Tweet
Re: Trip Journal: April 19-26, 2003
DAY 7
I woke up to a view and soundtrack of the sea ~ a complete and total blissful serenity as I have NEVER known. Is this love, is this love, is this love, is this love that I’m feeling? A love for me, as well as a time and place that I know will pass just as sure as my days here. And while none of these realizations formulated into complete thoughts in my head, they seemed to be combined in an overall feeling of wonderment and gratitude during these early dawn hours.
I showered outside under the intense morning sun. The water was cold, but the sun’s heat made up for it. I chose my bathing suit and a dress as my outfit. There’s something about the simplicity of light summer clothing that lends itself to the ease of the day ahead. I didn’t have much of an agenda for my last full day other than to enjoy what little time I had left.
I drank the soulful Blue Mountain coffee that Sue made for me the night before, and made my eggs. As hard as it is to know that my time is running out, I knew that I had one more morning of peace at this little cottage by the sea. I know it will all feel like a dream very soon so with each step I take, I revel in the moment.
Before heading back to Barry’s I stopped by Easy Rock to check my email and visit Sue. She was sporting her new digs from Sav and in good spirits, yet disoriented from misplacing her glasses the night before. She gave her new employee, Fiona, some final training and left her shop in capable hands. We hopped on her scooter and headed to Halzars to see if her glasses were there. At Barry’s, she ordered an egg sandwich and I steamed fish. (Lee is a good cook.) Sue was going to Sav to buy paint and I chose not to go since it was my last day and I felt like I wasn’t around the yard enough.
I did some hand wash even though it was unnecessary. I went for a swim and was glad to finally meet up with QUEEN B. She is not only a regular board member, but a fellow teacher in my area. She and her sister helped me celebrate my birthday last August when I couldn’t come back to Jamaica. They were both in the water so we laughed and shared our unedited week with each other. We, along with two other lovely ladies (from Chicago?), ate chicken from Norm’s Yard Shop in the shade. As we talked, I knew the inevitable time had come for me to secure a ride to the airport. I left them to call Juta and while they’re much cheaper, they have me leaving over an hour sooner than I need to. I left the reservation but may have to pay more for that extra hour.
I went back to say goodbye to the beach queens because I needed to get to Easy Rock before the day got any later. I showered, packed my bag, and said goodbye to Leggy, who stopped by as I was leaving. I took a taxi to the West End to paint! Sue got the paint and I was anxious all week to help bring the new Easy Rock to life.
I immediately got started on the front door. I painted art on the door and front of the building from late afternoon until 10 pm. Sue kept her “resident artist” happy with beer and chicken, and even called the airlines pretending to be me to see about extending my ticket.
As I painted, many people came to talk and watch. I got to meet Peggy Daugherty. While it was brief, I knew this was someone that I would enjoy spending more time talking with and learning about. I was busy at work for hours and it enabled me to work out some of my frustrations over leaving since I could not extend my stay. It was therapeutic but messy since I was using oil paint. I couldn’t be happier combining the joys of my life: good friends, Jamaica, and art. If given the chance, this is how I would live my life. It seemed unfair that I couldn’t finish since there was still a lot to do. I asked Sue to save me some space. I’m not sure when I can come back to paint again, but once again I leave with unfinished business. I will not even get to see my work in daylight until my next trip.
All I wanted to do was spend the remainder of the evening at the little cottage by the sea just one last time. I knew I had some time left and even though it wasn’t much and would surely go fast, I was glad for it. As cruel as life can be sometimes I found it really was just a dream. The peaceful cottage was like a sand castle washed away by the sea; it did not exist! I could not go back and I felt overwhelmed by grief. I knew it went beyond the moment; I knew I could never go back. After days of desperately trying to tattoo emotions on my heart, I now wanted them erased.
I sobbed the entire taxi ride home, on my verandah, and well into the night. How could I have imagined it? How could Jah bless me and take it away so fast? It felt so unjust. In disbelief, I tried to call but could not get through. I know I’m not crazy! I felt the cool blue cement of the verandah on my bare feet. I helped build the screens to keep the mosquitoes out. I smelled the burning yard life. I heard the sea and felt the fears that haunted me for months fly away along with the cliff’s breeze.
Knowing all of this does not make up for the fact that it’s gone and quite possibly was a figment of my imagination. My peace turned to pain like the death that winter brings. Suddenly I was six years old again and shocked by the betrayal of feeling safe.
It is 3:22 am and I avoid sleep because I don’t want my mind to play anymore tricks on me. I feel like if I can stay awake until morning then the renewed faith that comes with the dawn will arrive faster. I tell myself that no one can take away the vivid details of this dream from me, but right about now I wish someone would. I fell in love with more than just a house, but a life that I felt fit me. I will terribly miss the mesmerizing heartbeat of this home.
The night is still and there is no one to keep me from sleep tonight but me.
