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Bimini: Bway Jahlive a ongly hope dem gi wi di visa mi well waa reach di bashment yu noh.
Jahlive: Mi to sah. Ensom always a invite wi an wi neva reach yet. Den a wha tek dem so lang man. Look ow lang wi deh pan dis ya line.
Bimini: A lang time yes. Si di man a wave wi deh straiten up yu self an com man.
Jahlive: Mawning sah. Ow yu doing tideh sah?
Immigration: Good morning gentlemen. What can I do for you this morning?
Bimini: Wi a look 2 visa fi go farrin sah. Ensom invite wi to har bashment an mi pramise har wi a go bring di fry fish.
Jahlive: Yes missa affica sah. Bimini cyan fry som fish yu si sah. Wen im done yu all a chaw di bone dem. Di bway han sweet pan di fish biznizz mi a tell yu.
Immigration: Well may I see your paper work gentlemen.
Jahlive: Si dem ya sah.
Immigration: But these papers aren’t even filled out. They’re still blank. You even left off your names.
Bimini: Well sah wi did a hope yu woulda help wi full ie in. Like ow yu do dis fi a livin yu noh muss know whe wi fi pu dung deh so wi coulda get di visa quick quick.
Immigration: I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous in my life. Where are your passports?
Jahlive: Passpowt? Wha dat sah?
Immigration: A little book with your picture in it. Do you have them?
Bimini: Yes sah wi hav dat. Wi leff dem outside. Wi a go fi dem an com rite bak to yu. Wi haffi wate pan di line again sah?
Immigration: No, no when you come back just com right back to me.
Bimini: Arrite sah wi soon com bak. Com Jahlive.
Jahlive: Bim a which passpowt dis ya man a chat bout? An whe mek yu tell im wi hav dem outta road?
Bimini: Mi did haffi tell im sitten fi hole wi space. Mrs. Merkle did show mi wan likkle book wid pickcha inna it wan day mi tink a dat di man a chat.
Jahlive: Yu mean excasize book?
Bimini: Yes sitten likea a dat. Mek wi run go buy 2 sumall excasize book a cry com gi im. Wi haffi go tek pickcha to. Si wan man ova deh a tek pickcha wi cyan beg im fi tek wi.
Jahlive: Now yu a use yu head bawss. Com mek wi go get di book dem.
Immigration: Well gentlemen did you bring your passports?
Jahlive: Yes sah si dem rite ya so. Dem new bran to wid new bran pickcha a wi.
Immigration: These are not passports! These are schoolbooks with 2 Polaroid’s.
Bimini: Dem cyaan wuk di same way sah? Hey Jahlive noh Liza dat?
Jahlive: Kiss mi anty go to church a Liza yes. A ow yu hav mi girl pickcha pan yu desk sah?
Immigration: Your girl??? This is my daughter and I’m sure she doesn’t know you.
Jahlive: Yu a Liza puppa??? Wat a sumall worl eeh? Yu si dis Bim Jah a steer wi strate man. Im sen wi to Liza puppa. Mi did tek yu dawta out lass week Satdeh nite man. Wi go a stage show. Yu si wen Likkle Lenny she “all di gyal dem wid di good glamaty fi rase dem han”….. mi juss shub Liza han inna di air sah. Dat deh show did sweet man.
Immigration: Beg your pardon?? You must be mistaken. Liza was at a girl friends house last Saturday.
Jahlive: Dats rite a deh so mi did go fi har. Mi did Barrow Bim bredda mowtobike an wi juss dally go dung a di show. A yu hav di table tennis inna di bak room deh a yu yawd no chroo.
Immigration: Yes. How did you know that?
Jahlive: Mi go deh areddi man. Mi sey Bim dat deh TT table bill trang yu si it all hole up mi an Liza wate wan time.
Immigration: I’ve heard enough of this. Look I will give you the visa’s if you promise never to see my daughter again.
Bimini: Yes sah. Tank yu sah mi wi mek sure im neva si har again sah. Com Jahlive mek wi leff di man fore im change im mine.
Jahlive: Den a wha wrang wid im Bim? Well at least wi get di visa. Farrin hear wi com.
Bimini: Bway Jahlive yu whoring ways finally pay awff. Mi sey di man face tun all sart a cola wen yu tell im bout di TT table. ~DWL~ Com mek wi galang. Alpha did sey if wi get di visa shi wi get 2 tikit fi wi so wi safe now.
