Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

[Wendy]

It sounds trite, but there's always something everybody can learn from every relationship experience. I have a cousin now that is ending her marriage after 6 years and she is taking it so hard to the point of bitterness.

I try to tell her that the seed of this "failure" is what will fuel her to a better relationship. Past relationships suppose to give you a clearer picture of what you want and what you don't want in a relationship if you take the time to examine them. Even the relationships that are the most troubling can be such gifts.

People come and go in our lives and I believe the impact of these relationships on our lives can all be great. Mi trying to convince her that instead of looking at a relationship that didn't work out the way she had hoped as a failure, she should look at it as a growth experience and move forward and make room for the type of partner she wanted to be with an no worry wid dis "woe is me" and "the world is ending" attitude.

Mi hardly eva know anyone dat come off worserer afta a break up in the long run. Maybe one day she will get it.

[julie*mango]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

one day she will get over it. for now she is hurt, confused, angry, sad, lonely, in denial, and every other imaginable emotion. just be there for her and she will realize on her own that she is stronger than she imagined she could be and that life exists beyond being married...


it tuff tho

[Wendy]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

I know it is ... just trying make her not feel like a "failure". She too hard on herself. She keep saying "she should have known this" .. "Why si neva si dat". dats di mood mi atry get her out of.

[R_C]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

Depends on the reason for the breakup Wendy. If you have been deceived, made to look foolish and humiliated, yuh cyaan "move forward and make room.." jus like that.

Sometimes the bitter gall have to flow first.

Then the healing can begin.

[Wendy]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

Troo RC.. mi jus tink shi meking it consume her too much dowe. I think because she decided to move on, she should take solice in the fact that she is doing it for the better and use that to anchor her emotions. Iam not telling her not to feel hurt..I just hate hearing her beating up herself and calling herself a failure

[R_C]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

That's just a phase in the process of breaking up. Like grieving has certain phases you know. You tend to be hardest on yourself first...especially people who are successful in other aspects of their life. It jus mad yuh when you can be this competent, independent person who has it together otherwise but you just can't make a relationship work.

Then with time you come to realize that you can't control everything in life and ....it's not always our fault.

But that can take time.

[LiteBlonde]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Rollin_Calf</div><div class="ubbcode-body">That's just a phase in the process of breaking up. Like grieving has certain phases you know. You tend to be hardest on yourself first...especially people who are successful in other aspects of their life. It jus mad yuh when you can be this competent, independent person who has it together otherwise but you just can't make a relationship work.

Then with time you come to realize that you can't control everything in life and ....it's not always our fault.

But that can take time. </div></div>

So, so true.

Moving on is much easier said than done. It is no secret that breaking up has caused people to lose them sanity so it can't be an easy thing.

Three words will help - <span style="font-weight: bold">Counseling, Counseling, Counseling,</span>. No matter how tough a person might think them is, they will need counseling to get over the pain, hate and feelings of rejection.

[SandiF]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

It takes time, Wendy. Just be there for her. It is just not the break up itself but all the emotional drama that comes with it. Take her out and nuh mek her siddung at home by herself bawling her eyes out (been there and know the feel) and beating herself up.

[twiney]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

Thank God fi the one smaddy whe did really teach mi a lesson ... lawd if mi marriage end yah now is mi pickney mi would be hurting for more than anything else as fi mi self mi cold and heartless and unno no bother judge me is life turn me that way...

[ILP]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

The end of a relationship/marriage is the emotional equivalent of a loss or death. In order to move on from both, one must go through the 5 stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. There is no particular order that one experiences these stages, nor is there an established time period/legth for these stages. Some people may also go through multiple stages at the same time.

In order for your cousin to move on...she must go through each of the stages. Support her and love her through it.

[Peasie]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

What ILP said

[FrenchTickla]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

mi deh pon acceptance and nutten nuhbaddy cuda seh fi get mi thru di oddas any quicker. di anger stage was sinting else dem cuda did send mi fi alqaida di way mi was seething. dere is nothing fi do but go thru it.

everybaddy dweet at dem owna pace.

[Nylah]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Twiney</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Thank God fi the one smaddy whe did really teach mi a lesson ... lawd if mi marriage end yah now is mi pickney mi would be hurting for more than anything else as fi mi self mi cold and heartless and unno no bother judge me is life turn me that way... </div></div>

wow

[Stormmey]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Twiney</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><span style="font-weight: bold">Thank God fi the one smaddy whe did really teach mi a lesson ...</span> lawd if mi marriage end yah now is mi pickney mi would be hurting for more than anything else as fi mi self mi cold and heartless and unno no bother judge me is life turn me that way... </div></div>

not judging you I learned and I moved on. Damn me did fool when me was 21 wid the love seen, now I would just say next

[julie*mango]

Re: Why is it that people take Break ups so hard?

mi memba mi last painful break up...mi good was fi had a nervous breakdown...all mi cudda do was sleep, cry, and if mi remember...mi eat...but dat is all...it tuff...if it wasn't fi mi family mi wud a be pushing supamawkit cart a road an a chat to miself....


Wendy jus be dere fi her...an yes mi do know dat it emotionally draining but she need smaddy...I remember mi cousin use to write mi notes everyday and I waan tell yu seh is dose notes mek mi get by