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Showdown at the Boardlane Corral
Outlaw HO and his gang were terrorizing the town folk of Boardlane. Strong-arming the locals for money & food but moreover, guilty of being a nuisance to the once peaceful town . As a result the people now lived in terror and fear of when the infamous gang would strike again.
Outside of the local General store a crowd gathers around the most recent Wanted Dead or Alive poster featuring the pictures of HO & his possse
Indira- *pointing at HO's picture* is wot di blursnaught dat? A smaddy pikcha or is a hawse? Mi muss waan rob smaddy toh if mi di look like dat!
AckeeGirl- An juss luk pan dem face....dem hugly eeh! Dem mussi tink seh dem a modern day Robinhood. Yu knoa mi hear, evryting dem tief fram us, dem tek it give di Indians
Dahjah- Indians?? [img]/forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img] A who tell yu dat?? A juss sum sekklas mi si paint up dem face and a preten like seh dem a Indian. Nuh mek dem fool yu misis.
AckeeGirl- Oh....a soh! Mi nuh knoa why ppl always try fi mek Indians luk like eediats...dem wudda knoa betta dan fi tek giff fram HO
RichD-(moving in close to get a better look) Mi si HO wan time an a nuh so im look. Di sheriff juss too dyam lazy fi mek up anedda sign. Dis a di same sign im a reuse fi a while now, as a matta a fack years. Yu nuh si ow im juss change up di pikcha by add a mustashe to it..
**Ensome rips down the poster with disgust**
Ensome- Dat is wan ting dat get mi [img]/forums/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img] ....dem too tief man Smaddy need fi put a stap to HO. Mi shame fi seh dis but mi even fraid fi leave mi house a night-time. Afta mi tek a bath & puttan mi nightie is straight to mi bed mi gawn.
Ayla-but what the hell is this world coming to...Di town actually a mek no good cowards like HO mek wi fraid fi leave wi house!! Is high time di sheriff and im deputy fi hunt dem down...instead drink moonshine all day
Alicia-Leff Sheriff Jahlive alone..Hey im haff im good days an im bad days. Ok so wat if im haff more bad days dan good, at lease im still a try uphole di law
Ctrygal- Nat since Whoppie kill Philop, dem two jokkas decide fi gettup awffa dem batty and enforce di law roun town
Sistagirl- What dis town need is a real hero, juss mecka go fi mi super woman cape an evryting wud be criss
AckeeGirl- Man, Dem need mi as sheriff mi wudda juss step up to HO an inna mi bess Clint Eastwood vice an seh to im “Go ahead make my day"
Afimi2-Yu knoa weh mi tink is jussa sad case of desperate pple who a luk fi depress demselves summore by tief fram innocent ppl like wiself
Mi Granny- Yu mean emotionally, needy, human leeches who nuh give anyting back! Yu cyan tell dem nat even value dem life much less fiwe life. To dem wi juss anedda speck in di universe
Indira-Emotionally needy :kissteet: Unnu fi call it as it is...di HO gang is nutten but Psychos on the loose, ask boogie, nuh dia dda night dem rob har bline.
Boogiedowndiva-Yu hear right!!! mi memba it as clear as yessideh it was a cole cole night an mi dida wear mi new beaver coat when all of a sudden HO an im gang juss jump fram outta di bushes an rob me of ebryting mi haff. All strip mi a mi clowes, but tank Gad dem neva rob mi of di moas precious ting......mi life.
Mountaingal-Yu story dem always dramatic eeh!!! An is why yu haff di ability to attrack calamity soh.Yu betta dan mi, cah yu always manij fi bounce back. Wait deh, a nuh wan new beava hat mi siyu a wear tideh?
*Boogiedowndiva swoons as if to envoke more pity from the crowd*
Blessed-Oh please! Boogie nuh badda mek enybaddy hear yu seh dem tings deh. Yu knoa seh a lie yu a tell!!! A nuh yu tell mi lass week yu sell yu beava coat fi get likkle money fi buy food?
**as boogie gives blessed an evil look from the corner of her eye….the silence was broken by the unmistakeable sound of Boogie passing gas**
Blessed-**holding nose**Saviour devine!! Mi swear she yu pramise fi give dat up fi di new year. Mecka leff fram yah before mi faint and drap a grung
**blessed quickly walks over to another heated discussion on how to rid the town of the outlaws**
Pepper- Unnu shudda lissen wen mi tell unnu fi sterilize dem fadda. Fram mi si dem puppa, mi knoa seh fi im offspring wudden mount to nutten. If unnu di lissen wi neva wudda haff dis problem....plus yu eva hear di way dem talk...mi knoa seh a ongly birth defect cudda cause dat!
Leonie-Is weh yu di waan di town fi do...put dem inna wan pot wid disenfectant
Pepper-hahahaha yu tink yu funny. Yu know weh mi mean...snip snip(while making a cutting gesture)
Breeze- Leonie mi believe Pepper haff sumting else in mine...ow mi cyan put dis...imajin di cut is a likkle bit below di belt and much much deeper.
Pepper-Ouch!!
Si now das a man weh mean bizniz
Bkshottess- Well is too late fi sterilize dem puppa now...my solution sprinkle likkle antrax pan dem buddy while dem asleep an dat wi tek care a di whole a dem
Kiwi-BK yu wikid bad, afta dat dem muss soun like Mickey Mouse pan helium
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Later that day across town in the saloon..a heated poker game was ensue.
