Tweet
Here is some of what Planned Parenthood says to teenagers about pre-marital sex:
People who care about and trust each other become intimate — close. But sex is just one part of a whole relationship. It is just one way to be intimate.
How about the other aspects of your relationship?
• Do you treat each other as equals?
• Do you trust each other?
• Are you honest with each other?
• Do you respect each other's needs and feelings?
• Do you care about each other's pleasure?
• Do you share similar interests and values?
• Do you have fun together?
• Are you ready to protect each other?
• Do you both accept responsibility for what you do?
• Do you both want to have sex at this time?
If these things are true about your relationship, you may be ready to have sex.
Source
Here are the consequences:
A DEVASATING LOSS OF SELF-ESTEEM
By Donna Britt
Friday, February 13, 2004;
Page B01
In a recent column about a new report on urban teenagers' sexual attitudes, I purposely left out the finding that most surprised researchers: Many young black women have a terrible self-image. They don't think much of each other either. As a former urban black girl, I had to process the self-defeating things that kids in 40 focus groups from 10 cities told survey director Ivan Juzang of Motivational Educational Entertainment Productions (MEE). And I needed to talk to some current urban black girls to see if they felt the findings were true.
Historically, research suggested that young black women were healthier and more mature than their male counterparts, said Juzang, who's African American. He expected his interviews with low-income black youths, ages 16 to 20, about sex and relationships to show "either that black men -- or both black men and women -- were developing healthier sexual attitudes and behavior."
But Juzang found that rather than either group getting healthier, "young black women were becoming unhealthy."
Over and over, girls told him they were tired of being devalued by boys. They said they didn't trust other girls. Some spoke of "using" guys sexually and financially rather than being used. Some girls said young women's wariness of young men inspires them to experiment sexually with other girls, not because of their sexual orientation but "because the alternative relationships with boys and men seemed even unhealthier," Juzang said.
"It was really disheartening."
Why are we surprised? Have you seen how most movies, magazines and -- especially -- music videos portray young black women? What do they see as their prospects? The findings deeply saddened MEE's communications vice president, Pam Weddington, 44, reminding her of her own vulnerability as a teenager, when a quarter-size vaccination mark that "seemed as big as a Frisbee" wreaked havoc with her body image.
At least, Weddington recalled, her mother reassured her, "You're okay."
Today, "the images in society are much more powerful -- and many girls have no countervailing messages," Weddington said. Once, parents, neighbors, educators and even friends "kept girls from slipping through the cracks. Now, there is no safety net. Young women don't even trust each other."
Some things haven't changed. "The desire for touch is a basic human need," Weddington said. With so many families splintered, "sometimes the only way a young girl gets touched is if she's having sex -- and she can't articulate, 'I don't want all of that.' "
The report's bleakness made me happy I have no daughters. But after 20 minutes of chatting with Washington teenagers ShaVon Simmons, 16, and Michelle Wood and Neysa Montout, both 14, I felt as if I had three.
The girls had volunteered to enlighten me about their peer group's views at the Dupont Circle offices of MEE, where they meet after school to strategize about ways to spread the organization's message about safe sex and abstinence. Giggly and fashionable, they reminded me of my own friends back in the 1970s. Except that they were sighing over Bow Wow, not Jermaine Jackson. And they said things that few girls would have said in 1972.
Take girl-on-girl sex: "It's like the trend now," said ShaVon. "It's ridiculous. One girl -- Friday she was straight, Monday she was gay. I said, 'You figured this out over the weekend?' . . . Some girls say boys don't treat them right."
Not one was surprised by the report's suggestion that black girls lack self-appreciation.
"Some boys will talk about [a girl] in front of her face, and she'll still go with him," ShaVon, an Archbishop Carroll sophomore, marveled. "So stupid." "It could be that [the girls] are put down so much," suggested Neysa, a Banneker High School freshman.
"Black girls get put down, period," said ShaVon. Neysa sighed. "A lot of people act the way they do because of the [music] videos. It's supposed to be entertainment, but they think they're supposed to live that lifestyle."
"I'd say it's 50-50," Michelle said. "Some girls are [having sex] because they think everybody's doing it, some because they want to. They get hurt and feel used. . . . There's a lot of that going around."
The trio -- smart, cute, funny -- could be poster girls for MEE's principles. "I'm not about [sex] right now -- I'm all about the honor roll," said ShaVon. "I know a girl who just turned 17; she has a child and is pregnant again. I don't see her having a good job in the future. I see her at McDonald's."
The others nodded. "I don't think sex is necessary or that I'm ready," Michelle said. "I know if a boy gets what he wants, he'll go to another girl. Then I'm moping around. . . .
"I just don't have the tolerance."
