Ochigals Visa Story, inspired my nuetral...

[Ochigal]

Ok...so it wasnt MY VISA...but it is MY STORY about a Visa...and about "Gwaan back a farrin" after 7+ years of living in JA.

The year was 1996, it was January 5, everyone at the Ocho Rios clock tower could here my screams…PUSH Dr. Tomlinson would yell.I AM DAMMIT, I yelled back…I AM GETTING THE FORCEPS he said….OH NO YOUR NOT…KEEP THOSE THINGS AWAY FROM ME I said.

Then finally…came that one push that did the job…there looking, slightly blueish, was her son, their son. “It’s a boy” I said…But before she could say anything else, the doc swept him up and left the room. We sat there; hugging and praying, please let him be all right…please let him be alive. I asked the midwife, whats happening. She just ignored me and started to clean me up….WHERES IS MY BABY, I asked again slightly louder. “De docta is just checking him our miss, him soon come”. We held each other for what seemed like hours, but in reality was probably less than a minute…then we heard it…a small…weak cry…THANK YOU GOD…we both said…and we cried too. The doctor carried him in, said that he wanted to take him to St. Anns Bay to the hospital for some blood work, just wanted to make sure all was well…Babyfather kissed me and said to get some rest, Doc Tomlinson kissed the top of my head and said “Good Job momma, you did great”…they would be back soon. Later that night “K” made up for not crying at the time of his birth…he cried all night long…..oh my gosh…will I ever sleep again, thank you god for this loud little boy.

Jump back to November 1995, it was 3:00 in the morning, we were both asleep. Yet we both woke at the same time and sat up straight in bed. What was that I whispered, babyfather clamped his hand over my mouth and motioned to be quiet. There it was..noises. There were people in our living room. I kept waiting…thinking they would call out our names and it would be someone we knew. But they never did. Thank god we always locked our bedroom door, thank god were always kept a cutlass under the bed. We were prepared. I took my 7 month pregnant body and hid between the bed and the wall…just couldn’t fit under the bed with a baby in my belly. Babyfather hid in the closet. WE watched as they chopped at the bedroom door with their cutlass's. As the door came crashing open it blocked my view. Noises…words….more noises…what were they…then running footsteps and then SILENCE, Well except for my heart…I swear the entire neighborhood could hear my heart beating. I sit there for eternity. Then I hear come footsteps. I wait, wondering what, who is coming. It was babyfather, he had chased them off. They didn’t expect someone to be ready for them and they ran.

Jump ahead to January 1997. “K”’s first birthday. We had cake and let him eat it with his fingers. What a mess. No party really, just babyfather and I. No other family around to help us celebrate. Later that day, we talked. Should we move to the states? How would babyfather handle it?

But babyfather is worried that “K” will not know his Jamaican heritage. How will he know that half of his roots if we move to the states. Well, I said, if we live in the states we can afford to come down every year or so. But if we live down here, we cant afford to fly to the states very often on our salaries. I tell him that to be honest I have been thinking this for a long time. Being a mother brought about a sense of URGE TO PROTECT. I had been having nightmares again, about “that night”. Can we at least go to the states for a few years. Just for a while, not for good.

So it was decided…we would start to make the plans to migrate/repatriate to the USA…

[Simmy]

Re: Ochigals Visa Story, inspired my nuetral...

Oh, Dear Ochigal, *sniffle sniffle* please nuh mek wi wait tu lang fi di ress a di tory, tenk yu. Wat a lovely beginning, a hope di ending is jus as good.

Mi did fraid fi yu an hubby wen dem cum eena yu home, happy dem neva hurt unoo.

[Ochigal]

Re: Ochigals Visa Story, inspired my nuetral...

There were several obstacles to over come. Babyfather needed a visa. You see we couldn’t just “get married”. Unfortuantely, I was still married to someone else. Our divorce had been filed 5 years prior, but never had made it to the courts docket. If anyone remembers it took Seaga 10 years to get his divorce from Mrs. Seaga #1. I did not have another 5 years to waste waiting. I would have to go ahead to the states and file for a divorce there…I could get it finalized in 90 days there. But babyfather didn’t want me to go without him and I didn’t want to either. So we would try the “backdoor” way to get him a visitors VISA so that he could come with me for the first couple weeks. Then he would go back to JA, wrap up business there, sell the car, furniture etc and wait for his fiancée visa to come through.