Pressafut-arrite mi nuh haff nuh muney leff but mi wi bet mi batta crep, arrow shirt & gabadean pants
Capitall-*scornfully picks up Presafut batta crep* Yu expeck ppl fi bet muney gense dis?? Ow it look suh ole an mashup? Betta puddung sum muney ar else yu outta di game!
**Pressa digs deep in his pocket an pulls out some change**
QK13- Wait a minit, You mean fi tell mi wi a bet fi money..mi swear unnu seh a Pokey wi plan fi play. Afta dis nuh luk like di Hokey Pokey?
Babydoll-Di game is Poker !! So juss shud up an play nuh QK
Venn-babydoll yu betta dan mi....notice seh mi nat even badda ansa har. Afta mi dun seh weh mi waan seh unnu wudda muss ban mi fram di game
*slaps down some money*
Who turn nex?
Mity-Tone- Mi nuh knoa but smaddy betta play before mi get bringle inyah tideh….awoah!! Mi tripe a twiss..An mi well waan finish di game so mi cyan fine likkle food fi nyam..Mi ungry bad
Capitall- A nuh fiyu turn massah. Instead cum wid di same ole gripe, weh yu nuh juss pay attention mek di game go fasta. *obviously annoyed* Tiad a dis now!
***********
Over by the bar…the bartender is busy serving up the house special: Grassy’s Moonshine
Grasshopper-Weh mi cyan do fiyu tideh?
Sunshinegal- Yeh mi waan sumting fi jrink but mi a wait fi si if yu haff eny whites fuss before mi awda. Yu knoa if di wagon bring sum toh town dis week?
***While the bartender is distracted TheOneanOnly attempts to sneak up to the bar***
Grasshopper-Pickni ow much time mi haffi run yu fram di bar...yu too yung fi tun alcoholic
Chayil- tell har agen deh..... shi too yung fi drink wid wi
TheOneandOnly- Fine run mi now but in 6 months 9 days mi a cum back fi glass a moonshine *stomps out of the bar*
Grasshopper-Chayil,mi soh glad yu decide fi stap in wid mi tideh, yu knoa a peer mad ppl mi si cum a di bar fram wah day...dem cyaa even run likkle joke wid mi. Nice yu cum visit...so weh mi cyan do fi mi favrit customa tideh?
Chayil- juss pour mi a glass a Smirnoff Orange Twist nuh...an put likkle ice inna it so mi cyan preten she a ice wata mi a jink. Mi nuh able fi ppl staat class mi as junkard, mi haffa reputation fi uphole enoh!
Grasshopper-Missis, a wah name so??? Yu sure yu nuh waan try likkle a di house specialty?
*a noticeably jrunk woman from the bar chimes in*
Ocheeheart- Yu mean di moonshine...Lawd it a di wurse ting inna di wurl mi eva tayse, it all bun mi tongue an troat wen it a go down but it hit di spat ebrytime. Yu eva try mix it wid oatmeal an bade inna it!
Chayil- [img]/forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]
Grasshoper- Fram I was borthed o/....Chayil, now yu si weh mi haffi a deal wid moas time!!
soobahk- (whispering) shhhhh quiat nuh…is why unnu a mek soh much nize.Yu nuh si seh mi a nurse wan hangover as a matta a fack mi cudd use some fast remedies right ya now
PassionFruitFlower- well yu deh a di right spot *hits the bar top* gwaan chroo wid two more glass a di moonshine an if dat nuh cure it by tomorrow...repeat as necessary even if it tek years
Ctrygal- rahtid PFF, by time u dun wid har, she put on bout 10lbs fram all di likka yu want har fi jrink
*across the busy bar another customer anxiously waits to be served*
Britisha- :kissteet: luk ow lang mi tannup a hole mi Fistful of Dollars inna mi han an di bartenda cyaa even pay mi likkle mine
Lexusgal-Nuh worry yuself maam. Mi is di bartendas assistant fi tideh, Anyting yu need mi cyan help yu wid juss mek sure give mi di muney fi di jrink fuss….
Grasshopper-Siyah!!!Everyday mi haff wan nedda hassistant. Well if yu a work fimmi, is why di bar top nuh clean? Yu wash di glasses rouna back yet?
Lexusgal-
(ignoring grass)
***at that moment a miner walks through the doors and shouts***
Mutty-Well mi back inna di place…ready fi staat chubble. Unnu miss mi!
Lexusgal- (talking to herself) wait deh..a nuh Mutty dat! Im come back fram di Gold Rush so quick an im nat even stap by fi cum check mi
Churchgirl-Hey Mutty glad fi yu face inna di place...so yu bring back any gole fimmi?
Juicess-Im cudda bring yu back sand but all mi knoa seh is im betta carry back evrytung pon di liss , weh mi beg im
Churchgirl-wah mek yu soh crayben ooman…anuh wah day mi hear yu a talk bout di hole heap a giff yu get fi Chrismus
Esp-di boat a unnu fi kip quiat. Mutty seh im pramise fi bring back sinting fimmi. An mi sure seh afta im buy all weh mi ask im fi get....Im nah go haff room inna im knapsack fi bring unnu nuh foo-fool giff.
