So Apparently Cah Mi is Jamaican

**Nunya** · 06-18-2009, 09:34 AM

Re: So Apparently Cah Mi is Jamaican

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: SPOTS</div><div class="ubbcode-body">This thread makes me wonder though if there actually is a problem.

Without being emotive, is "IT" whatever IT is, something that we can seriously identify as something that is preventing some of us from progressing in the workplace?

Where I work, there is a stereotype about Jamaicans "having a bad attitude". That is often said about us women (me included) and my defense is that I am here to work and not make friends. I feel that there are times that I might seem unapproachable, because I too, don't grin and LOL at everything.

I am usually very serious at work, but reading this thread and based on feedback I have received during performance evaluation, I am now wondering if I am indeed sending the wrong message. I do not hesitate to laugh at myself and each other when I an with family and friends, but my coworkers would never know that.

If I were to change something, I would perhaps smile more and become more engaging (not necessarily social), but is that all there is to it? Is it really a part of our culture to appear unapproachable and serious? I don't think so, yet many outsiders are convinced.

I plan to trial a change starting today and see how my coworkers respond/react. What do I have to lose? </div></div>

I have noted many, <span style="font-style: italic">many</span> Jamaican women acting so unfriendly, especially those in a customer relations field, that it is just plain embarrassing. It's like if they tried to crack a smile, their face would crumble or supm...

While I understand not wanting to get <span style="font-style: italic">too</span> friendly, I have learnt that some amount of 'friendliness' is required, especially if you are looking to advance in that environment.

I don't do the after hours get-togethers either. I am always asked. I always decline. Yet, I am friendly at work without getting <span style="font-style: italic">too</span> friendly.

I am not a butt kisser. I have the tendency to be very blunt, but with a smile. Funny how much easier it is for someone to take criticism if it is delivered with a smile...

Anyway, with ILP's history at that place, I can't blame her for being 'standoffish'... However, I know of lots of other women, especially young Jamaican women, who need to stop wearing the badge 'mi come yah fi wok, not fi look fren' at work.

They're just shooting themselves in the foot. This is North America after all...

**Fyah** · 06-18-2009, 05:44 PM

Re: So Apparently Cah Mi is Jamaican

That is so interesting Nunya, because the feedback I have received so far has been exactly in the same vein.

I have made the effort to speak to people who I would usually simply pass silently, and I have decided to be more overtly friendly, and guess what, people have been MUCH more friendly and engaging.

We have been having much more progressive and sensible discussions and have been receiving great feedback.

Well, for now, it doesn't feel that horrible here anymore.

**Dr.Dudd** · 06-18-2009, 05:59 PM

Re: So Apparently Cah Mi is Jamaican

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: SPOTS</div><div class="ubbcode-body">That is so interesting Nunya, because the feedback I have received so far has been exactly in the same vein.

I have made the effort to speak to people who I would usually simply pass silently, and I have decided to be more overtly friendly, and guess what, people have been MUCH more friendly and engaging.

We have been having much more progressive and sensible discussions and have been receiving great feedback.

Well, for now, it doesn't feel that horrible here anymore. </div></div> Your observations and experience is similar to mine. Not that Ihad real oposition. What I had was theusual jelousy. First theywinder why I got my post thatso many applied for. Then they thought I was some run of themill stiff thatneeded help. Then they start their usual grape vine rumers. then I gota hint if it by anither senior Jamaican. then we discuss it and set a strategy, and the result is thatI cah honestly say other than the old jelousy. I ma one of the most popular member sof thestaff. They are much mor likely to com etomy defence of needs be than not. and today i can't say anything too good that is too superflues about them.
They just simple people like you and me who need to be able to communicate and expect some sort of interaction and feed back.

**Yvonne N.** · 06-18-2009, 10:50 PM

Re: So Apparently Cah Mi is Jamaican

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nunya</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: SPOTS</div><div class="ubbcode-body">This thread makes me wonder though if there actually is a problem.

Without being emotive, is "IT" whatever IT is, something that we can seriously identify as something that is preventing some of us from progressing in the workplace?

Where I work, there is a stereotype about Jamaicans "having a bad attitude". That is often said about us women (me included) and my defense is that I am here to work and not make friends. I feel that there are times that I might seem unapproachable, because I too, don't grin and LOL at everything.

I am usually very serious at work, but reading this thread and based on feedback I have received during performance evaluation, I am now wondering if I am indeed sending the wrong message. I do not hesitate to laugh at myself and each other when I an with family and friends, but my coworkers would never know that.

If I were to change something, I would perhaps smile more and become more engaging (not necessarily social), but is that all there is to it? Is it really a part of our culture to appear unapproachable and serious? I don't think so, yet many outsiders are convinced.

