Addicts

[Stormmey]

Sex addicts

I know you can be addicted to sex....so I hear but when that addiction supposedly make you take risks like get with a recently released attempted murderer rapist, or you pick up someone who hitching hiking and have sex with them not using any protection, are you just plain nasty s--t or is this really a medical condition

Now having you steady man that you just plain wuk out him baxide everyday pon the regular that is aight as far as I am concerned. But the above situation what is that and please dont tell me that come under nympho.....and nothing wrong with being a nympho as long as is your man.

So peeps what unno think.....wey Tanyer dey

btw I know someone who is like this....educated, come from good family who ostracize her they say she is an embarassmewnt to them. Wondering if is a mental condition

[Stormmey]

Re: Addicts

so nine of unnos come in here come look and scared to answer cho

[sistacaf]

Re: Addicts

Addiction is addiction - all addiction is the same process; and is the <span style="font-style: italic">process</span> that's important, not the different stuff people use as the 'object' of it

-- addiction to drugs, booze, gambling, sex, shopping, hoarding -- it's all the same process. None of those things is inherently bad or wrong when done in normal moderation as part of life. It's only when it becomes self-medication to try to 'feel good' as an escape from something unbearable that the addict cannot face (and therefore cannot overcome or heal from) - that it can become obsessive, or what is called 'addictive' behavior. The &quot;thing&quot; doesn't matter, what has to be addressed to fix it, is the behavior, and whatever is behind it. There's nearly always some deeper thing behind the behavior that drives it, usually something so horribly painful or unbearable, maybe buried so deep in their consciousness, or repressed for years and years, that it may not even be obvious to themselves. Sometimes ppl have no clue why they do the things, it can sometimes take years of counseling to bring it out and discover the true source of it.

but it matters not what substance or behavior the addict is addicted <span style="font-weight: bold">TO</span>. They will do <span style="font-style: italic">anything</span> to get it-do it-have it regardless of the risk or danger.

Cause whatever it is, is their self-medication outlet for whatever unbearable reality the addict may not even be aware of, or cannot face, and is trying to escape themselves from - it appears to them as the<span style="font-weight: bold"> &quot;only&quot;</span> time/place/thing/action that makes them 'feel good' bout themselves.

[kia027]

Re: Addicts

given that description could there not be a concept of a 'good' addiction vs 'bad' addiction.

disclaimer: I just scanned what sistacaf had to say but did not want stormmey to vex seh mi peek inna de thread and neva post so mi come up wid supn to say

[CeaBee]

Re: Addicts

addiction = bad

(cb was here)

[Stormmey]

Re: Addicts

ok siscaf, thanks for the education. Yes as you said must be a deeper thing behind the behaviour, and like this woman (mature person well kinda) refuse to admit that something is wrong and her family says until she face her demons they refuse to deal with her Sshe gets bent outta shape if they suggest counselling wondering if she was ever sexually abused.

I just sometimes write off that type of behaviour as nasty sometimes apart from that she is a very nice eloquent lady and does not fit the mold/stereotype of a beat up ole ------ also a very classy looking lady you see her and she is always tastefully dressed.

[Stormmey]

Re: Addicts

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: CeaBee</div><div class="ubbcode-body">addiction = bad

(cb was here) </div></div>

you CB

the only thing me think you ever was or still addicted to is plaintaintart

[Stormmey]

Re: Addicts

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Kia</div><div class="ubbcode-body">given that description could there not be a concept of a 'good' addiction vs 'bad' addiction.

disclaimer: I just scanned what sistacaf had to say but did not want stormmey to vex seh mi peek inna de thread and neva post so mi come up wid supn to say </div></div>

ehmmmm I have a very good addiction
Kia!! yes me did kinna suspect sey yu peek in iiena bout vex

[sistacaf]

Re: Addicts

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">her family says <span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="font-style: italic">until she face her demons</span></span> they refuse to deal with her. She gets bent outta shape if they suggest counselling wondering if she was ever sexually abused.</div></div>

DING DING DING, family is on the right track.

Accepting, (admitting, acknowledging) that they have a problem is the first step. Help is not possible when the person is in denial, (i.e. cannot and/or will not even admit there is anything wrong, to themself or others)

In that state they not able to accept, never mind actively ask for, or welcome - help. Not in any form, not even something as simple as a heart-to-heart chat with their bff. As far as they concerned, they're fine, they're grown and can do what they like, and erybody is just 'tryna run my life and tell me what to do'. So yep, they can be real pissy about it when anyone even broaches the subjeck. But it MUST be broached for any help to be possible. For any kinda progress to be made, the person first HAS TO acknowledge that something is wrong. And they sometimes won't do that without a fight - (you ever watch that TV show <span style="font-style: italic">&quot;Intervention&quot;</span>? that's what's needed sometimes.) So the ppl who love her gotta get some belly and 'man up', and ignore the 'gettin bent outta shape' part, if they truly want her to get well. They just have to LET her get bent outta shape, shrug it off, and keep going, and not stop talking nor back off when she does that - that's the defense mechanism to keep everyone away - and as long as they keep falling for it, and backing off when she bares her teeth - nothing will happen; she will just continue and go farther downhill. If they care about her, it will<span style="font-style: italic"> require</span> their active dedication to <span style="font-style: italic">make</span> something happen, for the person to begin to face her demons.

and btw, the over-sexual behavior may, or may not, have anything to do specifically with sexual abuse. the addiction object, whether it's booze or sex or whatever, may not necessarily be 'directly' related to whatever the deeper issue is.

ppl just do some outlet, anything they like or are drawn to as a relaxation or escape in a normal way, as the mechanism - which then becomes the addiction as the behavior gets ever more obsessive/outta their control. As in, at some point there is no longer a 'choice' for them - they cannot 'choose not to' take the drink or 'not to' sit down at the poker table. it's no longer just some relaxing activity they can either do or not. They MUST do it or have it or get it, it becomes an overriding compulsion to the exclusion of everything else; they can no longer make a choice to stop it, because eventually it runs them, they nah run it.

and the reverse is also true - even a victim of sexual abuse or rape who buries the memory ,may have PTSD they are not aware of/admit to, and then suddenly at 35 they are outta control..... could just as easily become an alcoholic, or a hoarder or gambling addict. They may not necessarily turn to addictive 'sexual' behavior as a result of trauma of a sexual nature.

so it's not always necessarily directly 'causal' from the same thing that caused the original trauma/core issue that drives the addiction.

but regardless of all that complex stuff, which might take a professional to sort out, family is on point.

BUT - really they should not abandon her - they should do the opposite. it's not easy but family is probly the<span style="font-style: italic"> only</span> ones who might be able to do some kind of 'tough love' or 'intervention'. That might be the only way to jump-start the person into even admitting there's a problem that needs addressing... and it would pretty much have to come from family for anything to get started. Leaving her out there to twist in the wind, refusing to deal with her, might only make it worse. If they care about her, they gotta be willing to man up, and get in her face if necessary, so she can begin to deal with it -