**saunters over to the ladies & winks**
Mutty-Bwoy mi miss di beautiful ladies most of all. Ladies doan fite....deres enuff a mi fi go aroun
*Mutty then makes his way to his usual spot at the bar*
Ctrygal-big up my yute, cum tek a seat nuh *pat the barstool next to her* ….so wah yu bring back fi mi….any gole?
Mutty-As fi di gole, well dat was scarce….was more miners dere dan gole. Moas a di time we neva haff nutten fi do but go a dance all bout. Talk about a crowd, food for days & music...(lets out a loud sigh) is juss sumting about being under di stars dat mek mi cyaa help fram juss dance
Redj-Ahhhhh!! mi can just imajin di cool breeze, sitting outside with the sound of banjoes evryweh
Ackee- bwoy mi regret seh mi neva get a chance fi link up wid you when yu did out West, but is like evryting mi poas toh yu juss cum right back to mi..Glad to hear yu had fun still
Mutty-Ackee yu really miss sumting!! And lawd nuh mek mi talk bout di food!!!!! Mi nyam & nyam till mi cudden nyam nuh more di food di so good.
Jamaican Beauty-Well Mutty yu trip soun like it was good, but di ppl neva seem rude to yu. Mi memba mi go a wan ho down outwest during Gole Rush year pass….an mi tink she since a Gold Rush dance why mi nuh wear likkle gole inna mi outfit so mi cudda fit een. So mi dress nuh pussfoot inna mi gole pance, gole top & gole hat. Next ting mi knoa wan eediat ooman ball out “Ooooeeeeee!! Yu brighta dan a mofo”. Well all mi haffi sey is di hoe down di dun once mi finish wid har
Just then the Saloon door violently swings open…..and from the shadows appears the notorious outlaws brandishing their guns
HO-gimme all yer muney!! Youins never heard mi the first time...I said, GIMME ALL YER MUNEY and unless you folks doan pay up soon. Izza be furced to shoot yu an deport yu to yur grave
Grasshopper- but kuh yu an yu tiefen self doah…a wanda is who yu callektin muney fah. Moas a di ppl in ere nat even pay fi dem jrinks yet so alla dat a fimmi muney!
Tigrrr- Are you crazy? *covering grass mouth with her hand* Cant you see he is a nincumpoop!!! An a nincompoop wid a gun is a deadly combination
HO-(laughs sarcastically)hahaha real funny cracerhead…juss yu han over yur muney
R+-*now laughing uncontrollably on the floor*Yes it was funny....as a matta a fack is laff till yu die hilarious!!
One of his sidekicks walks over to R+ and points a revolver to his head
Kingman-mi neva get a chance fi set off no revolutions lass year…but if yu she sumting like dat agen mi wi haffi set off cupple revolutions tideh...fi shizzle!
HO-Y’all can make dis easy or ya’ll can be difficult!!!
Boigbiee-Nizzle on the rizzle HO...**the other outlaw says in affirmation**why unnu juss nuh han ova yu munizzle…so we can be out!
R+ -(mumbles under his breath)Sum ppl shudda bawn minus di giff a speech…nunna dese ppl a mek sense
The outlaws make their way around the saloon an begin to collect muney from everyone inside.
Kingman walks over to the ladies at the bar.
Kingman-nuh mek mi haffi realease di ramacontizzle pon unnu baxide. Yu nuh hear di man she yu fi givmi yu muney!
Esp- Weh name soh? Di ramacontizzle?? Chat hinglish nuh bwoy!!
Kingman-(in a sarcastic tone)it lang so till it all tuch di grungizzle!! Now tap ask mi chupid queschan an han ova di dallas!
QK-13- (takes one look at Kingman and says) Is it raining men at last...Mi juss luv si a man wid a big gun
Now carrying bags overflowing with muney & personal belongins...the gang prepares to exit the saloon
HO-Oh, one more thang befur we go, any a y’all seen da sheriff, A wanna talks to im
R+-Mi nuh si hide nor hair fram im bout a munt now
HO-well when yu do... tell yur yeller belly sheriff that is time fur a showdown. Juss mi an him. There can only be one of us in this here town, an is gonna be me
--------------------------------------------------
Wind get’s back to the Sheriff of the recent attack
Deputy Bimini- If is war dem want den a war dem ago get [img]/forums/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img] dem nuh knoa she wi haff al di cavalry pan fiwi side
Sheriff Jahlive – yes Bim dem juss a tek libatty pan wi Sah…Is time mi show dem is who a di sheriff roun town.*as he pulls on his gun holster*
The now furious deputy heads for his secret arsenal of weapons
**pull out im fadda pump rifle**
One of the prisoners shouts from the cell
Grandma2- yu nuh tyad a pump yu fadda rifel…yu knoa ow ole dat gun is by now. Mine it stick pan yu
Jazz-grandma a peer blank im a fyah...HO an im gang nuh haff nutten fi fear
Fern-A chroo, mi memba when im try fi put mi anda arress. Im fiyah bout 10 rouns afta mi an nat wan shat cannek. If mi neva trip pan di log, mi wudda neva ennup a jail.