So, we have to have all our ducks in a row to get a visitor visa we decided. We would say that we want to have our baby christened in the states since my grandparents were both to ill to travel to JA for the event. My brother, who is a minister, said he would right us a letter on the church’s letter head saying he would perform the christening and on what date. WE got our bank statements together, we had our car title, house rental lease and letters from both our employers saying that we had both been at our jobs for 5+ years, and we had “K”’s birth certificate showing he was Jamaican born. How could they turn us down…OBVIOUSLY we were planning on returning to Jamaica. We had everything there, our life was there.

So we head to Kingston, back then you had to go there just to get your appointment to come back another day. We pay our money, get our appointment and head home. The next day, we load ourselves in the car again. Thankfully, unlike Nuetral and his mother, we did not have to rely on public transportation to take us on the two + hour trip from Ocho Rios, over Mt. Diablo to town. But traveling with a 14 month old was still not a fun thing to do.
We get to the embassy, and start the wait in line. We get up to the doors that lead you into the room with the “windows” where the so called interviews are conducted and I am told I cannot go with babyfather…that “K” and I will have to wait somewhere else. But NO…that’s not going to work I say. I need to go with him, this is OUR story and OUR situation that needs explained to the interviewer. Sorry miss…this way please. So I go out to where they direct me. But I realize that I can go back through another door and be in the general area and see babyfather thru the window that divides the rooms. So I watch, I see him called next, I hold my breath. I see him walk up to the window, present his folder full of papers along with his application. Then I see it all handed back and him walk away from the window….NO….I pound on the window and do the “what happened” sign…he just shakes his head no and walks out the exit door. I stand there in shock. NO? they didn’t even open the folder…NO??? Finally we find each other in the main lobby. And I loose it. How can they deny you with out even looking at any of your documentation. The interviewer said babyfather didn’t have enough assets to prove he would return as required. I decide to try a different approach. I head over to the US Citizen services section of the embassy. I wait for a window to open up and I barge up there. With my full niceness on, I explain my situation. I am told they cant help me at all. Of course by then “K” is fussy and wanting to leave. I am at my wits end and start to cry. They tell me to go over to the VISA side and ask for a supervisor and try to talk to someone there.

By this time, I am determined to leave there with a visa for babyfather. I go over and ask to see a supervisor. The lady that helps me says he will soon be with me, an hour later. I am still sitting there. Another lady asks me what I need and I tell her, she says the person I need to talk to has left for the day. I ask why someone else told me to wait. She didn’t know who told me that as she is the only one that works at that counter, so I explain my situation to her BEG her please to let someone talk to me, she just says sorry….She tells me to come back tomorrow he will be there then and can see me. So, feeling drained and deflated we head back to Ochi.

[Nanook]

Re: Ochigals Visa Story, inspired my nuetral...

Interesting story! I'm looking forward to more...

[dr. bones]

Re: Ochigals Visa Story, inspired my nuetral...

I just saw this, and it is a great read. Can't wait for the next installation.

[stargirl911]

Re: Ochigals Visa Story, inspired my nuetral...

((Ochigal)) how well I remember that area in the Embassy. This is a great story!

goose bumps and tears in a mi eye, waitin on the next installment

[Ochigal]

Re: Ochigals Visa Story, inspired my nuetral...

The Next day…it was back up at 5:30 out the door by 6 and off to Kingston. This time, I bypass the lines and head straight to the counter I had been at the day before. There is a different lady there altogether. She asks how she can help me and I explain who I am there to see. Now, this poor lady who has no idea what I have been through, proceeds to tell me that the only way I can see that person is by appointment and since I don’t have one, I cannot see him. At that point I raise my voice, cuss a few bad words and proceed to tell this lady what I had gone through the day before. Well as I mentioned in Neutrals thread…that approach gets you nowhere. My babyfather apologizes to the lady and takes me out of the room, walks me down the street to a patty cart and we sit and calm down. Once calm, I go back. I take the lady a piece of cake and apologize. She thanks me and tells me that the man I want to see, we will call him Mr. Man, is in a meeting but will be back soon and I am welcome to wait. So I do…and I wait…and I wait.

Finally MR. Man comes back. He comes to the counter and calls my name. He is an American man and as I tell my story I actually see compassion in his eyes and a little bit of embarrassment as to what I have been put through. He listens, then he takes my folder and looks at all out papers. He agrees with me that the interviewer from the previous day should have looked at them. He agrees that we are a good candidate for a tourist visa BUT….you see there is always a but.

He says that he does not have the power to over ride the decision. Only a review committee can do that and they meet once a week on Wednesdays. This day was Thursday. So I ask if I can leave my papers with him for the following week. Well, he tells me, he cannot do that either. The only way to file an appeal is to write a letter, fill out an appeal form and to send it all by a registered parcel service. He gives me his personal phone line and tells me to send it and then call him direct and he will keep me informed.

