much really. With that in mind, I do not believe she broke the vows first. This assumes the husband is not negligent in making sure he does his portion of what is required in the home.
Sorry, I'm hard pressed for time and can't elaborate more. Hopefully you get the idea though.aka ChurchDude. I want that moniker back! Until then....
"Sometimes you have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to" ~ AnonComment
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Re: innocent question time
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: CEW</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
Sorry, I'm hard pressed for time and can't elaborate more. Hopefully you get the idea though. </div></div>
irony of irieknees [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/704555_dwl.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/blush.gif[/img]Comment
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Re: innocent question time
alrite [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70402-thinking.gif[/img]
so is both a them fault? suppose one or the other doing what them suppose fi do?Comment
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Re: innocent question time
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: CEW</div><div class="ubbcode-body">No, and no. It is the responsibility of *both* partners to meet each other's needs, and after a "couple of kids", if the husband is not showing sensitivity in helping on the home front, then it shouldn't be too surprising if the wife isn't interested in sex anymore. An exhausted woman/wife isn't interested in much really. With that in mind, I do not believe she broke the vows first. This assumes the husband is not negligent in making sure he does his portion of what is required in the home.
Sorry, I'm hard pressed for time and can't elaborate more. Hopefully you get the idea though. </div></div>
presaklyIf you don't fight for what you deserve, you deserve what you get.
We are > Fossil Fuels --- Bill McKibben 350.orgComment
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Re: innocent question time
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: CEW</div><div class="ubbcode-body">No, and no. It is the responsibility of *both* partners to meet each other's needs, and after a "couple of kids", if the husband is not showing sensitivity in helping on the home front, then it shouldn't be too surprising if the wife isn't interested in sex anymore. An exhausted woman/wife isn't interested in much really. With that in mind, I do not believe she broke the vows first. This assumes the husband is not negligent in making sure he does his portion of what is required in the home.
Sorry, I'm hard pressed for time and can't elaborate more. Hopefully you get the idea though. </div></div>
[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70458-applaud.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70458-applaud.gif[/img]Comment
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Re: innocent question time
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Ivoree</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: CEW</div><div class="ubbcode-body">No, and no. It is the responsibility of *both* partners to meet each other's needs, and after a "couple of kids", if the husband is not showing sensitivity in helping on the home front, then it shouldn't be too surprising if the wife isn't interested in sex anymore. An exhausted woman/wife isn't interested in much really. With that in mind, I do not believe she broke the vows first. This assumes the husband is not negligent in making sure he does his portion of what is required in the home.
Sorry, I'm hard pressed for time and can't elaborate more. Hopefully you get the idea though. </div></div>
[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70458-applaud.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70458-applaud.gif[/img] </div></div>
Base on how Sue posed the question...I disagree.Comment
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Re: innocent question time
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: SueSumba</div><div class="ubbcode-body">why is it that when say, two three years into the marriage or after a couple of kids and the wife starts not wanting sex anymore and the man goes outside to get it, he's dogged? isn't it the wife's fault for not tending to his needs in the first place? isn't she the one who broke the vows first? </div></div>
No, and No!
There could be a myriad of reasons why a woman loses interest in having sex, and not one of those reasons should give her HUSBAND the right to seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere.
His role at that stage is to UNDERSTAND and SUPPORT HER needs.
Apart from personal vows, I have not heard of any vow that states that a WOman should have sex with her husband WHENEVER he wants...even if she is not "feeling" him/it or she is in violation...but you live and learn, they say.Comment
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Re: innocent question time
I believe the same way we want the husband to understand and support his wife, she should be understanding and supporting him as well.
Why is it that it is the man's responsibility alone to be understanding? They both made a vow to each other and they both should be doing whatever it takes to ensure their marriage is fulfilled for both of them.
Having children does not automatically means that it is time for the wife to lock herself off from her husband. It doesn't have to be everyday however she should find time for him. Get a babysitter or a family member to watch the kid(s) while she goes out on dates with him. He needs to feel special too.
A suh mi seit.Comment
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Re: innocent question time
Mi agree wid Compry in part. While I do think, in the scenario outlined above, that the wife broke the vows first, I do NOT think she should be blamed or it's her 'fault' why he strayed.Comment
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Re: innocent question time
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Compry</div><div class="ubbcode-body">.
Having children does not automatically means that it is time for the wife to lock herself off from her husband. It doesn't have to be everyday however she should find time for him. Get a babysitter or a family member to watch the kid(s) while she goes out on dates with him. He needs to feel special too.
A suh mi seit. </div></div> [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70409-waytogo.gif[/img]yuh have likkle sense doweComment
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Re: innocent question time
Ok ...this November Mr. Zeko and I will be married 21 years (yes...and mi still very hot - bout seh).
There are times I am not in the mood - stresses from work, home and the kids (3 girls 8, 6 and 3)- just every day life and the same with Mr. Zeko, but Mr. Zeko understands and him know that him will get him "fix up" in due time (and it will be well the worth).
It goes both ways - hubby can be having "performance issues" or just plain tired, what is wifey going to do? The same thing she would want hubby to do - know that their is more to a marriage than "bumping ugly". Intimacy goes way beyond "sex".
Note: There is never a good reason for a spouse to be having sex with anyone else but with his/her spouse - never (except when one chew up dog poo and spit it in the other's face). then we have issues... but until then - stick to the "ugly" that you know...
Ah so mi seeit...Comment
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Re: innocent question time
Just so it is not assumed that I'm suggesting support is not mutual, let me say I believe both persons have a responsibility to each other, to their marriage, with mutual support and understanding. There will be cycles when the wife needs the husband's support most, and vice versa; something they have to recognize and work at. Both individuals have different roles and different responsibilities, and in a functional marriage, the husband, as the head, is expected to put aside his own needs and care for that of his wife, if the current situation requires that of him.
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Having children does not automatically means that it is time for the wife to lock herself off from her husband.</div></div>
I don't think anybody in their right mind would dispute that point, so for me that is not the issue.
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> It doesn't have to be everyday however she should find time for him. Get a babysitter or a family member to watch the kid(s) while she goes out on dates with him. He needs to feel special too.</div></div>
Why is all of that her responsibility? Consider the initial case: married 2-3 years during which time they have had a couple of kids. As a male, I think she's the one who needs to be pampered as taking care of two kids, the oldest being at least 3 years old, is no walk in the park. Is a prolonged bout of post-partum depression a factor? That cannot be ruled out if it is not explored. If she's a stay at home mother, she's working just as hard, if not harder, than if she had a 9-5 job. If she is balancing both a 9-5 and being a mom, it's an almost impossible task. If she's emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted, and not feeling she's being supported by her husband on the home front, being intimate is not going to be a priority. As I understand it, intimacy for the female begins well outside of the bedroom. Support and understanding can be great motivators for what goes on behind closed doors. IMO, the success of the marital union demands mutual support; not one person satisfying himself/herself at the expense of the other.
If the male is providing as much support as he can, and the temperature between the sheets is still icy, then there are bigger issues. The husband going out and looking for sex elsewhere cannot be justified.
aka ChurchDude. I want that moniker back! Until then....
"Sometimes you have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to" ~ AnonComment
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Re: innocent question time
Thank you CEW, [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70409-waytogo.gif[/img] for telling it like it is, because judging from SOME of the responses, there is no wonder so many men are confused about what women say and and what they really want. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/whistle.gif[/img]
Ohhh, so much DOUBLE-TALK!! [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70394-bawlout.gif[/img]
B/T/W Please <span style='font-size: 8pt'>marry me</span> [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70365-flirt.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70374-lipsrsealed.gif[/img]
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