30+ years of friendship

**Jazz** · 10-02-2008, 05:21 PM

Re: 30+ years of friendship

OK - mi not asking you to tell your bizniz and I appreciate the candor.

I do feel the need to let her know why this has so upset me... but furthermore it is upsetting that I even have to explain that it upsets me - mi jus figga as an artical that she should done know dat. not to mention the feeling of betrayal... I mean I expect boundaries man buondaries \o/

Truthfully at this pointn I don;t even care whether she accepts what I am saying or not - it just has to be said in order for me to get some closure.

If she apologizes - I will accept it but to me the trust is broken irrevocably - I cannot have her back if mi suspeck that she is capable of pulling a stunt like this agen...

**Jazz** · 10-02-2008, 05:24 PM

Re: 30+ years of friendship

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Skelli0n</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Jazz_Obama</div><div class="ubbcode-body">If you have friend for over 30 years and in your mind thsi is your do or die friend - somebody you would tell about the body...

and then that friend does something to betray you / the friendship...

Does that mean that the friendship was never a true one? or dis person just took a turn for the worse? </div></div>

ppl change... </div></div>

I guess so - I just always thought that fundamentally even though we change - our foundation as friends would transcend certain things - but then, I guess if yrou very nature changes u may not be capable of maintianing a friendship like that

**Jazz** · 10-02-2008, 05:26 PM

Re: 30+ years of friendship

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DotCom</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I agree, people change and there is nothing you can do about it. The problem/disappointment come in only when you weren't prepared for the metamorphosis of some friends.

I think say that people's action always sends a signal of warning and it is up to us, the recipients, to heed that warning. Too many of us draw from the history pages and end up getting hurt by friends who have in present time morphed into liars, thiefs, jealous fanatics and murderers of the soul and know you will still be around because you all have history. They know just how to be effective of digging out your eyes them too, because them are the ones closest to you.

All because you cherish and respect true friendship, no mean that people round you do. They will take a yard when you give an inch, so cut her loose, is what I say, before it is too late. </div></div>

WOW Dotcom - u nuh easy at all - u passionate eeh?
but I see your point and it well taken

**Jazz** · 10-02-2008, 05:27 PM

Re: 30+ years of friendship

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Shandra</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Seasons... </div></div>

True Shandra true - but some people manage to have lifetime friendships don;t they???

**LiteBlonde** · 10-02-2008, 05:28 PM

Re: 30+ years of friendship

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">but furthermore it is upsetting that I even have to explain that it upsets me - mi jus figga as an artical that she should done know dat. not to mention the feeling of betrayal... I mean I expect boundaries man buondaries \o/</div></div>

This reminds me of a time I had to explain in details to my best friend at the time, why I found it extremely inappropriate and intolerable for her to call my house and speak with my new boyfriend for a longer than normal period (as in 15 mins to half hour). He claims he didn't want to be rude to my friend and she said that he shouldn't be keeping the conversation going.

They both got zapped.

**Nylah** · 10-02-2008, 05:29 PM

Re: 30+ years of friendship

<span style="font-weight: bold">but furthermore it is upsetting that I even have to explain that it upsets me - mi jus figga as an artical that she should done know dat. not to mention the feeling of betrayal... I mean I expect boundaries man buondaries</span>

I am so in agreement with you on this. That is why for me, at the time, I just felt like I shouldnt have to say a damn thing to the woman.

but if you need closure then say what you need to say and release her and what she has done. Because if you feel like you are going to wonder about her when she is near your loved ones then forget it - You and her are finished.

I dont take the trust business lightly especially when it comes to my family....so if I felt like how you described Jazz, I just couldnt continue it.

It is hard to know that someone can change for the worse like though.

Jazz

<span style="font-style: italic">okay, I REALLY gone for a few hours to actually do some work!</span>

**Nylah** · 10-02-2008, 05:33 PM

Re: 30+ years of friendship

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Jazz_Obama</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Shandra</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Seasons... </div></div>

True Shandra true - but some people manage to have lifetime friendships don;t they??? </div></div>

I still believe in it. I have one friend who inspite of some drama we are better friends than when we were kids. We went thru a seaon of not speaking to each other over some silly -ish. But let me tell you, when I hear her voice on the other end of the phone after 6 years, I cried...yes, mi is very bawlie bawlie like that!

