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Re: Guess why I am not
Rachel extends her hand to me and I wipe my hands on my dress pants before I reach out to shake it. My manager picks up on this move and says, “Boundie, you aren’t in trouble.” He gives me a strange look as he says this, as if to say, just keep your mouth shut, this has nothing to do with that. I am thoroughly confused at this point and decide to just shut my mouth and let someone else do the talking for once.
“Boundie, we have called you in my office this afternoon because of an incident that occurred earlier this week.” At this point I am about to throw up. I am not in trouble? Something happened earlier this week?
Why is HR here? What happened? I am sick to my stomach, I seriously might puke. 
I know something awful has happened, but what??? I am looking at my manager and I notice he is sweating too. He seems to be unable to speak as well. 
I am sitting in my chair stiff as a board, sick to my stomach, and racking my brain wondering what could have happened. 
Rachel finally speaks up, she has caught on to the fact that my manager seems to have swallowed his tongue. “Boundie, on Tuesday afternoon these signs were found hanging all over the building as well as in the parking garage.” She unfolds a piece of paper and in large black font it says:
Orville Walker is F****ng Bound Brook
The thick, black, bold lettering fills the page.
I burst out in a hysterical laughter.
I still do not comprehend exactly she said. I am uncomfortable, nervous, and unsure of what is happening. I am laughing so hard I am crying.
Suddenly, I am reminded of when I started my Masters program in Forensic Science. I had to view a couple of autopsies be performed. I was so nervous during the first autopsy that I laughed for the first 10 minutes. I laughed so hard I was thrown out of the room by the medical examiner who kept telling me I had to respect the human body.
It took me an entire hour to stop laughing and wipe the tears from my face.
That moment, sitting in the chair, looking at that sign, was oddly familiar to the autopsy scenario. I was only shown the sign for a flash before it was folded back up and put away. I reached for it to read it again and was told I couldn’t keep it. Keep it?
Whatever, I just want to read it again, why would I want it? I was still laughing pretty hard, thinking this Rachel woman is a fool, why would I want to keep the sign?
Eventually I stopped laughing and just sort of went numb.
It was like my brain went numb, my face went numb, my heart stopped pounding, and the sweat stopped dampening my skin. I was sitting there listening to John and Rachel talk about the incident, how many signs were found, who found the first one, how many people do they think read them, how they learned of the signs, why they had waited a couple of days to tell me about it… then the questions started.
“Was there any truth to the sign”, they asked? “How silly of us, of course not!!!” they quickly corrected themselves when they saw the look on my face. “Did I have any idea who would do such a thing?”
Did I have any idea????? DID I HAVE ANY IDEA??????
Of course I had an idea, but if I say her name will that open a bag of worms for me? Will it then be brought to light that I had ran my mouth about her? I couldn’t go naming Amanda, now was not the time. I didn’t want to incriminate myself for anything. Besides, could she really do something like this? 
My head is spinning. I think I might throw up and then pass out. Then suddenly the numbness went away. It hit me full force. I was humiliated and embarrassed and 100% a victim of something awful. I was trying so hard to not cry. My face got hot, my mouth turned down, and the tears welled up. I could never imagine doing something so cruel to someone else. Who in their right mind would do something so cruel? These signs were hung up on all 9 floors of the building? All over the parking garage? They were hung up on Tuesday, it was now Thursday, there was no doubt about it, this was the latest company gossip. Everyone had to know about it. All 2500 hundred Employees in the building knew about it, except for me, until just now.
All of the sudden I am remembering an incident that occurred in our company deli just the day before. I was ordering my lunch when I complete stranger came up to me and said “Excuse me, are you Bound Brook?” I answered yes, assuming she wanted to ask me something or introduce herself to me. Instead she busted out laughing and walked away. I hadn’t thought much of it at the time, I really just thought the woman had mental issues, but now it made sense. I am remembering all the whispering that went on every time I walked by a group of people the past few days. I remembered walking by Orville just the day before and he barely said hello to me. I hadn’t even given it a thought until just now. I did have a strange feeling that something was going on internally, within the company. I had even made a comment to Red that there was a strange vibe in the office, but just figured people were avoiding me b/c I was avoiding them. I didn’t know that Orville knew right away, that he didn't see the signs hanging but his co-workers told him right away. It seemed everyone but me knew.
