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Welcome to this week’s Suss Report. The characters are set in a bus to a bashment trip in Negril. JAMERICAN gave me the Best story line idea for the report off line.. it worked perfectly. In that case, she is the main character of the story. Please read and enjoy.
A sunny day in Kingston marked the day when a group of neighborhood friends planned a bus trip destined to a fun filled three-day wekened in Negril. The organizer of the bus trip had hired a friend to take the group on their trip. She informed everyone to meet at the bus stop on Harbor Street where the bus would pick them up 6:30 am sharp. There were quite a few people already waiting at the bus stop when she arrived.
Jamerican: (smiling with excitement) Marning people..what a nice day fia road trip eeh? unu ready fi di bashment? So di bus noh come yet?
Bigbooie: How come unu always a come a di bus stop and si people tan up de and ask you if di bus come yet. If di bus did come yuh woulda si wi a tan up yah? Cho.. mi caan tek ediat questian yuhnoh
Jamerican: Yuh coulda jus seh no an dun yuh bredda B.. no baada come nyam mi up so early ina di marning yaah..
Ensom: sppttt Jamerican..come yah likkle bit.. mi waan ask yuh someting in private..
They both walk over to the side to talk in private:
Ensom: Tell mi something.. yuh do weh mi tell yuh a run criminal backgroun check pan dem people yah .. some a dem a teef yuh noh…Between dah Big teet bway Bimini and red yeye Juicess mi caan fine Preshafut Rolex watch fram dem lef mi yaad.
Jamerican: Yes man .. mi run di check…di only wan weh come up wid recard a di shart tumpa bwaay Bigbooie .. im did goh a prison fi bax dug im gal cause shi disrespect im ina Public.. dats all
Ensomgirl: Airight lickle bax dung a noh nutten..dat can paas. Mi jus noh waan noh trubble pan dah trip yah a tall cause mi noh able fi pull out mi ratchet knife pan nohbaddy.
Jamerican: Good looking out mi fren .. yuh look like yuh know how fi arganize bashment..
Esomgirl: Misis mi kip so much bashment a mi yaad dat di whole neighbahood a call mi yaad Bashment central .. so yuh mus know seh mi know seh mi a don pan dat **grin**
While still waiting for the bus a young man who was not so popular amongst the women, approached them with a big paper bag in hand.
Kingman: Good morning ladies.. how are you today? Here is a rose for all of you (handing to roses to the ladies)
Kandy: Tanks but mi prefa white rose nex time...but tanks anyway
Tamone: (hesitating) Whappen Kingy? yuh bump yuh head dis marning? Eida dat ar yuh mussa let God inna yuh life ovanight… Tank yuh fi di beautiful rose sar…
Fluffy Puff : A caan believe mi yeyes. Tank yu Kingy….(whispering) a wanda if it ago blow up ina mi han sah
EP25: Baxide!! It look like im musi BRUCK IM DUCKS laas night.. if a laugh a piss up miself!
Kingman: I see you ladies are shocked and perplexed, however it doesn't take a lot for me to be nice to people. All that you need is to have a positive attitude and that will then bring out a smile on your face that says, "yes I feel good"! Today is a good day for a bashment **deep sigh**
Jackie: Bloody hell!! Di bway all a chat praperly to fart.. IS NAT IM!! Kill mi dead Kingman sen im twin bredda come yah!! Mi SEH IS NAT IM!!
NisaC: Larks Jackie, Kingman look like im a cultivate a twang pan wi.
DC: Bway Kingy I doan care what dem say bout yu..you are a King fi tinking bout us ladies and giving us rose fi di week-end..
Kingman: You are welcome ladies, you are welcome..
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Shortly after, the roaring sounds of the bus coming around the bend were heard. As the bus was in full view, a thick black smoke followed its trail. The back wheels were much lower than the front and the muffler dragged on the road creating sparks of fire as it dragged along. The banged up bus was painted bright red with visible dents and a broken headlight. The driver blew the horn and yelled through the window:
Tuff Gong: WATCH DI RIDE!! BASHMENT BUS COMING TROO!!
Marcia: But si yah Lawd …mi can tell yu right off the bat dat disyah bus come fram some weh dung a country!!Look pan all a di red dirt pon di bus side.. A muss Sint Elizabeth it a come fram!! LOL
Fluffy Puff : A true ting ya talk yuh noh Marcia. A ongle country yu si dem yah crasses duty bus yah. A dis Jamerican get fi carry wi a Negril ina?!! Di dam bus nat even look like it can hole carna good... Ketch di sinting pan di one wheel ..Jeesas sayvia it ago tun ova wid wi!!
Verb: Blurtnaught!!Mi tink seh a ongly bicycle one coulda pop wheeli to baxide … den a really dis wi a tek goh bashment?
Jamerican: Afta nuten wrang wid di bus!! As lang have di sinting gat gas ina it, wi will reach…
IslandMutt: Sweet Jesas!! Jamerican dat deh bus nar mek hit uppa Melrose Hill when it ketch Manchesta. Mi nuh even tink it ah guh mek ie out of one a any a di chree tousand pothole it ah go drap inna!
Reggae plus: Unu cool noh man …at least the suspension a hole up!
Britisha: Jesas, mi woulda prefer fi walk dan go pan dat deh ride deh!! .. Hennyhow, is one step up fram riding wan dankey cart to di bashment…so mek wi mek di bes a it.
The bus pulled up in front of the waiting crowd.
Tuff:Gong: Mi a warn unu watch unu step when unu a come in .. mi noh bisniss if any bady slip an bus dem mout pan di step..
They pushed and shoved their way in the bus fighting their way into unoccupied seats. They all squeezed into the little space they could find on the bus. ..some with buttocks hanging off the narrow seats.
Allister: Spptttt.. Hi sexy ..sexy girl ..sppttt Sistagal a yuh mi a chat to yuhnoh!!
Sistagal: Wheh yuh a badda mi fah Allista ..yuh noh si mi a try fine a seat?!!
Allister: Come siddung beside mi noh a sweets ..si wan saaf comfortbale seat yahso baby.. (pointing to his lap)
Sistagirl: No tank yuh.. mi a siddung beside mi bes fran Jackie..
Jackie: Woeeee!! Smaddy get bulla!! Hey bway yuh noh know seh a tap-a-naris tek seat ina front!! **kinteet**
Bigbooie: (scuffling to find a seat) To much a unu inyah man.Yuh mean fi tell mi seh some a unu coulden goh siddung pan tap a di bus?? Unu noh noh know nutten bout weight distribution??
Jackie: Hey BIGHEAD! Ah mek yuh tink say de driva waan peeple fi go pon tap ah im bus??Afta im no waa im bus fi come mash up **kiss teet**
Bigbooie: Hey JACK RABBIT! Mi want fi know why you tink seh di driva care bout if im bus mash up ..yuh look pon dis sinting good?...Yuh moh si seh it mash up aready! if him did care bout im bus im woulda fling yuh aff a ie!
Jamerican: Bigbooie ..yuh caan behave yuself man .. mek yuh so awful?.. Hurry up an fine unu seat an mek wi get dis show pan di road man
Migranny: (standing in the isle) So Wha?? mek peeple a get upset when mi a try siddung beside dem? …
Bigbooie: Cause fat oman mek mi start feel hungry all of a sudden when unu siddung side a mi ..hehehhehe .. hush yaah Migranny, a likkle joke mi a run wid yuh ..
Migranny: No run noh joke wid mi!! Yuh tink mi an yuh a size!! Mi prefa fi tan fat dan people like yuh whey dem mout tink no fart!