DAY 7
I woke up to a view and soundtrack of the sea ~ a complete and total blissful serenity as I have NEVER known. Is this love, is this love, is this love, is this love that I’m feeling? A love for me, as well as a time and place that I know will pass just as sure as my days here. And while none of these realizations formulated into complete thoughts in my head, they seemed to be combined in an overall feeling of wonderment and gratitude during these early dawn hours.
I showered outside under the intense morning sun. The water was cold, but the sun’s heat made up for it. I chose my bathing suit and a dress as my outfit. There’s something about the simplicity of light summer clothing that lends itself to the ease of the day ahead. I didn’t have much of an agenda for my last full day other than to enjoy what little time I had left.
I drank the soulful Blue Mountain coffee that Sue made for me the night before, and made my eggs. As hard as it is to know that my time is running out, I knew that I had one more morning of peace at this little cottage by the sea. I know it will all feel like a dream very soon so with each step I take, I revel in the moment.
Before heading back to Barry’s I stopped by Easy Rock to check my email and visit Sue. She was sporting her new digs from Sav and in good spirits, yet disoriented from misplacing her glasses the night before. She gave her new employee, Fiona, some final training and left her shop in capable hands. We hopped on her scooter and headed to Halzars to see if her glasses were there. At Barry’s, she ordered an egg sandwich and I steamed fish. (Lee is a good cook.) Sue was going to Sav to buy paint and I chose not to go since it was my last day and I felt like I wasn’t around the yard enough.
I did some hand wash even though it was unnecessary. I went for a swim and was glad to finally meet up with QUEEN B. She is not only a regular board member, but a fellow teacher in my area. She and her sister helped me celebrate my birthday last August when I couldn’t come back to Jamaica. They were both in the water so we laughed and shared our unedited week with each other. We, along with two other lovely ladies (from Chicago?), ate chicken from Norm’s Yard Shop in the shade. As we talked, I knew the inevitable time had come for me to secure a ride to the airport. I left them to call Juta and while they’re much cheaper, they have me leaving over an hour sooner than I need to. I left the reservation but may have to pay more for that extra hour.
I went back to say goodbye to the beach queens because I needed to get to Easy Rock before the day got any later. I showered, packed my bag, and said goodbye to Leggy, who stopped by as I was leaving. I took a taxi to the West End to paint! Sue got the paint and I was anxious all week to help bring the new Easy Rock to life.
I immediately got started on the front door. I painted art on the door and front of the building from late afternoon until 10 pm. Sue kept her “resident artist” happy with beer and chicken, and even called the airlines pretending to be me to see about extending my ticket.
As I painted, many people came to talk and watch. I got to meet Peggy Daugherty. While it was brief, I knew this was someone that I would enjoy spending more time talking with and learning about. I was busy at work for hours and it enabled me to work out some of my frustrations over leaving since I could not extend my stay. It was therapeutic but messy since I was using oil paint. I couldn’t be happier combining the joys of my life: good friends, Jamaica, and art. If given the chance, this is how I would live my life. It seemed unfair that I couldn’t finish since there was still a lot to do. I asked Sue to save me some space. I’m not sure when I can come back to paint again, but once again I leave with unfinished business. I will not even get to see my work in daylight until my next trip.
All I wanted to do was spend the remainder of the evening at the little cottage by the sea just one last time. I knew I had some time left and even though it wasn’t much and would surely go fast, I was glad for it. As cruel as life can be sometimes I found it really was just a dream. The peaceful cottage was like a sand castle washed away by the sea; it did not exist! I could not go back and I felt overwhelmed by grief. I knew it went beyond the moment; I knew I could never go back. After days of desperately trying to tattoo emotions on my heart, I now wanted them erased.
I sobbed the entire taxi ride home, on my verandah, and well into the night. How could I have imagined it? How could Jah bless me and take it away so fast? It felt so unjust. In disbelief, I tried to call but could not get through. I know I’m not crazy! I felt the cool blue cement of the verandah on my bare feet. I helped build the screens to keep the mosquitoes out. I smelled the burning yard life. I heard the sea and felt the fears that haunted me for months fly away along with the cliff’s breeze.
Knowing all of this does not make up for the fact that it’s gone and quite possibly was a figment of my imagination. My peace turned to pain like the death that winter brings. Suddenly I was six years old again and shocked by the betrayal of feeling safe.
It is 3:22 am and I avoid sleep because I don’t want my mind to play anymore tricks on me. I feel like if I can stay awake until morning then the renewed faith that comes with the dawn will arrive faster. I tell myself that no one can take away the vivid details of this dream from me, but right about now I wish someone would. I fell in love with more than just a house, but a life that I felt fit me. I will terribly miss the mesmerizing heartbeat of this home.
The night is still and there is no one to keep me from sleep tonight but me.
Comment