We grew apart but managed to both <span style="font-weight: bold">grow up </span>and now we are the best of friends because in essence we are the same type of people.

**Jazz** · 10-02-2008, 05:36 PM

Re: 30+ years of friendship

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DotCom</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">but furthermore it is upsetting that I even have to explain that it upsets me - mi jus figga as an artical that she should done know dat. not to mention the feeling of betrayal... I mean I expect boundaries man buondaries \o/</div></div>

This reminds me of a time I had to explain in details to my best friend at the time, why I found it extremely inappropriate and intolerable for her to call my house and speak with my new boyfriend for a longer than normal period (as in 15 mins to half hour). He claims he didn't want to be rude to my friend and she said that he shouldn't be keeping the conversation going.

They both got zapped.
</div></div>

*LOL* - u nuh ramp wid certain tings eeh?

**Jazz** · 10-02-2008, 05:41 PM

Re: 30+ years of friendship

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Mary_Sunshine</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
<span style="font-weight: bold">but furthermore it is upsetting that I even have to explain that it upsets me - mi jus figga as an artical that she should done know dat. not to mention the feeling of betrayal... I mean I expect boundaries man buondaries</span>

I am so in agreement with you on this. That is why for me, at the time, I just felt like I shouldnt have to say a damn thing to the woman.

but if you need closure then say what you need to say and release her and what she has done. Because if you feel like you are going to wonder about her when she is near your loved ones then forget it - You and her are finished.

I dont take the trust business lightly especially when it comes to my family....so if I felt like how you described Jazz, I just couldnt continue it.

It is hard to know that someone can change for the worse like though.

Jazz

<span style="font-style: italic">okay, I REALLY gone for a few hours to actually do some work!</span> </div></div>

I am going to say - casue reading back my stuff it sounds a way... is not no man bizniz - caws if ah did dat an it involve mi husban meeda cut har kikikikikiki AH JOKE! - but I would not be going through this angst.
its very different type of betrayal - but it makes me question EVERYTHING including trusting her around my family...

and as you say Sunshine - my mind just keeps running back on teh times we had - and in my head i'm just saying 0 the person I know would not do that... i just don't know what to think... but then I say maybe I should nto judge her by the standard I have set for myself and maybe she tek friendship much lighter than I do...

**julie*mango** · 10-02-2008, 05:42 PM

Re: 30+ years of friendship

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Jazz_Obama</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Skelli0n</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Jazz_Obama</div><div class="ubbcode-body">If you have friend for over 30 years and in your mind thsi is your do or die friend - somebody you would tell about the body...

and then that friend does something to betray you / the friendship...

Does that mean that the friendship was never a true one? or dis person just took a turn for the worse? </div></div>

ppl change... </div></div>

I guess so - I just always thought that fundamentally even though we change - our foundation as friends would transcend certain things - but then, I guess if yrou very nature changes u may not be capable of maintianing a friendship like that </div></div>

I am going thru something similar ... me and this chick been friends since she born...we're born 6 months apart and our mothers were close friends..anyway we always had our different friends as well as our differences but there was always a sister-like friendship between us because we have known each other all our lives...shoot we use to bathe with each other when we was likkle pickney till she buss bress before mi...anyway...3 decades later mi feel like mi nuh know her...mi nuh know di person she has become...mi nuh like di person she has become...mind u she never betray mi trust yet or nothing ...mi jus see how she flex wid other ppl an mi nuh like it...now mi find miself a distance mi self from her...it hurts

**Jazz** · 10-02-2008, 05:42 PM

Re: 30+ years of friendship

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Mary_Sunshine</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Jazz_Obama</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Shandra</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Seasons... </div></div>

True Shandra true - but some people manage to have lifetime friendships don;t they??? </div></div>

I still believe in it. I have one friend who inspite of some drama we are better friends than when we were kids. We went thru a seaon of not speaking to each other over some silly -ish. But let me tell you, when I hear her voice on the other end of the phone after 6 years, I cried...yes, mi is very bawlie bawlie like that!

