Lie or Omission

[Stormmey]

So you live with your <span style="font-weight: bold">SO</span> for over a year and making wedding plans and then he gets served with papers for support payment of a kid he had while in University that he never told you about.

<span style="font-weight: bold">SO</span> defence is he was only twenty and further more she was not his type and he does not believe baby is his. Now!! if she is not your type why the hell did you sleep with her?

You get to find out that baby is his and he continued on his Merry way until his deeds catch up with him, now he has to answer in court re: support payment.

Now a lie like that, <span style="font-weight: bold">SO</span> said he didn't say anything to you because he didn't believe child is his, when you find out it's your kid why not step up to the plate and support the kid, even if you do not want to stay with the Mom. A kid should not be made to suffer/have a lesser quality of life simply because dead beat Dad refuse to step up and take responsibility financially and help the Mom especially if you can afford to do so.

Now, based on that lie would you still think you would want to continue down a path of marriage with this person. I always though someone that could turn their back on their own flesh and blood is not a good person. Based on the above how many other lies you telling SO didn't even tell his Mom

Other party already decide what they want to do but just throwing it out here to get some feed back. Also other party already change lock pon door put out <span style="font-weight: bold">SO</span>stuff because is your house <span style="font-weight: bold">SO</span>come see you with your house. You do this not because you mean or vindictive but you need your space to think things through and <span style="font-weight: bold">SO</span> can go to his Mumma house where he used to live before him come live with you.

[diabolical_Tanya]

Re: Lie or Omission

Blaze have pickney?? an naw mind dem

It's easy to say I would kick him to the curb...but bway in reality I have no idea what I would do.

[twiney]

Re: Lie or Omission

Stormmms I dont support the idea of not supporting one's children. And I am not talking only about financial support. I have nephew who until not very long ago had not interacted with his dad's (my brother) family because we simply didnt know he existed. Knowing what it was like to have my aunts and cousins growing up as well as my immediate family I cannot imagine what one must go through without that kind of environment so and since the ring no put on yet in the scenario you posted <span style="font-weight: bold">MI</span> wouldn't go there with him ... next thing the marriage end for whatever reason and my pickney end up in such situation.

All of a sudden you start questioning his every word/action as in what other lie (even if is by omission) has he told you. Can you live with that

[missus_vegas]

Re: Lie or Omission

dam blaze a gwane bad man.

mi no know wah fi say...but stormmy i have heard u say things in the past like &quot;i tink blaze too young fi marrage&quot; etc...so dat makes me wonder if you were truely &quot;ready&quot; to marry him.

dis one hard fi real. but u affi know based on the kind of person he is. wish u luck

[missus_vegas]

Re: Lie or Omission

an 20 yr old is ole enuff fi own him pickney and do wat him can however small....the fact that he hid it is one next issue all together....but to not mine him owna pickny or try fi have some kinda relationship...dat just no rite.

[Peasie]

Re: Lie or Omission

While I admire your position on &quot;a kid should not be made to suffer because of dead beat dad&quot;, let us or a moment take this sentiment completely out of the equation. And, for that matter, let's leave out who owns which house and who moved in with whom. OK?

What does that leave us here? Let's see. The <span style="font-weight: bold">SO</span> you are hoping to marry
<ul style="list-style-type: disc">[*]has lied to you[*]has lied in a <span style="font-weight: bold">very</span> big way[*]Once you asked him about The Lie, he failed to redeem himself[*]has kept covering up one lie with another[*]does not obviously know (or care to know?) how you would react to his big lie.[/list]
Giving these, I would conclude that the <span style="font-weight: bold">SO</span> you described is:
<ul style="list-style-type: disc">[*]Immature[*]Cannot be honest with his fiancee[*]Cannot be honest with himself[*]Is irresponsible[/list]
Would I marry this person? <span style="font-weight: bold">No</span>.

[diabolical_Tanya]

Re: Lie or Omission

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Peasie</div><div class="ubbcode-body">While I admire your position on &quot;a kid should not be made to suffer because of dead beat dad&quot;, let us or a moment take this sentiment completely out of the equation. And, for that matter, let's leave out who owns which house and who moved in with whom. OK?

What does that leave us here? Let's see. The <span style="font-weight: bold">SO</span> you are hoping to marry
<ul style="list-style-type: disc">[*]has lied to you[*]has lied in a <span style="font-weight: bold">very</span> big way[*]Once you asked him about The Lie, he failed to redeem himself[*]has kept covering up one lie with another[*]does not obviously know (or care to know?) how you would react to his big lie.[/list]
Giving these, I would conclude that the <span style="font-weight: bold">SO</span> you described is:
<ul style="list-style-type: disc">[*]Immature[*]Cannot be honest with his fiancee[*]Cannot be honest with himself[*]Is irresponsible[/list]
Would I marry this person? <span style="font-weight: bold">No</span>. </div></div> but Blaze didn't continue the lie wid her Peasie she is just now finding out about the whole thing. (as I understand) but he did hide it the entire relatinship. wonder why babymomma took so long to serve him

[twiney]

Re: Lie or Omission

baby mama had to prove paternity and was trying to avoid court...

[Stormmey]

Re: Lie or Omission

Oh guys I am hurting so bad this really knock me for six, I didn't see it coming. This is a guy who goes to work and comes home, cooks and generally does not even want to go out. I am the party person, his immaturity comes with his obsession with video games and having friends over even likkle bro to play video games.