**Bimini walks over to the cell to itimidate the prisoners**
[b]Bimini[b]- Lissen ere yu buck farrid yellow teet gyal. Nuh mek mi ha.....
Jazz-staat dry heave-Oh my GOD man! Mi nuh tell yu fi cova yu mout when yu a talk to mi. Yu tinkin breat mek mi waan bring up di likkle dry bread & wata unnu give wi fi lunch
Bimini-psst Jahlive pass mi a icymint deh bawss
Fern- icymint cyaa do yu nutten...might as well yu kiss mi hair toe…dat wudda freshen yu breat quicka
In walks two soldiers from the cavalry
Wahalla-(waves at Jahlive & Bimini) Ow mi two favrit platonic frens? Word out in the town is the outlaws haff an ambition they wanna fullfill....and that is to kick your tails!!!
GrillaMan-(elbows Wahalla) Well wat im mean fi seh is .....Wi nuh too sure yu knoa weh yu a go up genes tomorrow. HO nuh haff no likkle small time gang dem a heavyweights. So watch uunnuself bredrens
Deputy Bimni- dat eediat yu a call hebbyweight. Tap gimmi joke
GrillaMan-Well if unnu cyan hangle it pan yu own fine. But memba seh di cavalry deyah if yu need a referaree
The site of the two soldiers was enough to cause a commotion among the prisoners
Grandma2-Weh di tall wan she im name....Wahalla? Yu knoh wen mi see im mi hart juss stawt beat faster [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]
Jazz-Yes im luk good but di adda wan…*sigh* juss di site a im is enuff fi soothe mi nerves.
Fern-If yu ask mi, di boat a dem luk like peeca well seasoned beef…..delicious!! *licking lips*
Jazz- an dem smell good sah
Grandma-But is mi si im furs!
Jazz-granny nuh fool yuself yu too ole fi im! Dat man cyan feel im way chroo mi chambas enyday im waan
Fern-BOAL!!! Fiyu chambas muss smell moley now…since wen lass yu air it out!!!
*without warning a fight breaks out between the three prisoners*
__________________________________________________
The dreaded day was finally here and as the clock ticks closer to High Noon tension builds in the air
*tumbleweed rolls through town*
In the center of town stands the sheriff & his deputy along with the city-slicker minister, Manhandle, who was on hand to bless the fight.
Mandhandle- (clears his troat for a long winded speech) Shall we just prostrate upon our faces like cowards to these tyrants. Shall we discourse in the most stigmatic fashion. I saith NO. Thusly, it is with such wit and terrimide that it may be
Lissening safely from the storefront window, the crowd begins to chatter.
Beluved- Cuyah is wah im a chat she?
DC-Yu a ask mi??? Lawd ebrytime dat man open up im mout im mek mi haffi run fi di dictionary
Esp- nuh badda luk inna yu dictionary dawling all im a do is try pop style pon wi wid dem big wurds deh…halfa dem im meck up imself
EdisonShi- Im remine mi a dis fren mi di knoa....di man always a buss out wid sum big wurds like im waan impress ppl. Mi sure im nat even di knoa di meanin a di word, much less ow fi put it inna sentence..
Lyric- Speak fi unnu self…mi luv hear im talk mi convince dat in bout wan week mi cyan haff im orally consumating in the most prolific uterine combinations [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
Manhandle still engaged in his verbose interlocution
Manhangle-May God keep you safe in his secret pavilion.....
Back at the store front
Grand Etang-*fanning herself* Is why im a tek so long!!! Mi hawt jussa race & mi head a swell now cah mi knoa she smaddy ago die tideh….(tears begin to roll down her face & shi puddung wan piece a cowbawlin)
Ensome- Is weh yu a cry fah? Di lass ting mi a tink bout is death mi juss waan si sum shats fiyah tideh an mi glad
Alicia- Is gunshots yu waan hear..yu nuh shame fi she dat. In di great words of Bob "Den mi seh war,war in the east war in the west war up north war down south,war war rumours of war!". Evryweh mi luk is peer warrin a gwane..an it juss mek mi sad.
Soobahk-Well if talk about gunshats mek yu sad...doan look now cah Jahlive juss break out di heavy artillery
***An hour passes and still no sign of HO**
Ensome-lawd what a gunfight boring sah! Mi ago fall asleep juss fram boredom alone …nat even wan gunshot mi hear
peeping through the window
Weezie-Sumting wrang wid dis pikcha…….. All dis silence could only mean wan ting….nutten but trouble
The long awaited drama begins to unfold when into town rides the HO posse confident that this was a showdown they could easily win. But at the site of the sheriffs weapons and artilleries, HO’s posse judges that this was a fight they weren’t willing to take. HO ,facing the sheriff alone, has no other alternative than to give up rather than die like a dog in the streets
HO-(holding an olive branch) Ize sorry…..Ize sorry. Pleeze haxep my apolgy. I admit it. I had no bizniz attacking di town an stealin framm all yall nice folk. Never meant to haff alla ya’lls livin in fear. I am chruly & sincerely sorry.
With those words, peace was once returned to the sleepy town of Boardlane and no longer could anyone call Sheriff Jahlive & Deputy Bimini yellow belly cowards again!
***Jahlive & Bimni seen riding off into the sunset****
happy trails to you, until we meet agen....happy trails to you....