© 2004 The Washington Post Company
People who care about and trust each other become intimate — close. But sex is just one part of a whole relationship. It is just one way to be intimate.
How about the other aspects of your relationship?
• Do you treat each other as equals?
• Do you trust each other?
• Are you honest with each other?
• Do you respect each other's needs and feelings?
• Do you care about each other's pleasure?
• Do you share similar interests and values?
• Do you have fun together?
• Are you ready to protect each other?
• Do you both accept responsibility for what you do?
• Do you both want to have sex at this time?
If these things are true about your relationship, you may be ready to have sex.
Source
Here are the consequences:
A DEVASATING LOSS OF SELF-ESTEEM
By Donna Britt
Friday, February 13, 2004;
Page B01
In a recent column about a new report on urban teenagers' sexual attitudes, I purposely left out the finding that most surprised researchers: Many young black women have a terrible self-image. They don't think much of each other either. As a former urban black girl, I had to process the self-defeating things that kids in 40 focus groups from 10 cities told survey director Ivan Juzang of Motivational Educational Entertainment Productions (MEE). And I needed to talk to some current urban black girls to see if they felt the findings were true.
Historically, research suggested that young black women were healthier and more mature than their male counterparts, said Juzang, who's African American. He expected his interviews with low-income black youths, ages 16 to 20, about sex and relationships to show "either that black men -- or both black men and women -- were developing healthier sexual attitudes and behavior."
But Juzang found that rather than either group getting healthier, "young black women were becoming unhealthy."
Over and over, girls told him they were tired of being devalued by boys. They said they didn't trust other girls. Some spoke of "using" guys sexually and financially rather than being used. Some girls said young women's wariness of young men inspires them to experiment sexually with other girls, not because of their sexual orientation but "because the alternative relationships with boys and men seemed even unhealthier," Juzang said.
"It was really disheartening."
Why are we surprised? Have you seen how most movies, magazines and -- especially -- music videos portray young black women? What do they see as their prospects? The findings deeply saddened MEE's communications vice president, Pam Weddington, 44, reminding her of her own vulnerability as a teenager, when a quarter-size vaccination mark that "seemed as big as a Frisbee" wreaked havoc with her body image.
At least, Weddington recalled, her mother reassured her, "You're okay."
Today, "the images in society are much more powerful -- and many girls have no countervailing messages," Weddington said. Once, parents, neighbors, educators and even friends "kept girls from slipping through the cracks. Now, there is no safety net. Young women don't even trust each other."
Some things haven't changed. "The desire for touch is a basic human need," Weddington said. With so many families splintered, "sometimes the only way a young girl gets touched is if she's having sex -- and she can't articulate, 'I don't want all of that.' "
The report's bleakness made me happy I have no daughters. But after 20 minutes of chatting with Washington teenagers ShaVon Simmons, 16, and Michelle Wood and Neysa Montout, both 14, I felt as if I had three.
The girls had volunteered to enlighten me about their peer group's views at the Dupont Circle offices of MEE, where they meet after school to strategize about ways to spread the organization's message about safe sex and abstinence. Giggly and fashionable, they reminded me of my own friends back in the 1970s. Except that they were sighing over Bow Wow, not Jermaine Jackson. And they said things that few girls would have said in 1972.
Take girl-on-girl sex: "It's like the trend now," said ShaVon. "It's ridiculous. One girl -- Friday she was straight, Monday she was gay. I said, 'You figured this out over the weekend?' . . . Some girls say boys don't treat them right."
Not one was surprised by the report's suggestion that black girls lack self-appreciation.
"Some boys will talk about [a girl] in front of her face, and she'll still go with him," ShaVon, an Archbishop Carroll sophomore, marveled. "So stupid." "It could be that [the girls] are put down so much," suggested Neysa, a Banneker High School freshman.
"Black girls get put down, period," said ShaVon. Neysa sighed. "A lot of people act the way they do because of the [music] videos. It's supposed to be entertainment, but they think they're supposed to live that lifestyle."
"I'd say it's 50-50," Michelle said. "Some girls are [having sex] because they think everybody's doing it, some because they want to. They get hurt and feel used. . . . There's a lot of that going around."
The trio -- smart, cute, funny -- could be poster girls for MEE's principles. "I'm not about [sex] right now -- I'm all about the honor roll," said ShaVon. "I know a girl who just turned 17; she has a child and is pregnant again. I don't see her having a good job in the future. I see her at McDonald's."
The others nodded. "I don't think sex is necessary or that I'm ready," Michelle said. "I know if a boy gets what he wants, he'll go to another girl. Then I'm moping around. . . .
"I just don't have the tolerance."
© 2004 The Washington Post Company
Comment