Holding on

[Nunya]

David's BIL is suffering from Parkinson's and sitn else. David's sister is the sole caregiver. She's finding it extremely difficult to manage, feeling like she's shuttered away from her family and friends and is with someone whom she loves dearly, but who does not remember her half the time.

David's sister (we'll call her Nancy), is quite bitter about the fact that her daughter Lucy, is living close enough to give a hand or even an ear, but won't.

Nancy's story: She got married young and had Lucy. The marriage did not last. He was an abusive drunk. Then she had a live-in relationship that lasted several years. Lucy was sent away to boarding school. That relationship ended and then Nancy married her current husband - the love of her life. With him she had a son.

Lucy returned from boarding school. Life happened, as per Nancy. Lucy became rebellious, began to drink and left home as soon as she could. The son left home eventually.

Nancy and her husband lived alone - just the way she liked it. Lucy asked Nancy for help in starting various businesses and sometimes Nancy would try to help. However, she viewed most of Lucy's ideas as just pipe-dreams and made her opinion known. The last situation involved a van that Lucy bought and wanted 'done-up' for something. She hadn't the money and borrowed some from her mother. Nancy felt she wasn't getting repaid per the agreement and seized the van. That was the last time there was any real interaction between mother and daughter.

Since then, the health of Nancy's husband has progressively declined. Initially she tried to reach out to Lucy, but always got shot down. She's torn up that Lucy could hate them so much. She feels trapped and beaten by her husband's sickness and her daughter's hate.

[Nunya]

Re: Holding on

Lucy's story:

Lucy does not remember her father clearly. He left when she was about 3 or 4. When her mother moved in the other man, Lucy was five. Shortly after that she was sent away to boarding school. She feels it was his decision to send her away and hated him for it. But she hated her mother to agreeing. She was kept away for 5 years. During that time, there would be various reasons why she couldn't go home for some holidays. Often time, when she was able to go home, her mother and partner would send her to relatives for duration.

When the relationship between Nancy and her partner ended, her mother had her come home. According to Lucy, it was prickly. Lucy was 10 (or there-abouts) and found it difficult to view Nancy as her mother. Her rebellion was being manifested.

Nancy remarried. Lucy was wary. She was happy when got a brother, but her happiness was short lived. Lucy says that her mother's new husband sexually abused her. After the first time, she told her mother. Her mother dismissed her for being a wicked and hateful child who was prone to wild imaginings. The abuse continued and Lucy took to drinking. When she finally left home (really too young to do so) her mother did not object.

Lucy has a serious illness as well. In addition to that, she's an alcoholic. She's very resentful of her mother for having always placed her second (her words). She felt her mother chose the boyfriend over her and sent her away for five years. She wonders how much her mother must hate her to do this to a child of 5. Lucy also feels her mother hated her to the extent of taking her husband's word above her's. So now that he's dying, she wants nothing to do with him. And thinks her mother should own up to her culpability of not protecting Lucy when she shouldve.

Nancy refuses to believe that her husband assaulted her daughter. She thinks Lucy's rants are a result of the resentment of being sent away (even though Nancy feels boarding school was the best one could do for their daughter) and her alcoholic inhibitions. She points to the fact that if she didn't love her daughter, she would never have tried to help her with her various business endeavours.

Lucy thinks her mother hates her and must've done since she was born. How else could she have sent her away for five years? Lucy said they were fine before the live in man came along. But figures her mother was prolly reminded of her Lucy's dad everytime she looked at her...

She also says that she hadn't started drinking until after the abuse started. She refuses to forgive her mother for not taking her seriously and absolutely refuses to have anything to do with her mother's husband.

[Nunya]

Re: Holding on

What do you guys think? Is Nancy right? Did she do what she thought best at the time, for her daughter? Does her financial help show that she cares about her daughter's well-being and not just trying to give her hush-money like Lucy calls it?

Or should she have listened to Lucy regarding the alleged abuse? Nancy says everyone else knows her husband to be a good and kind man. She says she's had other young female relatives around him and there have never been even a hint of any thing 'untoward' happening.

