Fear of Commitment? RUN!

[Tropicana]

When a man is afraid of commitment, run don't walk to the nearest exit. Here is a prime example.

Clooney Couldn’t Commit

How To Spot A Man Afraid Of Commitment


Last week, George Clooney, 50, ended a two-year relationship with his girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis after she told a magazine she was aching for marriage and children. Then there is Owen Wilson, the 42-year-old actor who reportedly split from Jade, his girlfriend and mother of his son, because he’s still “not ready to commit.” Other Hollywood men like Simon Cowell and Hugh Grant have also pulled similar exit strategies on their significant others.What gives? According to psychologist and relationship expert Dr. Pam Spurr, these male celebs have more in common than their dashing good looks—they’re all typical commitment-phobes. And unfortunately, men like this run rampant outside of Hollywood, too.
Men of the genus-species “commitment phobia” all share similar traits. They have to maintain control over every aspect of their worlds—work, social life, extra-curricular and of course relationships. So once a woman’s feelings and demands tip the scale, she no longer fits the mold. Even if she is successful, independent and built like a Victoria’s Secret model, phrases like “When are we having a baby?” and “Let’s spend more time together” will send her commitment-phobic beau packing and running.

http://www.thirdage.com/celebrities/how-to-spot-a-man-afraid-of-commitment

[Tropicana]

This article lists 28 red flags

Here are 15.

How to Red Flag a Commitment phobe before he leaves you

Is he "Just Not that Into Me" or is he a Commitment Phobic?
Due to negative experiences and beliefs (or sometimes a personality disorder), both sexes can suffer from commitment phobia, but more and more men seem to be suffering from this problem (or challenge).

Let's look at some typical behaviors commitment phobic men display in relationships.
Commitment phobic men are tortured souls full of FEAR. They are in a constant state of emotional conflict because of their negative irrational beliefs about love, commitment and relationships. In relationships they create great confusion, havoc, pain, and anguish as their behaviors are often insensitive, unpredictable and bizarre.
These types of men can make women who are saints turn into mad women, (trust me I know) as they play games with their minds and their hearts.
I want to share with you this information from the interviews and research conducted by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol. The interviews were conducted with over hundred men who can’t commit, and the women who have been involved with them.
(Ref: Men who can’t Love by Steven Carte and Julia Sokol).
Commitment phobic men may display SOME or MANY of the following behaviours:
1. They usually have a history of short relationships and they may never have been married - there is often an excuse that they haven’t met the right woman, or they justify their history by saying they still have plenty of time to settle down as they can have children at any age. A favorite line is "someday".
2. If they have been married it is likely to have been for a short time, or, if they have been in a long term relationship or marriage, they will usually have a history of infidelity.
3. They want a relationship but they also want freedom and space so they are often attracted to long distance relationships and busy independent women.
4. They are fast to move in on a woman they are attracted to, and they pursue ardently until they win the woman over.
5. They are very charming. They say and do all the right things and they can be very romantic. They are very good salesmen to get their own needs met, but in reality they have very little concern for the woman’s feelings, as they are always operating from hidden agendas.
6. These men are usually very affectionate and loving. This is because in their mind the relationship is not going to be long term, so they feel free to give affection and love, knowing it won’t be forever. It isn’t long though before they suddenly start rejecting the woman, by not ringing or not wanting to see her for days, or not including her in weekend arrangements etc. This is because they subtly want to give the woman the message that they don’t want a long term committed relationship.
7. Severe commitment phobics play the seduction/rejection game. They can’t make the decision to give totally to the relationship, but they can’t commit to walk away either. They feel trapped by both choices. They feel love for the woman when they don’t see her, but they want to run away when they become involved again.
8. Commitment phobics love the chase but they don’t want the kill. This may happen after 1 night, 1 week, 1 month, 3 months or 1 year. They may start sabotaging just as they are about to get married, or just before or after there's a decision made to move in together.
9. They spin stories to justify their contradictory behavior, and when the woman threatens to leave the relationship they may make promises to change, but they never do.
10. They tend to treat the woman like a mistress rather than a real girlfriend.
11. They tend to limit the amount of time they spend with the women and treat her as a low priority.
13. Commitment phobics behaviors announce subtly…“You will be special for a short time, but it won’t be forever”.
14. They often choose women who are not the type of partner they are looking for, for example they may be much older, much younger, married, or they may have different interests. They use these differences as excuses to end relationships.
15. They can have a history of frequent career change and often work in environments where they have a certain amount of space and freedom.

