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This suss was written for amusement purposes only so [please oonu nuh badda tek ei. seerus na get bex
Miss Ja.com Internet
So one day the people of board lane got together and decided that with so many lovely ladies on the board -it was high time that they had a beauty pageant…
So alla de man dem get tugedda an ah try decide who fe do wah… caws evribaddi waan deh pan de comittee
KINGY: lol - Well since as everybadi know she mi ah de moas well spoken wan an de bes spella mi waan be de announca… ah jus hope she de rakkla nuh jump out an friten dem wen dem ah ansa dem qwestian - lol
NEUTRAL: Baws - mi she sumtimes de sitten jus hitch up inna de wrang place an mi nuh know how fe fix it – especially wen ah pretty ooman deh nearby…
BIGBOOIE: At lease it no happen tu you innah church..you feel very sinful when dem tings deh happen..but some a di sistah dem look sweet like lycrish..especially when dem young anna jump up and dung...~~~lord forgive mi but mi know you know what I know~~
X: bredren mi know di feeling. Mi just adjust it right there, and shake out the pants foot. Di woman no tend fi mind anyhow, cause she a meck use a di event.
NEUTRAL: BOAL@-x-,,,bwoy a good advise dat,yu rite,women have a way of observing without even showing it,I always wonder how a woman can eye up a guy and de poor man dont even know shi a tape him
dem subtle bad...a how dem dweet?
KINGY: LOL killa, waam to when it guh troo de likkle whole on de boxer and jus a an bug you. mi always lkook cool because as soon as big bwoy rise, mi hand inna pocket. – ooyyy unu mek sure she de tuxedo weh mi ah go wear have pockit yah - lol
BIM: when mi sitten get ina bind..mi haffe adjust an keep steppin jus shake yuh pance leg ar be ah man an fix ie in fronta everybaddy
JAHLIVE: wwaapin to ooonu baws – mi nuh come yah fe chat bout unu an unu dyam pance front yuh nuh - tell mi wish wan de ooman dem mi ah go get
CAPITALL: Fe real Jah… watch yah nuh – mi waan deh pan de judging panel fe de one tring bikini – oonu call mi wen dem start magle dat
R+: yes good idea – lets all drink to the one piece bikini “hic” –
R+ pours some jancrow batty fe de man dem an dem drink an ah chat bout who ah go judge wah
Meanwhile de ladies dem ova inna de dressing room inna tizzy
ESP: Rahtid – mi chiney weave ah drap out… enny baddy have likkle crazy glue can spare so mi can pyaase ei. Back een?
NICKY: yuh lucky yuh nuh mi always carry wan spare tube fe pyaae een back Jahlive false teet afta mi tump dem out…
TECKY: DWL – mi nuh know why u still deh wid dat jancrow hed bway – de amount ah time im gi yuh bun – yu can get betta dan dat yuh know Nicky… nat becaws yuh leg dem so maaga but yuh have a nice personality…
NICKY: Tecky - a coulda nevva mi long, sexy legs dem yuh ah call maaga – ah dem legs here gwine win mi de tikle tiddeh so tan deh… an besides Jahlive ah mi likkle custard Apple – ah choo de likkle skettel dem always ah push up dem self pan im but mi know seh ah mi him really love…
ESP: yes you an every odda dam skirt pan board lane… pass de glue gimme before mi hair drap awf.
YAADIE an TIFFY *BOAL* an roll dem yeye dem an continue put awn dem cloze
CHICKIEe: All mi know seh is dat wen I walk in front ah de judge dem inna dis see troo frack wid nutten undaneet mi muss tek de fuss prize…
SABRE: I really don’t know why you all even bothered to enter… I`M A NATURALLY AVERAGE/PETITE WOMAN. (SIZE 9-10 HEIGHT 5,5 WEIGHT 150 – My mere presence commands respect and most men gravitate to my ambiance – there is no way you can win over ME
JEDI: but Lawd hivvis mercy pan mi big behine yah tiddeh… Girlfren ah doan wan insult yuh tiddeh, but yuh ask fe it Yuh see man? Dem ten to gravitate tuh wha look easy and cheap. Get mi drift. And Sabah, you seemed to be timid and shy, a knock out?? To some maybe, but you aint no beauty contest material
LIKKLEK: BOAL – Oyy deh EP go dung more pon di tilet seat mek mi cotch.....
fawt cause it is getting hot in here tidey....
