Odda people relationship drama

[FrenchTickla]

di other thread about ppl telling u fi leff you man reminded me of an anonymous board at work. this one had one such response:

After 10 years together, my husband has finally admitted that he has been having an affair over the past year. This is someone I have known about and I have voiced my concerns over and over for the past 9/10 months, yet he chose to continue the relationship. He first claimed it was only "emotional" and that there was never any physical connection or sex. Come to find out, that was false. He also fabricated a completely seperate "cheating" scenario with another person and led me to believe it was true so he could cover up this current affair. After he told me the fictional cheating story #1, I decided to forgive him and poured my heart and soul into finding a way to make it work. However, when he revealed that cheating story #1 actually never happened and instead, told me the "new" story, it is much much worse and I can't seem to find it in me to forgive him or be able to move on, especially since he has messed so much with my feelings.

I am now living in a web of lies and anger. He has cut communication with the other person and says he wants to change but how am I supposed to believe him? This isn't the first thing he's lied about and I feel that all trust is lost in our relationship and this was the final straw. We have 2 small children that I don't want to hurt but I also don't want them to grow up with a sad mommy who is depressed and short with dad in the house.

I truly don't think he wants to be with me. He just doesn't want me to make him leave because he has no where to go and really can't support himself on his own. I too, am scared to go it alone but am finally feeling like I should stand up for myself.

Has anyone been here? Help!

[Fancy DatdamnDiva]

dash him weh

[Fancy DatdamnDiva]

[FLUFFY]

Seek counselling first.

[FrenchTickla]

she got a variety of responses from individual counseling to relationship counseling to calling a lawyer but here's do one weh say she fi leave and di smaddy weh respond to dat

Leave
I know a handful of people who have had affairs - some get through them, some do not. My husband has not cheated on me, so I have not lived in your exact scenario but I can try to give you the best advice I'd give a friend. There are many reasons people have affairs and many reasons why a marriage can overcome this. However, just based off of your narrative above, specifically your last paragraph, I would suggest for you to leave. Wanting to stay with someone because there's no where else to go is not a good reason to stay and it will be painful when the "no where to go" party finally decides to go. How will you feel then?

My husband and I have gone through marriage counseling and considered divorcing. It has helped us solidify our commitment to each other but we decided to start counseling because we wanted to remain together and work through all the issues we were having. Neither one of us felt like staying because there was no where else to go. We both stayed because we truly love each other and enjoy each other but raising two children 2.5 years apart has taken a toll on our marriage.

I would not stand for deceit and disrespectfulness in my house and neither will my husband. You already forgave what you thought was his affair. Then to find out it was a cover up for another affair is just like a sucker punch in your belly. How are you supposed to pour your heart and soul COMPLETELY again? You can't, unless this guy walks on water and is the guy all other women dream of. Honestly, he's not worth his weight in gold. You deserve so much more. Your children deserve so much more.

Which now leads me to advice my counselor gave me - our children are resilient. They will get through it. I had a very eerie conference with my five year old's teachers - one I knew and one who I never met (she was a teacher for the following year and was training). I broke down in the conference, confessing that my cheery, friendly, awesome daughter might grow up in two homes. One teacher's parents divorced when she was 11; the other teacher's parents divorced when she was 5. The 11 year old said she had a horrible childhood post-divorce. The 5 year old said her childhood was a very happy one. It's not to say that divorcing when your children are older will cause them more grief, but I say this because my concern was that my small children were going to be traumatized for life because of me. They won't. It's how you deal with the situation after.

I'm sorry, but you need to leave.

(whoever wrote "Leave")
You're way out of line. Got off your soapbox. You have no idea what she is going through.

My advice: Counseling yes. Children do better when their parents are together IF the home is happy. They know you're sad right now. Make sure in the mean time you're doing things for yourself, and for your kids.

Take your time, don't rush into anything. I've been through rough times in my marriage. With our kids, I'm so glad I stuck through the bad. It's worth all the good.

My heart goes out to you. Stay strong.

And get to a massage therapist STAT. Also, a low dose anti-depressant will help you, and your kids. Trust me.

u nuh tink it crazier to tell di ooman fi put har pickny dem pon meds widdout meeting dem or di ooman elaborating more bout dem

[FLUFFY]

But couselling can revive the marriage. Not to live in misery but if the 2 person really want it then its possible but iwll take WORK on both parties.

[Fancy DatdamnDiva]

she got a variety of responses from individual counseling to relationship counseling to calling a lawyer but here's do one weh say she fi leave and di smaddy weh respond to dat





u nuh tink it crazier to tell di ooman fi put har pickny dem pon meds widdout meeting dem or di ooman elaborating more bout dem

i think its crazy to put up with disrespect.
The man cheated...she forgave. So now everytime he cheat she fi forgive every time sayka di pickney dem?
No way. ALL children DO NOT do "better" or "well" with both parents especially in a dysfunctional environment.
Had this been the first time he cheated...yea...sure..forgive. But a next time and then lies pon top of lies...hell nah.
Rough times = putting up with redundant cheating???
Mi cyaan bodda

[FrenchTickla]

fancy, mi was talking bout responder 2 who call out responder 1 for telling di ooman to leave but then she herself tun rung and tell har fi medicate har pickney dem. I think number 2 off har rockers.

mi nuh tink di ooman a guh just up and leave caw an anonymous person say suh - it will be becaw of her life being hell and smaddy show her an option dat she feel she can live wid.

I think hearing various options is valuable but was more surprised by the meds comment.

[Fancy DatdamnDiva]

coolbeans...mi quote yuh but mi respond to har nonsense too

[diabolical_Tanya]

I read that comment as Her the mother being on anti depressants would be a benefit to the kids not that the kids should be medicated.

[CeaBee]

I read that comment as Her the mother being on anti depressants would be a benefit to the kids not that the kids should be medicated.

yes. so i thought too...but was lazy to type.

[FrenchTickla]

That make sense Tanya

[DearK]

di other thread about ppl telling u fi leff you man reminded me of an anonymous board at work. this one had one such response:

These are real people at your job??

[DearK]

I read that comment as Her the mother being on anti depressants would be a benefit to the kids not that the kids should be medicated.

Yes plus some massage therapy along with the counseling.... Can"t hurt. Maybe its her depression talking, but her thinking that her hubby doesnt want to be with her, and only stays because he cant afford to leave that does not bode well for the r/ship, and may reflect her low self confidence at this point in time.

[FrenchTickla]

DearK, yea we have an anonymous board at work. It's for those sticky questions that you can't ask freely on am email thread. Lots of these folks are from cultures with arranged marriages alto I don't think this one is.