[diabolical_Tanya]

Re: Holding on

Can't she get respite care??? She needs to let go of the Lucy "pipedream" it naw goh happen Lucy look like shi selfish bad bad....ooops mi did miss the rest of the story, okay look like is a case of like mother like daughter, di two a dem selfish .....shi choose man over har daughter how much time an is now when tings get rough shi a look fi Lucy help [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70388-shameonyou.gif[/img] no sah dat noh right

[BlessedLadyOfZion]

Re: Holding on

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nunya</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Nancy refuses to believe that her husband assaulted her daughter.
</div></div> [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/frown.gif[/img]

[Hush Darlin]

Re: Holding on

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: LadyZ</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nunya</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Nancy refuses to believe that her husband assaulted her daughter.
</div></div> [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/frown.gif[/img] </div></div>
u kno sey a same ting mi hear happen to this 8 year old girl and de madda deny it
the likkle girl go spend holiday wid ar auntie and when time come fe she go back she start cry an sey she noh waa go back
so the auntie question ar and the likke girl tell ar what ar madda man do to ar,
The auntie carry the likkle girl go doctor and found out that she was sexually abused and also had a STD.

Anyhow the likkle girl had to go backto the states but of course the auntie made sure it was reported whne the likkle girl go back and the madda man is now in jail awaitin trial.

[Gen]

Re: Holding on

lucy and the madda need therapy.

lucy nuh obligated fi help out with the man. matter of fact she can guh a the yard guh cleet him 2 time and him wont membah [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/whistle.gif[/img]

[BlessedLadyOfZion]

Re: Holding on

So what happen to the girl when her mom took her back?

[Jazz]

Re: Holding on

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nunya</div><div class="ubbcode-body">What do you guys think? Is Nancy right? Did she do what she thought best at the time, for her daughter? Does her financial help show that she cares about her daughter's well-being and not just trying to give her hush-money like Lucy calls it?

Or should she have listened to Lucy regarding the alleged abuse? Nancy says everyone else knows her husband to be a good and kind man. She says she's had other young female relatives around him and there have never been even a hint of any thing 'untoward' happening. </div></div>

I find it hard to relate to Nancy... mi coulda nevva sen my pickney away... an if mi deh wid ah man an im sugges dat - mi geem im walking paypas... nuhbaddy nuh come before my child an mi nah hurt har feelings fe likkle buddy...

SECONDLY - if she tell mi seh de man abuse har - mi ah go mek sure investigate it, before dismissing it out of hand like that...
Nancy has failed her daughter twice over an den she try buy har love wid likkle money - dat ah jus fe assuage har guilt... ***kissteet***

if ah mi like Lucy mi woulden help har needa... de only ting standing between a child and the ugly wordl out there is parents and when the person who is supposed to protect you - fo rall intents and purposes turn dem back - it can be alonely and cold and confusing thign to deal with as a child...

FYAH BUN fe Nany [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/mad2.gif[/img]

[Nunya]

Re: Holding on

Nancy thinks that Lucy should get over the boarding school thing cause it happened so long ago. Lucy things that Nancy has some nerve expecting sympathy when she'd turned her back on her own daughter.

Lucy is kinda messed up. I try to avoid her to be honest. But I think a lot of her issues is down to her mother.

Her mother will never admit her mistakes or ask for forgiveness. It's very sad.

[Stormmey]

Re: Holding on

Suppose...just suppose Lucy was really sexually abused and her Mom does/did not believe her. I can see this messing up someone for life and cause hatred. My Mom and I have issues [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/mad.gif[/img] (no sexual abuse with me) and I did not reside with her as a kid, and some stuff I cannot get over. Sometimes I just plain despise her plus same thing, my Mom does not feel she owes me an apology and until she apologize I will continue as if she not alive.

I tend to believe Lucy with the sexual abuse, also why does Nancy feel that Lucy would want to help care for a man that sexually abuse her. If the Phrigga did really abuse har is retribution fi heem [censored] fi real [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/blush.gif[/img]

Some Mothers refuse to believe that their spouse would sexually abuse their kids, had an instance in my family years ago where the Dad (not step) was abusing his daughter and mi cousin (her Mom)says she was lying.

[Nunya]

Re: Holding on

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: stormmey</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Suppose...just suppose Lucy was really sexually abused and her Mom does/did not believe her. I can see this messing up someone for life and cause hatred. My Mom and I have issues [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/mad.gif[/img] (no sexual abuse with me) and I did not reside with her as a kid, and some stuff I cannot get over. Sometimes I just plain despise her plus same thing, my Mom does not feel she owes me an apology and until she apologize I will continue as if she not alive.

