Elin Nordegren Returns to College, Plans Trip to China

[SandiF]

Re: Elin Nordegren Returns to College, Plans Trip to China

Side note...
I'm married and take many solo trips. I travel much better on my own than with my husband. It is a personal preference, which many people would not understand.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: sistacaf</div><div class="ubbcode-body">oh my bad RC, i thought gen was talkin about 'taking classes' as the thing she shoulda been doin all along.

but even still, i think married ppl takin a little R-&amp;-R hiatus by themself once in a while, is not necessarily a bad thing either. not sayin 4 trips in a row, or 'always' vacationing by themself, but once a year or so. everyone needs a lil break from everyday life to re-charge and refresh demself. </div></div>

[ILP]

Re: Elin Nordegren Returns to College, Plans Trip to China

RC, although mi not Gen...I think what she meant is that each person in a relationship (long term/marriage) should have their own <span style="text-decoration: underline">separate</span> interests as well as interests that they do with their SO. What Elin did (although mi nu know har) is that when she married Tiger, she stopped looking her own interests/self development and became Tiger's Wife, the mother of Tiger's children, Tiger's arm candy, etc. and nothing for just Elin. All things she should be doing (as his wife), but she neglected her own self development.

Anyone who is in a healthy relationship will tell you that they must have interests that are outside of there partner, as it is this outside development that they use to grow as a person and can bring back to the relationship. Now these outside interests can be anything, but it should be something that has nothing to do with being someones mother, daddy, wife, husband, sister, brother, son, daughter, etc, but just you alone.

ETA: In the case of Elin, she juss a ketch up on what she shoulda been doing in the first place.

[sistacaf]

Re: Elin Nordegren Returns to College, Plans Trip to China

yah what ILP said. that's what i took from gen's comment as well -

[R_C]

Re: Elin Nordegren Returns to College, Plans Trip to China

Healthy relationship maybe, but a healthy marriage ? I don't know.

Everytime I hear about spouses taking vacations separately for example, I can start the countdown clock.........I've been right everytime.

[ILP]

Re: Elin Nordegren Returns to College, Plans Trip to China

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Rollin_Calf</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Healthy r<span style="font-weight: bold">elationship maybe, but a healthy marriage</span> ? I don't know.

Everytime I hear about spouses taking vacations separately for example, I can start the countdown clock.........I've been right everytime. </div></div>

..

[ILP]

Re: Elin Nordegren Returns to College, Plans Trip to China

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: SandiF</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Side note...
I'm married and take many solo trips. I travel much better on my own than with my husband. It is a personal preference, which many people would not understand.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: sistacaf</div><div class="ubbcode-body">oh my bad RC, i thought gen was talkin about 'taking classes' as the thing she shoulda been doin all along.

but even still, i think married ppl takin a little R-&amp;-R hiatus by themself once in a while, is not necessarily a bad thing either. not sayin 4 trips in a row, or 'always' vacationing by themself, but once a year or so. everyone needs a lil break from everyday life to re-charge and refresh demself. </div></div> </div></div>

sandiF...i am not married and i do understand you on this. i know plenty of people that are happily married and take vacations separately. now if you came in here and told me that you traveled, dined, did family outings separately...then maybe i'd have to shame mi head.

[R_C]

Re: Elin Nordegren Returns to College, Plans Trip to China

One of the women that Tiger had a &quot;relationship&quot; with complained that the only thing she got out of it was a subway sandwich.

&quot;Di paper&quot; on the other hand is going to make Elin one of the richest women in the world.

[sistacaf]

Re: Elin Nordegren Returns to College, Plans Trip to China

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Everytime I hear about spouses taking vacations separately for example, I can start the countdown clock......... </div></div>
just the opposite in my experience; i know folks who do this with no issues. When both partners are secure in a committed r'ship - married or not - and supportive of one anedda's well-being (truly supportive of them as an individual i mean - not just selfishly thinking about how it relates only to oneself), then a few days apart doesn't create any negativity. In fact it can strengthen a bond, when both ppl happily support each other by giving the gift of a lil breathing space, for the other to 'do them' for a minute. if both ppl in the r'ship are committed &amp; secure, than being apart for a few days ain't nothin - both ppl aren't always interested in the same things 100% of the time. and nobody should be forced to abandon their own interests 100% of the time for another's. that's a recipe for resentment.

IMHO taking a solo holiday only causes a problem if there's an underlying problem in a de first place. if one is traveling solo tryna 'escape' from the other, that r'ship can't work and won't last, regardless -

[R_C]

Re: Elin Nordegren Returns to College, Plans Trip to China

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: sistacaf</div><div class="ubbcode-body">When both partners are secure in a committed r'ship - married or not - and supportive of one anedda's well-being (truly supportive of them as an individual i mean - not just selfishly thinking about how it relates only to oneself), then a few days apart doesn't create any negativity. </div></div>

True and rare.


<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: sistacaf</div><div class="ubbcode-body">taking a solo holiday only causes a problem if there's an underlying problem in a de first place. if one is traveling solo tryna 'escape' from the other, that r'ship can't work and won't last, regardless - </div></div>

True and common.