QueenB: Noh worry about dem tings Mi granny. Mi is a great big ooman, an mi hab nuh prablem wid it.. Yuh noh si mi dress up ina mi mini skirt fi di bashment! Eff di designer neva waan mi wear it ..im shulden mek it inna mi size!! Di nex bashment watch mi pull out mi lizzad skin wan!
Ayla: You go girl!! Yuh know yuh dress to the nines!! Much respec!
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Ackee: Airhgt come mada ..come siddung beside di magga bway yah .. mi can hangle di extra cushian..
Migranny: Tank yuh yuh hear darling..ie bun mi fi di bwaay yuh si.. bway smell like any tinking curry!
Ackee: No mine im … si wid im madda..im a go troo some ruff tings a yaad wid im ooman an im belief seh it easia fi treat woman bad dan good!
Migranny: (holding here nose) BUT DAM Ackee! .. a how yuh smell like yu no bade fram marning eida! Yuh smell like yuh jus put on some dutty clothes an run come ketch di bus!
Everyone in the bus laughed out loud uncontrollable..
Ackee: (smelling himself) **kiss teet **Mi noh shame.. mi neva bade dis marning cause di wata did too Pissing Cole!
Jamerican: But savior devine.. DWL!.. anyway wi about fi goh start di journey now so unu sit tight.. PRESS OUT TUFFY!
With that said, the driver pulled down his emergency brake, adjusted his mirror and sounded the horn (BAU BAU BAU!!!) He pulled away from the stop and off they went to Negril in the squeaking bus.
Nisa: Larks! Mi doan too sure if wi ago mek it pass Spanish town di way dis a bus a shake out wi daylights. Come Gad’s people ..come jain Nisa Church in praya ..(bowing head) Lard wi haffi travel up to Negril pan de 'ole dinosaur' bus an wi pray seh it noh bruck ina two… Heavenly Jesas kip wi safe an soun fram batta bruising ..In Jesas name … blessings an shalom
Jamerican: Amen sista Nisa!..Unu tap fret pan di bus man.. wi ago reach awrite. Lissen People! Nuff a unu neva pre-pay unu busfear yuhnoh. So all who owe mi money mi a callect it now…
Mire: (waving from the back of the bus) How much mi owe yuh deh?
Jamerican: Di bus fare a $J300!
Mire: Is really a sin seh yuh charge so much fi goh a Negril yuhnoh Jamerican.. Yuh realize seh mi have pickney a mi yaad fi feed?
Jamerican: Mi neva beg yuh fi come yuhnoh Mire. Yuh coulda tan a yuh yaad an mine yuh pickney.. if yuh a pay di fare, pay it an tap chat fart bout bus fare too high.
Mire: But si yah!! Mi have mi money so noh feel sarry fimi awoh! Si mi $J500 yah ..
Accompong: Den Jamerican, a hope yuh mek good good plan fi dis bashment yuhnoh . Mi did tell yuh fi mek mi help arganize it since mi have cantacts pan di Nart coast an yuh seh yuh know weh yuh a do..
Jamerican: Lawd Accompong man.... wi safe man! Mi get di Blue Lagoon Villa fi wi stay right side a di beach. An nuff place up deh fi wi party.
Jahlive: Wicked! Wi a go have place fi shake two foot .. a wanda if dem still have dah club deh name Bentley's. Wah mount a gal use to roll up pan Thursday night a shack out inna dem bess!! A pier style an fashion ting a gwane.
Ctrygal: Lawd Jahlive ..it look like seh yuh need fi get out more aften how yuh a kin yuh big teet dem..Mi noh tink dem place deh still deh bout
Jahlive: Bwoy ctrygal a lang time mi noh reach dem place deh still. Some a mi ole spat coulda all shut dung but mi tink some a dem still deh bout di place. Mi can carry unu goh show unu di spat mi a talk bout .. Road International a di lick up deh!
Ctrygal: Mine yu mek me ago a ole club and next ting yu know it tun ina gay club ar sinting wos… a wudda kill yuh !!
Jamerican: Unu noh have nutten fi worry bout man ..mi seh mi set up everyting. When wi ketch deh is pure niceness!
Mire: Ooyeee deh maaga gal Jamerican – YUH NAAH GI BACK MI CHANGE?! Look fram when mi go yuh mi money!
Jamerican: Sascrise!! Nutten turn mi aff more dan a stingy smaddy.. Ooman yuh awful eeh? Mi always give back peeple dem change. So doan cum run mi dung fi di lickle penny!!
Mire: Mi jus a wanda how lang yuh a go kip mi change cause mi know how some a unu tan.. always have dat baaaad habit fi hag up people change!
EyesKream: Mi caaan believe how unnu deh mek fuss ova likle change,, a suh unnu cheap?! Unu coulden mek di lickle change slide? Kiss mi neckback!
Ensom: Nat a baxside! Shi mus get back har change.. yuh know how di ooman packit stay? Yuh a galang like a yuh a mine har..
NisaC: Larks unu stingy eeh! If unu in need ..take it to the Lord
Ensom: Jus move fram yah suh.. bout “if yuh in need..take it to the Lord”. How wi ago take to di Lard an wi noh know weh fi fine im …
Mire: Shi a mussi wan a dem weh noh gi back change ..yuh si how har yeye dry.
Venn: DWL! Lawd mi a dead!! Mi agree wid unu ..Is di principle a di matta!!..Mi agree wid Ensom cause mi noh waan nobaddy how mi nat even penny caah penny penny add up - awoh!
Jamerican: Bwoy oh bwoy .. mi noh know how black people tan soh… Si yuh change yah man (handing her $J200)
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Jamerican: Oh BTW, Driva mi a beg yuh fi stap up di street mek wi get likkle breakfaas yuh hear?..
HighOctane: A ongle hope a noh Macdonald’s drive troo unu a stap yuhnoh! Dem people deh caan get arda right to bird cage!
Jamerican: No man..wi a stap a wan Brekfaas place affa Sligo Penn Road
Bimini: A noh dah shap weh deh sida wan chiney bakery yuh a talk Jamerican?
Jamerican: Yes Bimini .. mi use to work deh..yuh know di place?
Bimini: Ofcourse mi know di place.. Wan renking ooman run dah shap deh name Jazz..Is might as well wi plan fi arda lunch cause dat deh place deh noh open til 12’aclack an di ooman slow noh baxide!
A few short minutes, the bus pulled into a small parking space in front of the run down shop on the side of the street.
Jamerican: Aright mi know is nat much but Ms Jazz price dem reasonable.
Bimini: Aahhh sah *sigh*. Mi naah seh nutten .. unu watch an si if ah noh stale food shi ago serve wi an wi naah get serve til 12aclack tidey!
Everyone exited the bus and went up to the shop counter to order breakfast.
Venn: SEEERVE!!! WHO DEH HERE?.. Mi is in need of some brekfus!! But it noh look like no bady deh yah….a wha kina shap dis?.. 8:30am an mi noh si noh smoke roun' a back....wait dem naah roas noh breadfruit?
Bimini: Weh mi tell unu seh? ..Look pan di big ole sign di renking ooman put up pan di door..
The sign said: NUH COME EEN YAH BEFORE 12PM AH BAXSIDE!"
Jamerican: Mi jus hope Ms Jazz ketch yah before Easta. Mi nuh waan starve enuh!
A black dog leapt on top of the counter and startled the group:
Midnight: Ruff ruff rufff Woof woof Ruff ruff rufff.. GRRrrrrrr
Bimini: Mi si Jazz still hav dawg ah run har shap...what di hell is dis wurl comin tuh .. oye mawga dawg...mi wi tek likkle Hackee & Saltfish tuh go please. **DWL**
Jahlive: Hey Bimi di dawg a run ie betta dan Jazz so mi naah sey nuttin.. Hey one teet mongrel gi mi som a di calaloo ans som bush tea deh.