SABRE: Most guys want a steroetype of a woman, you know the woman with big breasts, thick thighs, a big butts, and STILL have a flat stomach. Alot of guys like me becuz Im cute, not becuz I am curvy. But I do get alot of hate from people that are PLUS SIZED,. Alot of times people assume that the big girls are the only ones that get hated on, but really that is not the case. BIG ISN'T BEAUTIFUL, BIG IS UNHEALTHY
BIG GURLZ, IF YOU GET YOUR MINDS TIGHT AS WELL AS YOUR BODIES YOU ALL CAN BE SECURE! FEEL ME?!
TUFFSTUFF: Yah know Saybah dawling – yuh is canfusin mi - I think some people might get offended by this. Me being a size 4, I don't mind, but the size 9/10 and up ppl, well, the fat makes them sensitive to helpful advice. I don't know why Sabe, I don't know why..
PEPPA: Tuffy, yuh batty a heng ovah di side a di soapbox. Me tink yuh too fat fi be inna miss JA.com INtaNET campetishan dwl
TUFFY: *DWL* MI BATTY IS NAT FAT, IT IS BEAUTIFUL!!!!! An wen mi win de tikle ah doan waan none ah oonu fat batty oomens to stan up side ah mi -matta ah fack none ah de maaga batty wan dem needa – if yuh nuh AVERAGE – oonu nuh qualify…
INDIRA: MI his canfused to to rahtid… since when is being 5' 5" and 150 not fat? are you using the AMA standards?
TECKY: Unuh tek time wid har nuh. She is young in many ways...she is just a babe. We as older heads should just guide har and advise har.
Bwoy unuh touchy eh? Look how unuh jump pon di likkle girl. A true what she touch unuh button? Unuh tan deh an mek she get to you, me know seh mi not small but mi shape good and mi feel good bout mi self. Batty nice and round and it all comes together lovely.
ESP: watch yah ah who ah fool yuh Tecky -dat deh lumpy sitten weh yhu gat roun ah back dat nuh look roun to mi it look square DWL
SABRE: (((HUGUPMISELF))) unu nuh undastan this is not a j/k its serius
TUFFY: but Lawd -look how oonu mek de gyal ah huggup herself - This is most concerning to witniss!!!
JAZZ: BOAL -tuffy yuh doan have a dam sense – oonu tan deh watch odda people an nuh si seh ah time fe de sitten start an mi know she fe mi maaga batty ah go win dis
All the women quickly gather up their gowns an belongings an start line up at de door
KINGY: (Reading offa wan paypa) Dearly beloved we are gaddad here today to jine dis man an ooman… wait… oh sarry man ah de wrang sitten mi ah read – lol – (tek out wan nex paypa an start read agen)
YES goodly people of Ja.com – we waan fe si oo ah de bes ah de bes pan we intanet Jamaica lol… so all de sexy baddy gyals please to come pan stage an magle oonu sinting dem mek we si.
We ave JAHLIVE, CAPY, an R+ as judges so oonu affe walk stoosh pass dem an jiggle oonu batty so dem can judge oonu lol den mi affe aks oonu some qwestian…
De ooman dem run up pan de stage an start magle in front ah de judge dem… de judge dem yeye stawt boggle an everybaddy stawt adjus dem pance…
LINDA: **ahem** (clearing troat)
Well first i would like to say i wish for world peace....
R+ : strike out Linda name inna im book - I don't want to hear no j'cans.com contestants bawling out for "World Peace" hic – just magle de bading suits dem mek we si
JAHLIVE: touch mi fe dat R+ - ah dat mi ah she – oonu nuh badda wid de lang talking jus magle de swimsuit dem mek we si [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
Linda run awf de stage an ah bawl
CHICKIE: Good - dat mean wan less fe mi tump - mi mean win genst [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
CAPY: KINGY – OYY BAWS mi ah run go ah bawtroom - wen dem put awn di 1 piece tring bathing suit unnu call mi
INDIRA: Mi a PROTEST!!