SOOOO, for a third time. We leave Kingston and head home. By this time I feel like I have been beat up and left to die. Never in my life have I felt so mentally tired. Upon my return to Ochi, I have babyfather drop me at my office so I can get started typing the letter. I have my packet ready, I read and reread everything there. Am I missing anything? Not that my poor tired mind could see. The following day, I call a parcel service and off goes my appeal…The following week, I call Mr. Man. He says the parcel has been received and logged. I will hear an answer “soon”. I call on Friday, figuring that two days had passed since the review committee met…I am told by Mr. Man that nothing is in the LOG as yet.

I call again Monday, Mr. Man is not available. The person on the phone says the log still does not show any decision. I call Tuesday…Wednesday….still nothing. By Friday, it has now been a week and a half since this should have been reviewed. Mr. Man still wont take my calls and the person answering the phone tells me again….LOG IS NOT SHOWING A DECISION HAS BEEN MADE. By now I am getting mad. Why did this man give me his direct line if he wont take my calls. I finally persist enough and I get through to him. I am told….are you ready for this….that my review has been “filed away” because my appeal was “incomplete”. INCOMPLETE? How I say???….well you see one of the requirements to sending in an appeal is to include a self addressed postage paid envelope for them to send their response back in. Now you see, in my letter I explained that all coorespondence could be sent via the same parcel service I had used. My office had a charge account with them I had included the account number in the letter as well as the phone number to call for pick up. PLUS…I had the mans phone line, I figured since I was going to keep in touch with him that I would not need to wait for a written response…once he gave me the verbal that all was approved…I would be on my way…no need to wait weeks on the Jamaican postal service. So I ask them what was the committees decision…well you see, since it was incomplete, it was never sent to committee, only complete appeals are sent to committee. Mine was FILED AWAY.

ARRRGGGHHHH….I had to hang up…I could not talk. I could not believe that after close to two weeks…this is what the man tells me. So much for compassion. After I compose myself…I call him back. He actually takes my call on the first try. I ask him what my next step needs to be and he said that only one appeal is allowed per Visa application, but that we can reapply and hope for a different interviewer. I hang up…feeling worse than beat up.

That night babyfather says its up to me…what ever I want to do…he will do. Well…I was spent. I could not go through anymore. The next day I made flight reservations for Baby K and I to fly to Seattle, with out babyfather...

[Nanook]

Re: Ochigals Visa Story, inspired my nuetral...

How frustrating that had to be! (((Ochigal)))

[stargirl911]

Re: Ochigals Visa Story, inspired my nuetral...

Thanks for sharing your story Ochigal. I couldn't have done it. My one and only experience was long and tedious, but I would have flipped out if I'd had to endure what you guys did.

[dr. bones]

Re: Ochigals Visa Story, inspired my nuetral...

Oh how awful. It must have been hard leaving baby's daddy and getting on that plane. I know this can't be the end of the story though. How did this get resolved. Enquiring minds want to know. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[Ochigal]

Re: Ochigals Visa Story, inspired my nuetral...

Babyfather cant bring himself to take us to the airport. We both agree it will be to hard to do. So he leaves that morning for work. We kiss and hug and cry and say our goodbyes. “K” looks confused. He calls out “daddy”, his only word at that point in his life. So babyfather picks him up and they take a little walk. I cant watch because seeing them together is one of the most precious sights my eyes will ever see. The pain is almost unbearable. He gives “K” back to me…and off he goes to work…like any other day. I find out later when we have our first phone conversation that he cried the whole way to work and stayed at his grandmothers yard that night cause he couldn’t bear to go home to an empty house.

K and I reach the states safely. Its July 1997 and the weather is hot. We stay with my mom for the first few days. That helps to ease back into it. Mom makes it like a vacation for us.

Ya know its funny, after being gone for 7 years you would think there would be some culture shock coming back to the states. But there isn’t…not really. The really weird thing is….everything here is the same….exactly the same…everyone is the same. Or is it that I am different. I guess that’s the best way to explain it…I am different. I am so much more relaxed, why are all these people stressed out. My mom has aquired quite a “potty mouth”. She let out a string of bad words on our way to the mall just because she hit the fourth red lights in a row. “Mom, chill out…whats the bid deal?. “Well these damn red lights, they are a pain in the butt”. Uhhh, is there a rush? Everyone is in such a rush…has it always been like this. I don’t remember it that way…but maybe it has been.

Needless to say, I am back, and seem to have fit right back in. Got my old job back instantly so that was nice. My grandfathers rental that I had lived in before becomes vacant again. No stress of looking for a job or a house. My old friends all want to see me. Its like a jigsaw puzzle. The piece was missing for 7 years, but its back and the spot is still there. It still fits… yet it feels out of place.

