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Love behind bars
Dear Pastor,
I have a problem that I truly need you to help me with. I am 20 years old and I am in love with a guy who is only 21. He is in prison here in the USA. He has been there for almost half a year and I am praying that he gets out soon. The problem is, before he got locked up he used to cheat on me and there were times when I would have confrontations over the phone with the girls I accused him of cheating on me with.
These girls would tell me how much my man doesn't want me and how much he is having unprotected sex with them. When I confronted him about these findings, he denied them. We would get into arguments all the time about him and other girls and he would tell me how much he thinks I have cheated on him with my ex-boyfriend.
This ex-boyfriend is a guy whom he had confrontations with in the past, both over the phone and in person. I have to admit he has caught me with this ex before. We didn't have sex, but we were just talking outside my house. Every time we get into an argument he brings it up, and mind you, that happened almost a year ago. Truly speaking, I have never caught him with a girl before, but I have checked his voice messages, text messages and phone records.
When I call back these numbers females answer, and I have spoken to one girl who told me straight up that he slept with her without a condom, and that they spent the night together with a few of her friends and one of his other friends. This girl was only 17. I believe this girl although she might have exaggerated part of her story. I believe they had sex at least once or twice. It hurts to think back on these things.
Is there a possible way that I can forgive and forget? I need to know. Now that he is in prison, he is the sweetest person on this planet. He has apologised about what happened in the past with these other females, but that still hasn't taken away the pain and heartache that he caused me. With him being in prison, I send him money so that he has food around the clock. I spend hundreds of dollars (US) to make sure he can call me collect and I visit him every week since the first time he got locked up.
Don't get me wrong, he has been there for me despite all the mishaps with these other girls. He is very protective and supportive of me and very jealous when it comes to me and other men. He is now continuously talking about us having a baby together and getting married, and his mother is also very supportive of our relationship. I don't know if I should believe that he has changed. And I also don't know if I should just hold out and wait for him until he gets out.
Should I let this man back into my life despite all the wrong things he has done to me?
J. S., Florida, USA
Dear J. S.,
You have been giving the man the impression that all is well between the both of you. And although you have admitted that his wild life has not been very easy to deal with, you have been visiting him and assuring him that you care for him.
You have not mentioned why he is in prison and how many years he would be there. It would have been helpful if you had mentioned why he is incarcerated. In other words, what crime did he commit?
I am not surprised that this man is very sweet to you now. Why shouldn't he be? You are providing him with money and paying him regular visits. And he doesn't want you to become sexually involved with any other man. So, he is telling you the things he knows you want to hear and he will continue to be sweeter than sugar while he is in prison.
It is up to you to decide whether you would believe him and be faithful to him. The choice is yours.
Pastor
Dear Pastor,
I have a problem that I truly need you to help me with. I am 20 years old and I am in love with a guy who is only 21. He is in prison here in the USA. He has been there for almost half a year and I am praying that he gets out soon. The problem is, before he got locked up he used to cheat on me and there were times when I would have confrontations over the phone with the girls I accused him of cheating on me with.
These girls would tell me how much my man doesn't want me and how much he is having unprotected sex with them. When I confronted him about these findings, he denied them. We would get into arguments all the time about him and other girls and he would tell me how much he thinks I have cheated on him with my ex-boyfriend.
This ex-boyfriend is a guy whom he had confrontations with in the past, both over the phone and in person. I have to admit he has caught me with this ex before. We didn't have sex, but we were just talking outside my house. Every time we get into an argument he brings it up, and mind you, that happened almost a year ago. Truly speaking, I have never caught him with a girl before, but I have checked his voice messages, text messages and phone records.
When I call back these numbers females answer, and I have spoken to one girl who told me straight up that he slept with her without a condom, and that they spent the night together with a few of her friends and one of his other friends. This girl was only 17. I believe this girl although she might have exaggerated part of her story. I believe they had sex at least once or twice. It hurts to think back on these things.
Is there a possible way that I can forgive and forget? I need to know. Now that he is in prison, he is the sweetest person on this planet. He has apologised about what happened in the past with these other females, but that still hasn't taken away the pain and heartache that he caused me. With him being in prison, I send him money so that he has food around the clock. I spend hundreds of dollars (US) to make sure he can call me collect and I visit him every week since the first time he got locked up.
Don't get me wrong, he has been there for me despite all the mishaps with these other girls. He is very protective and supportive of me and very jealous when it comes to me and other men. He is now continuously talking about us having a baby together and getting married, and his mother is also very supportive of our relationship. I don't know if I should believe that he has changed. And I also don't know if I should just hold out and wait for him until he gets out.
Should I let this man back into my life despite all the wrong things he has done to me?
J. S., Florida, USA
Dear J. S.,
You have been giving the man the impression that all is well between the both of you. And although you have admitted that his wild life has not been very easy to deal with, you have been visiting him and assuring him that you care for him.
You have not mentioned why he is in prison and how many years he would be there. It would have been helpful if you had mentioned why he is incarcerated. In other words, what crime did he commit?
I am not surprised that this man is very sweet to you now. Why shouldn't he be? You are providing him with money and paying him regular visits. And he doesn't want you to become sexually involved with any other man. So, he is telling you the things he knows you want to hear and he will continue to be sweeter than sugar while he is in prison.
It is up to you to decide whether you would believe him and be faithful to him. The choice is yours.
Pastor
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