Outlaw HO and his gang were terrorizing the town folk of Boardlane. Strong-arming the locals for money & food but moreover, guilty of being a nuisance to the once peaceful town . As a result the people now lived in terror and fear of when the infamous gang would strike again.
Outside of the local General store a crowd gathers around the most recent Wanted Dead or Alive poster featuring the pictures of HO & his possse
Indira- *pointing at HO's picture* is wot di blursnaught dat? A smaddy pikcha or is a hawse? Mi muss waan rob smaddy toh if mi di look like dat!
AckeeGirl- An juss luk pan dem face....dem hugly eeh! Dem mussi tink seh dem a modern day Robinhood. Yu knoa mi hear, evryting dem tief fram us, dem tek it give di Indians
Dahjah- Indians?? [img]/forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img] A who tell yu dat?? A juss sum sekklas mi si paint up dem face and a preten like seh dem a Indian. Nuh mek dem fool yu misis.
AckeeGirl- Oh....a soh! Mi nuh knoa why ppl always try fi mek Indians luk like eediats...dem wudda knoa betta dan fi tek giff fram HO
RichD-(moving in close to get a better look) Mi si HO wan time an a nuh so im look. Di sheriff juss too dyam lazy fi mek up anedda sign. Dis a di same sign im a reuse fi a while now, as a matta a fack years. Yu nuh si ow im juss change up di pikcha by add a mustashe to it..
**Ensome rips down the poster with disgust**
Ensome- Dat is wan ting dat get mi [img]/forums/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img] ....dem too tief man Smaddy need fi put a stap to HO. Mi shame fi seh dis but mi even fraid fi leave mi house a night-time. Afta mi tek a bath & puttan mi nightie is straight to mi bed mi gawn.
Ayla-but what the hell is this world coming to...Di town actually a mek no good cowards like HO mek wi fraid fi leave wi house!! Is high time di sheriff and im deputy fi hunt dem down...instead drink moonshine all day
Alicia-Leff Sheriff Jahlive alone..Hey im haff im good days an im bad days. Ok so wat if im haff more bad days dan good, at lease im still a try uphole di law
Ctrygal- Nat since Whoppie kill Philop, dem two jokkas decide fi gettup awffa dem batty and enforce di law roun town
Sistagirl- What dis town need is a real hero, juss mecka go fi mi super woman cape an evryting wud be criss
AckeeGirl- Man, Dem need mi as sheriff mi wudda juss step up to HO an inna mi bess Clint Eastwood vice an seh to im “Go ahead make my day"
Afimi2-Yu knoa weh mi tink is jussa sad case of desperate pple who a luk fi depress demselves summore by tief fram innocent ppl like wiself
Mi Granny- Yu mean emotionally, needy, human leeches who nuh give anyting back! Yu cyan tell dem nat even value dem life much less fiwe life. To dem wi juss anedda speck in di universe
Indira-Emotionally needy :kissteet: Unnu fi call it as it is...di HO gang is nutten but Psychos on the loose, ask boogie, nuh dia dda night dem rob har bline.
Boogiedowndiva-Yu hear right!!! mi memba it as clear as yessideh it was a cole cole night an mi dida wear mi new beaver coat when all of a sudden HO an im gang juss jump fram outta di bushes an rob me of ebryting mi haff. All strip mi a mi clowes, but tank Gad dem neva rob mi of di moas precious ting......mi life.
Mountaingal-Yu story dem always dramatic eeh!!! An is why yu haff di ability to attrack calamity soh.Yu betta dan mi, cah yu always manij fi bounce back. Wait deh, a nuh wan new beava hat mi siyu a wear tideh?
*Boogiedowndiva swoons as if to envoke more pity from the crowd*
Blessed-Oh please! Boogie nuh badda mek enybaddy hear yu seh dem tings deh. Yu knoa seh a lie yu a tell!!! A nuh yu tell mi lass week yu sell yu beava coat fi get likkle money fi buy food?
**as boogie gives blessed an evil look from the corner of her eye….the silence was broken by the unmistakeable sound of Boogie passing gas**
Blessed-**holding nose**Saviour devine!! Mi swear she yu pramise fi give dat up fi di new year. Mecka leff fram yah before mi faint and drap a grung
**blessed quickly walks over to another heated discussion on how to rid the town of the outlaws**
Pepper- Unnu shudda lissen wen mi tell unnu fi sterilize dem fadda. Fram mi si dem puppa, mi knoa seh fi im offspring wudden mount to nutten. If unnu di lissen wi neva wudda haff dis problem....plus yu eva hear di way dem talk...mi knoa seh a ongly birth defect cudda cause dat!
Leonie-Is weh yu di waan di town fi do...put dem inna wan pot wid disenfectant
Pepper-hahahaha yu tink yu funny. Yu know weh mi mean...snip snip(while making a cutting gesture)
Breeze- Leonie mi believe Pepper haff sumting else in mine...ow mi cyan put dis...imajin di cut is a likkle bit below di belt and much much deeper.
Pepper-Ouch!!
Si now das a man weh mean biznizBkshottess- Well is too late fi sterilize dem puppa now...my solution sprinkle likkle antrax pan dem buddy while dem asleep an dat wi tek care a di whole a dem
Kiwi-BK yu wikid bad, afta dat dem muss soun like Mickey Mouse pan helium
__________________________________________________
Later that day across town in the saloon..a heated poker game was ensue.
