How to handle a snooty relative?

[Tropicana]

Yuh neva heard of kids who are embarrassed by dem parents who are say, pit toilet cleaners, strippers, prostitutes, maids, butlers, etc, whe slave fi meksure dem had a better life dan dem, an dem tun round shame ah di parents fi wha dem haffi duh pu put food pan di table, roof ova dem head, and sen dem to di best schools?

Yes I have heard of that. It is ridiculous.

Maybi wan ah di elders need fi shat har two good bax an ah stern talking tuh fi straighten har out?

One of them told her off a while back about her attitude but this was so blatant, she needs a refresher.

[Tropicana]

I highlighted the word confront in the original post because it raises the question was she helped with conditions attached to the help that would warrant a confrontation. Confrontation normal comes from a different place than getting to understand where the person is at. Sometimes a person look like them making it and have enough give somebody else when they are really struggling or just breaking even. Girl of Jamaican decent said she no bother go Jamaica anymore to hang with family as is pure hand middle shi si every time she go out there or if they call her. Poor girl trying to save a little money for deposit on her house.

The woman might very well be looking down on the others but she might not be. Still waiting for Tropi to come with the full story so we can decide if she really being snotty or she being labelled unfairly. But seriously Tropi was she helped with the expectation that she would help the others and was this communicated to her?

No there was no expectation that she help anyone else...not even close.....but no one expected her to turn out to be a snob and look down on other relatives. No one was begging her anything either.

She seems to be ashamed of her upbringing based on the things she says.

She said "I spent the first 15 years of my life in the country and I have no use for it I am a city girl." and "I have no memories before the age of 15."

She would not go near some relatives. She was SO rude that the relatives noticed it and they were hurt. (By the way, these relatives do not know that this young lady was given help. They just know that she was rude and she snubbed them for no reason). The funny thing is she knows their siblings who live in the US and Canada. She was really rude too. One example: One time when she came and saw them she said "I thought you guys were leaving" followed by "In that case I'm going to my bed early."

There was more too.

What ended up happening was one of them phone his brother in Toronto who knows her and told him what was happening. He called her and let her have it. After that and after she saw no one else was being snooty, there was some improvement.

[Tropicana]

mii neva figgit sumwan woo came upp fram ja askinn mii iff mii memba wat dem didd fe mii wen mii was youngar ann mii tell dem no. like dat mean mii ave obligatesham fe fe give dem sintinn no.

ask mii relative bout dat dem tarted fe laff cah itt fimi peeps woo use fe eelp ar out

No one is rubbing what they did in this chick's face. Not even close.

[Tropicana]

I wonder if she's so much snooty as maybe uncomfortable and perhaps embarrassed? She was put into a position to succeed. It seems that maybe that intention is now a work in progress. Could it be that so far the woman in question is not in a financial position to really pay back the people who helped her step forward and that she feels a sense of shame that she isn't there yet?

No one is asking her to help someone...just expecting that she won't be rude and snooty.

That's the benefit of the doubt scenario.

Otherwise....what's the deal Missy?

As for helping others out along the way...it MUST be kept to oneself. Otherwise it isn't help as much as it is a millstone...a 'gift' with weighty attachments...a way of belittlement and of undermining the very individual you supposedly lent a helping hand to.

I agree.

How can you lift an individual up and offer a push forward if you have your foot plated firmly pon their neck...and self esteem?

For sure but no one is doing it this the chick. She seems to have some unresolved issues from her childhood.

[Tropicana]

r+

wen peeps tarted label peeps snootee, itt more bout da peeps woo iss labelinn dan de parsan beinn label. psychological guilt trippinn ting a gawn fe gitt sumwan fe do wat dem waan da ooman fe do

Really, how can you come to this conclusion when she was out and out rude and the people she was rude to noticed it and so did others.

juss tink aff oww sum peeps pon yah label mi

How you come into dis boss? You snooty too?

wii awl gitt likkle help butt fe gawn like dat obligate peeps to generational povertee iss wrang. ar yuh tellinn mii dat shi annoo da onlee wan woo got help ann ar dem ooldinn everewan dem help to da same tandards

She is not the only one who got help...but no one else is being snooty and rude.

itt like da yaawd oomen woo chatt bout wat shi didd fe mii wen mii likkle barelee out aff mii nappy ann xxpekk fe be compensated now dat mii oldah was wrang.

Ah THIS is how you come into this. Clearly that woman was WAY out of line.

Anyway, you don't strike me as the type of person who would be snooty or snub anybody.

wat appen fe peeps woo doinn ting fe eelp sumwan cah itt da rite ting fe do

I agree.