[ILP]

Re: Elin Nordegren Returns to College, Plans Trip to China

RC...mi hear you.

I guess what mi neva reconcile wid some people is that marriage/relationship is di sed ting, because their genesis is the same.
What makes marriages/relationships is not the &quot;paper&quot; or &quot;lack of paper&quot;, as is evident with the amount of broken papers that are out there.
What makes for the breakdown is the breakdown in the commitment to the contract (agreement) that the two make to each other.
People dont need to get married to have an agreement nor do they need to be single (as in never married) to break one.

However, it is Western thinking to which my pea brain just cannot reconcile with and never has. Before you go there about Elin now being the richest in the world. I cant argue one way or the other about how much she will or will not get, but one (man or woman) need not get &quot;the paper&quot; to get money/assets at the termination of a relationship. We see that example in Hollyweird, Professional Sports, etc. all the while.

Anyhew...oonu continue. When mi see a next interesting comment. Mi will come back ahn join oonu.

[sistacaf]

Re: Elin Nordegren Returns to College, Plans Trip to China

again ILP

i should probably add that, to my mind this whole <span style="font-style: italic"> &quot;and the two become one&quot;</span> thing when getting married is a complete fallacy. completely erroneous fantasy thinking, which IMHO is the source of many problems

two ppl can never become 'one' -- when in a r'ship, there are still two individuals. and together they create a third entity - which is their relationship to one anedda. Marriage does not negate that each person is also an individual within the r'ship.

but mi know this is not popular thinking. :shrug:

[R_C]

Re: Elin Nordegren Returns to College, Plans Trip to China

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: ILP_ULOOK_GR8</div><div class="ubbcode-body">What makes marriages/relationships is not the &quot;paper&quot; or &quot;lack of paper&quot;, as is evident with the amount of broken papers that are out there.
What makes for the breakdown is the breakdown in the commitment to the contract (agreement) that the two make to each other. People dont need to get married to have an agreement nor do they need to be single (as in never married) to break one.</div></div>

I agree with this ILP. But money changes everything, especially when there is an imbalance in their situations....then all of a sudden the paper becomes more important than any <span style="text-decoration: underline"><span style="font-style: italic">other</span></span> commitment made between two people who were in love at one time...especially if that paper happens to be a prenup.

juss trying to keep it real...

[ILP]

Re: Elin Nordegren Returns to College, Plans Trip to China

Ahhh...and so we are now at the root of the broken contracts/agreements.
I'd have to question if they were in love with the person or where they in love with the identity (to be read: money, status, power, physical attributes and/or whatever else).

I dont buy the &quot;I loved you once and now I no longer love you&quot; argument. If you love a person, you love them regardless of (sometimes in spite of) those things. Period. Does that mean you may or may not have to move your separate ways? No, but you will still love them.

I also hear the &quot;I care for you&quot; or &quot;I loved you once&quot; or &quot;I love you, but I am not in love with you&quot; ahn dem tings deh. I'd argue they do not love the person per se, but are in love with other things (or other aspects of the person as an entity) that they may not have experienced before meeting that person.
Dem love the life the person maybe/may not be able to give them, expose them to
Dem in love with the kids the person can/can not have with them
Dem in love with the sex that they have with the person
Dem in love cah di person look/does not look a certain way
Dem in love wid the idea of being in the euphoric feeling of the newness the person brings.
Dem in love cah di smaddy like/does not like dem cooking...you gettin di drifts....
In your scenario (to which I am immediately responding), the commitment to &quot;the paper&quot; was greater in the <span style="text-decoration: underline">first place</span> than the commitment to the person they were with...

I'd argue that if a person is in love, they would love the person simply because the person <span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="font-size: 20pt">is</span></span> and nothing else. Regardless of the presence/or lack of presence of the other stuff.

[R_C]

Re: Elin Nordegren Returns to College, Plans Trip to China

ILP, From my perspective as a man, I only see that kind of love in books and movies these days.

My experience is that many (? most) relationships now are, at the end of the day, merely transactions of one sort or another (you've listed some of them quite nicely). Dating is a series of negotiations and a commitment lasts only as long as the relationship is meeting some practical need for either party. And if an 'upgrade' comes along, well hey, &quot;this relationship isn't working for me any longer RC&quot;.

Mi really noh si di &quot;love&quot; bizniz in effect dese days. In fact, if a woman were to tell mi tomorrow that she loves me, I wouldn't believe it. It soun cynical a way but a soh di ting set. IMHO.

[SandiF]

Re: Elin Nordegren Returns to College, Plans Trip to China

Cheating is a betrayal of trust...
When that trust is gone there is little to no recuperating. You could a love the person 'til die kingdom come but once as they cheat the respect, trust and confidence goes. Elin and Tiger may very well still love each other but from Elin's view her trust for him is no more.

Btw, a man may love his wife but has in inherent habit of being a cheater. Know quite a few men who are like that... they love, give and provide for their wives but they have several women on the side. They treat each woman with compassion and empathy but will never leave the woman whom they've made a commitment to. Also, men who cheat just love more [censored]-[censored]... mi can't cut it any other way. The one at home will not be enough for them... it is all about SEX.