Pressafut-arrite mi nuh haff nuh muney leff but mi wi bet mi batta crep, arrow shirt & gabadean pants
Capitall-*scornfully picks up Presafut batta crep* Yu expeck ppl fi bet muney gense dis?? Ow it look suh ole an mashup? Betta puddung sum muney ar else yu outta di game!
**Pressa digs deep in his pocket an pulls out some change**
QK13- Wait a minit, You mean fi tell mi wi a bet fi money..mi swear unnu seh a Pokey wi plan fi play. Afta dis nuh luk like di Hokey Pokey?
Babydoll-Di game is Poker !! So juss shud up an play nuh QK
Venn-babydoll yu betta dan mi....notice seh mi nat even badda ansa har. Afta mi dun seh weh mi waan seh unnu wudda muss ban mi fram di game
*slaps down some money*
Who turn nex?
Mity-Tone- Mi nuh knoa but smaddy betta play before mi get bringle inyah tideh….awoah!! Mi tripe a twiss..An mi well waan finish di game so mi cyan fine likkle food fi nyam..Mi ungry bad
Capitall- A nuh fiyu turn massah. Instead cum wid di same ole gripe, weh yu nuh juss pay attention mek di game go fasta. *obviously annoyed* Tiad a dis now!
***********
Over by the bar…the bartender is busy serving up the house special: Grassy’s Moonshine
Grasshopper-Weh mi cyan do fiyu tideh?
Sunshinegal- Yeh mi waan sumting fi jrink but mi a wait fi si if yu haff eny whites fuss before mi awda. Yu knoa if di wagon bring sum toh town dis week?
***While the bartender is distracted TheOneanOnly attempts to sneak up to the bar***
Grasshopper-Pickni ow much time mi haffi run yu fram di bar...yu too yung fi tun alcoholic
Chayil- tell har agen deh..... shi too yung fi drink wid wi
TheOneandOnly- Fine run mi now but in 6 months 9 days mi a cum back fi glass a moonshine *stomps out of the bar*
Grasshopper-Chayil,mi soh glad yu decide fi stap in wid mi tideh, yu knoa a peer mad ppl mi si cum a di bar fram wah day...dem cyaa even run likkle joke wid mi. Nice yu cum visit...so weh mi cyan do fi mi favrit customa tideh?
Chayil- juss pour mi a glass a Smirnoff Orange Twist nuh...an put likkle ice inna it so mi cyan preten she a ice wata mi a jink. Mi nuh able fi ppl staat class mi as junkard, mi haffa reputation fi uphole enoh!
Grasshopper-Missis, a wah name so??? Yu sure yu nuh waan try likkle a di house specialty?
*a noticeably jrunk woman from the bar chimes in*
Ocheeheart- Yu mean di moonshine...Lawd it a di wurse ting inna di wurl mi eva tayse, it all bun mi tongue an troat wen it a go down but it hit di spat ebrytime. Yu eva try mix it wid oatmeal an bade inna it!
Chayil- [img]/forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]
Grasshoper- Fram I was borthed o/....Chayil, now yu si weh mi haffi a deal wid moas time!!
soobahk- (whispering) shhhhh quiat nuh…is why unnu a mek soh much nize.Yu nuh si seh mi a nurse wan hangover as a matta a fack mi cudd use some fast remedies right ya now
PassionFruitFlower- well yu deh a di right spot *hits the bar top* gwaan chroo wid two more glass a di moonshine an if dat nuh cure it by tomorrow...repeat as necessary even if it tek years
Ctrygal- rahtid PFF, by time u dun wid har, she put on bout 10lbs fram all di likka yu want har fi jrink
*across the busy bar another customer anxiously waits to be served*
Britisha- :kissteet: luk ow lang mi tannup a hole mi Fistful of Dollars inna mi han an di bartenda cyaa even pay mi likkle mine
Lexusgal-Nuh worry yuself maam. Mi is di bartendas assistant fi tideh, Anyting yu need mi cyan help yu wid juss mek sure give mi di muney fi di jrink fuss….
Grasshopper-Siyah!!!Everyday mi haff wan nedda hassistant. Well if yu a work fimmi, is why di bar top nuh clean? Yu wash di glasses rouna back yet?
Lexusgal-
(ignoring grass) ***at that moment a miner walks through the doors and shouts***
Mutty-Well mi back inna di place…ready fi staat chubble. Unnu miss mi!
Lexusgal- (talking to herself) wait deh..a nuh Mutty dat! Im come back fram di Gold Rush so quick an im nat even stap by fi cum check mi
Churchgirl-Hey Mutty glad fi yu face inna di place...so yu bring back any gole fimmi?
Juicess-Im cudda bring yu back sand but all mi knoa seh is im betta carry back evrytung pon di liss , weh mi beg im
Churchgirl-wah mek yu soh crayben ooman…anuh wah day mi hear yu a talk bout di hole heap a giff yu get fi Chrismus
Esp-di boat a unnu fi kip quiat. Mutty seh im pramise fi bring back sinting fimmi. An mi sure seh afta im buy all weh mi ask im fi get....Im nah go haff room inna im knapsack fi bring unnu nuh foo-fool giff.
