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After years of living with my kids father and enduring bad treatment (cheating, speak bad about me to the kids...they adore him) I finally decided to move out with our 2 kids (ages 2 and 5). I started the apartment application process and everything but found out recently that I might be laid off from work...possibly before year end. Right now the kids father and I share the living expenese 50/50. He works cash so child support form the courts may not be much. Our relationship is real bad so I know he will not give me much (if anything) if I dealt with support outside of court. I want to get the kids in a more stable enviornment but with the job market the way it is my savings will be our only means of income (outside of unemployment). I also have to consider the cost of medical insurance. I dont know if I shoud risk it and move OR stay put until I get another job then move (risk: unstable enviornment for kids/he may move out one me. Any advice??
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Re: Should I move out...now
I have no advice but I just wanted to let you know I care. I do not know where you are but if in Canada I understand some provinces have a program where your income can be topped up by Ministry of Social Services if you are earning below the cap and have dependents. So, if you are in Canada check it out.
Also, if you spouse works for cash, I think the courts will take into consideration how he is able to support himself e.g. paying car insurance, other bills and he has no visible means of support. Please go see your Legal Aid Clinic for some advice on this.
All the best and take care of the little ones.
<span style="font-style: italic">Verbal abuse breaks down your self esteem what about staying with relatives until you are able to be self supporting </span> -
Re: Should I move out...now
Unfortunately I do not live in Canada. No relatives. Thanks for the advice.Comment
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Re: Should I move out...now
Well what country do you reside, maybe if we know where you are someone on here would be able to give you some advice on how best you can get different type of support if you move out and are laid off. Good luckComment
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Re: Should I move out...now
o god. that's rough. there's a saying that when a lion sleeps you shouldn't wake him up. you've been living with the bad treatment for "years". normally, i'd say move now: but the job situation being that dicey means you'd be putting yourself and the children at a greater risk than leaving him with no options.
take your time, look for a job (i'm sure they can still be found)
- only when you have secured a home and employment should you leave.
i wish you all the best of luck in the years to comeComment
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Re: Should I move out...now
I would advise you to stay put until you get a stable job...no sense moving away from the frying pan into the fire. Sometimes we all have to make sacrifices in order to get where we want to go...ole time ppl would say ..yu haffi tek time draw yu han out a lion mout...
In the meantime try as best as possible to avoid conflict with your children's father...Comment
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Re: Should I move out...now
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: symmone</div><div class="ubbcode-body">After years of living with my kids father and enduring bad treatment (cheating, speak bad about me to the kids...they adore him) I finally decided to move out with our 2 kids (ages 2 and 5). I started the apartment application process and everything but found out recently that I might be laid off from work...possibly before year end. Right now the kids father and I share the living expenese 50/50. He works cash so child support form the courts may not be much. Our relationship is real bad so I know he will not give me much (if anything) if I dealt with support outside of court. I want to get the kids in a more stable enviornment but with the job market the way it is my savings will be our only means of income (outside of unemployment). I also have to consider the cost of medical insurance. I dont know if I shoud risk it and move OR stay put until I get another job then move (risk: unstable enviornment for kids/he may move out one me. Any advice?? </div></div>
You need to be self-supporting before you an move out. Look for another job IMMEDIATELY. When that is in place, move out.Comment
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Re: Should I move out...now
I echo Sue's advice. Yes normally you would say don't waste anymore time with the looser but under the threat of loosing your job and possibly health coverage - I say wait it out.
While you wait it out, spend all you pent up enery/anger in finding a job. Ask friends, current co-workers, people on the street (<span style="font-style: italic">yes I said people on the street</span>) where you can get help in finding a job and/or low income housing etc. Dont be afraid to ask. I find people nowadays knowing what the economic condition is out there, are so willing to help when approached.
Don't know what line of work you are in but do not be afraid to try something new. It maybe the challenge and the new outlet you need to find yourself and get from under this man. Avoid conflicts in the meantime also. If he brings it to you, pay it no mind. Stay focus on the mission.