Jahlive: Bway Bimini mi cyaan believe wi a go a farrin. Ensom a go shak fi si wi.
**At the airport**
Alpha: A who inna dem rite mine gi di 2 a unnu visa? Mi cyaan believe dis. Ow much decent people a Jamaica a try fi get a likkle bly fi go America an look who dem gi visa to.
Bimini: Is whe yu a sey doe Alpha??
Alpha: (LOL) No mine mi a likkle joke mi a run wid unnu. (LOL) Si unnu tikit ya. Is standby tikits so if dem hav space pan di plane dem wi call unnu. Sey hello to Ensom an Pressa fi mi yu hear.
Jahlive: But look pan Alpha still a lawff. Is wha sweet har so? Wi noh decent sumaddys to? Wha mek wi cyaan get visa?
Bimini: Leff Alpha alone man. So wha name stanby sah?
Jahlive: It mussi mean sey wi haffi go stan up di whole way to farrin. Yu know stan by di door or stan by di winda. A muss dat it mean.
Bimini: A tink yu rite yu noh. Well if a stan up wi haffi stan up di whole way den a juss dat wi haffi do. Wi tan up hole day outta Mass Roy shap so a noh nuttin fi tan up go a farrin.
**Bimini and Jahlive please report to gate 4 for boarding**
Jahlive: Bim yu hear dat? Is why dem a bawll out wi name so. Is whe yu do?
Bimini: Mi neva do nuttin, yu noh si mi tan up rite ya wid yu di hole time. **Start panic** Dem mussi fine out sey wi tieff di 2 grip dem. A did tell yu dat dem hav all sart a sitten fi fine out dem tings ya but yu wouldn lissen. Now wi a go jail instead a farrin.
Jahlive: A couldn dat man, ow dem woulda know sey a “barrow” wi “barrow” dem? Juss hush up yu moute an mek wi go si whe dem want.
Bimini: Please fi tell wi why unnu a bawll out wi name ova di loud speaks mam? Yu tink wi waa everybody fi know wi deh ya? Nex ting yu know dem waa wi carry tings go a farrin fi dem.
Jahlive: Tell har Bim tell har yes.
Ticket agent: But look pan who get visa fi go farrin. Dem mussi a gi dem tings wey dung a di embassy now. A ow 2 butu like unnu get visa?
Jahlive: Look here noh ooman no com renk yu self wid wi. Wi noh hav noh time fi yu tiddeh. Is whe mek yu a call up wi name fa?
Ticket agent: Wi hav 2 seat leff so unnu a go pan dis flite. Is whe inna dat big krukus bag unnu a carry pan di people dem plane. Wi haffi check dat.
Bimini: Check fi wha?? Nuttin no in deh cept 60 fry fish.
Ticket agent: 60 FRY FISH??? Is whe unnu a go wid so much fish. Unnu couldn leff 2 inna di sea fi wi dung ya?
Jahlive: Nuff fish leff inna di sea so please fi tap feel up feel up wi sitten dem. Is whe yu tink wi a go tek ova di plane wid fry fish???
Ticket agent: Unnu juss gwane dem soon dash unnu baxside out a dem country an sen unnu rite bak dung ya.
Bimini: Yu no fi so red yeye yu noh gyal. Dats why poor people cyaan praspa unnu always a fite genst.
Jahlive: Leff di ole kiya hed gyal an com Bim. It look like dem fine wi seat so wi noh haffi tan up.
Bimini: Den a so sumall in ya tan. Ow di plane look so big fram outside? Ow mi fi fit inna dat deh likkle beeny seat man?
Jahlive: Dem likkle fi chroo but wi cyaan do no betta so juss sidung. Yu waa di hile seat so yu cyan tretch out yu foot?
Bimini: Yes mi wi tek di hile wan, mi noh waa look outta door an noh si grung. Mi a get hungry Jahlive is wen dem a go serve wi likkle food?
Jahlive: Mi to. Gyas a tel mi up mi noh nyam nuttin hole day.
Bimini: Si di waitress deh ask har.
Jahlive: Hello nice lady mam, mi an mi pawdy would like fi put in wi harda. Hi will take a likkle hackee an saltfish an mi pawdy want a plate a di hoxtail.
Stewardess: I’m sorry sir this is not a restaurant. You cannot place an order. We will be serving lunch as soon as the plane takes off.
Jahlive: A so it work?? Well if yu sey so. Tell mi sitten, wats fi lunch?
Stewardess: We have a choice of chicken or beef today sir.