Midnight: Ruff ruff rufff Woof woof Ruff ruff rufff.. GRRrrrrrr
Nicky: Mi caan believe mi two yeye dem......Dawg a serve wi food.
A wan teet dawg at dat?!!!.. Den a im a di cook to?!.Lawd tek mi now......caw mi knoa seh mi seet all!
Jahlive: (DWL) Nicky im neida have teet nar pengaleng dung deh
Midnight: Ruff ruff rufff Woof woof Ruff ruff rufff!
Islandmutt: Lowd hav matches! What a dam daag nizy nizy an miserable!! Smaddy tell mi how mi can shat im baxide an mek it look like a suicide! Anyting fi mek im tap di dam barking a mi aize! Cho!
Sistagirl Mutty dats nat nice ..Why yuh waan kill aff di ooman daag eeh?
IslandMutt: No badda get sensitive pan mi yah now.. a joke mi a mek .. But if im noh tap di blastid nize a gwine walk ova deh an gi im wan birdcage kick ina im seed bag!
Midnight: Ruff ruff rufff Woof woof Ruff ruff rufff.. GRRrrrrrr
Finally the shopkeeper emerged griping and fussing at the customers
Jazz: OK - what fresh hell mi haffi face inyah tideh Lard? ..
Midnight - good dog! Nex time anybady come to di shap dis early ..bite up dem baxide yuh hear mi?! …Weh di whole a unu bungle up a mi shap front an a trubble mi guard daag fah?
Bimini: Guard daag? Seh wah? A whe im a guard dung yah? Smaddy fi come yah one day an tief di dam mawga, one teet dawg!...A “woof woof” dung di place like dat a friten noh baddy!
Jazz: Come, come man.. unu step farwod an gi mi unu arda so unu can hurry up an lef mi place.
Jamerican: Mi naah step up to dat deh dutty counta wheh di daag did deh pan .. an mi nuh waan nuh food weh av dawg slabba pan ie….mi is quite aright. Mi noh so hungry again.
Simmy: Well mi lang fi some Callaloo and mi well hungry.. sell mi plate wid some plantain.
Bigbooie: Is how come unu coolie people love nyam kalaloo so, a wha wrong wid unu?
Undercovergirl: Kiss mi roosta!..How come yu ask so much blastid kwestian? Mek di ooman arda im callaloo in peace noh! Ms Jazz all mi waan a some ganja tea fi lif mi up ina di marning..
HighOctane: Mi wi nyam one Jackfish wid some dumplin dis marnin Ms Jazz.
Chayil: Mam..I'll have som fry bammy wid saltfish.. An since it luk lik sey wi naw git nuh food nuh time soom..please gimme a cup a mint tea fi get rid a di gas affa mi chess..tanks!
Jazz: Yuh know dat yuh is a VERY demanding young lady?**big sigh** Mek mi tell unu ..mi is nat a marning sumaddy... but since as a so much an unu - mi will fix de likkle bikkles fe ooonu but unu doan mek it happen agen! Unu noh come a mi shap before 12’aclack again - awoh!
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After The shop keeper served the meals ordered, everyone took a seat in the tiny seating area to have their meals. During mealtime some one had a hard time breathing and was holding his throat, barely getting his words out:
High-octane: *cough cough* Woyyee… Pieca fish bone stuck inna mi choat an it jam up inna de back a mi choat! *cough cough* …samddy heeelp mi
Jazz: Lawks Bway from de time yuh ah nyam fish ah yard - yuh nuh learn how fe tek out de bone dem ouuta fish yet?
Bimini: Lawd ooman tap feisty yuhself an bring di man pieca di tough breead yuh a sell an mek im swallow it.. yuh ago mek im tan yah dead pan wi?
Witchy: If di bread doan wok unu BETTAH call ambulance quick-quick, an pray seh haspital nearby! Orelse High Octane, may Gad res yuh bady in peace!
Jazz: (running from the kitchen) Try swalla dah piecea flour dumplin yah... if dat nuh dislodge it mi sugges yuh galang a di emergency room...
He ate the dumpling and felt better as the bone slid down his throat
HighOctane: (sigh of relief) Lawd look how mi coulda chyoke an dead an nabaddy woulden even know!
Jamerican: Airight enough drama fi one marning .. it a get late ..mek wi lef dis ends now and get back to di bus. Ms Jazz tanks fi breaksfas (Waving to the dog huddled in the corner) Bye likkle maaga daag..
Midnight: (wagging tail) rufff Woof woof Ruff ruff rufffWoof woof Ruff ruff rufff!
Jazz: (shouting as they walked towards the bus) GOOD RIDANCE!! Unu noh come back a mi shap so early unu hear mi??. mi naah tell unu a again! **Brite set a people**
BACK ON THE BUS:
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TuffGong: A non stop a do dis ting yuh noh people .. so who waan pee-pee unu betta hole it til wi ketch a Negirl
QueenB: Dat a if wi ketch deh ..Di bus engine soun like mi ole coffee grinder..disyah sinting yuh a drive a wan real lemon pan four wheel!
Marcia: Well if it bruck dung .. all wi do is call fi a Penoverland Bus fi come pick wi up an cantinue di journey..
Jackie: Marcia yu always soun so practical... Mek mi ask yuh someting, yuh eva do anyting spontaneous fram yu barn yet?
Marcia: Den noh mus..,yuh tek mi fi saafas? Ina mi younga days..mi tek a one draw offa di good, good herb an inhale it til mi red like natty dread!
EyesKream: RESPEC MARCIA!! RESPEC!!..keep it up my girl!! ..hehehehehee
Jackie: BLOODY HELL! Seh wah? So yuh was a rebel?! .. woooyee ..mi did tink when mi did drive crass country naked mi did Spontaneous but yuh have mi beat..
Ayla: Speaking of Sponatenous, mi tek mi foo- fool self go get marrid one time ouuta di blue.. a neva si sinting mi live fi regret soh!
Marcia: Lawd Ayla ..data a whole neda tapic. Wi having a general discussion right now ..save dat fi when yuh write to DearK
Jamerican: To bi hanest, dis yah bashment trip a di moas spontaneous ting mi eva do. Usually mi noh like deh noh weh roun too much neyga fi too lang. *DWL!*
Marcia: Wan a di main reason why mi decide fi come a di bashment a cause mi hear seh Sanchez ago deh a Negril. Mi personally waan meet him an ask him why him luv teef peeple sang soh much!
Migranny: DWL Marcia ..Yuh know who mi waan meet? Mi wud luv fi meet Shaggy! Mi hear seh im might up dem ends deh to.. Dat bway jus mek mi want fi jus...…**he hem** well him jus mek mi ungry! (LOL)
EP25: Girl mi an yuh ..mi love Shaggy so til..Mi an yuh deh pan di same tinking.. a bet seh wi a di same Zodiac Sign ..what’s your sign Migranny?
Migranny: Gal yuh nat even hafi axe mi! Oonu know sey dat MiGranny hafi be a Scorpion! Wha mek oonu tink mi so cantankarus an hafi hab mi own way…An facesty… An cantrol tings? Anybady crass mi, mi jusi tek out mi stingas.. awoh!
FluffyPuff: Preach Migranny! Mi a Scorpioan to an wi sting like a bee! SCORPIO A CARRY DI SWING!!!
Venn: Big up! Another scorpian here!
Cntrygal: Unu too cantakarous fi mi! VIRGOS. A de nicest fren, modda, wife an sista..VIRGO....a we run tings, tings nuh run weee.... all de Virgos in da house, u dun know, it goh soh!!! BRAM, BRAM
UndercoverG: No wonda mi like yu!! Aneda VIRGO inna di place!