I tend to believe Lucy with the sexual abuse, also why does Nancy feel that Lucy would want to help care for a man that sexually abuse her. If the Phrigga did really abuse har is retribution fi heem [censored] fi real [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/blush.gif[/img] </div></div>

Nancy will deny it to her grave. The troubling part is that now that the man is close to dying, they (Nancy and Lucy) are calling David and telling him their side. They're both in England and him deh all de way ova yah... Wha dem expeck im fi do??? \0/

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Some Mothers refuse to believe that their spouse would sexually abuse their kids, had an instance in my family years ago where the Dad (not step) was abusing his daughter and mi cousin (her Mom)says she was lying. </div></div>

Did the mom ever find out the truth?

[Stormmey]

Re: Holding on

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nunya</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: stormmey</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Suppose...just suppose Lucy was really sexually abused and her Mom does/did not believe her. I can see this messing up someone for life and cause hatred. My Mom and I have issues [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/mad.gif[/img] (no sexual abuse with me) and I did not reside with her as a kid, and some stuff I cannot get over. Sometimes I just plain despise her plus same thing, my Mom does not feel she owes me an apology and until she apologize I will continue as if she not alive.

I tend to believe Lucy with the sexual abuse, also why does Nancy feel that Lucy would want to help care for a man that sexually abuse her. If the Phrigga did really abuse har is retribution fi heem [censored] fi real [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/blush.gif[/img] </div></div>

Nancy will deny it to her grave. The troubling part is that now that the man is close to dying, they (Nancy and Lucy) are calling David and telling him their side. They're both in England and him deh all de way ova yah... Wha dem expeck im fi do??? \0/

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Some Mothers refuse to believe that their spouse would sexually abuse their kids, had an instance in my family years ago where the Dad (not step) was abusing his daughter and mi cousin (her Mom)says she was lying. </div></div>

Did the mom ever find out the truth? </div></div>

It was true...verified by a doctor that she was penetrated, how can you disbelieve a 5 year old when she tells you stuff like that. The Dad and Mom was arrested, I would have liked to have seen my cousin [censored] get thrown in jail 2 dat gyal was always weird I felt she was in on it. Anyway family have custody of the girls and she (cousin)left town, her spouse will be on that list as a paedophile. Kid was seeing a therapist and was a long hassle for family to get custody of the girls. She eventually gave custody to an Aunt, we heard that she will be getting back with him when he comes out. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/vomit.gif[/img]

[Nunya]

Re: Holding on

The cousin is really going to knowingly liddung wid de man that sheg up har likkle girl??? Flippin heck...

Reminds me of the episode of Oprah where the mother *tried* to explain why she chose to be with the man who abused her son after she found out about the abuse... [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70392-silly.gif[/img]

[Ochigal]

Re: Holding on

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: stormmey</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
It was true...verified by a doctor that she was penetrated, how can you disbelieve a 5 year old when she tells you stuff like that. The Dad and Mom was arrested, I would have liked to have seen my cousin [censored] get thrown in jail 2 dat gyal was always weird I felt she was in on it. Anyway family have custody of the girls and she (cousin)left town, her spouse will be on that list as a paedophile. Kid was seeing a therapist and was a long hassle for family to get custody of the girls. She eventually gave custody to an Aunt, we heard that she will be getting back with him when he comes out. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/vomit.gif[/img] </div></div>

Damask...is this the story you told us here on the board a few years back??? OH MY GOSH...sorry to hear the speculation was true but glad to hear the parents are behind bars.

Nunya...Hush Ya...boy it must be tough for David to have to hear all this. As for Nancy...trust me...dont EVER understand how a mom could send them pickney away to school...AND THEN...come holiday time send them to other family...Lawd me would miss Kyle something fierce if me couldnt see him every day. As it goes now...he spend a week with my mom every summer and also a week at summer camp...Those two weeks are TOUGH!

My gut tells me that Lucy has every right to be angry...but she also needs to pull up her socks and make a better life for herself...she cant let alcohol ruin what she has left. IT wont erase the painful history she has...lawd what a sad story!