I've thrown in the towel

[mountaingal]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Gen</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Oh my. I was rootin for the marriage but lessons learned. Life is all about learning. (((separated dawta)))

I think, based on what I see from you on the board, that you raised them to be very independent and open minded women. From the little I read, I just didn't get that vibe from the groom. (I could be wrong though).</div></div>

he's a simple guy. and he's a jamaican guy. all he wants is to get a work, hang with his male friends, go party and drink, and then come home. he has no concept, really, of married life, because his friends are unmarried. his own mother experienced domestic abuse in her marriage, and this was after she asked him to leave their home because he couldnt get on with her husband. i think he's one of those guys (like my ex) who wanted a woman who was secure in her role and herself, because it would relieve him of having to tend to her feelings.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">You did a fine job with both of them. Look how youngerMgee calculate out her savings by moving closer to school (my kinda girl that with the finance)

Doesn't her school have dorms on campus where she can board ? Or even off campus housing run by the Univeristy ??? </div></div>

we did the math, and it was cheaper to live off-campus. she tried to find a roommate, found one (a classmate), then that fell thru. then she looked at shared accommodation, but most required u to share one bathroom and she couldnt stomach that. she is also very private.

she was the first of the sisters to find a summer job, and is already putting her mind to finding job to take her thru the school year. i co-signed the apartment for her and am helping her with the rent, but she's looking forward to being able to take care of everything herself. my mother has pitched in with furniture and household goods.

we're all a little bit in awe of her and her purposefulness. she was born at home enuh, i always say she didnt want to wait till i got to the hospital. always a special girl, that's why i fear sometimes that maybe she's marked or something, that she'll burn bright and short.

[Yuriatin]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

Oh my word.

I just went back and read ur thread from the start MGee.

Oh my word. God be with you AND ur daughter and families. You've been so good - so strong. I don't think my nerves could've taken it.

Just from what I've read, my personal feeling - their separation, divorce actually, is best. Best for all. She needs to keep it moving. No need to even worrry about meeting someone new and falling in love. It'll happen when it happens. She's soooo young - has soooo much time. What's the rush? I don't understand.

My mom always says - we live life forward, but understand it backward.

[mountaingal]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

thanks, yuri. tell the truth, the whole situation nearly broke me. i put on heaps of weight, and had to go to counselling, which helped a great deal.

i'm enjoying the freedom from drama, having my house back, and am starting this week with a personal trainer. i've cut dawta some slack (i was adamant that she had to move out, husband or not), and am trying to see with her. compared to younger dawta, older dawta is very much a late bloomer. she wants things, but getting them done is a challenge. i guess in a way that's the story of her marriage.

i like that saying of your mom's. so true.

[Skelly]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

Lawd MG Mi was hoping dat love would conquer all. I hate hearing when ppl seh ppl too young and what not becuz at all stages of life separation and divorce are possible. IMHO It is those who do get married who are brave, because they attempt to defy the odds in love.

I am sure she will be more wary of her life choices in the future as this serves as a learning experience, and she will be more certain about what she is looking for in a partner and what to avoid.


All the best to you and the family

[Yuriatin]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

MGee – this reminds me of my cousin.

She dated a guy for quite a few years and all she wanted to do was get married. Live breathe and sleep the word ‘marriage’. It was around 7 years they were together.

Prolly once a week she let it be known to him that she wanted to get married.

I couldn’t understand it.

He treated less than well – to say the least. His family hated her (yes that’s a hard spot to be in on his part) but he never stuck up for her.

She went to extreme to show that theirs was a ‘great’ relationship and that all is well. She sent herself flowers at work ‘from him’. She bought herself earrings and told everyone they were ‘from him’.

I was a book buyer at the time and her mom/my aunt, asked me to send her this book.

http://www.amazon.com/Lies-Altar-Truth-About-Marriages/dp/1401302564

I did.
<span style="font-style: italic">
(which by the way is a FABULOUS book)</span>

Didn’t help.

Finally, he relented and they married.

Huge – big hullaballo wedding out in California.

I didn’t go. I can’t be a part of foolynish. Nor can I throw away a RT airfare to Cali and big $ on a dress and all the accoutrement, for something everybody knows is pure whack insanity.

I love her – I only want good for her – I actually support her – but I can’t support madness.

Everybody cursed me.
<span style="font-style: italic">
“Yuri yuh too dis, yuh too dat!”</span>

Please.

Fast forward 2 years later – divorced.

Not saying you’re dealing with the same situation –it just came to mind while I was reading your thread.

[Yuriatin]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

But Skelly - love is just the LEAST of it.

A marriage can't stand on love alone.

[Skelly]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

no...love caan go supamawkit...

[mountaingal]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Skelly</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Lawd MG Mi was hoping dat love would conquer all. I hate hearing when ppl seh ppl too young and what not becuz at all stages of life separation and divorce are possible. IMHO It is those who do get married who are brave, because they attempt to defy the odds in love.

I am sure she will be more wary of her life choices in the future as this serves as a learning experience, and she will be more certain about what she is looking for in a partner and what to avoid.


All the best to you and the family </div></div>

tx skelly. dawta is still learning. and as i said, she still loves him, but doesnt think they can make a go together. part of it is the uncertainty about his status. they've not been able to truly make a life together because he cannot legally work or study and she is a student. she was working when they got married, then a few weeks later she quit because work was interfering with her schoolwork. he was very upset at that because it added a delay to the immigration process, the lawyer wouldnt put in the paperwork until dawta got another job. that all added i think to the stress of their relationship and because they are both immature, they cannot put things in persepective and talk things thru without getting mad at each other.

if i had the money i would pay for them to get marriage counselling.

[Yuriatin]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

Sounds like they didn't think things thru - like they put a lot of cart before the horse - or HAD no cart. I'm talking where the immigration matters are concerned.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: MGee</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Skelly</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Lawd MG Mi was hoping dat love would conquer all. I hate hearing when ppl seh ppl too young and what not becuz at all stages of life separation and divorce are possible. IMHO It is those who do get married who are brave, because they attempt to defy the odds in love.

I am sure she will be more wary of her life choices in the future as this serves as a learning experience, and she will be more certain about what she is looking for in a partner and what to avoid.


All the best to you and the family </div></div>

tx skelly. dawta is still learning. and as i said, she still loves him, but doesnt think they can make a go together. part of it is the uncertainty about his status. they've not been able to truly make a life together because he cannot legally work or study and she is a student. she was working when they got married, then a few weeks later she quit because work was interfering with her schoolwork. he was very upset at that because it added a delay to the immigration process, the lawyer wouldnt put in the paperwork until dawta got another job. that all added i think to the stress of their relationship and because they are both immature, they cannot put things in persepective and talk things thru without getting mad at each other.

if i had the money i would pay for them to get marriage counselling. </div></div>

[Seveen]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

sorry i asked

[mountaingal]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

meh. life. que sera, sera.

[Wendy]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

A mother's instinct is always right.
Hope you don't mind me saying this MG but I have to be honest. I am surprised the separation has occurred this fast but <span style="text-decoration: underline">not</span> surprised it happened at all.

Hope she has taken some life lessons from this experience .
ETA: She will be better for it in the long run. You had to let her learn on her own but shi shoulda did lissen to yuh dowe

[MsExced]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

(((MGee and daughters)))

We live and we learn

[Skelly]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

mi madda always seh &quot;hard aise muss feel&quot;

[Nunya]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

How old were you when you struck out on your own?