Chayil: But coo unu to. Oonu too dam childish.. Libras a di bes!! yuh neva get good lovin til yuh buck a libran man an libran ooman .. Go LIBRA.. GO LIBRA!
JamericanGirl: Fi real Chayil .. yuh know bout!! Libra in tha house!!
Nicky: Chayil....a di fuss time mi agoh agree wid yu. Yuh tink dem call wi Lucious Libras fi nutten… LIBRA deh pon tap all di time.. Di Mighty Scales of Life...mek mi hear oonu seh BRAP BRAP!!
Queen: Ah true seh Libras always have lice?
Pepper: Yes Queen ..*DWL* .. and dem have scaly foot to .. look pan fi Chayil foot back!
Wendy: Dam an Blast, fyah an brimstone .. it naah goh so!! Capricorn a di lick!!!
Jackie: Oyee Wendy mi bawn January 15, wha dat mek mi???
Wendy: High five gal.. yuh a Cappy all di way.. yuh a wan irie irie sistren!
Mire: Gwey Unu CHEEEEAAPPPPP lacka wah!! Unu prably have di have di same dutty habit fi noh gi back people dem change..CHEEAPPP!!
Pepper: Tell them Mire!!! (giving Mire a high five) Move outa di way Capricornies!!
TuffGong: All unu a run up unu mout unu fi know sey a Leos run tings..Big up all di Leos ina di bus!!
Sistagirl: Respec DRIVA!!! LEOS ARE DA BOMB BABY!! BRAP!! BRAP!!
Wendy: Unu ears hard eeh man. Weh mi tell unu seh? No mek mi haffi get bringle inyah tidey yhnoh. If yuh a noh Capricarn step aside an mek top narris people paas. Mi naah tell unu again!
TuffgGong: Billy Goat ooman siddung an shet up yuh mout! When yu caan de pon any list wid Napolean Bonaparte , Fidel, Neil Armstrong, Alxeander Dumas, Alfred Hitch..an` di lis` jus a go on an on....
Wendy: A who all a dem dead people deh? Massa noh badda call dung duppy pan wi yaah…kip yuh yeye pan di dam road an mine yuh drive wi ina gully..
Jahlive: Unnu fi really tap dis foolishness! Unu fi juss admit sey Saggi rule an galang bout unnu ways.. Tuff Gong tink im ago friten wi up ya wid im Leo foolishness. Unu noh know seh Saggi deh pon tap!
Tuff Gong: Gwaan run up yuh mout pan mi ..noh worry mi soon put yuh pan tap. A bet sey a heng out yuh baxide like dead meat pan tap a di bus mek yuh enjay di ride fram up deh!
Jamaicanbeauty: Tell dem Jahlive!! Woooooo ..SAGGI, SAGGI WE'RE THE BES IF UNNO DOAN LIKE IT JUS TRY AN TES!!!!!!!!
Wendy: Unu "SAGGI" fi true .. di whole a unu a sag fram tap to battam ..LOL
Jamaicanbeauty: KIRROUT crusty foot gal!!
Jahlive: Noh badda argu wid dem eediat people deh Jambeauty di ongly sign Wendy know a "bad dawg keep out" whe people put up fi keep ar outta dem ouse! *DWL*
Mire: *Kiss teet* Is Who His Unnu Maddah?? Yuh noh hear whe mi seh??? AQUARIANS ARE ON TOP!
Ackee: Go deh Mire! Tell dem seh AQUARIAN REPRESENT!!!
Ep25: But Afta Rall...A wha dis a gwaan ina di bus doah een man.... Unu step aside before mi an Pluffy sting unu baxide.....DWLTMPUMS!
FluffyPuff: Tell dem EP a choo dem nuh know. ..Yuh done know sey wi put all oda sign in front a firing squad an shat dem up dead!!. A yaso it a dun now so nuh badda come wid dem odda eidat sines
Mire: Well, there you have it folks... Lazy Leo's, little bras ,scorpeepee ,viagra virgos.... All we're left with is the UPSTANDING AQUARIANS!!
KANDY: VIRGO rocks!
Mire: Den Rock on out of here ..
Queen: What a ting eeh? Mi deh yah a wanda if di PISCES people dem eva rule if wi fi dash unu a gully or fFeel sarry fi unu an tun unu inna house maid!
Sandif: Mi seh tun dem inna housemaid and then dash dem wey! PISCES doan tek MESS! PISCES PEOPLE RULE EVERYTIME!!!!!!
Nicky: (holding nose) eeh eeeh..Sumtin smell very fishy roun ya.....Let aff dem fishy people affa di bus driva!
Cntrygal: DWL! Fling dem back ina di sea! Mi noh know how unu tink unu fe rule, when unu dont even know which way unu going...Yuh eva si di fish sign?One fish a go west an di adda ago east!… if a laff yah tidey!!!
Queen: Gwey cntrygal! Wi know weh wi ago ..Wi just love fi travel dats why we always all ova di place!
Kingman: lol unu funny noh hell. De hole a unu feva iran dankey.. virgo a di bes ina di nart, sout, east, an wes!
KANDY: HighFive Kingman …Like I said…VIRGO rocks!
Jamerican: LOL Dats all yuh deh pan Kandy.. Yuhnoh have nutten else fi seh odda dan”virgo rocks”... Is how wi get pan dis subjec anyway.. Unu noh easy …wooiiiiee if a laugh a dead!
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After hours of driving, the bus finally reached beautiful Negril. The sun was piercing the great blue body of water seen from the bus window. The bus pulled to the side of the road to let the passengers off.
TuffGong: Well people ..wi reach!
Kingman: de wedda is off de hook outa door!! Watch de sexy girls dem wid dem coca cola bakkle shape. woooooooe wooooooooooeeeeeee
Calpeton: Wait a likkle bit.. noh get to excited yet..
Jamerican: Whapen Capleton? Mek yuh face tan soh?
Capleton: Jamerican.. Sum Ting Wong
Ensom: Lawd a mercy .. a wah wrang now?
Accompong: Oh Oh .. Jamerican weh di place deh yuh seh wi ago stay by di beach deh ? A pure bush mi a look pan out yah soh. Yuh sure seh a yahso wi fi deh?
Jamerican: Rahtid! Uuhmmmm… a yah so di brochure seh di place did deh..mi swear! Mi call dung to yessiday an canfirm di place yuhnoh
Islandmutt: A which numba yuh dial misis? -1-800-big-ediat?..no weh noh deh yah fi wi stay ..an a tree day wi pay fi deh yah.
Jambrit: **kiss teet** Cho mi bex yuhnoh!! Jamerican yuh mean to tell mi seh a big hass-tearin ooman lakka yuh caan put a liikle bashment tigeda? Wha di powda house is dis?!!
Kandy: Lowd wi ina di miggle a nowhere..dis wos dan when wan bway did carry mi go a wan grave yaad pan date.. Weh wi ago do now?
TuffGong: **He hem**.. since as noh Blue Lagoon Villa noh deh yah .. unu come pack up back di bus an go back a unu yaad..
Jamerican: Lawd a feel like a Bonehead! Mi sarry people ..unu noh bex wid mi..Mi wi gi unu back unu down payment..
Accompong: A betta unu did mek mi plan dis yah bashment ..Mi tell unu seh unu shoulda go a Treasure Beach..at least unu would a have place fi stay!
Jamerican: ** sigh** Ah feel bad yuhsi
With everyone dissapointed by the turnof events, no one was talking. The only sound that could be heard from the bus was the sound of the overworked engine.
Jamerican: Atleast wi get fi si Negril ..right?
Everybody: ooohh Shut up!!!
*********************
Jamerican’s Negril Bashment was not to be.. The good news is THERE IS ALWAYS THE TREASURE BEACH BASHMENT JULY 12 – 17TH Seee you there
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Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for depression. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.
