Bad Marriage...

[Shine_Eye_Girl]

Re: Bad Marriage...

This is a tough situation to be in...in the end you have to do what is best for you and your sanity.

But I do say this.....why stay in a situation that makes you unhappy? Why stay with someone who degrades who you are?

This is will to a road of physical abuse.......don't allow it to reach that point!!!

[img]/forums/images/graemlins/70384-praying.gif[/img]

[fraggie]

Re: Bad Marriage...

Seems like you and your husband is not on common ground. I can see that all you want is him to change and let happiness
have its way.

I bet you try all kind of things and it doesn't work like you thought or what someone convince you to do.

Both of you went to counciling instead of listen to the pastor he probley try the challenge him instead of listening.

There got to be someone he listen to probley his best friend, his mother, brother, his boss.

Sometime there are thing you shouldn't have done. but sometime you of to do things to help save our marriage.

If any of these last things doesn't work its time to let
him know this is the end of us.

Some time the divorce threat change some man instantly yu noh cause mi it happen ready. Good luck [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70409-waytogo.gif[/img]

[Nunya]

Re: Bad Marriage...

As Compry attested to, sometimes one can stay in a bad relationship using the likkle bit a good times as an indication of an 'inevitable better change'... the eternal optimist...

I am hesitant about putting urh and Compry in the same category though...

Why? Cause I'on think bro-man in urh's situation is the only party to blame here.

Mi nuh figet how she labelled not only him but all the other Jamaicans she knew as 'negative'...

uh uh, mi memba de tone of the first thread and it left a nasty taste in mi mout.

So, pshaw...

[urheiness]

Re: Bad Marriage...

My husband has told me several times that Jamaican people are nasty people. He said,"A Jamaican will kill you, cut you up, and send you back to your parents and relatives in a barrel. When they open the barrel they find you".

He has also said he would kill me and the child if we leave him. He has no life he isolates himself from everone including his own family. He scares me. I will never know what he thinks. He refuses to leave me in spite of all his abuse and not liking me. I must use caution. I smile from time to time, but I am also plotting on how to get out with my baby alive. Every day is an act for me, I pretend as much as I can. I act as if I have settled in to my life with him but I have not. He could be another Scott Peterson for all I know. I just don't want to get chopped up. He said he would kill me and hitch a plane back to Jamaica and I believe it.

[MrsBlue]

Re: Bad Marriage...

<font color="blue">I think that one of the best ways for you to get help and information is through an agency that specifically deals with domestic violence. They should be able to give you information on advocacy, a shelter, counseling and a safety plan.

No one can convince you to leave because only you know your husband and what might happen if you do. I encourage you to locate a safe place that you can go with your child if and when you decide to leave.

If you need help finding an agency in your area, PM me and I'll look some up. </font>

[julie*mango]

Re: Bad Marriage...

Ditto that! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70409-waytogo.gif[/img]

[7777]

Re: Bad Marriage...

[ QUOTE ]
My husband has told me several times that Jamaican people are nasty people. He said,"A Jamaican will kill you, cut you up, and send you back to your parents and relatives in a barrel. When they open the barrel they find you".

He has also said he would kill me and the child if we leave him. He has no life he isolates himself from everone including his own family. He scares me. I will never know what he thinks. He refuses to leave me in spite of all his abuse and not liking me. I must use caution. I smile from time to time, but I am also plotting on how to get out with my baby alive. Every day is an act for me, I pretend as much as I can. I act as if I have settled in to my life with him but I have not. He could be another Scott Peterson for all I know. I just don't want to get chopped up. He said he would kill me and hitch a plane back to Jamaica and I believe it.

[/ QUOTE ] without a doubt, this bowys elevator dont go all the way to the top floor.. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70394-bawlout.gif[/img]
He obviously *needs* u, thats why he isnt moving on, but the threats now, is a form of intimidation..
Obviously he has realized that this frightens u, and he uses it to keep u in place..
He also knows that u probably have taken the role of the victim, and feels that he has taken the role of the preditor and knows just what to say to u to keep u emotionally bound.
Unfortunately, I dont think the police will interceed, unless he hits u or something..
Me self, I would keep a diary/journal of the abuse, just in case something happens..
Aye sah, unno need help fe troo.. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70394-bawlout.gif[/img]

[7777]

Re: Bad Marriage...

