Drawing the line and walking away - inspired by life & SistahD

[msgoody2shoes]

Re: Drawing the line and walking away - inspired by life & SistahD

((Englan Girl)) ((SistahD)) Thanks so much for the good advice. It is going to be real hard. I don't have children, so this child is like an adopted daughter/younger friend, but she's out of order and very sometimey. And I do have to cut the strings.

I started earlier today. I came home from work with a major headache. She called my home and cell phone and I ignored it. When I've done that before, when I finally talk to her, she says, "What, you're not my friend anymore?" In her best baby voice. It touches me. But I have to use tough love and let her go. It's too stressing to me. My help, as you said Englan girl, could better serve some young person that would use and appreciate it.

SistahD, what a story. I know that it was hard to pull away from the child as well as your friend. I hope the little girl is well and has had no mistreatment due to her mothers indulgence for all those years. You were good for the both of them, but there is a cut off time. Mine has reached and I am really trying.

I think if she were older, it would not be so hard. With people calling me her Mommy #2, it's hard. But I have to do what I have to do. My girlfriends are always saying they would not waste one minute on that pickney. Sigh...

[777]

Re: Drawing the line and walking away - inspired by life & SistahD

there are times when a friend may be dealing with their own issues and cannot be there the way we think they should. At this point we can selfishly decide that such a friendship is one-sided, but is it really? Chances are good we simply want and expect a friendship on our terms.

very insightful analysis....

Like I said, unless one takes the time to find out from the other friend what is going on, one may be bailing out at a time when the other person may simply be suffering in silence with their own issues.

another indepth analysis...
not superficial, very deep..

[Guest]

Re: Drawing the line and walking away - inspired by life & SistahD

Originally posted by 777:
[qb]

there are times when a friend may be dealing with their own issues and cannot be there the way we think they should. At this point we can selfishly decide that such a friendship is one-sided, but is it really? Chances are good we simply want and expect a friendship on our terms.

very insightful analysis....

Like I said, unless one takes the time to find out from the other friend what is going on, one may be bailing out at a time when the other person may simply be suffering in silence with their own issues.

another indepth analysis...
not superficial, very deep.. [/qb]

This is taking a different route from the original idea of the thread but it is an interesting route.

What do you do when you take the time to find out what is going on with your friend and she/he will not open up with you? Is it then not the responsibility of the friend who has withdrawn to share as much as possible to show the other that she/he just need time and space?

[WorshipRaiser]

Re: Drawing the line and walking away - inspired by life & SistahD

Hey Compry - Sorry for the situation ur going thru - I thought this thru before responding. You probably won't have to cut em loose - I think I'd just prolly deal with it silence - if this person is truly a FRIEND, or whatever he or she proclaims to be, then their response when you approach them will help you determine whether or not it's worth it. And the good thing about it is that your response will also let the other party know where they stand when it comes to you.

With that said, he/she will not be 'pushing it' when dealing with you in the future; that's if contact is maintained.

I'm a give an example:

Say me and James don't talk for a while. I call James to find out, u know, what's uuuuup - all in good spirits and stuff - in a what's the deal?, u aright? - ain't heard from you? - hope everythings good? kinda way. Then dude can't give a valid reason for not shoutin me holla in a while - and then says he gonn call me back but then never does - so say I call him back and pretty much express that I thought he was gonn call him back - dude still no gimme a good reason and then I say aright "bye" (a word I never use)he know we ain't be goin shoppin together no time soon [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] ...he know we ain't gon be chillin at each other's home for thanksgivin - cause hey, that's just how it is.

I hope I didn't confuse you. I also tried not to read anyone's response to avoid influencing my own.

Lata

[WorshipRaiser]

Re: Drawing the line and walking away - inspired by life & SistahD

Comps - though this situation might be different I think it's still a good example.

Mi leave Jamdung 8 year now. My best fren birthday was 3 days before mine right? I sent him a card with every year fi bout 3 years. After dat, no card.

Mi get a call in rehearsal last week Sat from this strange number. So him identify himself - so mi seh (wid much anticipation) which Dayne ? An him tell mi a who. So mi yow! mek mi call u back later seen? An him seh aright. Mi call him back.

Now dude tell mi seh him been emailin me over the years - but me neva get dem. Him believe cause mi call him back, deh pon de phone fir 3 hours trying to fit 8 years in. The nugget from this is that in a friendship you SHOULD get back what u put in. If mi neva call him back den him woulda just confirm seh, bwoy, mi tun farrina and figet weh mi come fram.

au contraire - I called a HS friend a mine when we both got here. Cut long story shawt baby luv start twang - so mi seh (I will call her) Sherene, you no talk patois no more. Sherene seh not realleh- bekiz all my friends are white and I down't really get to speak patois anymore. Mi seh, aright Sherene, mi wi talk to u lata.

Hopefully she got the picture cause "saw mine over the phone' bright and clear.