~~ W. Cohen ~~
[This message has been edited by Wendy (edited 04-16-2001).]
A sunny day in Kingston marked the day when a group of neighborhood friends planned a bus trip destined to a fun filled three-day wekened in Negril. The organizer of the bus trip had hired a friend to take the group on their trip. She informed everyone to meet at the bus stop on Harbor Street where the bus would pick them up 6:30 am sharp. There were quite a few people already waiting at the bus stop when she arrived.
Jamerican: (smiling with excitement) Marning people..what a nice day fia road trip eeh? unu ready fi di bashment? So di bus noh come yet?
Bigbooie: How come unu always a come a di bus stop and si people tan up de and ask you if di bus come yet. If di bus did come yuh woulda si wi a tan up yah? Cho.. mi caan tek ediat questian yuhnoh
Jamerican: Yuh coulda jus seh no an dun yuh bredda B.. no baada come nyam mi up so early ina di marning yaah..
Ensom: sppttt Jamerican..come yah likkle bit.. mi waan ask yuh someting in private..
They both walk over to the side to talk in private:
Ensom: Tell mi something.. yuh do weh mi tell yuh a run criminal backgroun check pan dem people yah .. some a dem a teef yuh noh…Between dah Big teet bway Bimini and red yeye Juicess mi caan fine Preshafut Rolex watch fram dem lef mi yaad.
Jamerican: Yes man .. mi run di check…di only wan weh come up wid recard a di shart tumpa bwaay Bigbooie .. im did goh a prison fi bax dug im gal cause shi disrespect im ina Public.. dats all
Ensomgirl: Airight lickle bax dung a noh nutten..dat can paas. Mi jus noh waan noh trubble pan dah trip yah a tall cause mi noh able fi pull out mi ratchet knife pan nohbaddy.
Jamerican: Good looking out mi fren .. yuh look like yuh know how fi arganize bashment..
Esomgirl: Misis mi kip so much bashment a mi yaad dat di whole neighbahood a call mi yaad Bashment central .. so yuh mus know seh mi know seh mi a don pan dat **grin**
While still waiting for the bus a young man who was not so popular amongst the women, approached them with a big paper bag in hand.
Kingman: Good morning ladies.. how are you today? Here is a rose for all of you (handing to roses to the ladies)
Kandy: Tanks but mi prefa white rose nex time...but tanks anyway
Tamone: (hesitating) Whappen Kingy? yuh bump yuh head dis marning? Eida dat ar yuh mussa let God inna yuh life ovanight… Tank yuh fi di beautiful rose sar…
Fluffy Puff : A caan believe mi yeyes. Tank yu Kingy….(whispering) a wanda if it ago blow up ina mi han sah
EP25: Baxide!! It look like im musi BRUCK IM DUCKS laas night.. if a laugh a piss up miself!
Kingman: I see you ladies are shocked and perplexed, however it doesn't take a lot for me to be nice to people. All that you need is to have a positive attitude and that will then bring out a smile on your face that says, "yes I feel good"! Today is a good day for a bashment **deep sigh**
Jackie: Bloody hell!! Di bway all a chat praperly to fart.. IS NAT IM!! Kill mi dead Kingman sen im twin bredda come yah!! Mi SEH IS NAT IM!!
NisaC: Larks Jackie, Kingman look like im a cultivate a twang pan wi.
DC: Bway Kingy I doan care what dem say bout yu..you are a King fi tinking bout us ladies and giving us rose fi di week-end..
Kingman: You are welcome ladies, you are welcome..
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Shortly after, the roaring sounds of the bus coming around the bend were heard. As the bus was in full view, a thick black smoke followed its trail. The back wheels were much lower than the front and the muffler dragged on the road creating sparks of fire as it dragged along. The banged up bus was painted bright red with visible dents and a broken headlight. The driver blew the horn and yelled through the window:
Tuff Gong: WATCH DI RIDE!! BASHMENT BUS COMING TROO!!
Marcia: But si yah Lawd …mi can tell yu right off the bat dat disyah bus come fram some weh dung a country!!Look pan all a di red dirt pon di bus side.. A muss Sint Elizabeth it a come fram!! LOL
Fluffy Puff : A true ting ya talk yuh noh Marcia. A ongle country yu si dem yah crasses duty bus yah. A dis Jamerican get fi carry wi a Negril ina?!! Di dam bus nat even look like it can hole carna good... Ketch di sinting pan di one wheel ..Jeesas sayvia it ago tun ova wid wi!!
Verb: Blurtnaught!!Mi tink seh a ongly bicycle one coulda pop wheeli to baxide … den a really dis wi a tek goh bashment?
Jamerican: Afta nuten wrang wid di bus!! As lang have di sinting gat gas ina it, wi will reach…
IslandMutt: Sweet Jesas!! Jamerican dat deh bus nar mek hit uppa Melrose Hill when it ketch Manchesta. Mi nuh even tink it ah guh mek ie out of one a any a di chree tousand pothole it ah go drap inna!
Reggae plus: Unu cool noh man …at least the suspension a hole up!
Britisha: Jesas, mi woulda prefer fi walk dan go pan dat deh ride deh!! .. Hennyhow, is one step up fram riding wan dankey cart to di bashment…so mek wi mek di bes a it.
The bus pulled up in front of the waiting crowd.
Tuff:Gong: Mi a warn unu watch unu step when unu a come in .. mi noh bisniss if any bady slip an bus dem mout pan di step..
They pushed and shoved their way in the bus fighting their way into unoccupied seats. They all squeezed into the little space they could find on the bus. ..some with buttocks hanging off the narrow seats.
Allister: Spptttt.. Hi sexy ..sexy girl ..sppttt Sistagal a yuh mi a chat to yuhnoh!!
Sistagal: Wheh yuh a badda mi fah Allista ..yuh noh si mi a try fine a seat?!!
Allister: Come siddung beside mi noh a sweets ..si wan saaf comfortbale seat yahso baby.. (pointing to his lap)
Sistagirl: No tank yuh.. mi a siddung beside mi bes fran Jackie..
Jackie: Woeeee!! Smaddy get bulla!! Hey bway yuh noh know seh a tap-a-naris tek seat ina front!! **kinteet**
Bigbooie: (scuffling to find a seat) To much a unu inyah man.Yuh mean fi tell mi seh some a unu coulden goh siddung pan tap a di bus?? Unu noh noh know nutten bout weight distribution??
Jackie: Hey BIGHEAD! Ah mek yuh tink say de driva waan peeple fi go pon tap ah im bus??Afta im no waa im bus fi come mash up **kiss teet**
Bigbooie: Hey JACK RABBIT! Mi want fi know why you tink seh di driva care bout if im bus mash up ..yuh look pon dis sinting good?...Yuh moh si seh it mash up aready! if him did care bout im bus im woulda fling yuh aff a ie!
Jamerican: Bigbooie ..yuh caan behave yuself man .. mek yuh so awful?.. Hurry up an fine unu seat an mek wi get dis show pan di road man
Migranny: (standing in the isle) So Wha?? mek peeple a get upset when mi a try siddung beside dem? …
Bigbooie: Cause fat oman mek mi start feel hungry all of a sudden when unu siddung side a mi ..hehehhehe .. hush yaah Migranny, a likkle joke mi a run wid yuh ..
Migranny: No run noh joke wid mi!! Yuh tink mi an yuh a size!! Mi prefa fi tan fat dan people like yuh whey dem mout tink no fart!
QueenB: Noh worry about dem tings Mi granny. Mi is a great big ooman, an mi hab nuh prablem wid it.. Yuh noh si mi dress up ina mi mini skirt fi di bashment! Eff di designer neva waan mi wear it ..im shulden mek it inna mi size!! Di nex bashment watch mi pull out mi lizzad skin wan!