Bimini: Dat soun good mi wi tek di fowl an di beef wid likkle lemonaid fi wash ie dung wid.
Jahlive: Mi wi tek dat to.
**Stewardess leff shaking her head**
Bimini: Bway Jahlive dem ya pilla likkle bit eeh? A fi hoofa hed dem tink cyan fit pan dis? Mi a get tiyad yu noh. Mi coulda well an use a likkle sleep. Mi cyaan sleep so doe. Dis ya chair ya too sumall.
Jahlive: Gwane spread yu sheet an juss lay dung inna di passage deh. Nobady cyaan go nowhe so yu cyan gwane ketch likkle sleep.
Bimini: Good idea dat man. Mi a go dweet. Len mi fi yu blankit to.
Stewardess: Sir you cannot lay down here. We must keep the aisle clear.
Bimini: But nobady naw go nowhe. Wi inna di air. Mi juss waa ketch a wan hour an mi wi git up.
Stewardess: Sir I will have to ask you again to move. We have to clear the aisle for the lunch cart to come through.
Bimini: Mek yu neva sey dat fram before. Mi lunch a com now?
Stewardesws: Yes it is sir.
Stewardess: Beff or chicken?
Bimini: Di 2 a dem. Mi neva tell yu dat areddi?
Jahlive: Yu did sey it yes. Mi did hear yu. Im sey im did want di 2 a dem an mi sey mi to.
Stewardess: Sir you can only get one now and if there are extras left over we can give you a second meal. Beef or chicken sir?
Bimini: Wat a ting. Mi wi tek di fowl. But Jahlive a wha dis? A ow it so likkle bit? Dis ya look like groun dove dis ya no look like noh fowl mi know. Dis dem expek fi full up big man?
Jahlive: But mi neva si nuttin look so inna mi life. Dis ya bred ya tuff like rackstone.
Bimini: Bway sah, tank Gad mi granny did a tink an pak som fry dumplin ina mi bag. Mi a go nyam dat wid som a di fry fish.
Jahlive: Tank God fi granny. Pass mi 2 a dem fish dem sah. Bout beef ar chicken dem cyan keep dem mawga cow an dry up fowl.
Bimini: Yu si whe mi a sey doe.
Jahlive: Mi to sah. Ensom always a invite wi an wi neva reach yet. Den a wha tek dem so lang man. Look ow lang wi deh pan dis ya line.
Bimini: A lang time yes. Si di man a wave wi deh straiten up yu self an com man.
Jahlive: Mawning sah. Ow yu doing tideh sah?
Immigration: Good morning gentlemen. What can I do for you this morning?
Bimini: Wi a look 2 visa fi go farrin sah. Ensom invite wi to har bashment an mi pramise har wi a go bring di fry fish.
Jahlive: Yes missa affica sah. Bimini cyan fry som fish yu si sah. Wen im done yu all a chaw di bone dem. Di bway han sweet pan di fish biznizz mi a tell yu.
Immigration: Well may I see your paper work gentlemen.
Jahlive: Si dem ya sah.
Immigration: But these papers aren’t even filled out. They’re still blank. You even left off your names.
Bimini: Well sah wi did a hope yu woulda help wi full ie in. Like ow yu do dis fi a livin yu noh muss know whe wi fi pu dung deh so wi coulda get di visa quick quick.
Immigration: I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous in my life. Where are your passports?
Jahlive: Passpowt? Wha dat sah?
Immigration: A little book with your picture in it. Do you have them?
Bimini: Yes sah wi hav dat. Wi leff dem outside. Wi a go fi dem an com rite bak to yu. Wi haffi wate pan di line again sah?
Immigration: No, no when you come back just com right back to me.
Bimini: Arrite sah wi soon com bak. Com Jahlive.
Jahlive: Bim a which passpowt dis ya man a chat bout? An whe mek yu tell im wi hav dem outta road?
Bimini: Mi did haffi tell im sitten fi hole wi space. Mrs. Merkle did show mi wan likkle book wid pickcha inna it wan day mi tink a dat di man a chat.
Jahlive: Yu mean excasize book?
Bimini: Yes sitten likea a dat. Mek wi run go buy 2 sumall excasize book a cry com gi im. Wi haffi go tek pickcha to. Si wan man ova deh a tek pickcha wi cyan beg im fi tek wi.
Jahlive: Now yu a use yu head bawss. Com mek wi go get di book dem.
