How to handle a snooty relative?

[Tropicana]

A friend of mine told me about a relative who grew up under very difficult and poor circumstances in Jamaica. Other relatives helped her mother and siblings. She got to go to high school on scholarship as a border and eventually migrated to Canada and she has done well.

When the family went back to Jamaica she noticed that this relative snubbed some of the country relatives. It became so obvious that they noticed.

What would be the best way to handle this snooty relation?

[Wahalla]

A friend of mine told me about a relative who grew up under very difficult and poor circumstances in Jamaica. Other relatives helped her mother and siblings. She got to go to high school on scholarship as a border and eventually migrated to Canada and she has done well.

When the family went back to Jamaica she noticed that this relative snubbed some of the country relatives. It became so obvious that they noticed.

What would be the best way to handle this snooty relation?

Has any one asked the relative who was poor why she was selective with how she dealt with her relatives... This is their only part of the narrative....what about his or hers ?

i have a friend who was in a similar circumstance and the more fortunate who helped him repeatedly publicly berated him close to tears. They embiggened themselves in church by publicly detailing how much they were spending on him...and they were called good people and christian and he should be grateful...

.. he went on to do great things... and he never spoke to them again.. his logic was they paid for him but they got more than the moneys work by their deliberate cruelty....

if i need something send to help out some one i send him the money::::::: and i know it will be deployed for the purpose it was intended and for the person iti is intended without the fanfare and noise that Jamaican non goverment organistion does things and all the money will be given for the purpose it was sent not some hived off as often happens...

Charity needs no acknowledgement....

[j-kid]

An intervention.

[Tropicana]

How should the relatives approach it? Should they arrange to pay a visit together and confront her? They live in different provinces and some live in the USA.

[blugiant]

How should the relatives approach it? Should they arrange to pay a visit together and confront her? They live in different provinces and some live in the USA.

more to itt dan dat

[Tropicana]

Okay break it dung fe me and I will tell you what has happened so far.

[twiney]

How should the relatives approach it? Should they arrange to pay a visit together and confront her? They live in different provinces and some live in the USA.

Was she given a loan with an obligation to repay and did not? Why should there be conditions attached to the help her family got? You know as Wahalla said who knows how much she has already repaid through their actions.

What is the rest of the story?

[Tropicana]

Was she given a loan with an obligation to repay and did not? Why should there be conditions attached to the help her family got? You know as Wahalla said who knows how much she has already repaid through their actions.

What is the rest of the story?

Loans? Who said anything about loans? There were no loans.

I am not sure what our resident warlock has said. he has a way of distorting any issue to cause confusion based on his own issues and hang-ups.

Back to the facts.

She was helped by family members until she could stand on her own feet. Now she is snubbing and looking down on other family members who are poor. She has never snubbed or been snooty to the people who helped her, quite the opposite...she is friendly to them.

She is friendly to family members who have done well and she snubs family members who are struggling or who she does not perceive as being her equal in terms of education and accomplishment.

No one should be snooty...period. The point is especially given where she is coming from, she really should be the last one to turn up her nose at others who are less fortunate. She should have more empathy and compassion than that.

[j-kid]

Yuh neva heard of kids who are embarrassed by dem parents who are say, pit toilet cleaners, strippers, prostitutes, maids, butlers, etc, whe slave fi meksure dem had a better life dan dem, an dem tun round shame ah di parents fi wha dem haffi duh pu put food pan di table, roof ova dem head, and sen dem to di best schools?

Maybi wan ah di elders need fi shat har two good bax an ah stern talking tuh fi straighten har out?

[blugiant]

mii neva figgit sumwan woo came upp fram ja askinn mii iff mii memba wat dem didd fe mii wen mii was youngar ann mii tell dem no. like dat mean mii ave obligatesham fe fe give dem sintinn no.

ask mii relative bout dat dem tarted fe laff cah itt fimi peeps woo use fe eelp ar out

[Wahalla]

Yuh neva heard of kids who are embarrassed by dem parents who are say, pit toilet cleaners, strippers, prostitutes, maids, butlers, etc, whe slave fi meksure dem had a better life dan dem, an dem tun round shame ah di parents fi wha dem haffi duh pu put food pan di table, roof ova dem head, and sen dem to di best schools?

Maybi wan ah di elders need fi shat har two good bax an ah stern talking tuh fi straighten har out?

Shi ah big sumadi....shi decide how shi live ar life....not no busy badi relatives who wan decided how shi fi bi.
Dis gwane end badly....watch an si....

[Reggae plus]

I wonder if she's so much snooty as maybe uncomfortable and perhaps embarrassed? She was put into a position to succeed. It seems that maybe that intention is now a work in progress. Could it be that so far the woman in question is not in a financial position to really pay back the people who helped her step forward and that she feels a sense of shame that she isn't there yet?

That's the benefit of the doubt scenario.

Otherwise....what's the deal Missy?

As for helping others out along the way...it MUST be kept to oneself. Otherwise it isn't help as much as it is a millstone...a 'gift' with weighty attachments...a way of belittlement and of undermining the very individual you supposedly lent a helping hand to.

How can you lift an individual up and offer a push forward if you have your foot plated firmly pon their neck...and self esteem?

[blugiant]

I wonder if she's so much snooty as maybe uncomfortable and perhaps embarrassed? She was put into a position to succeed. It seems that maybe that intention is now a work in progress. Could it be that so far the woman in question is not in a financial position to really pay back the people who helped her step forward and that she feels a sense of shame that she isn't there yet?

That's the benefit of the doubt scenario.

Otherwise....what's the deal Missy?

As for helping others out along the way...it MUST be kept to oneself. Otherwise it isn't help as much as it is a millstone...a 'gift' with weighty attachments...a way of belittlement and of undermining the very individual you supposedly lent a helping hand to.

How can you lift an individual up and offer a push forward if you have your foot plated firmly pon their neck...and self esteem?

r+

wen peeps tarted label peeps snootee, itt more bout da peeps woo iss labelinn dan de parsan beinn label. psychological guilt trippinn ting a gawn fe gitt sumwan fe do wat dem waan da ooman fe do

juss tink aff oww sum peeps pon yah label mii

wii awl gitt likkle help butt fe gawn like dat obligate peeps to generational povertee iss wrang. ar yuh tellinn mii dat shi annoo da onlee wan woo got help ann ar dem ooldinn everewan dem help to da same tandards

itt like da yaawd oomen woo chatt bout wat shi didd fe mii wen mii likkle barelee out aff mii nappy ann xxpekk fe be compensated now dat mii oldah was wrang.

wat appen fe peeps woo doinn ting fe eelp sumwan cah itt da rite ting fe do

[blugiant]

Shi ah big sumadi....shi decide how shi live ar life....not no busy badi relatives who wan decided how shi fi bi.
Dis gwane end badly....watch an si....

realitee yuh chattinn ear wahalla

wen sum aff mii yaawd realitives tri diss dem kno mii nah lissen to fe dem foolishness

[twiney]

I highlighted the word confront in the original post because it raises the question was she helped with conditions attached to the help that would warrant a confrontation. Confrontation normal comes from a different place than getting to understand where the person is at. Sometimes a person look like them making it and have enough give somebody else when they are really struggling or just breaking even. Girl of Jamaican decent said she no bother go Jamaica anymore to hang with family as is pure hand middle shi si every time she go out there or if they call her. Poor girl trying to save a little money for deposit on her house.

The woman might very well be looking down on the others but she might not be. Still waiting for Tropi to come with the full story so we can decide if she really being snotty or she being labelled unfairly. But seriously Tropi was she helped with the expectation that she would help the others and was this communicated to her?