Peasie I mentioned about the house because I need my space without him being there to think, if we had purchased house together I would have left and gone off by myself to just think. Seeing I had it before he came I think he should go, so that's why I mentioned.

Right now my emotions interchange between anger, selfpity how could I be so stupid, that means the person I thought I knew I really did not know. That is the scary part

[diabolical_Tanya]

Re: Lie or Omission

Okay first off no reason to blame your self.

1.) how old is the pickney?

2.) why is babymomma just now making contact? or did she lose track of him?

3.) Is it possible that he simply convinced himself it was not his kid and just put the whole issue out of his mind?

4.) have you considered seeing a relationship counselor?

[Stormmey]

Re: Lie or Omission

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Diabolical_Tanya</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Peasie</div><div class="ubbcode-body">While I admire your position on &quot;a kid should not be made to suffer because of dead beat dad&quot;, let us or a moment take this sentiment completely out of the equation. And, for that matter, let's leave out who owns which house and who moved in with whom. OK?

What does that leave us here? Let's see. The <span style="font-weight: bold">SO</span> you are hoping to marry
<ul style="list-style-type: disc">[*]has lied to you[*]has lied in a <span style="font-weight: bold">very</span> big way[*]Once you asked him about The Lie, he failed to redeem himself[*]has kept covering up one lie with another[*]does not obviously know (or care to know?) how you would react to his big lie.[/list]
Giving these, I would conclude that the <span style="font-weight: bold">SO</span> you described is:
<ul style="list-style-type: disc">[*]Immature[*]Cannot be honest with his fiancee[*]Cannot be honest with himself[*]Is irresponsible[/list]
Would I marry this person? <span style="font-weight: bold">No</span>. </div></div> but Blaze didn't continue the lie wid her Peasie she is just now finding out about the whole thing. (as I understand) but he did hide it the entire relatinship. wonder why babymomma took so long to serve him </div></div>

I get the impression that this was a hit it and move on kind of thing. She worked in the cafeteria in Vancouver where we both went to University. At that time he and I were not having a relationship just hello and goodbye. Matter of fact I used to think he and his boys were crew

He finised University and came back to our town so did I, baby mama I now realized left the University I guess shortly after she found out she was preggo and am guessing here. He says I never even spoke to her after that when she told me she was pregnant he said he told her it's not mine. Anyway I do not know why she took so long to bring him to court for support payments, maybe she could not find him. Some stuff do not add up, like when was paternity test done.

She lives in Vancouver, we do not, we only went there to University, graduated and came back to our town. I made a point of going to Vancouver to see the baby and even without a paternity test a feem daughter female version of him. He seems like he is embarassed for anyone to know he slept with her....trifling piece a crap he is.

His Mother cannot see the forest but for the trees, her remark was how on earth could you have slept with someone who works in a cafeteria meaning that's her progession

[ILP]

Re: Lie or Omission



this whole thing makes me sad. stormmey...i'm sorry. to come this far, to be planning dream destination wedding ahn dem tings deh...aye sah...
i do have one question though...what did you mean you didnt see it coming? did you not see:

1. the kid thingy?
0r
2. your SO's lying ways?

just wondering.

[ILP]

Re: Lie or Omission

I have absolutely NO tolerance for dishonest people. If you lie (outright), lie by ommision, &quot;forget&quot; to disclose, try to hide after the fact, you can continue.... YOU'RE A GONNER IN MY BOOK. PERIOD.

From what I am reading Stormmey it sounds like you already have a plan in motion...you already know what you are going to do.

Another question? Why did you go to Vancouver to see the mother? And even after seeing the at baby was the &quot;female version&quot; (according to you) of your SO, why did you continue your relationship?

[Stormmey]

Re: Lie or Omission

ILP, no I didn't see the kid scenario and didn't find him to be a liar. Everyone in my family liked him especially my granpere and my stepgranmere especially the young people my little cousins and likkle bro adored him.

My Mom was the only one that kept him at arms length, I asked her once why she never seemed to warm up to him, she looked at me and said you will probably get mad when I say this but something about him seems as if he is trying too hard. I should have listened she is an astute person who makes snap decisions about people and usually right.

I dismissed it as oh well my Mom and I are not that close so Well right now she is here for me I cried in her arms I hurt so much.

[Stormmey]

Re: Lie or Omission

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Twiney</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Stormmms I dont support the idea of not supporting one's children. And I am not talking only <span style="font-weight: bold">about financial support</span>. I have nephew who until not very long ago had not interacted with his dad's (my brother) family because we simply didnt know he existed. Knowing what it was like to have my aunts and cousins growing up as well as my immediate family I cannot imagine what one must go through without that kind of environment so and since the ring no put on yet in the scenario you posted <span style="font-weight: bold">MI</span> wouldn't go there with him ... next thing the marriage end for whatever reason and my pickney end up in such situation.

<span style="font-weight: bold">All of a sudden you start questioning his every word/action as in what other lie (even if is by omission) has he told you. Can you live with that </span> </div></div>

Yes Twiney, that is what is happening now, I am just going over eveything and wondering what else he has not told me. Also what I meant by the financial support is if you are not there physically for your kid at least make their life more financialy better.