DIS DOES NAT REPRESENT DI BIG AN BEAUTIFUL!
KINGY fling INDIRA offa de stage
KINGY: gwaan outta door wid yuh protess mi cyaan tek de nize ah mi head…
ESP: BOAL – yuh si har yellow baggy wen KINGY dash har affa de stage – mi seh mi nearly bline to rakstone - wwaiiiiiiiii – das 2 dung - who else ah go get fling awf….
KINGY: ESP dis qwestian is for you…which jamaicans.com man wuld you slam and why? would you do it because is world peace?
ESP: but ah wah kine ah ediat qwestian dat?? Cho… well to ansa yuh qwestian mi woulda slam de whole ah dem wid or widout world peace an mi woulda slam Jazz or Boogie if is Tuesday… furdamore – mi is a equal opportunity slamma so mi all slam miself if nuhbaddy nuh deh bout…
KINGY: BLOWSBAUGHT – u sound like yuh studies serial killing slamming to raccus – good ansa dat still
ALL A de judge dem put ten star side ah ESP name an write dung har numba inna dem address book
CAPITALL: dem a wear too much clothes man .. 1 piece STRING bikini wi waan dem wera King .. nat 2 .. WAN ..
KINGY: Dis qwestian is fe CHICKIE… If you were to visit america right now, where would u go?
CHICKIE: my final answer will have to be Jahlive yard
* whisper inna Jahlive ears a hope yuh know seh a one 10 fi da ansa deh*
EP - not be outdone wispa inna Jahlive aize…
“Look fram when mi a wait pan yuh fi gi yuh a likkle peice rouna back
Yuh betta gi mi di crown arelse mi a guh scandal yuh likkle red bahine”
Den she tun roun an stawt wave to d crowd…
KINGY si wat ah gwaan….
KINGY: umm jahlive, you dismmised from being a judge. you tekkin bribry an if any baddy gwine get bribe tiddeh is mi nat yuh – so yuh dismissed [img]/forums/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img]
JAHLIVE: But King how yuh coulda do mi so star – yuh done know she mi ah go share dem wid yuh man… cho! Mi jus ah set up tings fe mi an yuh fe layta
KINGY: Awrite den baws - wan laas chance but yuh si if yuh nuh gi mi wan ah de gyal dem an gwine si to it dat de ongle ting yuh judge fe de res ah yuh life is chi – chi man cantess…
JAHLIVE: Yes sah mi pramise mi naw go tek nuttin more fram dem crass im finga behine im back – excep ah rooks rung ah back ah GRANDMA2 shop [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
So de contest continued – all de ooman dem ah try bribe de judge dem an KINGY ah aks qwestian an every now an again im putim han in im packit an mek a few adjustments…
SUDDENLY – wan commotion pan stage an X walk out inna wan leopard print thong wid im baddy well ile up… an im tird leg hanging dung to im knee…
Moas ah de woman dem faint wen dem si dat
X: Well I want world peace… and…
LAWD GAD – mi did tink dis was a contess fe men sarry…
X run back behine de curtain
an peep back out
X: Oyy bway Jahlive tap write inna yu notepad man - nuh mek mi haffe come out deh an blackup yuh yeye fe yuh…
JAHLIVE: move yuh ashy foot self bway ah CHICKIE mi ah write dung direcshans to mi yard so she nuh laas wen she come ah farrin… (Wonda how long it tek fe walk fram de airport to Flatbush Avenue???)