Seet Deh - Remember your signature my friend [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] - caw mi kiaan memba it right now [img]/forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img] ((((COMPS)))))

[WorshipRaiser]

Re: Drawing the line and walking away - inspired by life & SistahD

the one that said somm like - "not disappointment but direction"

Take a look at mine too. To hurt or to heal, the choice is yours. Might not be easy but it's yours [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[SistahD]

Re: Drawing the line and walking away - inspired by life & SistahD

Originally posted by WorshipRaiser:
[qb] You probably won't have to cut em loose - I think I'd just prolly deal with it silence - if this person is truly a FRIEND, or whatever he or she proclaims to be, then their response when you approach them will help you determine whether or not it's worth it. And the good thing about it is that your response will also let the other party know where they stand when it comes to you.

With that said, he/she will not be 'pushing it' when dealing with you in the future; that's if contact is maintained.
[/qb]

((((WP)))) I've tried that route in one particular situation... the silence, as well as the approach.

Sure the 'approach' gave me a 'token apology'... but the same type of infraction was repeated again on more than one occasion (that of broadcasting my confidential comments) and did cause negative reactions from other who did not know the full story. When I finally turned to silence to protect my privacy from this persons' guaranteed disclosure, the person then approached (and hounded) others because he/she felt it was their 'right' to know the details.

That was MY last straw!

[SistahD]

Re: Drawing the line and walking away - inspired by life & SistahD

Now dude tell mi seh him been emailin me over the years - but me neva get dem

Don't you just hate that ((((WP)))) Sometimes (through circumstances) we lose contact with those we cherish most... then joyfully (or not) [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] meet once again down the road, and can choose to continue the relationship.

[WorshipRaiser]

Re: Drawing the line and walking away - inspired by life & SistahD

girl it is Truuuly a blessing. He and my sister was also catching up on the phone. He sounds different and all but when he would say certain things, mi would think, yep - a you dat lol. It's cool man.

[Guest]

Re: Drawing the line and walking away - inspired by life & SistahD

Originally posted by WorshipRaiser:
[qb] the one that said somm like - "not disappointment but direction"[/qb]

Not Rejection, Just Direction [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[Diplomat]

Re: Drawing the line and walking away - inspired by life & SistahD

Originally posted by Compry:

What do you do when you take the time to find out what is going on with your friend and she/he will not open up with you? Is it then not the responsibility of the friend who has withdrawn to share as much as possible to show the other that she/he just need time and space?

Not necessarily. I believe that in solid friendships there are times when no words need to be spoken between friends. IMHO, in as much as we cannot read the mind of others, there is a certain connection between real friends. It is this connection that allows us to sometimes feel what is going on, and if we are intuitive enough, we can simply say to our friend: "I just want you to know that I am here for you if you need me." No matter how hard we try, we cannot always fill the needs of our friends. The best we can offer at times is simply our presence; sort of waiting in the wings for when we are needed.

In my time I have walked away from two friendships. Then again, the people I embrace as friends are very few. It could be that sometimes when we face the 'friendship crisis' we may have embraced people too quickly before we really prove them as friends.

[777]

Re: Drawing the line and walking away - inspired by life & SistahD

The best we can offer at times is simply our presence; sort of waiting in the wings for when we are needed.

It could be that sometimes when we face the 'friendship crisis' we may have embraced people too quickly before we really prove them as friends

Never a more truer word...

[Daoud4]

Re: Drawing the line and walking away - inspired by life & SistahD

Originally posted by CEW:
[qb] Not necessarily. I believe that in solid friendships there are times when no words need to be spoken between friends. IMHO, in as much as we cannot read the mind of others, there is a certain connection between real friends. It is this connection that allows us to sometimes feel what is going on, and if we are intuitive enough, we can simply say to our friend: "I just want you to know that I am here for you if you need me." No matter how hard we try, we cannot always fill the needs of our friends. The best we can offer at times is simply our presence; sort of waiting in the wings for when we are needed.

In my time I have walked away from two friendships. Then again, the people I embrace as friends are very few. It could be that sometimes when we face the 'friendship crisis' we may have embraced people too quickly before we really prove them as friends. [/qb]

Interesting Thread.

CEW, I agree with and believe both of your responses are very true. I have someone I consider a friend. At first I couldn’t understand why this friend was so reserved, so cautious. At times I thought why bother, but then I realized after the friendship continued that although I couldn’t see it in the beginning this person brought more to my life at a time when I needed it the most then many of my friends that I thought were closer to me at the time. I accepted this friend for what he had to offer nothing more nothing less with no expectations. Yes I would have liked him to open up more but again I accepted that what he was giving was all he could offer me and I made a decision that it was enough. Now I rarely hear from this friend. I continue to contact him, even if I do not get a response. I continue to stay in contact because I want this friend to know that whenever they are ready I’m here for them, no expectations, no explanations. I believe that true friends just know the difference between having a one-sided relationship or not.

I’m sleepy, I hope I made sense.

[Diplomat]

Re: Drawing the line and walking away - inspired by life & SistahD

TeeTee: Your last sentence reflects my own thoughts. I also happen to believe that even though for any number of reasons, communication become sporadic, true friendship is really a heart thing. Hearts connect, and somehow amidst everything else, true friends know they are in each other's thoughts even when they do not hear from each other for a while.