http://www.yourtango.com/experts/love-coach-nicole/how-red-flag-commitment-phobe-he-has-chance-leave-you

[Tropicana]

RichD gave one red flag a while back...if he starts pressuring fi on the first few dates, he is likely a hit and run artists so YOU do the running.

I have one, if a guy provokes a lot of stupid arguments.....RUN!! He is already building a case for his exit.

What other red flags would you add ladies?

[Emperah]

If the woman is righted a man has no problem fi sekkle wid har, but if him find har twisted in some ways him wi stick roun fi de fun.

[Tropicana]

If the woman is righted a man has no problem fi sekkle wid har, but if him find har twisted in some ways him wi stick roun fi de fun.

I would stay if a man passes a certain stage and can't find anyone who is "righted", given the fact that there are far more eligible women than men especially in the Black community, the fault likely lies with the man.

Guess one of the men should start a parrallel thread to this.

Red Flags That Tell a man to run for the Hills.

I will share it with my son.

I contribute 5 items.

She has a habit of .

She dresses like a slut or a hoochie mamma.

She has tatoos.

She has piercings in just about every oracle.

She swears likea trooper.

[Tropicana]

7 Sure Signs of a Commitment-Phobe

Amy told me about a recent conversation with the man she thought she wanted to marry:

“Am I the crazy one here? Why do I feel needy and desperate when I talk to him all of a sudden? I thought he loved me! I don’t get it. He practically lives with me and I’ve never even seen his place! I’ve never met a man who spent so much time and energy trying to win me over. He took me on some amazing dates and made love to me in ways I never even thought possible! I fell in love with him! I love him!
But when I suggested we have dinner with my parents, I didn’t hear from him for a week! He disappeared. No phone, no text, no email. What the heck? I don’t even know where he was for the last week. He travels a lot for work… But before this, he’d call me from wherever he was. Then, out of the blue, he called me Sunday night to say he’s “not ready” to meet my parents. He says, ‘Can’t we just keep things like they were? I love you, baby, but I really like things the way they are now. Why do you have to screw it up?’”

Sound familiar? Amy is dealing with a man who suffers from commitment-phobia and a deep fear of intimacy.
His own negative self-beliefs about commitment, love and relationships will guarantee that this relationship won’t last. He has no intention of making a commitment to her, and now that she is asking for a little more, he’s finding reasons to back away. My best bet is that he will sabotage this relationship fairly soon and it will be over.
So, what are the signs of a commitment-phobe? See if any of these ring a bell for you:

