Why can't people say what they mean?

[Tropicana]

I guess this belongs in DearK though it is not a man ooman ting.

Okay, why can't people speak up and say what they mean. I have not found Jamaicans to have that problem but de people dem round yah soh.....




I belong to a group and every now and then we take turns planning socials. When my turn came, I suggested berry picking and a baking contest. Everyone said it sounded like a really cool idea and seemed enthusiastic about it. Well I had to do some research to find out the best places to pick berries nearby, cost, times, etc. When I sent information to confirm who was coming so that I could break them into teams for the baking, all of a sudden I am hearing back from one person after another that they are not interested in berry picking and want to come when that part is over.

Well I was royally ticked as I have been BEYOND busy and it took time and effort to look into this. This is the second time I suggested something to the group (last time it wasn't a social but a way of communicating and getting information out) and that time too, no one spoke up and after I put myself through all kinds of work, I am hearing that people aren't comfortable.

One thing is certain. I will not make any more suggestions or plan anything else for this group.

Here is what I sent.

If no one with wanted to go berry picking, I wish you had said that when I suggested it. It would have saved me the time of looking into it. Heaven knows I have been busy enough with work,______ and a___ ____. Let's communicate more openly in future and save everyone time and work.

I have no problem with most people not being into berry picking but people should have spoken up when I raised the idea. Not one person said they were against it when we discussed it.


We really need to learn to communicate more directly and honestly with each other or we put others through unnecessary work. Same think happened with ____ _____. I am not angry about this. I just want to communicate that I don't mind hard work but I am just too busy to do unnecessary work. I hope people will respect this.


I am just back in office after _________ and I am working on _____ and ______. I don't have time to start from scratch to investigate other options. At this point, someone else should plan the next social.

Maybe this was laying it on too thick but I was I guess I should have come here and vented first and gotten it out of my system. Seeit deh coach..... I blew up in real life instead a pon yah. That is not a good thing.

So why do people have such a blood hard time being honest?

[FrenchTickla]

maybe they find you abrasive, unapproachable ... have you shown signs of being dogmatic and inflexible? if you have a relatively close friend in di group, buy dem a drink and ask dem to give some honest feedback.

maybe people never even read di first message with the original idea (especially if it too verbose) and you took that for consent.

better to ask someone directly.

[Tropicana]

Love the way you automatically assume I am in the wrong.

maybe they find you abrasive, unapproachable ... have you shown signs of being dogmatic and inflexible?

Not at all. I have pretty much taken a back seat in this group and rarely even speak up to give an opinion. I have done much more listening than talking. I also have not been quick to volunteer for things as it is too much like what I do at work. I basically wait my turn.

if you have a relatively close friend in di group, buy dem a drink and ask dem to give some honest feedback.

maybe people never even read di first message with the original idea (especially if it too verbose) and you took that for consent.

better to ask someone directly.

The original idea was presented in person. We were together, I was told it was my turn to plan the next social. The next time we got together I gave a couple of suggestions and people said the berry picking sounded like fun. We were all together to discuss it, picked a date, I said I would look into location and get back to the group. It's the usual Canadian hypocritical thing. No one speaks up. They just smile...dutty stinkin set a hypocrite dem.

[FrenchTickla]

clearly you are hanging out with assholes

[Tropicana]

This type of behaviour is typical in Canada.

[missus_vegas]

What was the cost of the berry picking? Maybe when you suggested it, it did sound like an ok idea but then when dem hear the price dem say no say mi no want fi go pay mi big big __$ fi go mek sun bun out mi likkle colour and maskitta come nyam mi up and spider come jump dung inna di trousers front. not to mention berry stain up di nice nice french manicure. lol

Also was it majority of ppl having second thoughts on the cherry picking or just one a two...maybe the even could still go on with who want to dweet?

dont worry that was a nice letter compared to when you ready fi trace we off pan yah.

[missus_vegas]

This type of behaviour is typical in Canada.

That is true Canadians too nice to hurt you feelings so they just stab you in the back. so true. but you live yah from salt fish a shingle house you should have learned to play the game by now.

[Tropicana]

What was the cost of the berry picking?

$5.00 entrance per person including a 1.5 liter basket of pick your own berries.

Maybe when you suggested it, it did sound like an ok idea but then when dem hear the price dem say no say mi no want fi go pay mi big big __$ fi go mek sun bun

I guess price is relative. Maybe they feel they can buy berries for less at the store and it's too much work. I dunno.

I know I suggested afternoon tea to a couple of people and they thought $20 was too much. To me that was cheap as I have seen it as high as $30 some places. They had never been and didn't realize you got sandwiches, scones etc. They enjoyed it but still felt it was too expensive.

out mi likkle colour and maskitta come nyam mi up and spider come jump dung inna di trousers front. not to mention berry stain up di nice nice french manicure. lol

I guess....

Also was it majority of ppl having second thoughts on the cherry picking or just one a two...maybe the even could still go on with who want to dweet?

One person who wasn't there when the activity was picked responded and said they didn't want to do it and once she did, one by one other people started to say it.

dont worry that was a nice letter compared to when you ready fi trace we off pan yah.

Being able to vent on here keeps me from losing it in real life. The email would have been toned down more if I had posted about it first. I do have a bad habit of saying I am not angry when I am absolutely FURIOUS!!! Not sure why.

[missus_vegas]

Love the way you automatically assume I am in the wrong.




Not at all. I have pretty much taken a back seat in this group and rarely even speak up to give an opinion. I have done much more listening than talking. I also have not been quick to volunteer for things as it is too much like what I do at work. I basically wait my turn.

u know wen mi see frenchy post dat mi say eihee now. Tropi soon come with the defensive.

even doe u no talk much maybe the few word u do say mek dem fraid a yuh. Canadians are very timid ppl.

[Tropicana]

That is true Canadians too nice to hurt you feelings so they just stab you in the back. so true. but you live yah from salt fish a shingle house you should have learned to play the game by now.

I guess I do play the game such as not blowing up and saying I am not angry when I am furious but it bugs me like crazy and I do vent about it afterwards.

For me the issue is not whether or not they want to pick berries. The issue is, if a suggestion is made and you don't like it or you don't think it's a good idea, don't smile and say oh that sounds really cool, put someone through a whole lot of work and then at that point say actually I don't want to do it.

[missus_vegas]

Being able to vent on here keeps me from losing it in real life. The email would have been toned down more if I had posted about it first. I do have a bad habit of saying I am not angry when I am absolutely FURIOUS!!! Not sure why.

yuh a ketch on to the hypocrisy slowly but surely

[Tropicana]

u know wen mi see frenchy post dat mi say eihee now. Tropi soon come with the defensive.

even doe u no talk much maybe the few word u do say mek dem fraid a yuh. Canadians are very timid ppl.

[missus_vegas]

well at $5 i dont think its a cost ting. Maybe dem just acting like high school kids all over again. one smaddy weh carry weight say dem no want dweet so therefore.....

[Tropicana]

yuh a ketch on to the hypocrisy slowly but surely

It's either that or get into an argument each and every day of my life.

If you've ever seen the Canadian version of Come Dine with me.....the people smile, lie and tell the host...."Oh the brocolli was absolutely fabulous...." Then they cut to the same person talking to the host saying "I hate broccoli and the taste was so horrible I nearly gagged when I tried to eat it." On the British version they say what they really think.

[Tropicana]

well at $5 i dont think its a cost ting. Maybe dem just acting like high school kids all over again. one smaddy weh carry weight say dem no want dweet so therefore.....

Yeah one person said she didn't want to do it and all of a sudden nobody wants to do it.