NICKY: Wah yu seh - write dung direcshans fe who??? [img]/forums/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img]
NICKY tump Jahlive inna im mout an alla im false teet dem fly out
JAHLIVE: sho Nicky man why yuh thu that fah, ith thwy mi wath thwying to elp har – thoo she nuh know nuhbaddy ah farrin… ith KINGY ath mi fe do that…
NICKY: (pyaase enn back JAH LIVE teet dem) oh sarry mi likle tinking toe – yuh know seh mi ongle lick yuh out ah love nuh choo
JAHLIVE: Wan day, wan day wan ah fe yuh love lick dem ah go kill mi :BEX:
Wink affa CHICKIE wen Nicky nah look
KINGY: Anyway – we ave to choose a winner… an we are polling de awdience… please tek up de voting slate an chalk unda oonu seat an write dung de name of yuh faverit cantestant… lol
SUKUNA: Voting slate an chalk??? oonu doan hear bout tecknalagy? Dem have computa devices fe dese tings yuh nuh – weh yuh jus push a button… as a matta a FACK… 90% of the places in Europe that *I * have been to utilize these devices - you really need to travel around more and broaden yoru horizons…
KINGY: Oh yeah???! Well broaden dis…
KINGY fling Sukuna outta door an lack wid dead bolt
KINGY: Antil such time as you are ready to apalagize to de un teknalagical planners of the MISS JA>COM INTANET campetishan - yuh will haffe tan outta door an peep troo de keyhole… lol
PEPPA: *BOAL* - yes serve har right -she need fe tap tell people bout de two street weh she know an gwaan like she ah world traveler…
People tek out dem slate an chalk an start write
IRIE DAWTA: Ahhmmm… can someone please tell mi wat de patwa word is for tight body and superb physique??
KINGY tek weh har slate an chalk
KINGY: mi aks fe name - wat in GADs hebben yuh waan know dat fah lol – mi disqualify yuh vote on de grounds dat yuh tink too dam much…
In de meantime Bim ah try copy affa Simmy slate
BIM: Simmy yuh look so lovely tiddeh -move yuh han likle mek ah si yuh slate ah mean mek ah si yuh lovely wrist nuh…
SIMMY: is wah yuh want bway – doan come renk yuhself wid mi tiddeh yuh nuh – mek ah warn yuh fram now dat mi carry wan pan ah dutty wata inna mi hanbag jus fe yuh [img]/forums/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img]
BIM: :BEX: das why some ah oonu cyan get no man yuh nuh -yuh too dam kantankarus… like mi did waan si yuh scaly awm anyway – mi done get mi ansa arreddi so gwey!
SIMMY: shut yuh dam mout bway yuh tinking bret ah mek de chalk swivel up…
Bim cova up im mout wid im han an ah try smell im bret
CNTRYGAL: Bway mi nevva know she ah so it hard fe draw sumaddy??
ACKEEGIRL: den is wat yuh drawing Cntry -dem she we fe write de name dung nat draw de sumaddy DWL - den ah wah dat lang sitten inna demiggle deh???
CNTRYGAL: Missis nuh X tird leg mi ah try draw but it look like de slate nuh big enufff *DWL*
They both BOAL and turn in dem slates
R+: OK the good people of Board Lane have spoken by slate poll an we have a winner….
KINGY stawy stamp im foot an galang like ah drum roll im ah gi
the winner by overwhelming majority… 30 votes, and two sketches… is “X”…
JAZZ: SASCRISE!!!! - Genkle JEEZAS meek an mild – if ah lawf ah ded!!! -WAAIIIIIIIIIII -is ongle pan JA.com -wan man can win MISS UNIVERSE beauty coantess…. Is weh X deh??
X peep out fram behine de curtain agen
X: Wah dat yuh she – mi win??? Any money involve??? – wah mi get???
R+ gi X im MISS JA>COM cape an crown an roses…
-X- standup infront a mic, drape inna gown, boquet hugup inna hand, a fling kiss, while tears a run dun face like Halle Berry *)
X: " *sniff*, *sniff*!, this is for all women of color.... Dorothy Dandridge, this is for you, *snif*, Billy Holliday, Madge Sinclair, *bawl*.. mi mada, mi granny,, *more bawling*.... two days later... *still a bawl*.. Kunta Kinte madda, him granny.. Nanny di maroon, Sha... "
And so another day ends in happiness and joy over the little village of Board Lane….