With everything hitting me full force, I was hysterical. I was crying one of those cries where you can’t hardly talk or breath… AGAIN!
What is with this company? Why does it evoke tears and crying fits like this from me? I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe they waited so long to tell me. I have been walking around the office like normal, when everyone has been watching me and whispering about me.
Rachel reaches for my hand as she says “I knew this was coming”, referencing my tears and my reaction. I guess her reaching for my hand was to try and comfort me? I am not one of those people. I don’t want to be hugged or touched when I am upset like that, especially not by a strange woman. I do not let her hold my hand. I am crying full force and snot is running down my face. There isn’t a freaking tissue in sight. I stand up to excuse myself to get a tissue. I have to get out of that room. My manager is just sitting there looking horrified and nervous, not saying a word. HR is talking to me like this is a normal occurrence, she starts listing the other companies that she has worked at, and how often this sort of thing happens. I am freaking out. I stop crying for a second, and I start doing that nervous laugh again. I can’t believe I am crying like this in front of my manager and this stranger. I walk to do the door, and just as I am about to step out and head to the bathroom to get some tissue, reality hits me like a ton of bricks.
I can’t go out there! Everyone will know that I know. Somehow in John’s office I was protected. I can’t go out and let everyone see me like this! It somehow made the whole thing real. Now, in retrospect, I see how foolish that was. Everyone probably already thought I knew… but anyhow at that moment, I couldn’t leave Johns office.
I sat back down, started crying again and just let the snot run.
Then the bigger bomb was dropped. Rachel turns all of her attention on me, reaches for my hand again and looks me dead in the eye. She tells me that she understands that I am upset but there is something else that I should know. Someone from the office has called Orville’s wife several times over the last few days and told her that her husband was sleeping with a white woman in the office named “BoundBrook.” [img]/forums/images/graemlins/eek.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/eek.gif[/img]
to be continued
Rachel extends her hand to me and I wipe my hands on my dress pants before I reach out to shake it. My manager picks up on this move and says, “Boundie, you aren’t in trouble.” He gives me a strange look as he says this, as if to say, just keep your mouth shut, this has nothing to do with that. I am thoroughly confused at this point and decide to just shut my mouth and let someone else do the talking for once.
“Boundie, we have called you in my office this afternoon because of an incident that occurred earlier this week.” At this point I am about to throw up. I am not in trouble? Something happened earlier this week?
Why is HR here? What happened? I am sick to my stomach, I seriously might puke. I know something awful has happened, but what??? I am looking at my manager and I notice he is sweating too. He seems to be unable to speak as well. I am sitting in my chair stiff as a board, sick to my stomach, and racking my brain wondering what could have happened. Rachel finally speaks up, she has caught on to the fact that my manager seems to have swallowed his tongue. “Boundie, on Tuesday afternoon these signs were found hanging all over the building as well as in the parking garage.” She unfolds a piece of paper and in large black font it says:
Orville Walker is F****ng Bound Brook
The thick, black, bold lettering fills the page.
I burst out in a hysterical laughter.
I still do not comprehend exactly she said. I am uncomfortable, nervous, and unsure of what is happening. I am laughing so hard I am crying. Suddenly, I am reminded of when I started my Masters program in Forensic Science. I had to view a couple of autopsies be performed. I was so nervous during the first autopsy that I laughed for the first 10 minutes. I laughed so hard I was thrown out of the room by the medical examiner who kept telling me I had to respect the human body.
It took me an entire hour to stop laughing and wipe the tears from my face. That moment, sitting in the chair, looking at that sign, was oddly familiar to the autopsy scenario. I was only shown the sign for a flash before it was folded back up and put away. I reached for it to read it again and was told I couldn’t keep it. Keep it?
Whatever, I just want to read it again, why would I want it? I was still laughing pretty hard, thinking this Rachel woman is a fool, why would I want to keep the sign? Eventually I stopped laughing and just sort of went numb.