[blugiant]

Really, how can you come to this conclusion when she was out and out rude and the people she was rude to noticed it and so did others.


How you come into dis boss? You snooty too?


She is not the only one who got help...but no one else is being snooty and rude.



Ah THIS is how you come into this. Clearly that woman was WAY out of line.

Anyway, you don't strike me as the type of person who would be snooty or snub anybody.



I agree.

yes, mii ear similar ting sed bout mii cah mii doan tallarate peeps foolishness ann mii focus pon gittinn wat mii waan

tropi mii peeps add likkle store inn ja plus peeps a farren too so peeps treated mii diffarantlee ann got upset wen mii diss sum aff dem woo chat behind mii bakk. mii neva rude to aneewan furst butt mii will respand inn kind. deer iss reason y mi snob certain rude peeps. juss seyinn yuh natt seeinn da whole pitchas ann deer iss more goinn awn. peeps ar natt rude ann snob peeps widdout a reason

[Tropicana]

yes, mii ear similar ting sed bout mii cah mii doan tallarate peeps foolishness ann mii focus pon gittinn wat mii waan

There is a difference between thta and being rude to people who had done nothing to you.

tropi mii peeps add likkle store inn ja plus peeps a farren too so peeps treated mii diffarantlee ann got upset wen mii diss sum aff dem woo chat behind mii bakk.

If they chatted behind your back they deserved to be dissed.

mii neva rude to aneewan furst butt mii will respand inn kind.

...and that is my point. She was rude...very rude first...for no reason

deer iss reason y mi snob certain rude peeps. juss seyinn yuh natt seeinn da whole pitchas ann deer iss more goinn awn. peeps ar natt rude ann snob peeps widdout a reason

Well it was the first time she met these people so what possible reason could she have had to be rude to them from they arrived?

Please break it down for me as I am not seeing it.

I suppose you are trying to say that my friend should get her snooty relative's side of the story before she blasts her.

[blugiant]

There is a difference between thta and being rude to people who had done nothing to you.


...and that is my point. She was rude...very rude first...for no reason



Well it was the first time she met these people so what possible reason could she have had to be rude to them from they arrived?

Please break it down for me as I am not seeing it.

I suppose you are trying to say that my friend should get her snooty relative's side of the story before she blasts her.

wat yuh meen by shi was rude?

[Tropicana]

From what I understand:

- as soon as the relatives arrived she disappeared without greeting them and called other family members to deal with them
- she did not speak to them the whole evening and in fact avoided them at the house and later on when the family went out

She had never met them before but knows a sister and 2 brothers. I am not sure if she realized that these were all brothers and sisters of the ones she knows but for sure she knew they were relatives.

My friend says she and her aunt noticed it and talked about it the next day and said "Let's hope they didn't notice it."

The next day.

- one of them tried to speak with her and she pretended she didn't hear and ignored him. He said to my friend "she definitely heard me and made eye contact but she gwan like she nevah heard me."

She was handing out something and he had asked for one. So my friend went and got one and gave it to him. Then, when the snooty one came closer she asked for another one for herself. When the snooty one saw that it had been given to the gentleman, she barked at him. "YOU'RE not supposed to get one." She refused to give my friend another one.

My friend said "Oh you noticed."

He said "Yes, and is de same way she did gwan yestaday."



He spoke gypsy backwards and asked his sisters if the snooty one had spoken to them and the sisters said that she had ignored them too.

As I said they all went back to the house and when the snooty one saw they were there she said "I thought you guys were leaving." One of the relatives who was snubbed said "No actually, we are staying in fact we will be spending the night." She said "In that case, I'M going to bed early." and stormed off.

Oh when the relatives invited the family to come visit them she said "I have no interest in going. I spent the first 15 years of my life in the country and I am a CITY girl and I have no interest in going back."

There was more but I can't remember.

The bottom line is she was extremely...blatantly rude and snooty and for no reason. Not sure why you are trying to debate this.

She was rude and snobbish end of story. Don't want to debate this any further. Accept or reject this as fact.

My question was what is the best way to handle a snooty relative but I guess no one wants to deal with the original question.

If I don't get responses soon I will just ask DearK to delete.

You know de people on here DIFFERENT. Can always count on onoo fe tek a straight forward situation and twist it up.

[Wahalla]

The basic facts of the story seem to throw the entire narrative in doubt...

She said "I spent the first 15 years of my life in the country and I have no use for it I am a city girl." and "I have no memories before the age of 15."

then it becomes..

"I have no interest in going. I spent the first 16 years of my life in the country and I am a CITY girl and I have no interest in going back."

unno wants her to behave as per a prescriptive manner...it is her life her choices, her opnions... she does what she wants not what unno want... there is nothing that u can do...