**saunters over to the ladies & winks**
Mutty-Bwoy mi miss di beautiful ladies most of all. Ladies doan fite....deres enuff a mi fi go aroun
*Mutty then makes his way to his usual spot at the bar*
Ctrygal-big up my yute, cum tek a seat nuh *pat the barstool next to her* ….so wah yu bring back fi mi….any gole?
Mutty-As fi di gole, well dat was scarce….was more miners dere dan gole. Moas a di time we neva haff nutten fi do but go a dance all bout. Talk about a crowd, food for days & music...(lets out a loud sigh) is juss sumting about being under di stars dat mek mi cyaa help fram juss dance
Redj-Ahhhhh!! mi can just imajin di cool breeze, sitting outside with the sound of banjoes evryweh
Ackee- bwoy mi regret seh mi neva get a chance fi link up wid you when yu did out West, but is like evryting mi poas toh yu juss cum right back to mi..Glad to hear yu had fun still
Mutty-Ackee yu really miss sumting!! And lawd nuh mek mi talk bout di food!!!!! Mi nyam & nyam till mi cudden nyam nuh more di food di so good.
Jamaican Beauty-Well Mutty yu trip soun like it was good, but di ppl neva seem rude to yu. Mi memba mi go a wan ho down outwest during Gole Rush year pass….an mi tink she since a Gold Rush dance why mi nuh wear likkle gole inna mi outfit so mi cudda fit een. So mi dress nuh pussfoot inna mi gole pance, gole top & gole hat. Next ting mi knoa wan eediat ooman ball out “Ooooeeeeee!! Yu brighta dan a mofo”. Well all mi haffi sey is di hoe down di dun once mi finish wid har
Just then the Saloon door violently swings open…..and from the shadows appears the notorious outlaws brandishing their guns
HO-gimme all yer muney!! Youins never heard mi the first time...I said, GIMME ALL YER MUNEY and unless you folks doan pay up soon. Izza be furced to shoot yu an deport yu to yur grave
Grasshopper- but kuh yu an yu tiefen self doah…a wanda is who yu callektin muney fah. Moas a di ppl in ere nat even pay fi dem jrinks yet so alla dat a fimmi muney!
Tigrrr- Are you crazy? *covering grass mouth with her hand* Cant you see he is a nincumpoop!!! An a nincompoop wid a gun is a deadly combination
HO-(laughs sarcastically)hahaha real funny cracerhead…juss yu han over yur muney
R+-*now laughing uncontrollably on the floor*Yes it was funny....as a matta a fack is laff till yu die hilarious!!
One of his sidekicks walks over to R+ and points a revolver to his head
Kingman-mi neva get a chance fi set off no revolutions lass year…but if yu she sumting like dat agen mi wi haffi set off cupple revolutions tideh...fi shizzle!
HO-Y’all can make dis easy or ya’ll can be difficult!!!
Boigbiee-Nizzle on the rizzle HO...**the other outlaw says in affirmation**why unnu juss nuh han ova yu munizzle…so we can be out!
R+ -(mumbles under his breath)Sum ppl shudda bawn minus di giff a speech…nunna dese ppl a mek sense
The outlaws make their way around the saloon an begin to collect muney from everyone inside.
Kingman walks over to the ladies at the bar.
Kingman-nuh mek mi haffi realease di ramacontizzle pon unnu baxide. Yu nuh hear di man she yu fi givmi yu muney!
Esp- Weh name soh? Di ramacontizzle?? Chat hinglish nuh bwoy!!
Kingman-(in a sarcastic tone)it lang so till it all tuch di grungizzle!! Now tap ask mi chupid queschan an han ova di dallas!
QK-13- (takes one look at Kingman and says) Is it raining men at last...Mi juss luv si a man wid a big gun
Now carrying bags overflowing with muney & personal belongins...the gang prepares to exit the saloon
HO-Oh, one more thang befur we go, any a y’all seen da sheriff, A wanna talks to im
R+-Mi nuh si hide nor hair fram im bout a munt now
HO-well when yu do... tell yur yeller belly sheriff that is time fur a showdown. Juss mi an him. There can only be one of us in this here town, an is gonna be me
--------------------------------------------------
Wind get’s back to the Sheriff of the recent attack
Deputy Bimini- If is war dem want den a war dem ago get [img]/forums/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img] dem nuh knoa she wi haff al di cavalry pan fiwi side
Sheriff Jahlive – yes Bim dem juss a tek libatty pan wi Sah…Is time mi show dem is who a di sheriff roun town.*as he pulls on his gun holster*
The now furious deputy heads for his secret arsenal of weapons
**pull out im fadda pump rifle**
One of the prisoners shouts from the cell
Grandma2- yu nuh tyad a pump yu fadda rifel…yu knoa ow ole dat gun is by now. Mine it stick pan yu
Jazz-grandma a peer blank im a fyah...HO an im gang nuh haff nutten fi fear
Fern-A chroo, mi memba when im try fi put mi anda arress. Im fiyah bout 10 rouns afta mi an nat wan shat cannek. If mi neva trip pan di log, mi wudda neva ennup a jail.