I plan to trial a change starting today and see how my coworkers respond/react. What do I have to lose? </div></div>

I have noted many, <span style="font-style: italic">many</span> Jamaican women acting so unfriendly, especially those in a customer relations field, that it is just plain embarrassing. It's like if they tried to crack a smile, their face would crumble or supm...

While I understand not wanting to get <span style="font-style: italic">too</span> friendly, I have learnt that some amount of 'friendliness' is required, especially if you are looking to advance in that environment.

I don't do the after hours get-togethers either. I am always asked. I always decline. Yet, I am friendly at work without getting <span style="font-style: italic">too</span> friendly.

I am not a butt kisser. I have the tendency to be very blunt, but with a smile. Funny how much easier it is for someone to take criticism if it is delivered with a smile...

Anyway, with ILP's history at that place, I can't blame her for being 'standoffish'... <span style="font-weight: bold">However, I know of lots of other women, especially young Jamaican women, who need to stop wearing the badge 'mi come yah fi wok, not fi look fren' at work.</span>They're just shooting themselves in the foot. This is North America after all... </div></div>

Excellent comment and useful advice Nunya; they really need to stop wearing the badge fi true.
ILP may just be reaping the fruit of these proverbial <span style="font-style: italic">ugly seeds</span> that have been sown wherever some of us go.

Noh mine (((ILP)))! You'll be alright!

**FrenchTickla** · 06-19-2009, 01:14 AM

Re: So Apparently Cah Mi is Jamaican

mi skin mi grin wid dem

mi know dem pickney name or age or interest or when dem sick so dere is sinting fi seh hi so and so <fill in a benign comment>

mi will beat a juice at team event or at work but not enuf fi lose mi mind and become unprofessional

todeh mi tag along wid a hard nut to crack who deh pon mi team while him and another nicer guy was going fi a smoke. amazing how much more relaxed he was wid his nicotine fix.

as a woman in a male-dominated world, mi haffi try widout use mi womanly wiles caw mi nuh really have dat anyway .

but mi a plan a b!tch fest wid di few women pon mi team tomorrow during an extended lunch weh mi plan. but even wid dem mi naw show alla mi cyards .

**Yvonne N.** · 06-19-2009, 08:11 AM

Re: So Apparently Cah Mi is Jamaican

You hit the nail on the head FT. It's called <span style="font-style: italic">being civil</span>.

Remember the saying...<span style="font-style: italic">Rap but noh wrap-up</span>...? It's very comfortable.

**Dr.Dudd** · 06-19-2009, 08:22 AM

Re: So Apparently Cah Mi is Jamaican

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Mrs_Ahmidis</div><div class="ubbcode-body">You hit the nail on the head FT. It's called <span style="font-style: italic">being civil</span>.

Remember the saying...<span style="font-style: italic">Rap but noh wrap-up</span>...? It's very comfortable.
</div></div> Happy to see your face.

**Fyah** · 06-19-2009, 09:29 AM

Re: So Apparently Cah Mi is Jamaican

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: FrenchTickla</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> mi skin mi grin wid dem

mi know dem pickney name or age or interest or when dem sick so dere is sinting fi seh hi so and so <fill in a benign comment>

mi will beat a juice at team event or at work but not enuf fi lose mi mind and become unprofessional

todeh mi tag along wid a hard nut to crack who deh pon mi team while him and another nicer guy was going fi a smoke. amazing how much more relaxed he was wid his nicotine fix.

as a woman in a male-dominated world, mi haffi try widout use mi womanly wiles caw mi nuh really have dat anyway .

but mi a plan a b!tch fest wid di few women pon mi team tomorrow during an extended lunch weh mi plan. but even wid dem mi naw show alla mi cyards . </div></div>

I completely agree with you. It doesn't take much (I have seen) to win people over. Sometimes the problem travels with us like a shadow, simply because the problem is us. The key thing is that we do leave a trail, because someone is drawing conclusions based on our actions whether we approve or not, which has now become a damaging stereotype.

As someone said, we are in N. America (for the most part) and many of the defences that we have are self-inflicted and can be an impediment to our development/growth both personally and professionally.

I asked my friend's husband (who is well traveled and quite liberal) for his impression of Jamaican women, on this topic, and he said "you want me to be honest and you won't be offended? I find that "most who think that they are exuding "Jamaican Pride", are actually being obstructive, arrogant, unapproachable and rude".

I'd be lying if I say that I wasn't offended. He quickly followed up with "well not all, just some and definitely not you or your friends", as if that made a difference.

My response to him was "Thanks for that, but it affects me, because I have learned that Out of Many, we are One!"

**Yvonne N.** · 06-19-2009, 10:17 AM

Re: So Apparently Cah Mi is Jamaican

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dr.Dudd</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Mrs_Ahmidis</div><div class="ubbcode-body">You hit the nail on the head FT. It's called <span style="font-style: italic">being civil</span>.