Miss Ja.com Internet
So one day the people of board lane got together and decided that with so many lovely ladies on the board -it was high time that they had a beauty pageant…
So alla de man dem get tugedda an ah try decide who fe do wah… caws evribaddi waan deh pan de comittee
KINGY: lol - Well since as everybadi know she mi ah de moas well spoken wan an de bes spella mi waan be de announca… ah jus hope she de rakkla nuh jump out an friten dem wen dem ah ansa dem qwestian - lol
NEUTRAL: Baws - mi she sumtimes de sitten jus hitch up inna de wrang place an mi nuh know how fe fix it – especially wen ah pretty ooman deh nearby…
BIGBOOIE: At lease it no happen tu you innah church..you feel very sinful when dem tings deh happen..but some a di sistah dem look sweet like lycrish..especially when dem young anna jump up and dung...~~~lord forgive mi but mi know you know what I know~~
X: bredren mi know di feeling. Mi just adjust it right there, and shake out the pants foot. Di woman no tend fi mind anyhow, cause she a meck use a di event.
NEUTRAL: BOAL@-x-,,,bwoy a good advise dat,yu rite,women have a way of observing without even showing it,I always wonder how a woman can eye up a guy and de poor man dont even know shi a tape him
dem subtle bad...a how dem dweet?
KINGY: LOL killa, waam to when it guh troo de likkle whole on de boxer and jus a an bug you. mi always lkook cool because as soon as big bwoy rise, mi hand inna pocket. – ooyyy unu mek sure she de tuxedo weh mi ah go wear have pockit yah - lol
BIM: when mi sitten get ina bind..mi haffe adjust an keep steppin jus shake yuh pance leg ar be ah man an fix ie in fronta everybaddy
JAHLIVE: wwaapin to ooonu baws – mi nuh come yah fe chat bout unu an unu dyam pance front yuh nuh - tell mi wish wan de ooman dem mi ah go get
CAPITALL: Fe real Jah… watch yah nuh – mi waan deh pan de judging panel fe de one tring bikini – oonu call mi wen dem start magle dat
R+: yes good idea – lets all drink to the one piece bikini “hic” –
R+ pours some jancrow batty fe de man dem an dem drink an ah chat bout who ah go judge wah
Meanwhile de ladies dem ova inna de dressing room inna tizzy
ESP: Rahtid – mi chiney weave ah drap out… enny baddy have likkle crazy glue can spare so mi can pyaase ei. Back een?
NICKY: yuh lucky yuh nuh mi always carry wan spare tube fe pyaae een back Jahlive false teet afta mi tump dem out…
TECKY: DWL – mi nuh know why u still deh wid dat jancrow hed bway – de amount ah time im gi yuh bun – yu can get betta dan dat yuh know Nicky… nat becaws yuh leg dem so maaga but yuh have a nice personality…
NICKY: Tecky - a coulda nevva mi long, sexy legs dem yuh ah call maaga – ah dem legs here gwine win mi de tikle tiddeh so tan deh… an besides Jahlive ah mi likkle custard Apple – ah choo de likkle skettel dem always ah push up dem self pan im but mi know seh ah mi him really love…
ESP: yes you an every odda dam skirt pan board lane… pass de glue gimme before mi hair drap awf.
YAADIE an TIFFY *BOAL* an roll dem yeye dem an continue put awn dem cloze
CHICKIEe: All mi know seh is dat wen I walk in front ah de judge dem inna dis see troo frack wid nutten undaneet mi muss tek de fuss prize…
SABRE: I really don’t know why you all even bothered to enter… I`M A NATURALLY AVERAGE/PETITE WOMAN. (SIZE 9-10 HEIGHT 5,5 WEIGHT 150 – My mere presence commands respect and most men gravitate to my ambiance – there is no way you can win over ME
JEDI: but Lawd hivvis mercy pan mi big behine yah tiddeh… Girlfren ah doan wan insult yuh tiddeh, but yuh ask fe it Yuh see man? Dem ten to gravitate tuh wha look easy and cheap. Get mi drift. And Sabah, you seemed to be timid and shy, a knock out?? To some maybe, but you aint no beauty contest material
LIKKLEK: BOAL – Oyy deh EP go dung more pon di tilet seat mek mi cotch.....
fawt cause it is getting hot in here tidey....
