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seems that the love of my life may or may not love me back. I may have made a very serious mistake. I asked her to marry me. She has not given me an answer as she "needs to think" she assures me that this is not a bad sign but needs to evaluate her life.. eg is she ready etc. It gets a bit more complicated as she has finally gotten her visa (usa) and will need to go for at least 6 mos. NOW I do think that is a good thing for her as I too am from aforin so my ideals and hers are slightly different. I can quite honestly say I do love her and wish to spend the rest of my life with her but her lack of answer / desire to talk about it further is driving me nuts. All advice is appreciated although I would much rather appreciate a honest answer instead of a funny quip or even worse a insult.
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Re: I need help or advice
how old are you? [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70402-thinking.gif[/img] -
Re: I need help or advice
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: niles</div><div class="ubbcode-body">seems that the love of my life may or may not love me back. I may have made a very serious mistake. I asked her to marry me. She has not given me an answer as she "needs to think" she assures me that this is not a bad sign but needs to evaluate her life.. eg is she ready etc. It gets a bit more complicated as she has finally gotten her visa (usa) and will need to go for at least 6 mos. NOW I do think that is a good thing for her as I too am from aforin so my ideals and hers are slightly different. I can quite honestly say I do love her and wish to spend the rest of my life with her but her lack of answer / desire to talk about it further is driving me nuts. All advice is appreciated although I would much rather appreciate a honest answer instead of a funny quip or even worse a insult. </div></div>
Niles, Hi I need some more information before I can offer any advice.
what age group are you and your intended?
Do you both live in the same city/town/country?
How long have you known your intended?
Are you both equals? financially, intellectually, etc.
Does your intended have children? are they yours? or someone elses?Comment
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Re: I need help or advice
what age group are you and your intended? I in my 30's she is in her 20's
Do you both live in the same city/town/country? yes
How long have you known your intended? just over a year.. I do not want to get married right away.. I am talking a year maybe two.
Are you both equals? financially, intellectually, etc. financially no. I am better off. Intellectually, mostly although the age bit does mean I like sleep at night she likes parties. but we do compromise
Does your intended have children? are they yours? or someone elses?
nope no kids involved... if that were the case it would make things very different. Yes we want kids.. just not right now.
To make a little more info on this I would also say she says she loves me.. she says she sees a future in it.. although the past I believe may be haunting her decisions.Comment
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Re: I need help or advice
did you have anything to do with her getting her visa? [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70402-thinking.gif[/img]
brutal honesty time now: maybe she's just not into you. she probably says she loves you but hasn't got the faintest idea what love is and is only paying lip service to your "i love you"s. young or not, we generally know what we want. so her not giving you an answer is probably her *out*. sit back and really think about what you're doing.Comment
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Re: I need help or advice
to answer the visa question.. no not a bit.. aside from well wishes. and yes I asked for honest answers yours hurts a bit and I truly hope you are wrong. but thank you.Comment
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Re: I need help or advice
my intention is not to hurt Niles, just giving it a bit of rational thought, something that we all need to do at one time or another. and, draws on past experience, where i've parrotted the "i love you" just because someone has said it to me. sincerely hope this is not so in your case.
perhaps she's feeling overwhelmed being in a new country trying to learn the ropes, etc. what do you *really* feel in your heart. what does your spirit say to you?Comment
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Re: I need help or advice
She could be into you but afraid of Marriage. How into her 20s is sheComment
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Re: I need help or advice
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: niles</div><div class="ubbcode-body">what age group are you and your intended? I in my 30's she is in her 20's
Do you both live in the same city/town/country? yes
How long have you known your intended? just over a year.. I do not want to get married right away.. I am talking a year maybe two.
Are you both equals? financially, intellectually, etc. financially no. I am better off. Intellectually, mostly although the age bit does mean I like sleep at night she likes parties. but we do compromise
Does your intended have children? are they yours? or someone elses?
nope no kids involved... if that were the case it would make things very different. Yes we want kids.. just not right now.
To make a little more info on this I would also say she says she loves me.. she says she sees a future in it.. although the past I believe may be haunting her decisions. </div></div>
Niles, have you thought that perhaps she is just not ready for marriage? Are you pressuring her? 20's may be too young for some to consider marriage, I know for me in my 20's I couldn't even consider a "serious" relationship. if you both really and truly love each other just give it time, and seriously I think knowing each other for only a year is not a strong enough foundation to build a marriage on .Comment
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Re: I need help or advice
I agree with Sue.
If we are really honest with ourselves first when making decisions as this one we will be able to see the answer right infront of us.
It might hurt now, finding out that she doesn't love you the same way you love her or that she is not ready to settle down (case in point, she loves to party and you don't) but it will hurt more if you neglect that questioning feeling. Bottomline, if you were didnn't have a "gut feeling" you wouldn't be here asking for advice. Honestly, face all the facts and feelings and see what you come up with [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70459-hugs.gif[/img]Comment
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Re: I need help or advice
my advice is let it be and marriage will either happen or not
and with her going to the usa for 6 months - could be an eye opener for you both - good or bad - absence makes the heart grow fonder - or - out of sight out of mind
and is this the same woman you broke up with awhile back [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70402-thinking.gif[/img]Comment
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