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Re: Should I move out...now
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Bandanna</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I agree with DotCom.
Please, if you have found the strength to voice your desire to leave, feed that strength!
Do not let fear hold you back. There are resources out there for you!
If you can at least tell us a state where you live maybe we can help point you toward local resources.
I googled and found this:
CARY, N.C. — Friends of a slain Cary mother have created "Nancy's Butterfly Fund," which will provide financial assistance to women and their children leaving abusive relationships.
The fund is named in honor of Nancy Cooper, whose husband, Brad Cooper, is charged with first-degree murder in her July 12, 2008, death.
<span style="font-weight: bold">
"Domestic violence is not always a broken arm or a black eye," Interact's executive director, Adam Hartzell, said. <span style="text-decoration: underline">"She felt trapped, and so what we're trying to do with the Butterfly Fund is to make sure no one else feels like they're trapped in a situation."</span>
The fund will provide financial assistance for individuals and families participating in Interact’s programs and services. Specifically, the fund may help with apartment and utility deposits, childcare, education, food, transportation and other basic financial needs and services.</span>
full article here
Love & Light
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bigup to Adam and his team
Even if you are not in NC, what you can do is call the office there and they can direct you to a similar organization in your state for help.
Interact of Wake
Domestic Violence
919-828-7740 | 866-291-0855 toll-freeIf you don't fight for what you deserve, you deserve what you get.
We are > Fossil Fuels --- Bill McKibben 350.orgComment
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Re: Should I move out...now
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dr.Dudd</div><div class="ubbcode-body">It is never the ideal time to do anything of great value.
It always involve risks and sacrifice. You may think are lucky or unlucky,with the you have a hint of the possible risks. But there are far more adverse possibilities that could be involved, of which you are not aware,by not making the right decisions. </div></div>
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Re: Should I move out...now
(((Symmone))) you've gotten some great advise here, options to weigh. I also suggest that you contact a domestic violence hotline to discuss your situation in more detail, and get viable options for resources in your area. DO not call from home, or from your cell phone, where he may check to see what # you called! Ideally, you'd do this at work, on your lunch hour where you have privacy, and can talk freely about the situation.
You know this arrangement has to end, and you're beginnning to make things right for yhou and your children. I applaud your strength now and for the steps to come! All the best!Comment
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Re: Should I move out...now
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dear K</div><div class="ubbcode-body">(((Symmone))) you've gotten some great advise here, options to weigh. </div></div>
actually the ones about staying cuz it's not physical is horrible advice.Comment
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Re: Should I move out...now
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: FancyPants</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: _____</div><div class="ubbcode-body">@ DotCom..where is she going to go with no job/money/help???? Uproot the children and live in a shelter????
As long as there is no physical abuse I think she should get all her ducks in a row FIRST then move out..
ETA: As Wendy said...only you know your situation so do what you feel is best for you AND your kids </div></div>
i agree Skells. if the man starts physical abuse symmone then i say RUN to the shelter as quick as u can. until then try to get your things together as quickly as u can so u can be self sufficient and mostly HAPPY!
good luck </div></div>
strange i find emotional scars almost never heal but physical ones do. So tell me u think it's ok to stay just cause him nah buss har buttttt wow interestingComment
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Re: Should I move out...now
veryComment
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Re: Should I move out...now
so where would you suggest she go? with the children at that?Comment
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Re: Should I move out...now
I <span style="text-decoration: underline">promised</span> myself that I wasn’t going to come back in here, but I just can not help myself.
Symmone my heart goes out to you and your children. The greatest gift we can give our children is our love. We give them love first and foremost by showing ourselves love. Show your children that you love them, by showing them that you love yourself. Subjecting your children to abuse OF <span style="font-weight: bold">ANY KIND </span>is not how you show them love and subjecting them to <span style="font-weight: bold">ABUSE OF ANY KIND</span> just because you “may not have enough money” is uncontainable in my opinion. You are not destitute, you said that you are currently employed. To me that demonstrates that you are not a lazy person and that you will do what you need to do in order to take care of you and your children. Yes, it is difficult to find work in these times, but work can be found. You also have a savings. What else is a savings for? It is to be used in just these circumstances. If it came down to it and you needed to get monetary assistance from other sources, it is far better than you exposing your children any further to the unhealthy environment that they are currently in. What are you saying to your children, if you stay with a man that calls their mother names? Sticking around “because you may lose you job” teaches them that money/things is more important and that the ABUSE IS OK. I am sure (by the fact that you typed your question) that this isn’t the message/lesson you want them to learn. We are all aware that mental and emotional scares hardly ever heals. Do your part to make sure that you are not the cause of those scares, by sticking around for a buck.