SABRE: Most guys want a steroetype of a woman, you know the woman with big breasts, thick thighs, a big butts, and STILL have a flat stomach. Alot of guys like me becuz Im cute, not becuz I am curvy. But I do get alot of hate from people that are PLUS SIZED,. Alot of times people assume that the big girls are the only ones that get hated on, but really that is not the case. BIG ISN'T BEAUTIFUL, BIG IS UNHEALTHY
BIG GURLZ, IF YOU GET YOUR MINDS TIGHT AS WELL AS YOUR BODIES YOU ALL CAN BE SECURE! FEEL ME?!
TUFFSTUFF: Yah know Saybah dawling – yuh is canfusin mi - I think some people might get offended by this. Me being a size 4, I don't mind, but the size 9/10 and up ppl, well, the fat makes them sensitive to helpful advice. I don't know why Sabe, I don't know why..
PEPPA: Tuffy, yuh batty a heng ovah di side a di soapbox. Me tink yuh too fat fi be inna miss JA.com INtaNET campetishan dwl
TUFFY: *DWL* MI BATTY IS NAT FAT, IT IS BEAUTIFUL!!!!! An wen mi win de tikle ah doan waan none ah oonu fat batty oomens to stan up side ah mi -matta ah fack none ah de maaga batty wan dem needa – if yuh nuh AVERAGE – oonu nuh qualify…
INDIRA: MI his canfused to to rahtid… since when is being 5' 5" and 150 not fat? are you using the AMA standards?
TECKY: Unuh tek time wid har nuh. She is young in many ways...she is just a babe. We as older heads should just guide har and advise har.
Bwoy unuh touchy eh? Look how unuh jump pon di likkle girl. A true what she touch unuh button? Unuh tan deh an mek she get to you, me know seh mi not small but mi shape good and mi feel good bout mi self. Batty nice and round and it all comes together lovely.
ESP: watch yah ah who ah fool yuh Tecky -dat deh lumpy sitten weh yhu gat roun ah back dat nuh look roun to mi it look square DWL
SABRE: (((HUGUPMISELF))) unu nuh undastan this is not a j/k its serius
TUFFY: but Lawd -look how oonu mek de gyal ah huggup herself - This is most concerning to witniss!!!
JAZZ: BOAL -tuffy yuh doan have a dam sense – oonu tan deh watch odda people an nuh si seh ah time fe de sitten start an mi know she fe mi maaga batty ah go win dis
All the women quickly gather up their gowns an belongings an start line up at de door
KINGY: (Reading offa wan paypa) Dearly beloved we are gaddad here today to jine dis man an ooman… wait… oh sarry man ah de wrang sitten mi ah read – lol – (tek out wan nex paypa an start read agen)
YES goodly people of Ja.com – we waan fe si oo ah de bes ah de bes pan we intanet Jamaica lol… so all de sexy baddy gyals please to come pan stage an magle oonu sinting dem mek we si.
We ave JAHLIVE, CAPY, an R+ as judges so oonu affe walk stoosh pass dem an jiggle oonu batty so dem can judge oonu lol den mi affe aks oonu some qwestian…
De ooman dem run up pan de stage an start magle in front ah de judge dem… de judge dem yeye stawt boggle an everybaddy stawt adjus dem pance…
LINDA: **ahem** (clearing troat)
Well first i would like to say i wish for world peace....
R+ : strike out Linda name inna im book - I don't want to hear no j'cans.com contestants bawling out for "World Peace" hic – just magle de bading suits dem mek we si
JAHLIVE: touch mi fe dat R+ - ah dat mi ah she – oonu nuh badda wid de lang talking jus magle de swimsuit dem mek we si [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
Linda run awf de stage an ah bawl
CHICKIE: Good - dat mean wan less fe mi tump - mi mean win genst [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
CAPY: KINGY – OYY BAWS mi ah run go ah bawtroom - wen dem put awn di 1 piece tring bathing suit unnu call mi
INDIRA: Mi a PROTEST!!