1. He travels for work and is gone for a week or more at a time. Commitment-phobes, tend to choose jobs that allow for a lot of flexibility to travel, not work in an office and control their own schedules. This lifestyle also makes it easier to be unfaithful.
2. You haven’t met each other’s friends, family and/or co-workers.Commitment-phobes cannot be transparent with their activities. They tend to compartmentalize the different parts of their life. You won’t know what their work life is like and you probably won’t get to know their friends. They have a strong need to be able to hide what they are doing so they don’t have to explain themselves. They can concoct some amazing excuses for why you can’t meet their friends.
3. You haven’t seen his home, and if you have, it looks more like a hotel room. Commitment-phobes have a habit of living a vagabond lifestyle. Their own homes are often nothing more than a way-station to shower, change clothes and sleep on those rare occasions they can’t stay with you.
4. He’s attentive and charming when you’re together.Commitment-phobes move in fast. They use their charm and learned social skills to pursue you ardently until they win you over. Once they have you, the less attractive parts of their personality start to show.
5. He’s a last-minute planner. Planning time with you is a form of commitment to you. The Commitment-phobe is going to be uncomfortable if you take charge of how the two of you spend your time. As part of his normal mode of operation he’s going to want to stay in control of what the two of you do with your time together. If he does agree to do something you want to do, he’ll typically be late or cancel at the last minute.
6. You feel crazy. The Commitment-phobe finds a way to blame you for the situation you find yourselves in and you start doubting yourself and wonder if you are the crazy one. In Amy’s situation he blamed her for “screwing it up” just because she wanted to have him come to dinner with her family. If you confront him he won’t want to talk about it. He might become moody and behave in ways you’ve never seen before in him.
7. He lost interest when things got serious. Commitment-phobeslove the chase but not the capture. They have a history of brief, passionate relationships that end fairly quickly. They are usually quick to explain these breakups away as being the fault of the former girlfriend.
Dating a commitment-phobe is a very confusing experience. Not all commitment-phobic men will show all of these signs, but most will show a significant number of them. If you are struggling with this kind of man, don’t deny your experience and make yourself the one who is wrong. Reality-check what is going on with trusted friends. If that doesn’t help you sort it out, seek the help of a professional. If the man you are dating is truly commitment-phobic, your future together can only contain heartbreak.
Do you have any experience dealing with commitment-phobes in relationship? If so, share your experience in the comments below. I’ll do my best to respond in a timely manner.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/04/09/7-sure-signs-of-a-commitment-phobe/

[Peasie]

fact that there are far more eligible women than men especially in the Black community

In one or two sentences, how is this a fact?

[Tropicana]

Is he a Commitment Phobe? Top Signs of Commitment Phobic Men:

• They come on fast and strong at the start of a relationship. Nevertheless, the moment you become a couple he will demand more freedom and space.
• The love and passion commitment phobic men feel is usually very genuine. That being said, a commitment phobe is able to love you with their entire self because they subconsciously understand that the relationship is short-lived.
• Enjoys playing games with your feeling and emotions. For example, they seek out your love, care and attention right up until they obtain it.
• A commitment phobic man can be incredibly elusive or even deceptive with regards to their activities and happenings.
• Having a past of many short-term romantic relationships. A commitment phobe will very often leave behind a trail of tears that can be traced back to the point in a relationship when things became too serious – IE; Getting engaged or making marriage plans.
• They may be unavailable when you need them most, or even hide out from you, for no obvious motive.
• Enjoys playing games with your feeling and emotions. For example, they seek out your love, care and attention right up until they obtain it.
• Blames relationship problems on you saying; you’re too clingy, needy or paranoid by asking questions.
• Through time fabrications, deceptions and even lies are uncovered. And when caught in an untruth, a commitment phobic man will make-up complicated and very imaginative tales to conceal it.
• Commitment phobic men and women often have extremely sudden mood swings. Their moods can literally swing from being a caring nurturing individual one day into that of a controlling inconsiderate person the next.
• Frequent infidelity on their spouse or lover is another sign of a commitment phobe.

To Sum Up Why He Won’t Commit:

Being in a loving relationship with someone that fears commitment – to the point of “Phobia” – is dangerous territory that few romantic relationships survive. Therefore, any woman dating a man with commitment issues needs to be aware of the signs that he is a commitment phobe.
Commitment phobic men and women do exhibit traits and show blatant signs that could signify danger ahead. It’s up to you to be on the look-out for any, and all clues that a guy is leaving you.

http://howtokeepaguy.org/he-wont-commit/

[Tropicana]

In one or two sentences, how is this a fact?

Census data for the USA, Canada, Jamaica, and the UK which has been analyzed ad naseum on here.

[Peasie]

I see. So what does 'eligible' mean in this statement? Again, in one or two sentences and without smilies. Thanks.

the fact that there are far more eligible women than men especially in the Black community

[Tropicana]

I see. So what does 'eligible' mean in this statement? Again, in one or two sentences and without smilies. Thanks.

Outside the scope of this discussion. Perhaps it would make an interesting new thread.

[Tropicana]

Now this guy sounds like a typical commitment phobe looking for excuses not to commit.