I find myself not wanting to talk about Jamaica. Not that I was embarrassed…its just that I know these people wont “get it”. They all ask the same thing…so, whats it like to have been a beach bum for 7 years. BEACH BUM???? Uhhh, excuse me, but I rarely made it to the beach. Maybe on the weekends, but I did have a job…and a child…and a house to clean…and meals to cook…dang people, life is life no matter what country you live in. I try not to get frustrated with the…but damn its hard. I find myself being very impatient with peoples ignorance. I start to realize that most people I know have never even left this state, let alone the country. This begins to irritate me….not sure why.

I go to the Mall with my mom to do some shopping. WOW…I never realized that there were so many white people in this area. And UGLY white people at that. I hate it, but all of a sudden I am judgin people on how they look. I have never EVER done this before. I find myself gravitating to people of color….I had never thought of myself as someone who noticed race, but all of a sudden…I notice it a lot. I notice that I am no longer the minority in the crowd…I am again part of the majority. I don’t think I like it very much. Again, I cant explain why…its just an uneasiness. But slowly, the puzzle piece starts to fit a little better. It got easier as time went on. I am still not 100%, but after this long dont think I ever will be.

I file for my divorce, such an easy process here in the states. No wonder 50% of all marriages end. Its just too easy. Fill out the papers, file then with a small fee….90 days later…DONE! I file all the Visa application paperwork WOW…what a difference. They make it so easy. After all, didn’t have to work to hard to prove that we had a relationship. We had a child. There is quite a bit of paperwork to be filled out though. Affidavits of support, applications…In November “K” and I fly back down to Jamaica for three weeks. We had only been away 5 months but it felt like an eternity. Babyfather signs all the papers for the Visa and the rest of the time we act like tourists. WOW…I hadn’t been a tourist in 8 years. It was fun…I forgot how nice it is to lay by the pool and go to the beach everyday. WE went sailing, rode jet skis, I EVEN climbed Dunns River Falls….

By March 1998 I get the letter from INS. I was so afraid to open it. I was still a bit gun-shy after my embassy experience. I hand it to my mom. She opens it. Its approved….babyfathers visa was approved. I don’t know who started crying first…me or my mom. Finally the battle is over. Now…its just up to us.

Now here I am, 5 years later. “K” is 7 and in first grade. Needless to say, babyfather is not here. He is in Jamaica, or should I say back in Jamaica. He never made it to Seattle…but that’s a whole different story more suited for Dear K…. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

In May of 2000 K and I went back to Jamaica for the first time since our three week stay in November 1997. Wow…things have changed. But we haven’t…we still fit right back in …we walk down the street and people call to us…cars go by and wave…In December we will make the trip again. Its been too long. Finances and Sept. 11 caused a bit of a gap in our visits. But with this visit we will be there for New Years Eve. I plan to make my resolution AND KEEP IT...to Take K to Jamaica every year. I will do one thing and that is keep my promise to my babyfather and my son, that K will know that half of his heritage. My son is Jamaican born so he is Jamaican. It just so happens that he has an American mother. I will not let that stop him from getting to know all there is to know of his county, the land of his birth. He will learn to love it like I do. And he will get to know his father, we may not be together, but we have a common goal. To give our son the best of both worlds.

Thank you all for allowing me to tell my story. I enjoyed it. I hope you did too.

[churchgirl]

Re: Ochigals Visa Story, inspired my nuetral...

Thanks for sharing Ochi. Bwoy yuh really did have mi pan di edge a mi seat. Zoooommm..run gawn a DearK fi hear bout di odda story [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[dr. bones]

Re: Ochigals Visa Story, inspired my nuetral...

Thanks for sharing such a personal part of your life. What a wonderful yet heartbreaking story. I'm w/ Hadiah, headed over to Dear K to hear the rest of the story.

[atlgirl]

Re: Ochigals Visa Story, inspired my nuetral...

Thanks for sharing! Is he ever going to make it here? Yesterday I could not wait to here the rest of your story. Are you still going through the process?

[Ochigal]

Re: Ochigals Visa Story, inspired my nuetral...

atlgirl...you musta skipped a paragraph...no he wont be making it here...not on my visa anyway. His visa did come through with no problem once I filed here in the states...but as I said...he never quite made it to seattle and he is now back in Jamaica...thats a whole other story though...

Next time insomnia hits...I may get brave and write it...ya never know. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

Sorry Bones and Hadia, you'll just have to read all the other "good stuff" taht Dear K has to offer.... [img]/forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]