Ayla: You go girl!! Yuh know yuh dress to the nines!! Much respec!
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Ackee: Airhgt come mada ..come siddung beside di magga bway yah .. mi can hangle di extra cushian..
Migranny: Tank yuh yuh hear darling..ie bun mi fi di bwaay yuh si.. bway smell like any tinking curry!
Ackee: No mine im … si wid im madda..im a go troo some ruff tings a yaad wid im ooman an im belief seh it easia fi treat woman bad dan good!
Migranny: (holding here nose) BUT DAM Ackee! .. a how yuh smell like yu no bade fram marning eida! Yuh smell like yuh jus put on some dutty clothes an run come ketch di bus!
Everyone in the bus laughed out loud uncontrollable..
Ackee: (smelling himself) **kiss teet **Mi noh shame.. mi neva bade dis marning cause di wata did too Pissing Cole!
Jamerican: But savior devine.. DWL!.. anyway wi about fi goh start di journey now so unu sit tight.. PRESS OUT TUFFY!
With that said, the driver pulled down his emergency brake, adjusted his mirror and sounded the horn (BAU BAU BAU!!!) He pulled away from the stop and off they went to Negril in the squeaking bus.
Nisa: Larks! Mi doan too sure if wi ago mek it pass Spanish town di way dis a bus a shake out wi daylights. Come Gad’s people ..come jain Nisa Church in praya ..(bowing head) Lard wi haffi travel up to Negril pan de 'ole dinosaur' bus an wi pray seh it noh bruck ina two… Heavenly Jesas kip wi safe an soun fram batta bruising ..In Jesas name … blessings an shalom
Jamerican: Amen sista Nisa!..Unu tap fret pan di bus man.. wi ago reach awrite. Lissen People! Nuff a unu neva pre-pay unu busfear yuhnoh. So all who owe mi money mi a callect it now…
Mire: (waving from the back of the bus) How much mi owe yuh deh?
Jamerican: Di bus fare a $J300!
Mire: Is really a sin seh yuh charge so much fi goh a Negril yuhnoh Jamerican.. Yuh realize seh mi have pickney a mi yaad fi feed?
Jamerican: Mi neva beg yuh fi come yuhnoh Mire. Yuh coulda tan a yuh yaad an mine yuh pickney.. if yuh a pay di fare, pay it an tap chat fart bout bus fare too high.
Mire: But si yah!! Mi have mi money so noh feel sarry fimi awoh! Si mi $J500 yah ..
Accompong: Den Jamerican, a hope yuh mek good good plan fi dis bashment yuhnoh . Mi did tell yuh fi mek mi help arganize it since mi have cantacts pan di Nart coast an yuh seh yuh know weh yuh a do..
Jamerican: Lawd Accompong man.... wi safe man! Mi get di Blue Lagoon Villa fi wi stay right side a di beach. An nuff place up deh fi wi party.
Jahlive: Wicked! Wi a go have place fi shake two foot .. a wanda if dem still have dah club deh name Bentley's. Wah mount a gal use to roll up pan Thursday night a shack out inna dem bess!! A pier style an fashion ting a gwane.
Ctrygal: Lawd Jahlive ..it look like seh yuh need fi get out more aften how yuh a kin yuh big teet dem..Mi noh tink dem place deh still deh bout
Jahlive: Bwoy ctrygal a lang time mi noh reach dem place deh still. Some a mi ole spat coulda all shut dung but mi tink some a dem still deh bout di place. Mi can carry unu goh show unu di spat mi a talk bout .. Road International a di lick up deh!
Ctrygal: Mine yu mek me ago a ole club and next ting yu know it tun ina gay club ar sinting wos… a wudda kill yuh !!
Jamerican: Unu noh have nutten fi worry bout man ..mi seh mi set up everyting. When wi ketch deh is pure niceness!
Mire: Ooyeee deh maaga gal Jamerican – YUH NAAH GI BACK MI CHANGE?! Look fram when mi go yuh mi money!
Jamerican: Sascrise!! Nutten turn mi aff more dan a stingy smaddy.. Ooman yuh awful eeh? Mi always give back peeple dem change. So doan cum run mi dung fi di lickle penny!!
Mire: Mi jus a wanda how lang yuh a go kip mi change cause mi know how some a unu tan.. always have dat baaaad habit fi hag up people change!
EyesKream: Mi caaan believe how unnu deh mek fuss ova likle change,, a suh unnu cheap?! Unu coulden mek di lickle change slide? Kiss mi neckback!
Ensom: Nat a baxside! Shi mus get back har change.. yuh know how di ooman packit stay? Yuh a galang like a yuh a mine har..
NisaC: Larks unu stingy eeh! If unu in need ..take it to the Lord
Ensom: Jus move fram yah suh.. bout “if yuh in need..take it to the Lord”. How wi ago take to di Lard an wi noh know weh fi fine im …
Mire: Shi a mussi wan a dem weh noh gi back change ..yuh si how har yeye dry.
Venn: DWL! Lawd mi a dead!! Mi agree wid unu ..Is di principle a di matta!!..Mi agree wid Ensom cause mi noh waan nobaddy how mi nat even penny caah penny penny add up - awoh!
Jamerican: Bwoy oh bwoy .. mi noh know how black people tan soh… Si yuh change yah man (handing her $J200)
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Jamerican: Oh BTW, Driva mi a beg yuh fi stap up di street mek wi get likkle breakfaas yuh hear?..
HighOctane: A ongle hope a noh Macdonald’s drive troo unu a stap yuhnoh! Dem people deh caan get arda right to bird cage!
Jamerican: No man..wi a stap a wan Brekfaas place affa Sligo Penn Road
Bimini: A noh dah shap weh deh sida wan chiney bakery yuh a talk Jamerican?
Jamerican: Yes Bimini .. mi use to work deh..yuh know di place?
Bimini: Ofcourse mi know di place.. Wan renking ooman run dah shap deh name Jazz..Is might as well wi plan fi arda lunch cause dat deh place deh noh open til 12’aclack an di ooman slow noh baxide!
A few short minutes, the bus pulled into a small parking space in front of the run down shop on the side of the street.
Jamerican: Aright mi know is nat much but Ms Jazz price dem reasonable.
Bimini: Aahhh sah *sigh*. Mi naah seh nutten .. unu watch an si if ah noh stale food shi ago serve wi an wi naah get serve til 12aclack tidey!
Everyone exited the bus and went up to the shop counter to order breakfast.
Venn: SEEERVE!!! WHO DEH HERE?.. Mi is in need of some brekfus!! But it noh look like no bady deh yah….a wha kina shap dis?.. 8:30am an mi noh si noh smoke roun' a back....wait dem naah roas noh breadfruit?
Bimini: Weh mi tell unu seh? ..Look pan di big ole sign di renking ooman put up pan di door..
The sign said: NUH COME EEN YAH BEFORE 12PM AH BAXSIDE!"
Jamerican: Mi jus hope Ms Jazz ketch yah before Easta. Mi nuh waan starve enuh!
A black dog leapt on top of the counter and startled the group:
Midnight: Ruff ruff rufff Woof woof Ruff ruff rufff.. GRRrrrrrr
Bimini: Mi si Jazz still hav dawg ah run har shap...what di hell is dis wurl comin tuh .. oye mawga dawg...mi wi tek likkle Hackee & Saltfish tuh go please. **DWL**
Jahlive: Hey Bimi di dawg a run ie betta dan Jazz so mi naah sey nuttin.. Hey one teet mongrel gi mi som a di calaloo ans som bush tea deh.
Midnight: Ruff ruff rufff Woof woof Ruff ruff rufff.. GRRrrrrrr
Nicky: Mi caan believe mi two yeye dem......Dawg a serve wi food.