**Bimini walks over to the cell to itimidate the prisoners**
[b]Bimini[b]- Lissen ere yu buck farrid yellow teet gyal. Nuh mek mi ha.....
Jazz-staat dry heave-Oh my GOD man! Mi nuh tell yu fi cova yu mout when yu a talk to mi. Yu tinkin breat mek mi waan bring up di likkle dry bread & wata unnu give wi fi lunch
Bimini-psst Jahlive pass mi a icymint deh bawss
Fern- icymint cyaa do yu nutten...might as well yu kiss mi hair toe…dat wudda freshen yu breat quicka
In walks two soldiers from the cavalry
Wahalla-(waves at Jahlive & Bimini) Ow mi two favrit platonic frens? Word out in the town is the outlaws haff an ambition they wanna fullfill....and that is to kick your tails!!!
GrillaMan-(elbows Wahalla) Well wat im mean fi seh is .....Wi nuh too sure yu knoa weh yu a go up genes tomorrow. HO nuh haff no likkle small time gang dem a heavyweights. So watch uunnuself bredrens
Deputy Bimni- dat eediat yu a call hebbyweight. Tap gimmi joke
GrillaMan-Well if unnu cyan hangle it pan yu own fine. But memba seh di cavalry deyah if yu need a referaree
The site of the two soldiers was enough to cause a commotion among the prisoners
Grandma2-Weh di tall wan she im name....Wahalla? Yu knoh wen mi see im mi hart juss stawt beat faster [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]
Jazz-Yes im luk good but di adda wan…*sigh* juss di site a im is enuff fi soothe mi nerves.
Fern-If yu ask mi, di boat a dem luk like peeca well seasoned beef…..delicious!! *licking lips*
Jazz- an dem smell good sah
Grandma-But is mi si im furs!
Jazz-granny nuh fool yuself yu too ole fi im! Dat man cyan feel im way chroo mi chambas enyday im waan
Fern-BOAL!!! Fiyu chambas muss smell moley now…since wen lass yu air it out!!!
*without warning a fight breaks out between the three prisoners*
__________________________________________________
The dreaded day was finally here and as the clock ticks closer to High Noon tension builds in the air
*tumbleweed rolls through town*
In the center of town stands the sheriff & his deputy along with the city-slicker minister, Manhandle, who was on hand to bless the fight.
Mandhandle- (clears his troat for a long winded speech) Shall we just prostrate upon our faces like cowards to these tyrants. Shall we discourse in the most stigmatic fashion. I saith NO. Thusly, it is with such wit and terrimide that it may be
Lissening safely from the storefront window, the crowd begins to chatter.
Beluved- Cuyah is wah im a chat she?
DC-Yu a ask mi??? Lawd ebrytime dat man open up im mout im mek mi haffi run fi di dictionary
Esp- nuh badda luk inna yu dictionary dawling all im a do is try pop style pon wi wid dem big wurds deh…halfa dem im meck up imself
EdisonShi- Im remine mi a dis fren mi di knoa....di man always a buss out wid sum big wurds like im waan impress ppl. Mi sure im nat even di knoa di meanin a di word, much less ow fi put it inna sentence..
Lyric- Speak fi unnu self…mi luv hear im talk mi convince dat in bout wan week mi cyan haff im orally consumating in the most prolific uterine combinations [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
Manhandle still engaged in his verbose interlocution
Manhangle-May God keep you safe in his secret pavilion.....
Back at the store front
Grand Etang-*fanning herself* Is why im a tek so long!!! Mi hawt jussa race & mi head a swell now cah mi knoa she smaddy ago die tideh….(tears begin to roll down her face & shi puddung wan piece a cowbawlin)
Ensome- Is weh yu a cry fah? Di lass ting mi a tink bout is death mi juss waan si sum shats fiyah tideh an mi glad
Alicia- Is gunshots yu waan hear..yu nuh shame fi she dat. In di great words of Bob "Den mi seh war,war in the east war in the west war up north war down south,war war rumours of war!". Evryweh mi luk is peer warrin a gwane..an it juss mek mi sad.
Soobahk-Well if talk about gunshats mek yu sad...doan look now cah Jahlive juss break out di heavy artillery
***An hour passes and still no sign of HO**
Ensome-lawd what a gunfight boring sah! Mi ago fall asleep juss fram boredom alone …nat even wan gunshot mi hear
peeping through the window
Weezie-Sumting wrang wid dis pikcha…….. All dis silence could only mean wan ting….nutten but trouble
The long awaited drama begins to unfold when into town rides the HO posse confident that this was a showdown they could easily win. But at the site of the sheriffs weapons and artilleries, HO’s posse judges that this was a fight they weren’t willing to take. HO ,facing the sheriff alone, has no other alternative than to give up rather than die like a dog in the streets
HO-(holding an olive branch) Ize sorry…..Ize sorry. Pleeze haxep my apolgy. I admit it. I had no bizniz attacking di town an stealin framm all yall nice folk. Never meant to haff alla ya’lls livin in fear. I am chruly & sincerely sorry.
With those words, peace was once returned to the sleepy town of Boardlane and no longer could anyone call Sheriff Jahlive & Deputy Bimini yellow belly cowards again!
***Jahlive & Bimni seen riding off into the sunset****
happy trails to you, until we meet agen....happy trails to you....
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