[ QUOTE ]
<font color="blue">I think that one of the best ways for you to get help and information is through an agency that specifically deals with domestic violence. They should be able to give you information on advocacy, a shelter, counseling and a safety plan.

No one can convince you to leave because only you know your husband and what might happen if you do. I encourage you to locate a safe place that you can go with your child if and when you decide to leave.

If you need help finding an agency in your area, PM me and I'll look some up. </font>

[/ QUOTE ]yep, I second what blue says..
I know that they have a safe home in our town, and its a secret as to its location.
I only knew about it, becuase I had a client who had to use it, and she told me where it was..
Be blessed, and gods blessing fe u and the likkle one me dear..

[j-can]

Re: Bad Marriage...

You people all belive dis crap?.....which jamaican a go tek bax up and tump down an tek it like dat...mi nuh believe dis yah tory

[CeaBee]

Re: Bad Marriage...

i know a few jamaican women that have abusive husbands/boyfriends..

however, the original poster says that she is hispanic, not jamaican....

[tsophra]

Re: Bad Marriage...

[ QUOTE ]
You people all belive dis crap?.....which jamaican a go tek bax up and tump down an tek it like dat...mi nuh believe dis yah tory

[/ QUOTE ]


me have wan relative whey tek cussing, bax down, kick down, tump down and anyting else fram her non working husband fe yrs an yrs.. till we wanda how she A) Alive B) Still Look Good...

so yes dem out deh

[Yvonne N.]

Re: Bad Marriage...

[img]/forums/images/graemlins/70402-thinking.gif[/img] We don't always know eh?... [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70402-thinking.gif[/img] All kinds of situations are out there..if we only knew...

[Wahalla]

Re: Bad Marriage...

[ QUOTE ]
My husband has told me several times that Jamaican people are nasty people. He said,"A Jamaican will kill you, cut you up, and send you back to your parents and relatives in a barrel. When they open the barrel they find you".

He has also said he would kill me and the child if we leave him. He has no life he isolates himself from everone including his own family. He scares me. I will never know what he thinks. He refuses to leave me in spite of all his abuse and not liking me. I must use caution. I smile from time to time, but I am also plotting on how to get out with my baby alive. Every day is an act for me, I pretend as much as I can. I act as if I have settled in to my life with him but I have not. He could be another Scott Peterson for all I know. I just don't want to get chopped up. He said he would kill me and hitch a plane back to Jamaica and I believe it.

[/ QUOTE ]

He is scared, under acheiving feeling unappriciated by those he has given so much to.. You are possibly the only thing he feels he can control.. He is being passive to outsiders while aggressive to you....

[Compry]

Re: Bad Marriage...

[ QUOTE ]
He is scared, under acheiving feeling unappriciated by those he has given so much to.. You are possibly the only thing he feels he can control.. He is being passive to outsiders while aggressive to you....

[/ QUOTE ]

Bingo.

[urheiness]

Re: Bad Marriage...

I have not told the whole story that is true. I'm at turmoil inside. When I met my husband I was preaching the gospel and was helping one pastor with her ministry and was asked to lead a prayer group [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70384-praying.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70384-praying.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70384-praying.gif[/img] at two other ministries. I was on fire for the Lord. Not everyone here has Christ within them. Many are acquainted with the gospel and know some Christian Hymns, but Christ has no home.

When I got married I knew I was going to get married I received a prophecy about it I just didn't know I was marrying the devil. My husband fooled a lot of people he claimed he was charismatic laying hands on people and having slayed them in the spirit. He fooled me and some others but not one of my Deacons who saw through him. The Deacon was like my body guard and very protective of me not because he wanted me but because of my anointing. He did later admit that he loved me but saw I was headed in a different direction. The Deacon tried to warn me that I was marring the devil. But, I was perplexed because I had some other elders practically swear my husband was the real deal. And, every Christian knows swearing is wrong. I also thought the Deacon was jealous and wanted me for his self. I later found out that that was wrong we are still friends to this day but don't get a chance to talk because my husband doesn't like him - he even went to the church to fight the Deacon and the Deacon picked up a baseball bat to clobber him but some elders broke it up.