A wan teet dawg at dat?!!!.. Den a im a di cook to?!.Lawd tek mi now......caw mi knoa seh mi seet all!
Jahlive: (DWL) Nicky im neida have teet nar pengaleng dung deh
Midnight: Ruff ruff rufff Woof woof Ruff ruff rufff!
Islandmutt: Lowd hav matches! What a dam daag nizy nizy an miserable!! Smaddy tell mi how mi can shat im baxide an mek it look like a suicide! Anyting fi mek im tap di dam barking a mi aize! Cho!
Sistagirl Mutty dats nat nice ..Why yuh waan kill aff di ooman daag eeh?
IslandMutt: No badda get sensitive pan mi yah now.. a joke mi a mek .. But if im noh tap di blastid nize a gwine walk ova deh an gi im wan birdcage kick ina im seed bag!
Midnight: Ruff ruff rufff Woof woof Ruff ruff rufff.. GRRrrrrrr
Finally the shopkeeper emerged griping and fussing at the customers
Jazz: OK - what fresh hell mi haffi face inyah tideh Lard? ..
Midnight - good dog! Nex time anybady come to di shap dis early ..bite up dem baxide yuh hear mi?! …Weh di whole a unu bungle up a mi shap front an a trubble mi guard daag fah?
Bimini: Guard daag? Seh wah? A whe im a guard dung yah? Smaddy fi come yah one day an tief di dam mawga, one teet dawg!...A “woof woof” dung di place like dat a friten noh baddy!
Jazz: Come, come man.. unu step farwod an gi mi unu arda so unu can hurry up an lef mi place.
Jamerican: Mi naah step up to dat deh dutty counta wheh di daag did deh pan .. an mi nuh waan nuh food weh av dawg slabba pan ie….mi is quite aright. Mi noh so hungry again.
Simmy: Well mi lang fi some Callaloo and mi well hungry.. sell mi plate wid some plantain.
Bigbooie: Is how come unu coolie people love nyam kalaloo so, a wha wrong wid unu?
Undercovergirl: Kiss mi roosta!..How come yu ask so much blastid kwestian? Mek di ooman arda im callaloo in peace noh! Ms Jazz all mi waan a some ganja tea fi lif mi up ina di marning..
HighOctane: Mi wi nyam one Jackfish wid some dumplin dis marnin Ms Jazz.
Chayil: Mam..I'll have som fry bammy wid saltfish.. An since it luk lik sey wi naw git nuh food nuh time soom..please gimme a cup a mint tea fi get rid a di gas affa mi chess..tanks!
Jazz: Yuh know dat yuh is a VERY demanding young lady?**big sigh** Mek mi tell unu ..mi is nat a marning sumaddy... but since as a so much an unu - mi will fix de likkle bikkles fe ooonu but unu doan mek it happen agen! Unu noh come a mi shap before 12’aclack again - awoh!
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After The shop keeper served the meals ordered, everyone took a seat in the tiny seating area to have their meals. During mealtime some one had a hard time breathing and was holding his throat, barely getting his words out:
High-octane: *cough cough* Woyyee… Pieca fish bone stuck inna mi choat an it jam up inna de back a mi choat! *cough cough* …samddy heeelp mi
Jazz: Lawks Bway from de time yuh ah nyam fish ah yard - yuh nuh learn how fe tek out de bone dem ouuta fish yet?
Bimini: Lawd ooman tap feisty yuhself an bring di man pieca di tough breead yuh a sell an mek im swallow it.. yuh ago mek im tan yah dead pan wi?
Witchy: If di bread doan wok unu BETTAH call ambulance quick-quick, an pray seh haspital nearby! Orelse High Octane, may Gad res yuh bady in peace!
Jazz: (running from the kitchen) Try swalla dah piecea flour dumplin yah... if dat nuh dislodge it mi sugges yuh galang a di emergency room...
He ate the dumpling and felt better as the bone slid down his throat
HighOctane: (sigh of relief) Lawd look how mi coulda chyoke an dead an nabaddy woulden even know!
Jamerican: Airight enough drama fi one marning .. it a get late ..mek wi lef dis ends now and get back to di bus. Ms Jazz tanks fi breaksfas (Waving to the dog huddled in the corner) Bye likkle maaga daag..
Midnight: (wagging tail) rufff Woof woof Ruff ruff rufffWoof woof Ruff ruff rufff!
Jazz: (shouting as they walked towards the bus) GOOD RIDANCE!! Unu noh come back a mi shap so early unu hear mi??. mi naah tell unu a again! **Brite set a people**
BACK ON THE BUS:
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TuffGong: A non stop a do dis ting yuh noh people .. so who waan pee-pee unu betta hole it til wi ketch a Negirl
QueenB: Dat a if wi ketch deh ..Di bus engine soun like mi ole coffee grinder..disyah sinting yuh a drive a wan real lemon pan four wheel!
Marcia: Well if it bruck dung .. all wi do is call fi a Penoverland Bus fi come pick wi up an cantinue di journey..
Jackie: Marcia yu always soun so practical... Mek mi ask yuh someting, yuh eva do anyting spontaneous fram yu barn yet?
Marcia: Den noh mus..,yuh tek mi fi saafas? Ina mi younga days..mi tek a one draw offa di good, good herb an inhale it til mi red like natty dread!
EyesKream: RESPEC MARCIA!! RESPEC!!..keep it up my girl!! ..hehehehehee
Jackie: BLOODY HELL! Seh wah? So yuh was a rebel?! .. woooyee ..mi did tink when mi did drive crass country naked mi did Spontaneous but yuh have mi beat..
Ayla: Speaking of Sponatenous, mi tek mi foo- fool self go get marrid one time ouuta di blue.. a neva si sinting mi live fi regret soh!
Marcia: Lawd Ayla ..data a whole neda tapic. Wi having a general discussion right now ..save dat fi when yuh write to DearK
Jamerican: To bi hanest, dis yah bashment trip a di moas spontaneous ting mi eva do. Usually mi noh like deh noh weh roun too much neyga fi too lang. *DWL!*
Marcia: Wan a di main reason why mi decide fi come a di bashment a cause mi hear seh Sanchez ago deh a Negril. Mi personally waan meet him an ask him why him luv teef peeple sang soh much!
Migranny: DWL Marcia ..Yuh know who mi waan meet? Mi wud luv fi meet Shaggy! Mi hear seh im might up dem ends deh to.. Dat bway jus mek mi want fi jus...…**he hem** well him jus mek mi ungry! (LOL)
EP25: Girl mi an yuh ..mi love Shaggy so til..Mi an yuh deh pan di same tinking.. a bet seh wi a di same Zodiac Sign ..what’s your sign Migranny?
Migranny: Gal yuh nat even hafi axe mi! Oonu know sey dat MiGranny hafi be a Scorpion! Wha mek oonu tink mi so cantankarus an hafi hab mi own way…An facesty… An cantrol tings? Anybady crass mi, mi jusi tek out mi stingas.. awoh!
FluffyPuff: Preach Migranny! Mi a Scorpioan to an wi sting like a bee! SCORPIO A CARRY DI SWING!!!
Venn: Big up! Another scorpian here!
Cntrygal: Unu too cantakarous fi mi! VIRGOS. A de nicest fren, modda, wife an sista..VIRGO....a we run tings, tings nuh run weee.... all de Virgos in da house, u dun know, it goh soh!!! BRAM, BRAM
UndercoverG: No wonda mi like yu!! Aneda VIRGO inna di place!
Chayil: But coo unu to. Oonu too dam childish.. Libras a di bes!! yuh neva get good lovin til yuh buck a libran man an libran ooman .. Go LIBRA.. GO LIBRA!