It was like my brain went numb, my face went numb, my heart stopped pounding, and the sweat stopped dampening my skin. I was sitting there listening to John and Rachel talk about the incident, how many signs were found, who found the first one, how many people do they think read them, how they learned of the signs, why they had waited a couple of days to tell me about it… then the questions started. “Was there any truth to the sign”, they asked? “How silly of us, of course not!!!” they quickly corrected themselves when they saw the look on my face. “Did I have any idea who would do such a thing?”
Did I have any idea????? DID I HAVE ANY IDEA??????
Of course I had an idea, but if I say her name will that open a bag of worms for me? Will it then be brought to light that I had ran my mouth about her? I couldn’t go naming Amanda, now was not the time. I didn’t want to incriminate myself for anything. Besides, could she really do something like this? My head is spinning. I think I might throw up and then pass out. Then suddenly the numbness went away. It hit me full force. I was humiliated and embarrassed and 100% a victim of something awful. I was trying so hard to not cry. My face got hot, my mouth turned down, and the tears welled up. I could never imagine doing something so cruel to someone else. Who in their right mind would do something so cruel? These signs were hung up on all 9 floors of the building? All over the parking garage? They were hung up on Tuesday, it was now Thursday, there was no doubt about it, this was the latest company gossip. Everyone had to know about it. All 2500 hundred Employees in the building knew about it, except for me, until just now.
All of the sudden I am remembering an incident that occurred in our company deli just the day before. I was ordering my lunch when I complete stranger came up to me and said “Excuse me, are you Bound Brook?” I answered yes, assuming she wanted to ask me something or introduce herself to me. Instead she busted out laughing and walked away. I hadn’t thought much of it at the time, I really just thought the woman had mental issues, but now it made sense. I am remembering all the whispering that went on every time I walked by a group of people the past few days. I remembered walking by Orville just the day before and he barely said hello to me. I hadn’t even given it a thought until just now. I did have a strange feeling that something was going on internally, within the company. I had even made a comment to Red that there was a strange vibe in the office, but just figured people were avoiding me b/c I was avoiding them. I didn’t know that Orville knew right away, that he didn't see the signs hanging but his co-workers told him right away. It seemed everyone but me knew.
With everything hitting me full force, I was hysterical. I was crying one of those cries where you can’t hardly talk or breath… AGAIN!
What is with this company? Why does it evoke tears and crying fits like this from me? I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe they waited so long to tell me. I have been walking around the office like normal, when everyone has been watching me and whispering about me. Rachel reaches for my hand as she says “I knew this was coming”, referencing my tears and my reaction. I guess her reaching for my hand was to try and comfort me? I am not one of those people. I don’t want to be hugged or touched when I am upset like that, especially not by a strange woman. I do not let her hold my hand. I am crying full force and snot is running down my face. There isn’t a freaking tissue in sight. I stand up to excuse myself to get a tissue. I have to get out of that room. My manager is just sitting there looking horrified and nervous, not saying a word. HR is talking to me like this is a normal occurrence, she starts listing the other companies that she has worked at, and how often this sort of thing happens. I am freaking out. I stop crying for a second, and I start doing that nervous laugh again. I can’t believe I am crying like this in front of my manager and this stranger. I walk to do the door, and just as I am about to step out and head to the bathroom to get some tissue, reality hits me like a ton of bricks.
I can’t go out there! Everyone will know that I know. Somehow in John’s office I was protected. I can’t go out and let everyone see me like this! It somehow made the whole thing real. Now, in retrospect, I see how foolish that was. Everyone probably already thought I knew… but anyhow at that moment, I couldn’t leave Johns office.
I sat back down, started crying again and just let the snot run.
Then the bigger bomb was dropped. Rachel turns all of her attention on me, reaches for my hand again and looks me dead in the eye. She tells me that she understands that I am upset but there is something else that I should know. Someone from the office has called Orville’s wife several times over the last few days and told her that her husband was sleeping with a white woman in the office named “BoundBrook.” [img]/forums/images/graemlins/eek.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/eek.gif[/img]
to be continued
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