Tweet
<span style="font-size: 11pt">
SCENE: JAMAICA PARLIAMENT,Kingston. September 19th.
SPEAKER of the House: Good morning honorable ladies and gentlemen,It gives me great pleasure to introduce to this house several gentlemen most respected in their communities and also known by most of you as "Area Leaders" or Dons.They have long wanted to address this house on the issue of crime-fighting. Without further ado may I introduce KILLA SPENG from PNP crew and PICKNEY FE-DED JLP crew.
Clap,clap,clap,clap.the House rises in rapturous standing ovation . Pow,pow pow goes the gunshots as the two guests let-off celebratory gunfire into the ceiling. More applause and shouts. "Yes KILLA u dey ya", "PICKNEY FE-DED u is da Don" !
SPEAKER: Settle down,settle down people this is a historic day for Jamaica!
The excitement dies down in anticipation
SPEAKER: Now then, KILLA SPENG and PICKNEY FE-DED, we are all well aware that crime is you business and as such we are most
interested in what you popular gentlemen have to say on the subject. Please address the House.
The two guests rise in unison,both sporting diamond studded D& G sunglasses, thick gold chains with dollar signs.They are dressed in their party colours and both with drop-down pants with matching silk boxers.
PICKNEY FED-DED: Hail me bredrins and sistrins, I am wanna sey a few words 'bout dis crime bullshyte. Crime dey all ova de worl, unno hear me ,crime dey all over de worl and I man caan stan fe hear all did talk lakka ongle we one dat have crime
shouts of "yes yute,talk". another noisy standing ovation
SPEAKER: Calm down gentlemen, please mek the yute express his wisdom.
PICKNEY FE-DED: Yeah an me sey to all a u men: wat is crime? Crime dey ya from gad mek Adam and Eve and Adam grine Eve so is so it fe stay till farda gad come back!
Interruption again with loud shouts,"yes PICKNEY FE-DED u have wisdom", "talk yute talk"
PICKNEY FE-DED: Me av nuff more fe sey but mea give de mike to KILLA SPENG
KILLA SPENG: Tenk u PICKNEY, all me waan sey is wat dis place gwine do bout dose eediat bwoy and copple gal dem a farrin..is dat me waan know!
SPEAKER: Who u speaking about Mr KILLA ?
KILLA SPENG: Wey u mean who mea speak bout? me a chat bout dem raa* Claa* CRIMINAL dem pan intanet ( PICKNEY FE-DED hands him a peice of paper. he tries to read it)..arm..arm yeah 20 crate a red stripe,10 box a craven A..
PICKNEY FE-DED: No KILLA read d adda side- dats me shoppin lis.sarry.
KILLA SPENG: (reads the other side)..oh yeah dese intanet criminal dem name..arm..a wey dis POP-HALF, DO-NUT VOTE,JOANCAKES, SCRIPTURE one gal name JAWCRASH an a nex one name FRY BRED. Yeah dese p***yhole dem a write all kine a sittn fe give Jamaica bad name..so me a ask wey
de house gwine do but dem ya criminal ?
THE ENTIRE HOUSE IS SILENT.MEMBERS SHAKING HEADS IN DESPAIR.
SPEAKER: KILLA do you and your bredrin have any idea what to do ?
KILLA SPENG: Yeah well if u tell we how to get to dat place call INTANUTS we we deal wid dem [censored]
PICKNEY FE-DED : Lissn me, I man know bout dat, dem tink we is eediat..all we haffi do is fine a intanet caf,log aan and buss two shot chrew de computa screen dem an run out everybaddy outta de place
KILLA SPENG: Dats wat I call crime-fightin, bwoy me never know u so smart PICKNEY..an all we haffi do is shoot up all adde computa dem all over Jamaica.
THE HOUSE BURST OUT IN RAPTUROUS APPLAUSE and shouts "genius","wisdom","we get save"
SPEAKER: Order gentlemen order, order. This House is adjourned for the day, order,order !</span>