We grew apart but managed to both <span style="font-weight: bold">grow up </span>and now we are the best of friends because in essence we are the same type of people. </div></div>

Mi feel like the only lifetime fren mi can have ah mi fambly... maybe it's me caws sometimes mi can miserable bad! maybe mi chase people weh

**LiteBlonde** · 10-02-2008, 05:47 PM

Re: 30+ years of friendship

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Jazz_Obama</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
*LOL* - u nuh ramp wid certain tings eeh? </div></div>

LOL, you know Jazz, you right. Not with certain things, because I learn not to be the one holding the ball when the game is over.

Some of these people, we've known them all our lives, and can't figure out when they changed into the heathen they are today. It is hurtful and distressing but if you not careful, they will use jealousy and deceit to ruin your life. Just be careful and let them know that you know when it is time to hit the road.

Your Reality
Your Rules!

**Nylah** · 10-02-2008, 05:49 PM

Re: 30+ years of friendship

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Jazz_Obama</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Mary_Sunshine</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Jazz_Obama</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

Originally posted by Shandra

Seasons... </div></div>

True Shandra true - but some people manage to have lifetime friendships don;t they??? </div></div>

I still believe in it. I have one friend who inspite of some drama we are better friends than when we were kids. We went thru a seaon of not speaking to each other over some silly -ish. But let me tell you, when I hear her voice on the other end of the phone after 6 years, I cried...yes, mi is very bawlie bawlie like that!

We grew apart but managed to both <span style="font-weight: bold">grow up </span>and now we are the best of friends because in essence we are the same type of people. </div></div>

Mi feel like the only lifetime fren mi can have ah mi fambly... maybe it's me caws sometimes mi can miserable bad! maybe mi chase people weh

hush

I dont know you in real life but I dont believe you can be any more miserable than me at times

My family, is my family is my family so I dont bother comparing that kind of "friendship" to any others because everyone you buck up against is gonna disappoint you badly if you do.

You dont push ppl out of your life who shouldnt be pushed because the basis of friendship is mutual common ground.

If this woman wasnt a do or die kind of friend I would say you are overreacting and expecting too much.

But the point is she's a do or die kind of friend and you shouldnt apologize for having high expectations in that kind of friendship. <span style="font-weight: bold">Period. </span>

**Jazz** · 10-02-2008, 05:54 PM

Re: 30+ years of friendship

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Skelli0n</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Jazz_Obama</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Skelli0n</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

Originally posted by Jazz_Obama

If you have friend for over 30 years and in your mind thsi is your do or die friend - somebody you would tell about the body...

and then that friend does something to betray you / the friendship...

Does that mean that the friendship was never a true one? or dis person just took a turn for the worse? </div></div>

ppl change... </div></div>

I guess so - I just always thought that fundamentally even though we change - our foundation as friends would transcend certain things - but then, I guess if yrou very nature changes u may not be capable of maintianing a friendship like that </div></div>

I am going thru something similar ... me and this chick been friends since she born...we're born 6 months apart and our mothers were close friends..anyway we always had our different friends as well as our differences but there was always a sister-like friendship between us because we have known each other all our lives...shoot we use to bathe with each other when we was likkle pickney till she buss bress before mi...anyway...3 decades later mi feel like mi nuh know her...mi nuh know di person she has become...mi nuh like di person she has become...mind u she never betray mi trust yet or nothing ...mi jus see how she flex wid other ppl an mi nuh like it...now mi find miself a distance mi self from her...it hurts

But Skells in this case - you guys were kinda pushed together right? it's not like you chose her as a friend... not saying it is any less painful - but perhaps u guys would never have been friends were it not for your moms.

**LiteBlonde** · 10-02-2008, 05:56 PM

Re: 30+ years of friendship

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">But the point is she's a do or die kind of friend and you shouldnt apologize for having high expectations in that kind of friendship. Period. </div></div>

Let the board say...AMEN!

Real friends get closer the more miserable you get. That is the natural behavior of a real friend. They become more concerned and willing to help, as your degree of <span style="font-weight: bold">misser-rebel-ness</span> increase.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't conduct self-evaluation, but I am almost sure that it isn't anything that you have done to generate the toxins out of this person.

Too many similar instances befall people who cherish and respect true friendship for me to think you did anything to influence her in that way.

30+ years of friendship

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