Remember the saying...<span style="font-style: italic">Rap but noh wrap-up</span>...? It's very comfortable.
</div></div> Happy to see your face. </div></div>

Thanks.

Holidays...

**Yvonne N.** · 06-19-2009, 10:19 AM

Re: So Apparently Cah Mi is Jamaican

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: SPOTS</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: FrenchTickla</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> mi skin mi grin wid dem

mi know dem pickney name or age or interest or when dem sick so dere is sinting fi seh hi so and so <fill in a benign comment>

mi will beat a juice at team event or at work but not enuf fi lose mi mind and become unprofessional

todeh mi tag along wid a hard nut to crack who deh pon mi team while him and another nicer guy was going fi a smoke. amazing how much more relaxed he was wid his nicotine fix.

as a woman in a male-dominated world, mi haffi try widout use mi womanly wiles caw mi nuh really have dat anyway .

but mi a plan a b!tch fest wid di few women pon mi team tomorrow during an extended lunch weh mi plan. but even wid dem mi naw show alla mi cyards . </div></div>

I completely agree with you. It doesn't take much (I have seen) to win people over. Sometimes the problem travels with us like a shadow, simply because the problem is us. The key thing is that we do leave a trail, because someone is drawing conclusions based on our actions whether we approve or not, which has now become a damaging stereotype.

As someone said, we are in N. America (for the most part) and many of the defences that we have are self-inflicted and can be an impediment to our development/growth both personally and professionally.

I asked my friend's husband (who is well traveled and quite liberal) for his impression of Jamaican women, on this topic, and he said "you want me to be honest and you won't be offended? I find that "most who think that they are exuding "Jamaican Pride", are actually being obstructive, arrogant, unapproachable and rude".

I'd be lying if I say that I wasn't offended. He quickly followed up with "well not all, just some and definitely not you or your friends", as if that made a difference.

My response to him was "Thanks for that, but it affects me, because I have learned that Out of Many, we are One!" </div></div>

^

**Nunya** · 06-19-2009, 10:28 PM

Re: So Apparently Cah Mi is Jamaican

Spots ( a who really name so doah? ) you know whe yuh a talk bout an yuh fren husban know whe im si.

Some of us, use this aloofness as a security measure. Not only do we not want to get caught up in office/work susu, but we also don't want to get <span style="font-style: italic">hurt</span>. Yeah, <span style="text-decoration: underline">hurt</span>. Cause as much as we like gwan like wi tuff, we are still human, we are still women...

So we insulate ourselves and project a 'mi nuh wrap-up' aura. But in addition to it being a protection, it has become our albatross...

**julie*mango** · 06-19-2009, 10:38 PM

Re: So Apparently Cah Mi is Jamaican

**Nylah** · 06-19-2009, 10:45 PM

Re: So Apparently Cah Mi is Jamaican

talk dem tings Nunya

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nunya</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
Some of us, use this aloofness as a security measure. Not only do we not want to get caught up in office/work susu, but we also don't want to get <span style="font-style: italic">hurt</span>. Yeah, <span style="text-decoration: underline">hurt</span>. Cause as much as we like gwan like wi tuff, we are still human, we are still women...

So we insulate ourselves and project a 'mi nuh wrap-up' aura. But in addition to it being a protection, it has become our albatross... </div></div>

**britisha** · 06-20-2009, 09:56 AM

Re: So Apparently Cah Mi is Jamaican

Mi juss read di opening remarks agen.

"Aloof and standoffish" wouldn't and couldn't cut it in our system/organisation. those types of WORDS are too subjective and non-specific....Even "sarcastic" wouldn't cut it either.

Dem wuddah haffie cum bettah than that ...whey paawt mi deh, wi forced them to change those sorts of evaluation.....dem just list a set of criteria/standards and tick "yes" or "no" if you meet them...and if yuh meet them whether they are "superior" or "exceptional" or whateva....ppl sued them over di owl evaluation and win.

[agen, too subjective and reflected the evaluator's<span style="font-weight: bold"> personal beef,</span> rather than a fair assessment of the employee] Mi membah one case where this Irish chica complained bitterly and they gave her the evaluation to evaluate herself!!...which she did... ((Toni))

**britisha** · 06-20-2009, 10:47 AM

Re: So Apparently Cah Mi is Jamaican

Di more mi tink bout dis, di more mi a seh, mek dem duh over your evaluation.

He/she has NO bizniz making reference to anyone's culture, even hiff it is only in the discussion part of it..that is a no no, and shouldn't be tolerated.

He should be made to recant, and even apologise especially since you are "hurt" by the comments..Nip it in the bud, if you "accept" it, what else will they do?

...and even if you are a "black" [emphasis] African-American dem cannot do that to you...it would be even worse...You could and should take it further, [even if the evaluator is black]..

So Apparently Cah Mi is Jamaican

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