Immigration: Well gentlemen did you bring your passports?
Jahlive: Yes sah si dem rite ya so. Dem new bran to wid new bran pickcha a wi.
Immigration: These are not passports! These are schoolbooks with 2 Polaroid’s.
Bimini: Dem cyaan wuk di same way sah? Hey Jahlive noh Liza dat?
Jahlive: Kiss mi anty go to church a Liza yes. A ow yu hav mi girl pickcha pan yu desk sah?
Immigration: Your girl??? This is my daughter and I’m sure she doesn’t know you.
Jahlive: Yu a Liza puppa??? Wat a sumall worl eeh? Yu si dis Bim Jah a steer wi strate man. Im sen wi to Liza puppa. Mi did tek yu dawta out lass week Satdeh nite man. Wi go a stage show. Yu si wen Likkle Lenny she “all di gyal dem wid di good glamaty fi rase dem han”….. mi juss shub Liza han inna di air sah. Dat deh show did sweet man.
Immigration: Beg your pardon?? You must be mistaken. Liza was at a girl friends house last Saturday.
Jahlive: Dats rite a deh so mi did go fi har. Mi did Barrow Bim bredda mowtobike an wi juss dally go dung a di show. A yu hav di table tennis inna di bak room deh a yu yawd no chroo.
Immigration: Yes. How did you know that?
Jahlive: Mi go deh areddi man. Mi sey Bim dat deh TT table bill trang yu si it all hole up mi an Liza wate wan time.
Immigration: I’ve heard enough of this. Look I will give you the visa’s if you promise never to see my daughter again.
Bimini: Yes sah. Tank yu sah mi wi mek sure im neva si har again sah. Com Jahlive mek wi leff di man fore im change im mine.
Jahlive: Den a wha wrang wid im Bim? Well at least wi get di visa. Farrin hear wi com.
Bimini: Bway Jahlive yu whoring ways finally pay awff. Mi sey di man face tun all sart a cola wen yu tell im bout di TT table. ~DWL~ Com mek wi galang. Alpha did sey if wi get di visa shi wi get 2 tikit fi wi so wi safe now.
Jahlive: Bway Bimini mi cyaan believe wi a go a farrin. Ensom a go shak fi si wi.
**At the airport**
Alpha: A who inna dem rite mine gi di 2 a unnu visa? Mi cyaan believe dis. Ow much decent people a Jamaica a try fi get a likkle bly fi go America an look who dem gi visa to.
Bimini: Is whe yu a sey doe Alpha??
Alpha: (LOL) No mine mi a likkle joke mi a run wid unnu. (LOL) Si unnu tikit ya. Is standby tikits so if dem hav space pan di plane dem wi call unnu. Sey hello to Ensom an Pressa fi mi yu hear.
Jahlive: But look pan Alpha still a lawff. Is wha sweet har so? Wi noh decent sumaddys to? Wha mek wi cyaan get visa?
Bimini: Leff Alpha alone man. So wha name stanby sah?
Jahlive: It mussi mean sey wi haffi go stan up di whole way to farrin. Yu know stan by di door or stan by di winda. A muss dat it mean.
Bimini: A tink yu rite yu noh. Well if a stan up wi haffi stan up di whole way den a juss dat wi haffi do. Wi tan up hole day outta Mass Roy shap so a noh nuttin fi tan up go a farrin.
**Bimini and Jahlive please report to gate 4 for boarding**
Jahlive: Bim yu hear dat? Is why dem a bawll out wi name so. Is whe yu do?
Bimini: Mi neva do nuttin, yu noh si mi tan up rite ya wid yu di hole time. **Start panic** Dem mussi fine out sey wi tieff di 2 grip dem. A did tell yu dat dem hav all sart a sitten fi fine out dem tings ya but yu wouldn lissen. Now wi a go jail instead a farrin.
Jahlive: A couldn dat man, ow dem woulda know sey a “barrow” wi “barrow” dem? Juss hush up yu moute an mek wi go si whe dem want.
Bimini: Please fi tell wi why unnu a bawll out wi name ova di loud speaks mam? Yu tink wi waa everybody fi know wi deh ya? Nex ting yu know dem waa wi carry tings go a farrin fi dem.
Jahlive: Tell har Bim tell har yes.
Ticket agent: But look pan who get visa fi go farrin. Dem mussi a gi dem tings wey dung a di embassy now. A ow 2 butu like unnu get visa?