DIS DOES NAT REPRESENT DI BIG AN BEAUTIFUL!
KINGY fling INDIRA offa de stage
KINGY: gwaan outta door wid yuh protess mi cyaan tek de nize ah mi head…
ESP: BOAL – yuh si har yellow baggy wen KINGY dash har affa de stage – mi seh mi nearly bline to rakstone - wwaiiiiiiiii – das 2 dung - who else ah go get fling awf….
KINGY: ESP dis qwestian is for you…which jamaicans.com man wuld you slam and why? would you do it because is world peace?
ESP: but ah wah kine ah ediat qwestian dat?? Cho… well to ansa yuh qwestian mi woulda slam de whole ah dem wid or widout world peace an mi woulda slam Jazz or Boogie if is Tuesday… furdamore – mi is a equal opportunity slamma so mi all slam miself if nuhbaddy nuh deh bout…
KINGY: BLOWSBAUGHT – u sound like yuh studies serial killing slamming to raccus – good ansa dat still
ALL A de judge dem put ten star side ah ESP name an write dung har numba inna dem address book
CAPITALL: dem a wear too much clothes man .. 1 piece STRING bikini wi waan dem wera King .. nat 2 .. WAN ..
KINGY: Dis qwestian is fe CHICKIE… If you were to visit america right now, where would u go?
CHICKIE: my final answer will have to be Jahlive yard
* whisper inna Jahlive ears a hope yuh know seh a one 10 fi da ansa deh*
EP - not be outdone wispa inna Jahlive aize…
“Look fram when mi a wait pan yuh fi gi yuh a likkle peice rouna back
Yuh betta gi mi di crown arelse mi a guh scandal yuh likkle red bahine”
Den she tun roun an stawt wave to d crowd…
KINGY si wat ah gwaan….
KINGY: umm jahlive, you dismmised from being a judge. you tekkin bribry an if any baddy gwine get bribe tiddeh is mi nat yuh – so yuh dismissed [img]/forums/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img]
JAHLIVE: But King how yuh coulda do mi so star – yuh done know she mi ah go share dem wid yuh man… cho! Mi jus ah set up tings fe mi an yuh fe layta
KINGY: Awrite den baws - wan laas chance but yuh si if yuh nuh gi mi wan ah de gyal dem an gwine si to it dat de ongle ting yuh judge fe de res ah yuh life is chi – chi man cantess…
JAHLIVE: Yes sah mi pramise mi naw go tek nuttin more fram dem crass im finga behine im back – excep ah rooks rung ah back ah GRANDMA2 shop [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
So de contest continued – all de ooman dem ah try bribe de judge dem an KINGY ah aks qwestian an every now an again im putim han in im packit an mek a few adjustments…
SUDDENLY – wan commotion pan stage an X walk out inna wan leopard print thong wid im baddy well ile up… an im tird leg hanging dung to im knee…
Moas ah de woman dem faint wen dem si dat
X: Well I want world peace… and…
LAWD GAD – mi did tink dis was a contess fe men sarry…
X run back behine de curtain
an peep back out
X: Oyy bway Jahlive tap write inna yu notepad man - nuh mek mi haffe come out deh an blackup yuh yeye fe yuh…
JAHLIVE: move yuh ashy foot self bway ah CHICKIE mi ah write dung direcshans to mi yard so she nuh laas wen she come ah farrin… (Wonda how long it tek fe walk fram de airport to Flatbush Avenue???)
