Lets say

[Phatty]

you knew someone who was in an abusive relationship.
Do you think that it's okay to tell that person that it's their fault cuz they stood there and took it?

Its a conversation between me and two of my friends, one was talking about the abusive relationship she was in the past and the other made that comment[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/eek2.gif[/img] Why would someone do that, that's ridiculous.

Your thoughts?

[Shine_Eye_Girl]

Re: Lets say

That's a touchy subject....trust me I know.

Sometimes you need to be brutally honest in order to get through to someone in that situation. Now I would have never said that it's their fault, but its probably because she is frustrated with the friend why she said what she said.

[Phatty]

Re: Lets say

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: TLC_29</div><div class="ubbcode-body">That's a touchy subject....trust me I know.

Sometimes you need to be brutally honest in order to get through to someone in that situation. Now I would have never said that it's their fault, but its probably because she is frustrated with the friend why she said what she said. </div></div>

Well T, she got out she was just going over what happened. So I thought the statement was uncalled for. I don't know maybe im soft on the tough love thing, but she got out long ago.

[Suesumba]

Re: Lets say

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Phatty</div><div class="ubbcode-body">you knew someone who was in an abusive relationship.
Do you think that it's okay to tell that person that it's their fault cuz they stood there and took it?

</div></div>

of course it's their fault. if you're in the grocery store and a person slams their basket into your back, are you gonna take that? so, why tolerate bad behaviours in relationships?

[Pepper]

Re: Lets say

It's ALWAYS the abusers fault. They are the wrong ones for putting their hands/etc on another human being.

[Boricua_papi]

Re: Lets say

Dem deserve 4 rhatid bax, 2 tump an a kick. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/mad.gif[/img]

[niceniss]

Re: Lets say

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Pepper</div><div class="ubbcode-body">It's ALWAYS the abusers fault. They are the wrong ones for putting their hands/etc on another human being. </div></div>
That's true for the first time, at which point you lock him up( or kill him in self-defence [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/whistle.gif[/img] ), but you bear some responsibility when you remain with the person.

[diabolical_Tanya]

Re: Lets say

Easier said than done Donnika....do you know that the most dangerous time for an abused woman is when she is leaving her abuser.

Also many women who are in abusive relationships have low self esteem and also have the responsibility of children. They have little or no financial resources and many times no longer have friends or family to turn to.

Physical abuse does not simply "appear" one day out of thin air. An abuser generally attacks the woman or man's self esteem prior laying on of hands.

So like I said much easier said than done.

[niceniss]

Re: Lets say

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: TanyaZeen</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Easier said than done Donnika....do you know that the most dangerous time for an abused woman is when she is leaving her abuser.

</div></div>

but is he an abuser the first time he hits her or is it assault. That's the moment to leave. If women stopped making excuses to stay they would realize it's easier than they think.

Me noh run joke wid man when it comes to the physical enoh. him cyaan lick me even "playfully". that's not allowed.

as for the self-esteem, I understand that, but there are signs u can pick up on and nip that in the bud too...

[Shine_Eye_Girl]

Re: Lets say

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Donnika</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: TanyaZeen</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Easier said than done Donnika....do you know that the most dangerous time for an abused woman is when she is leaving her abuser.

</div></div>

but is he an abuser the first time he hits her or is it assault. That's the moment to leave. If women stopped making excuses to stay they would realize it's easier than they think.

Me noh run joke wid man when it comes to the physical enoh. him cyaan lick me even "playfully". that's not allowed.

as for the self-esteem, I understand that, but there are signs u can pick up on and nip that in the bud too... </div></div>


You really think it's that easy?

[diabolical_Tanya]

Re: Lets say

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: TLC_29</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Donnika</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: TanyaZeen</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Easier said than done Donnika....do you know that the most dangerous time for an abused woman is when she is leaving her abuser.

</div></div>

but is he an abuser the first time he hits her or is it assault. That's the moment to leave. If women stopped making excuses to stay they would realize it's easier than they think.

Me noh run joke wid man when it comes to the physical enoh. him cyaan lick me even "playfully". that's not allowed.

as for the self-esteem, I understand that, but there are signs u can pick up on and nip that in the bud too... </div></div>


You really think it's that easy?

</div></div>

Maybe it is that easy for Donnika [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70402-thinking.gif[/img]

I have worked many many years with abused women at the local womens shelter and it is truly an eye opening experience. I used to think the same as Donnika in my 20's. But then I started volunteering with the shelter and it really and truly opened my eyes and helped me get rid of my attitude.

You should try it Donnika [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70409-waytogo.gif[/img]

[Shine_Eye_Girl]

Re: Lets say

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: TanyaZeen</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: TLC_29</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Donnika</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: TanyaZeen</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Easier said than done Donnika....do you know that the most dangerous time for an abused woman is when she is leaving her abuser.

</div></div>

but is he an abuser the first time he hits her or is it assault. That's the moment to leave. If women stopped making excuses to stay they would realize it's easier than they think.

Me noh run joke wid man when it comes to the physical enoh. him cyaan lick me even "playfully". that's not allowed.

as for the self-esteem, I understand that, but there are signs u can pick up on and nip that in the bud too... </div></div>


You really think it's that easy?

</div></div>

Maybe it is that easy for Donnika [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70402-thinking.gif[/img]

I have worked many many years with abused women at the local womens shelter and it is truly an eye opening experience. I used to think the same as Donnika in my 20's. But then I started volunteering with the shelter and it really and truly opened my eyes and helped me get rid of my attitude.

You should try it Donnika [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70409-waytogo.gif[/img] </div></div>

if it were that easy, those abused women shelters would not exist.

[Pepper]

Re: Lets say

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Donnika</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Pepper</div><div class="ubbcode-body">It's ALWAYS the abusers fault. They are the wrong ones for putting their hands/etc on another human being. </div></div>
That's true for the first time, at which point you lock him up( or kill him in self-defence [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/whistle.gif[/img] ), but you bear some responsibility when you remain with the person. </div></div>

Nope. The abuser is always the wrong one, be it the first time or the 1,000th time. The abuser is always at fault. Something is wrong with them...they are the one with the problem.

[mamatun]

Re: Lets say

It takes two. There can be no abuser without the abused. They complement each other.

If you sit down and take it, you can blame nobody but yourself. When a man comes into your life, don't wait for it to come to strife before telling him that you don't play 'lick', and rasing his hand leads to bye-bye.

[coolmugs]

Re: Lets say

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Gad_Bless_Pickny</div><div class="ubbcode-body">It takes two. There can be no abuser without the abused. They complement each other.

If you sit down and take it, you can blame nobody but yourself. When a man comes into your life, don't wait for it to come to strife before telling him that you don't play 'lick', and rasing his hand leads to bye-bye.

</div></div>

I agree you need to set the pace early in the game so s/he now what is allowed and what is not.