What leads to long term relationship success?

[Tropicana]

The experts say common interests, shared values, communication and mutual respect.

My father said communication and patience. My Mom says communication.

I am visiting with my Mom, inspired by RichD, I have been talking to older couples married 30 years or more. All of them say communication. None of them say common interests and the older couples all have interests that are different.

So are the experts wrong?

[twiney]

The experts say common interests, shared values, communication and mutual respect.

My father said communication and patience. My Mom says communication.

I am visiting with my Mom, inspired by RichD, I have been talking to older couples married 30 years or more. All of them say communication. None of them say common interests and the older couples all have interests that are different.

So are the experts wrong?

Yes the experts are wrong... opposites attract and while it is nice when you have some common interests communication can help you navigate differences. If the values are polar opposite and both old strong then it is a recipe for disaster.

[RichD]

how people managed before dem did have these experts to tell dem how tings supposed to go.

[Tropicana]

how people managed before dem did have these experts to tell dem how tings supposed to go.

Dunno.

Definitely communication and shared values seem to be important but if the experts are saying common interests are important and couples who have been married for a long time aren't saying that, then what is important?

[Suesumba]

how people managed before dem did have these experts to tell dem how tings supposed to go.

wonder how many times those experts have been married or even in stable relationships....

[Xavier]

Communication is 1-10...the rest is important but communication is what leads to those. Common interests change with time and it will be important to communicate when there is a new interest. Shared core values are important but there are some other values that you may not share and communication will bridge these. Mutual respect again leads to how each party communicates to each other....so again 1-10 is Communication

[Wahalla]

i recall i wrote in a thread that communication in was the sole basis of a relationship and it got dismissed by the starter of this thread as less important than a constant Q&A session over a 2 year period.....

[Emperah]

i recall i wrote in a thread that communication in was the sole basis of a relationship and it got dismissed by the starter of this thread as less important than a constant Q&A session over a 2 year period.....

because ppl like you who a live life are not qualified since yuh nuh have nuttin de stawtah waan fi copy an paste yasuh like de expert dem

[Tropicana]

Communication is 1-10...the rest is important but communication is what leads to those. Common interests change with time and it will be important to communicate when there is a new interest. Shared core values are important but there are some other values that you may not share and communication will bridge these. Mutual respect again leads to how each party communicates to each other....so again 1-10 is Communication

Well this is in keeping with what the other people who have been married for a long time have said. So basically does this mean dash weh all the lists and find someone with whom you can communicate?

My dad also told me that long walks and LONG subway and bus rides helped too. They gave him time to calm down until you could communicate clearly and calmly. When I was having my marriage problems he said "Do you know how many times I have ridden the bus or subway to the end of the line and then back again". I recentlyl asked my Mom if she knew about that and she said yes. Come to think of it, they had some interests they shared but a lot of interests they didn't share......so where do the experts get this common interests thing from?