Worst Dressed- Golden Globes

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Cathouse Call: There are many exclamations a star in haute couture hopes to hear as she arrives on the red carpet, but "Holy cats, has Renée Zellweger been rummaging around in Sharon Stone's medicine cabinet?" isn't one of them. That is, unless she was trying to look like Miss Kitty from "Gunsmoke" after she quietly branched out into the brothel business.

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But the shortfall of fabric on top is also painfully unforgiving from certain angles -- and would be whether on a twiggy model or the spectacularly curvy Lopez, who should have dressed for her figure, not for the photographers. Perhaps her decision to don minimal coverage will turn out to be a savvy PR move that will quell rampant rumors of trouble in her union to Marc Anthony, who was glued to her side at the ceremony. Still, that strategy might have been slightly more successful if Jennifer hadn't left her wedding ring at home. Again.

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Tressed Out: In theory, the combination of Cameron Diaz's Hello Kitty-pink, one-shouldered Chanel gown and gunmetal peep-toe, ankle-strap heels is to die for. In theory. But then comes the cold, harsh reality of the statuesque A-lister's two-toned tresses, which seem to be suffering from an incurable case of bedhead, not to mention the unnecessarily complicated design of her rosette-bedecked haute couture, which comes complete with magical cleavage-deflating powers. To die for? Not so much. More to like to cry for. (

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Bouffant of All Knowledge: From the neck on down, Drew Barrymore is best-dressed list all the way, with her button-edged, pale blue John Galliano creation a total haute couture triumph. The gown is soft, flirty and unbelievably flattering, and her lengthy red satin clutch only enhances her sartorial achievement. All of which makes the funnel cloud-produced horror soaring heavenward atop the giggly star's noggin even more heartbreaking. Clearly, Drew was trying for the cotton candy, teased-to-the-brink-of-tears platinum tresses of Marilyn Monroe. But Barrymore's bombshell dreams end in "Never Been Kissed" nerd-dom as she instead channels her adorkably unhip alter ego Josie Geller, a woman in dire need of a deep conditioner, a smooch and a year's supply of defrizzer

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Messing Person Report: Don't worry: No raccoons or mall rats were harmed in the application of Debra Messing's makeup. Still, we're worried that the actress may be looking to take up the black-eyed mantle left vacant by the passing of Tammy Faye Bakker, a decision we urge her to make only after attending several Eyeliners Anonymous meetings. Unfortunately, the rest of Messing's Golden Globes look doesn't fare much better than her untold layers of face paint. Her auburn mane is pulled into an explosively untidy ponytail, while the intersecting pleating on the hemline of her indigo taffeta halter dress isn't quite intricate enough to distract us from its awkward fit.

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A Spot of Bother: We take no pleasure in criticizing Maggie Gyllenhaal, and yet we find ourselves doing it time and again. Come to think of it, that's the definition of insanity, right? Doing the same thing and expecting a different result? Well, get out the tranquilizer gun and call us crazy, because we're still holding out hope that the sweet-faced actress will somehow find a way to banish her inner frump, who is so stinkin' bossy that she always gets final say on Maggie's red carpet getups

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Golden Globes Undressed! The Worst
Diss From a Rose: In general, frocks that appear to be made from material that need only a quick spritz of Windex and square of Bounty to soak up stains should be avoided at major red carpet events such as the Golden Globes. Still, we can see where an easy cleanup would be appealing to mother-of-three Heidi Klum, who gives off a sheen that's reminiscent of a plastic tablecloth at a family picnic as she styles an '80s-era-by-way-of-the-'50s polka-dot cocktail dress. And even though the "Project Runway" auf-er's bubble-shaped, belly-concealing number has a playfully girlish sock-hop-on-"Happy Days" vibe thanks to its sweetheart neckline and pizza-sized rose embellishment, her undersized strappy Louboutin platform sandals are decidedly modern -- and completely out of place unless Fonzie has been rendezvousing with a dominatrix after-hours at Arnold's.

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Crash and Dern: Wow, it's like we're gazing into a mirror when we see the look on Laura Dern's face. Her expression shows equal parts confusion, doubt and disgust, which is exactly how we felt when we laid eyes on her Donna Reed does Doris Day 'do, which we assume she styled after a satisfying day of baking and being wholesome in an apron and heels. Of course, when we scrolled down and caught a glimpse of the dangerously drooping hemline on the lithe actress' window pane-patterned skirt, we added alarm to the mix of emotions, which was quickly followed by depression, because we realized any hope of salvaging the frock's surprisingly becoming belted bodice was gone forever.

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Sheet Happens: Rachel Griffiths marches to the beat of her own drummer. Or, at least to her own string section. After all, this is the woman who named her son Banjo. Rules don't concern Rachel, even ones as basic as, "Togas should be worn only in big-budget, sword-and-sandal flicks or the 'Animal House' party scene or else disaster will follow, and gold silk sheets from Wayne Newton's home goods collection should never be draped across one's body without first dousing them in starch and repeatedly hitting the steam setting on the iron

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Rue Madeleine: Given that Madeleine Martin is only 15, it doesn't seem at all fair to call her out for her red carpet choices. However, we'd like to have a private word with the person who dropped her off at the Golden Globes in this puff-sleeved, bleach-stained frock accented with an eyesore of a bow-tied belt

[Bizzy]

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OMG. Coo dat last gyal foots