New Year...New Topic: Who is family?

[Tropicana]

Okay here is a situation that arises in many Jamaican families. One part of our culture is helping those in needs. There is a lot of informal adoption. Without that, some children from poor families wouldn't have the opportunity to advance.

Sometimes, a family that is doing alright will help out by assuming responsibility for the child of a poor cousin or a family from the community who is not related. If the family helps out that child, has them live with them, sees to it that they get their high school and university education and established in life, what is the usual practice. It's one thing when the child is a baby or toddler and grows with the family. But what about when the child is a pre-teen or teen. If the child is not formally adopted, what do you think of it when the caregivers refer to that child as a son or daughter, the child calls the caregivers Mom and Dad and wants their own children to refer to that child as sister or brother. In other words, in the Jamaican context, is an informal adoption equivalent to a formal adoption. What usually happens when it comes to inheritances. Is the child that was informally adopted treated the same as the children that were born to the parents. I don't mean legally but in terms of practice.

[j-kid]

Dis part get tricky, because even wid blood relatives dem still wi war ova wha lef.

However, fi di odda parts yuh mentioned, dem usually wil bi treated as ah regular part ha di family.

What usually happens when it comes to inheritances.

[RasDivine]

intriguing questions.....

I can't speak about the practice which commonly happens as I have never had experience or heard about these types of circumstances. However I will say that the people who become our "chosen family" should benefit from all blessings that are available to other biological family members.

[blugiant]

ear sintinn similar dat appen inn mii familee

man met ooman widd tree ear ole dawtah, move dem inna imm house ann dem eventuallee git married. da dawtah biological faddar came arund rarelee, neva supported ar ann itt wan da man dat took care aff ar. imm paid fe ar fe go private school ann college. imm reallee treated ar like shi was is own dawtah ann dem add a great relationship even dough imm neva adopted ar. de ooman maddar add tree sons fe da man ann da man was a great provider. da man bought four houses, wan da familee live inn ann da addar trees six families ting dem rented out.

wen da dawtah graduated fram college ann got a good jab, imm gave ar downpayment fe buy wan house butt imm made ar putt imm name pon itt too. two ears aftah buyinn da house, shi married wan man against da man wishes cah imm feel imm natt good enuff fe ar. still itt was da man woo shi mekk walk ar dunn de aisle.shi later divorce ar husband ann imm tried fe git half da value aff ar house. da man told ar husband dat nah appen cah imm owned aalf da house. xx-husband onlee got a quarter aff da value inn divorce ann swore upp ann dunn shi ann da man teef imm. aftah da divorce, da man sign da whole ting ova to ar. shi awlso bought annadda biggar oouse ann rented out da furst wan.

da man awlso helped imm sons fe buy houses too. so awl aff dem add sintinn. wen faddar passed away imm gave each aff imm sons a house ann told dem da addar house belong to dem maddar ann dem fe share itt equallee aftah dem maddar. imm awlso leff awl aff dem insurance money butt imm leff more fe imm sons.

dawtah got upset dat de man sons got more dan ar. familee drama, end result shi ann ar brothers rarelee speak.

soo oonnoo reallee tink inn dat typa situation ting fe split equallee? mii tink da man was fair

[Tropicana]

intriguing questions.....

I can't speak about the practice which commonly happens as I have never had experience or heard about these types of circumstances. However I will say that the people who become our "chosen family" should benefit from all blessings that are available to other biological family members.

Even if they are not legally adopted? Hasn't the family already done enough by giving them a huge "leg up".

Now in the situation I am describing, there were other children who were also helped but they were never brought to Canada. This young lady was from a highly dysfunctional family. Her mother was doing nothing for her and to this day she is not sure who her father is.

[Tropicana]

dawtah got upset dat de man sons got more dan ar. familee drama, end result shi ann ar brothers rarelee speak.

soo oonnoo reallee tink inn dat typa situation ting fe split equallee? mii tink da man was fair

I am not famliar with usual practices in Jamaica. Family models with which I am most familiar are extended.

However, my ex has a cousin who his parents cared for since she was about 2 years old (the mother went to England and so relatives took in her children. The 2 boys went with one cousin and the girl went with my ex's parents. My ex considered his cousin to be just as much of a sister as his other sisters. She was never legally adpoted until she was in high school and a legal adoption would make it easier for one of the older sisters to bring her to Canada. So she is treated as a sister and always has been,

[DearK]

I am not famliar with usual practices in Jamaica. Family models with which I am most familiar are extended.

However, my ex has a cousin who his parents cared for since she was about 2 years old (the mother went to England and so relatives took in her children. The 2 boys went with one cousin and the girl went with my ex's parents. My ex considered his cousin to be just as much of a sister as his other sisters. She was never legally adpoted until she was in high school and a legal adoption would make it easier for one of the older sisters to bring her to Canada. So she is treated as a sister and always has been,

This sounds right since he was the only 'father' cousin knew. Maybe this is the general idea courts have in mind when they continue to insist on child support from fathers who learn late in a marriage/or divorce that a child is not their biological child. It seems unfair to the father, but if this is the only parent the child knows, then

[Tropicana]

OK but when these informal adoptions take place later in life (pre-teen, teen) it's a bit tough for the natural children to think of the child who has been informally adopted to help them out of a bad situation as "sister" or "brother". Clearly there is a need for compassion especially if the natural parents are unable or unwilling to do much for the child. I can see the other POV of not wanting the child to feel like an outsider or charity case. Everything would be a lot clearer if the adoption was formalized. Unfortunately, the natural parents may not agree to this.

I am trying to understand what is the usual practice in the Jamaican cultural context where informal adoptions are more common than in the USA or Canada.

[Xavier]

It is a great question. I have seen where these "adoptions" have cause pain and anguish in families because nothing was really defined in the beginning. I have seen cases where the informal "children" are resented etc. It is common and it many cases a great thing as many of these children suffer from absent biological parents.

[Tropicana]

So Xavier, what typically happens in Jamaica. I am trying to understand this aspect of our culture.