Good luck!Comment
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Re: Should I move out...now
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: symmone</div><div class="ubbcode-body">After years of living with my kids father and enduring bad treatment (cheating, speak bad about me to the kids...they adore him) I finally decided to move out with our 2 kids (ages 2 and 5). I started the apartment application process and everything but found out recently that I might be laid off from work...possibly before year end. Right now the kids father and I share the living expenese 50/50. He works cash so child support form the courts may not be much. Our relationship is real bad so I know he will not give me much (if anything) if I dealt with support outside of court. I want to get the kids in a more stable enviornment but with the job market the way it is my savings will be our only means of income (outside of unemployment). I also have to consider the cost of medical insurance. I dont know if I shoud risk it and move OR stay put until I get another job then move (risk: unstable enviornment for kids/he may move out one me. Any advice?? </div></div>
I say follow your heart and MOVE OUT NOW!!! Life is not about being comfortable in a hostile situation. You are obviously not in a happy place and since you have only one life to live, why live in misery? For your own sanity and the wellbeing of your children leave him now.
Don't block your blessings. The only thing to fear at this stage is fear itself. Take the risk and cross the bridges when you get to them. Don't stay another day in the hell that you've found yourself just because you are scared. Use your energy to plan and be creative in how you can make a new life for you and your kids. Take them and run/walk/fly, do whatever, just get away from that toxic gas.Comment
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Re: Should I move out...now
I see the effects of the enviornment on the kids. They shout at each other and the babysitter told me that they are saying certain curse words he uses towards me (F and the b words). Although I am leaning towards leaving him EVEN with possible unemployment state just to be able to live normally for the kids... BUT I WILL DEFINITELY consider what you've all said. Thank you.Comment
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Re: Should I move out...now
OK mi see Dotcom statement, so mi will juss say mi agree with Dotcom.
Money is never a reason to accept/agree/put up with abuse (of any kind). period.Comment
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Re: Should I move out...now
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: symmone</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I see the effects of the enviornment on the kids. They shout at each other and the babysitter told me that they are saying certain curse words he uses towards me (F and the b words). Although I am leaning towards leaving in my employment state just to be able to live normally for the kids... BUT I WILL DEFINITELY consider what you've all said. Thank you. </div></div>
That is exactly what I thought.
Him already injecting him toxins into the kids.
Save your life and your kids lives. You MUST GO NOW!!! Do whatever you have to, just don't stay there.Comment
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Re: Should I move out...now
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: symmone</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I see the effects of the enviornment on the kids. They shout at each other and the babysitter told me that they are saying certain curse words he uses towards me (F and the b words). Although I am leaning towards leaving him EVEN with possible unemployment state just to be able to live normally for the kids... BUT I WILL DEFINITELY consider what you've all said. Thank you. </div></div>
In light of what your daycare told you it's still your job to parent. Despite what you are going through, your parenting shouldn't stop. You need to teach them wromg from right. Use the experience to let them understand why it is inappropriate to behave a certain way.
Only you know your situation more than anyone. Do what is best for you and the children.Comment
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Re: Should I move out...now
@ DotCom..where is she going to go with no job/money/help???? Uproot the children and live in a shelter????
As long as there is no physical abuse I think she should get all her ducks in a row FIRST then move out..
ETA: As Wendy said...only you know your situation so do what you feel is best for you AND your kidsComment
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Re: Should I move out...now
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: _____</div><div class="ubbcode-body">@ DotCom..where is she going to go with no job/money/help???? Uproot the children and live in a shelter????
As long as there is no physical abuse I think she should get all her ducks in a row FIRST then move out.. </div></div>
Me agree that that she should plan her work and work her plan, but at what expense? Where there is conviction, there is creativity, and sometimes all it takes is getting up and getting out without worrying about all the "possibilities".
Me wouldn't want her to be homeless but me believe that when a woman has had enough and she decides to make a move, that is when the doors of opportunity swing open.
It is much easier to stay put, worry and complain and make no changes, but a person who has made up their mind to make a move will make it happen.
Sometimes, emotional abuse can be worse because the scars/bruises (on her and the kids in this case) are not visible and might never go away.Comment
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