JamericanGirl: Fi real Chayil .. yuh know bout!! Libra in tha house!!
Nicky: Chayil....a di fuss time mi agoh agree wid yu. Yuh tink dem call wi Lucious Libras fi nutten… LIBRA deh pon tap all di time.. Di Mighty Scales of Life...mek mi hear oonu seh BRAP BRAP!!
Queen: Ah true seh Libras always have lice?
Pepper: Yes Queen ..*DWL* .. and dem have scaly foot to .. look pan fi Chayil foot back!
Wendy: Dam an Blast, fyah an brimstone .. it naah goh so!! Capricorn a di lick!!!
Jackie: Oyee Wendy mi bawn January 15, wha dat mek mi???
Wendy: High five gal.. yuh a Cappy all di way.. yuh a wan irie irie sistren!
Mire: Gwey Unu CHEEEEAAPPPPP lacka wah!! Unu prably have di have di same dutty habit fi noh gi back people dem change..CHEEAPPP!!
Pepper: Tell them Mire!!! (giving Mire a high five) Move outa di way Capricornies!!
TuffGong: All unu a run up unu mout unu fi know sey a Leos run tings..Big up all di Leos ina di bus!!
Sistagirl: Respec DRIVA!!! LEOS ARE DA BOMB BABY!! BRAP!! BRAP!!
Wendy: Unu ears hard eeh man. Weh mi tell unu seh? No mek mi haffi get bringle inyah tidey yhnoh. If yuh a noh Capricarn step aside an mek top narris people paas. Mi naah tell unu again!
TuffgGong: Billy Goat ooman siddung an shet up yuh mout! When yu caan de pon any list wid Napolean Bonaparte , Fidel, Neil Armstrong, Alxeander Dumas, Alfred Hitch..an` di lis` jus a go on an on....
Wendy: A who all a dem dead people deh? Massa noh badda call dung duppy pan wi yaah…kip yuh yeye pan di dam road an mine yuh drive wi ina gully..
Jahlive: Unnu fi really tap dis foolishness! Unu fi juss admit sey Saggi rule an galang bout unnu ways.. Tuff Gong tink im ago friten wi up ya wid im Leo foolishness. Unu noh know seh Saggi deh pon tap!
Tuff Gong: Gwaan run up yuh mout pan mi ..noh worry mi soon put yuh pan tap. A bet sey a heng out yuh baxide like dead meat pan tap a di bus mek yuh enjay di ride fram up deh!
Jamaicanbeauty: Tell dem Jahlive!! Woooooo ..SAGGI, SAGGI WE'RE THE BES IF UNNO DOAN LIKE IT JUS TRY AN TES!!!!!!!!
Wendy: Unu "SAGGI" fi true .. di whole a unu a sag fram tap to battam ..LOL
Jamaicanbeauty: KIRROUT crusty foot gal!!
Jahlive: Noh badda argu wid dem eediat people deh Jambeauty di ongly sign Wendy know a "bad dawg keep out" whe people put up fi keep ar outta dem ouse! *DWL*
Mire: *Kiss teet* Is Who His Unnu Maddah?? Yuh noh hear whe mi seh??? AQUARIANS ARE ON TOP!
Ackee: Go deh Mire! Tell dem seh AQUARIAN REPRESENT!!!
Ep25: But Afta Rall...A wha dis a gwaan ina di bus doah een man.... Unu step aside before mi an Pluffy sting unu baxide.....DWLTMPUMS!
FluffyPuff: Tell dem EP a choo dem nuh know. ..Yuh done know sey wi put all oda sign in front a firing squad an shat dem up dead!!. A yaso it a dun now so nuh badda come wid dem odda eidat sines
Mire: Well, there you have it folks... Lazy Leo's, little bras ,scorpeepee ,viagra virgos.... All we're left with is the UPSTANDING AQUARIANS!!
KANDY: VIRGO rocks!
Mire: Den Rock on out of here ..
Queen: What a ting eeh? Mi deh yah a wanda if di PISCES people dem eva rule if wi fi dash unu a gully or fFeel sarry fi unu an tun unu inna house maid!
Sandif: Mi seh tun dem inna housemaid and then dash dem wey! PISCES doan tek MESS! PISCES PEOPLE RULE EVERYTIME!!!!!!
Nicky: (holding nose) eeh eeeh..Sumtin smell very fishy roun ya.....Let aff dem fishy people affa di bus driva!
Cntrygal: DWL! Fling dem back ina di sea! Mi noh know how unu tink unu fe rule, when unu dont even know which way unu going...Yuh eva si di fish sign?One fish a go west an di adda ago east!… if a laff yah tidey!!!
Queen: Gwey cntrygal! Wi know weh wi ago ..Wi just love fi travel dats why we always all ova di place!
Kingman: lol unu funny noh hell. De hole a unu feva iran dankey.. virgo a di bes ina di nart, sout, east, an wes!
KANDY: HighFive Kingman …Like I said…VIRGO rocks!
Jamerican: LOL Dats all yuh deh pan Kandy.. Yuhnoh have nutten else fi seh odda dan”virgo rocks”... Is how wi get pan dis subjec anyway.. Unu noh easy …wooiiiiee if a laugh a dead!
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After hours of driving, the bus finally reached beautiful Negril. The sun was piercing the great blue body of water seen from the bus window. The bus pulled to the side of the road to let the passengers off.
TuffGong: Well people ..wi reach!
Kingman: de wedda is off de hook outa door!! Watch de sexy girls dem wid dem coca cola bakkle shape. woooooooe wooooooooooeeeeeee
Calpeton: Wait a likkle bit.. noh get to excited yet..
Jamerican: Whapen Capleton? Mek yuh face tan soh?
Capleton: Jamerican.. Sum Ting Wong
Ensom: Lawd a mercy .. a wah wrang now?
Accompong: Oh Oh .. Jamerican weh di place deh yuh seh wi ago stay by di beach deh ? A pure bush mi a look pan out yah soh. Yuh sure seh a yahso wi fi deh?
Jamerican: Rahtid! Uuhmmmm… a yah so di brochure seh di place did deh..mi swear! Mi call dung to yessiday an canfirm di place yuhnoh
Islandmutt: A which numba yuh dial misis? -1-800-big-ediat?..no weh noh deh yah fi wi stay ..an a tree day wi pay fi deh yah.
Jambrit: **kiss teet** Cho mi bex yuhnoh!! Jamerican yuh mean to tell mi seh a big hass-tearin ooman lakka yuh caan put a liikle bashment tigeda? Wha di powda house is dis?!!
Kandy: Lowd wi ina di miggle a nowhere..dis wos dan when wan bway did carry mi go a wan grave yaad pan date.. Weh wi ago do now?
TuffGong: **He hem**.. since as noh Blue Lagoon Villa noh deh yah .. unu come pack up back di bus an go back a unu yaad..
Jamerican: Lawd a feel like a Bonehead! Mi sarry people ..unu noh bex wid mi..Mi wi gi unu back unu down payment..
Accompong: A betta unu did mek mi plan dis yah bashment ..Mi tell unu seh unu shoulda go a Treasure Beach..at least unu would a have place fi stay!
Jamerican: ** sigh** Ah feel bad yuhsi
With everyone dissapointed by the turnof events, no one was talking. The only sound that could be heard from the bus was the sound of the overworked engine.
Jamerican: Atleast wi get fi si Negril ..right?
Everybody: ooohh Shut up!!!
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Jamerican’s Negril Bashment was not to be.. The good news is THERE IS ALWAYS THE TREASURE BEACH BASHMENT JULY 12 – 17TH Seee you there
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Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for depression. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.
~~ W. Cohen ~~
[This message has been edited by Wendy (edited 04-16-2001).]
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