Satan was working the entire time to discredit the children of God and turn the church into a circus. My husband was also claiming to have healed people and said he had the anointing of Benny Hinn on his life. All Lies: mad: [img]/forums/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img] He also claimed to have a doctorate in theology which later turned out to be a correspondents thing [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70368-hoppingmad.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70368-hoppingmad.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70368-hoppingmad.gif[/img]. He also claimed to be ordained. That too came from the internet. He was always opposed to the seminary which I was a student of. I was also ordained by a man of God and not on the internet. While in the seminary I was taught by some of the most dynamic men and women of God. They were hard on me later I found out it was because they saw potential and God’s hand on my life. One of my friends a Pastor I worked along side of in the ministry married me and my husband, he also had reservations. My husband was a liar and began to change the day I married him. He hated the fact I was helping so many people and fought against it at every avenue. He eventually stopped me from ministering because he was raising a lot of conflict, turmoil, strife, and division in my home. I also have a 17 year old son. He has cursed me out, cursed my prayer partners out and all the while claiming to be a die hard Christian. He believes that no pastor can help him and that he is a prophet and that God speaks directly to him. He uses this to alienate himself from other true born-again believers that can help him. He is a recluse and does nothing but gambles all the time he has an addiction to the horse racing and is in total denial. He is evil as they come. He once took me out to eat at a buffet and after he finished eating told me to pay the bill it so happened that I left my wallet home because I was about 7 months pregnant and he was about to get up and walk away but I beat him to it I also got up and left the restaurant and him behind I got in my car and pulled off I then saw him leave the restaurant thru the rear view never paying the bill. I later realized he had gambled all his money away. I never have been so humiliated in my life [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70361-embarassed.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70361-embarassed.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70361-embarassed.gif[/img]. I never told anyone what happened but cried to myself. I have too much dignity and style to skip out on a check. That crushed me. I was upset and lost now and guess who I see walking down the street my husband and he begins to shout don’t leave me I have no way to get home. So, he gets in the SUV and begins to tell me the whole thing was my fault for asking him to take me to dinner. I will never eat out with him ever again and he knows it. I came to realize a couple of months back that God’s blessing maketh one rich and adds no sorrow. And, in all my unhappiness and pain, I learned not to eat the bread of sorrow. If you do you will get sick. I already made up my mind I’m leaving and how and when is the issue
I may have got myself into this mess but I know the God I serve will get me out of it. We pretty much lead separate lives we don’t sleep together any more, we sleep in separate bedrooms - me with the baby he in a spare bedroom. We both go to work and divide watching the baby - he is civil about his child as that is his only living child all the others died at birth or before they could be born. He at times flies into loud Jamaican tirades of cussing and doesn’t care that the baby is being affected. He doesn’t care [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70394-bawlout.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70394-bawlout.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70394-bawlout.gif[/img]. I have begun to get my spiritual life back on tract and know that it’s only a matter of time before things change. I would like to pursue my doctorates but need to be financially stable or I can re-enter the police academy where I left from on maternity leave I was pregnant but would be separated from my baby for 5 months unless I found a nanny to live with me Upstate NY. Although I gave the Police department my best and passed all my exams and investigations and was getting use to the discipline at the academy that was before - I became a mommy. That is another reason I have been keeping a low profile because they look at my entire life and family members and will see on their data base anything pertaining to me as they have already done. I am no push over and can defend myself if need be. I think I would rather finish my education. I am very unhappy [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70394-bawlout.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70394-bawlout.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70394-bawlout.gif[/img] but can see light [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70459-idea.gif[/img] at the end of the tunnel. My husband refuses to leave my place and if I get the law involved to get him out he will definitely stalk me
to do me harm - that being the case. I don’t want to leave where I live because I like the area. I like waking in the morning to birds and trees and peace and quiet. I live in a really nice neighborhood. I don’t want to leave I want to raise my baby here. It is safe and has a wonderful nursery. Life is like calculus the problems are just as hard as the solutions.