NICKY: Wah yu seh - write dung direcshans fe who??? [img]/forums/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img]
NICKY tump Jahlive inna im mout an alla im false teet dem fly out
JAHLIVE: sho Nicky man why yuh thu that fah, ith thwy mi wath thwying to elp har – thoo she nuh know nuhbaddy ah farrin… ith KINGY ath mi fe do that…
NICKY: (pyaase enn back JAH LIVE teet dem) oh sarry mi likle tinking toe – yuh know seh mi ongle lick yuh out ah love nuh choo
JAHLIVE: Wan day, wan day wan ah fe yuh love lick dem ah go kill mi :BEX:
Wink affa CHICKIE wen Nicky nah look
KINGY: Anyway – we ave to choose a winner… an we are polling de awdience… please tek up de voting slate an chalk unda oonu seat an write dung de name of yuh faverit cantestant… lol
SUKUNA: Voting slate an chalk???
oonu doan hear bout tecknalagy? Dem have computa devices fe dese tings yuh nuh – weh yuh jus push a button… as a matta a FACK… 90% of the places in Europe that *I * have been to utilize these devices - you really need to travel around more and broaden yoru horizons…KINGY: Oh yeah???! Well broaden dis…
KINGY fling Sukuna outta door an lack wid dead bolt
KINGY: Antil such time as you are ready to apalagize to de un teknalagical planners of the MISS JA>COM INTANET campetishan - yuh will haffe tan outta door an peep troo de keyhole… lol
PEPPA: *BOAL* - yes serve har right -she need fe tap tell people bout de two street weh she know an gwaan like she ah world traveler…
People tek out dem slate an chalk an start write
IRIE DAWTA: Ahhmmm… can someone please tell mi wat de patwa word is for tight body and superb physique??
KINGY tek weh har slate an chalk
KINGY: mi aks fe name - wat in GADs hebben yuh waan know dat fah lol – mi disqualify yuh vote on de grounds dat yuh tink too dam much…
In de meantime Bim ah try copy affa Simmy slate
BIM: Simmy yuh look so lovely tiddeh -move yuh han likle mek ah si yuh slate ah mean mek ah si yuh lovely wrist nuh…
SIMMY: is wah yuh want bway – doan come renk yuhself wid mi tiddeh yuh nuh – mek ah warn yuh fram now dat mi carry wan pan ah dutty wata inna mi hanbag jus fe yuh [img]/forums/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img]
BIM: :BEX: das why some ah oonu cyan get no man yuh nuh -yuh too dam kantankarus… like mi did waan si yuh scaly awm anyway – mi done get mi ansa arreddi so gwey!
SIMMY: shut yuh dam mout bway yuh tinking bret ah mek de chalk swivel up…
Bim cova up im mout wid im han an ah try smell im bret
CNTRYGAL: Bway mi nevva know she ah so it hard fe draw sumaddy??
ACKEEGIRL: den is wat yuh drawing Cntry -dem she we fe write de name dung nat draw de sumaddy DWL - den ah wah dat lang sitten inna demiggle deh???
CNTRYGAL: Missis nuh X tird leg mi ah try draw but it look like de slate nuh big enufff *DWL*
They both BOAL and turn in dem slates
R+: OK the good people of Board Lane have spoken by slate poll an we have a winner….
KINGY stawy stamp im foot an galang like ah drum roll im ah gi
the winner by overwhelming majority… 30 votes, and two sketches… is “X”…
JAZZ: SASCRISE!!!! - Genkle JEEZAS meek an mild – if ah lawf ah ded!!! -WAAIIIIIIIIIII -is ongle pan JA.com -wan man can win MISS UNIVERSE beauty coantess…. Is weh X deh??
X peep out fram behine de curtain agen
X: Wah dat yuh she – mi win??? Any money involve??? – wah mi get???
R+ gi X im MISS JA>COM cape an crown an roses…
-X- standup infront a mic, drape inna gown, boquet hugup inna hand, a fling kiss, while tears a run dun face like Halle Berry *)
X: " *sniff*, *sniff*!, this is for all women of color.... Dorothy Dandridge, this is for you, *snif*, Billy Holliday, Madge Sinclair, *bawl*.. mi mada, mi granny,, *more bawling*.... two days later... *still a bawl*.. Kunta Kinte madda, him granny.. Nanny di maroon, Sha... "
And so another day ends in happiness and joy over the little village of Board Lane….
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