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The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love with a strange woman. The wife became immediately upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me-- a faithful wife, the mother of your children? I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'
The husband replied 'Hang on just a minute Love, so at least I can
tell you what happened'
'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll
say to me!'
So, the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home from work and this lady here asked me for a ride to the shelter. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and so let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and dirty. She told me th at she hadn't eaten for three days!
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you for
dinner last night - the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments..
Since she needed a good clean up, I suggested she jump in the shower, and while she was doing that I realized her clothes were dirty and full of holes and weren't worth laundering, so I threw them away.
Since she is about the same size as you are and because she needed clothes, I gave her those designer jeans that I gave you a couple of years ago as a 'just-because', but you won't use because you say they aren't the right designer..
I found the pretty blouse my sister gave you for Christmas last year that you don't use just to annoy her.
I also gave her the underwear that I gave you as a gift on our anniversary, which you don't use because 'I don't have good taste, and I also gave her those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and wo n't use because someone at work has the same pair.'
The husband took a
quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my generous compassion and help, as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears of gratitude in her eyes and said, 'Please, sir ... Do you have anything else that your wife
doesn't use?'
2nd joke
Letter from husband (who is abroad) to wife
Dear Sweetheart:
I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart
Your husband
Allen
====================&nbs p;
His wife replied back after some days to her husband:
Dearest sweetheart,
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items...........
5. Other expenses 40 kisses
Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance.
Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!!
Your Sweet Heart
The husband replied 'Hang on just a minute Love, so at least I can
tell you what happened'
'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll
say to me!'
So, the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home from work and this lady here asked me for a ride to the shelter. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and so let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and dirty. She told me th at she hadn't eaten for three days!
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you for
dinner last night - the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments..
Since she needed a good clean up, I suggested she jump in the shower, and while she was doing that I realized her clothes were dirty and full of holes and weren't worth laundering, so I threw them away.
Since she is about the same size as you are and because she needed clothes, I gave her those designer jeans that I gave you a couple of years ago as a 'just-because', but you won't use because you say they aren't the right designer..
I found the pretty blouse my sister gave you for Christmas last year that you don't use just to annoy her.
I also gave her the underwear that I gave you as a gift on our anniversary, which you don't use because 'I don't have good taste, and I also gave her those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and wo n't use because someone at work has the same pair.'
The husband took a
quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my generous compassion and help, as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears of gratitude in her eyes and said, 'Please, sir ... Do you have anything else that your wife
doesn't use?'
2nd joke
Letter from husband (who is abroad) to wife
Dear Sweetheart:
I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart
Your husband
Allen
====================&nbs p;
His wife replied back after some days to her husband:
Dearest sweetheart,
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items...........
5. Other expenses 40 kisses
Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance.
Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!!
Your Sweet Heart