Jahlive: Look here noh ooman no com renk yu self wid wi. Wi noh hav noh time fi yu tiddeh. Is whe mek yu a call up wi name fa?
Ticket agent: Wi hav 2 seat leff so unnu a go pan dis flite. Is whe inna dat big krukus bag unnu a carry pan di people dem plane. Wi haffi check dat.
Bimini: Check fi wha?? Nuttin no in deh cept 60 fry fish.
Ticket agent: 60 FRY FISH??? Is whe unnu a go wid so much fish. Unnu couldn leff 2 inna di sea fi wi dung ya?
Jahlive: Nuff fish leff inna di sea so please fi tap feel up feel up wi sitten dem. Is whe yu tink wi a go tek ova di plane wid fry fish???
Ticket agent: Unnu juss gwane dem soon dash unnu baxside out a dem country an sen unnu rite bak dung ya.
Bimini: Yu no fi so red yeye yu noh gyal. Dats why poor people cyaan praspa unnu always a fite genst.
Jahlive: Leff di ole kiya hed gyal an com Bim. It look like dem fine wi seat so wi noh haffi tan up.
Bimini: Den a so sumall in ya tan. Ow di plane look so big fram outside? Ow mi fi fit inna dat deh likkle beeny seat man?
Jahlive: Dem likkle fi chroo but wi cyaan do no betta so juss sidung. Yu waa di hile seat so yu cyan tretch out yu foot?
Bimini: Yes mi wi tek di hile wan, mi noh waa look outta door an noh si grung. Mi a get hungry Jahlive is wen dem a go serve wi likkle food?
Jahlive: Mi to. Gyas a tel mi up mi noh nyam nuttin hole day.
Bimini: Si di waitress deh ask har.
Jahlive: Hello nice lady mam, mi an mi pawdy would like fi put in wi harda. Hi will take a likkle hackee an saltfish an mi pawdy want a plate a di hoxtail.
Stewardess: I’m sorry sir this is not a restaurant. You cannot place an order. We will be serving lunch as soon as the plane takes off.
Jahlive: A so it work?? Well if yu sey so. Tell mi sitten, wats fi lunch?
Stewardess: We have a choice of chicken or beef today sir.
Bimini: Dat soun good mi wi tek di fowl an di beef wid likkle lemonaid fi wash ie dung wid.
Jahlive: Mi wi tek dat to.
**Stewardess leff shaking her head**
Bimini: Bway Jahlive dem ya pilla likkle bit eeh? A fi hoofa hed dem tink cyan fit pan dis? Mi a get tiyad yu noh. Mi coulda well an use a likkle sleep. Mi cyaan sleep so doe. Dis ya chair ya too sumall.
Jahlive: Gwane spread yu sheet an juss lay dung inna di passage deh. Nobady cyaan go nowhe so yu cyan gwane ketch likkle sleep.
Bimini: Good idea dat man. Mi a go dweet. Len mi fi yu blankit to.
Stewardess: Sir you cannot lay down here. We must keep the aisle clear.
Bimini: But nobady naw go nowhe. Wi inna di air. Mi juss waa ketch a wan hour an mi wi git up.
Stewardess: Sir I will have to ask you again to move. We have to clear the aisle for the lunch cart to come through.
Bimini: Mek yu neva sey dat fram before. Mi lunch a com now?
Stewardesws: Yes it is sir.
Stewardess: Beff or chicken?
Bimini: Di 2 a dem. Mi neva tell yu dat areddi?
Jahlive: Yu did sey it yes. Mi did hear yu. Im sey im did want di 2 a dem an mi sey mi to.
Stewardess: Sir you can only get one now and if there are extras left over we can give you a second meal. Beef or chicken sir?
Bimini: Wat a ting. Mi wi tek di fowl. But Jahlive a wha dis? A ow it so likkle bit? Dis ya look like groun dove dis ya no look like noh fowl mi know. Dis dem expek fi full up big man?
Jahlive: But mi neva si nuttin look so inna mi life. Dis ya bred ya tuff like rackstone.
Bimini: Bway sah, tank Gad mi granny did a tink an pak som fry dumplin ina mi bag. Mi a go nyam dat wid som a di fry fish.
Jahlive: Tank God fi granny. Pass mi 2 a dem fish dem sah. Bout beef ar chicken dem cyan keep dem mawga cow an dry up fowl.
Bimini: Yu si whe mi a sey doe.
Unnu juss wait till afta Ensom bashment wen wi com bak an skandal everybady who did dey deh.
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