I can tell by your post that you love your children, so risking their emotional/mental and possibly physical health all in the guise of trying to save some money seems a bit unfathomable to me. Is the idea of stepping out on your own scary? Hell yes it is. Is calling upon the strength that you are not even sure that you possess daunting? Absolutely. But you must do it. You must find the strength. You are worth it and so are your children. Love Always Finds a Way. You just have to trust it.
Walk Good.Comment
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Re: Should I move out...now
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: ILP_N_Belly</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I <span style="text-decoration: underline">promised</span> myself that I wasn’t going to come back in here, but I just can not help myself.
Symmone my heart goes out to you and your children. The greatest gift we can give our children is our love. We give them love first and foremost by showing ourselves love. Show your children that you love them, by showing them that you love yourself. Subjecting your children to abuse OF <span style="font-weight: bold">ANY KIND </span>is not how you show them love and subjecting them to <span style="font-weight: bold">ABUSE OF ANY KIND</span> just because you “may not have enough money” is uncontainable in my opinion. You are not destitute, you said that you are currently employed. To me that demonstrates that you are not a lazy person and that you will do what you need to do in order to take care of you and your children. Yes, it is difficult to find work in these times, but work can be found. You also have a savings. What else is a savings for? It is to be used in just these circumstances. If it came down to it and you needed to get monetary assistance from other sources, it is far better than you exposing your children any further to the unhealthy environment that they are currently in. What are you saying to your children, if you stay with a man that calls their mother names? Sticking around “because you may lose you job” teaches them that money/things is more important and that the ABUSE IS OK. I am sure (by the fact that you typed your question) that this isn’t the message/lesson you want them to learn. We are all aware that mental and emotional scares hardly ever heals. Do your part to make sure that you are not the cause of those scares, by sticking around for a buck.
I can tell by your post that you love your children, so risking their emotional/mental and possibly physical health all in the guise of trying to save some money seems a bit unfathomable to me. Is the idea of stepping out on your own scary? Hell yes it is. Is calling upon the strength that you are not even sure that you possess daunting? Absolutely. But you must do it. You must find the strength. You are worth it and so are your children. Love Always Finds a Way. You just have to trust it.
Walk Good.
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THIS is what mi chat bout when mi say YOU give some of the best advice on this board.
Do not ever doubt your ability to be a good mother it shines in you every day!
~BlessComment
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Re: Should I move out...now
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: _____</div><div class="ubbcode-body">so where would you suggest she go? with the children at that? </div></div>
the same place millions of responsible mothers who are smart enough to realise that raising a child in a volatile atmosphere is doing damage to the child which is in sharp contrast to the love they claim they have for their kids.
I'm sorry but women who sstay for the kids dont give a rats behidn abt the kids and are only there for their selfish reasons, either the need to hold on to the man or their own complacency.
No and I mean NO atmosphere where there is any and I mean ANY kind of disrespect occurs or where adults cannot and I mean CANNOT communicate without raising their voices slamming doors or which leaves one party unhappy isn't doing any justice to those kids.
I am sure there are other avenues, anyone can lose their jobs at any time so what sense does that make.
he works off teh books? that's more than easy to prove to a judge, subpoena bank statements of him andhis employer and if he doesn't comply call the damn irs if he's locked up for tax evasion what is she losing, she wasn't gonna get money anyway.
I detest women using "the kids " and their "love" for their kids as a crutch to remain with a man she <span style="text-decoration: line-through">can't</span> <span style="font-weight: bold">wont</span> leave.
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Re: Should I move out...now
but no one is telling her to stay with him permanently...
she and she alone can weigh the value of staying another day with the emotional instability versus living in uncertainty..
until then it is not helpful to say yea nor nay...especially given the fact that we do not know the full details of what is taking place and <span style="text-decoration: underline">especially </span>when one has not walked in the same shoes...Comment
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Re: Should I move out...now
but u dont know who is talking from experience and who isnt......Comment
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Re: Should I move out...now
whatevah she decide to do (and no one here was telling her to stay with him permanently) good luck to her
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Re: Should I move out...now
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: _____</div><div class="ubbcode-body">so where would you suggest she go? with the children at that? </div></div>
Would you suggest that she stay with an abusive partner for the sake of the children?
I think it would be better to be anywhere but there at this stage.
But...you might know more about the details surrounding this situation. Do you(?)
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