Help!

**julie*mango** · 02-12-2007, 09:59 PM

Re: Help!

OK TD...calm down [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70459-hugs.gif[/img]...it hurts to see your loved ones in this state but remember that both of your parents are in need of caregivers and it is impossible for one person to give their attention fulltime to 2 persons. Maybe you should look into having 2 separate aides coming in to look after your parents.

**Seveen** · 02-12-2007, 10:01 PM

Re: Help!

one's last days should be respected

kick butt

[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70409-waytogo.gif[/img]

**turtledude** · 02-12-2007, 10:12 PM

Re: Help!

Thanks Skells, I'll try!...the only reason that the particular caregiver works 24/7 is because she normally can do it (cuz my parents nod off most of the time)...and to the tune of 5K/ mo. take home...2 yrs ago when this happened I cut her hours back to 40/ week and told her husband to get off his [censored] and get a job, and quit lending her car to his cousin who tryed to sneak drugs across the border and got the unpaidfor car impounded forever. I found a few other people to cover the other days, while I did the night shift. This gal has 2 children left in Figi and again she's trying to get as much money as she can before she goes home to them...I don't know what to do. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/crazy.gif[/img]

**julie*mango** · 02-12-2007, 10:18 PM

Re: Help!

Does your state have elder care programs where they send aides in? You should check with social services.

**turtledude** · 02-12-2007, 10:20 PM

Re: Help!

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Seveen</div><div class="ubbcode-body">one's last days should be respected

kick butt

[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70409-waytogo.gif[/img] </div></div>
I don't know...just the sight of it was pathetic...I hope I never get in that position....

**Nunya** · 02-12-2007, 10:22 PM

Re: Help!

If this happened two years ago, why did you re-hire her? [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/confused.gif[/img]

**turtledude** · 02-12-2007, 10:27 PM

Re: Help!

yea Skells, a certain standard has to be maintained with the state...that's what's bothering me. I seem to be the only one that walks in on this stuff, and the only one that it bothers. I've had to fight my dad to keep the health standard up in the past. He has money to pay a caregiver, but won't put up a dime for antibacterial cleaners and stuff, ..and all while fighting to stay alive. Did I mention that they were functioning alcoholics?... mom's blood/alcohol level was .36 when she had her stroke. Now she has narcotic cocktails...anyway..I gotta vent or I"LL go crazy, ya know?

**turtledude** · 02-12-2007, 10:28 PM

Re: Help!

...unfortunately mom regards her as a best friend...

**Nunya** · 02-12-2007, 10:35 PM

Re: Help!

Well if your folks are happy with the status quo, you gotta just suck it up an si an blind...

It is their life after all, and if they want to go out drunk, then let em...

Just visit less if it bothers you so much. sorry [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/frown.gif[/img]

(((turtledude)))

**ILP** · 02-12-2007, 10:35 PM

Re: Help!

((((Turtledude)))

I cant imagine what you are going through. You do need a break, because you are right, you cant do it all by yourself.

With that said, Ahhhh Hell Naw [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70400-talktohand.gif[/img] your parents deserve some respect and dignity. Repsect and dignity does NOT include leaving your father naked and wallowing in his own sh!t. That is neglegent, if not criminal. I would let that caregiver person (if that is what you want to call her) have [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/bexbad.gif[/img] and then she would be dismissed. I have been sick in my life, sick to the point were I needed 24 hour care. I thank God [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70384-praying.gif[/img] that I had family that could rotate the load, until I was strong enough to help myself.

I dont know what your financial situation is like, but could you perhaps hire 2 people? One for your mom and then another for your dad?

I am sorry. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/icon_hug.gif[/img]

**julie*mango** · 02-12-2007, 10:42 PM

Re: Help!

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: turtledude</div><div class="ubbcode-body">yea Skells, a certain standard has to be maintained with the state...that's what's bothering me. I seem to be the only one that walks in on this stuff, and the only one that it bothers. I've had to fight my dad to keep the health standard up in the past. He has money to pay a caregiver, but won't put up a dime for antibacterial cleaners and stuff, ..and all while fighting to stay alive. Did I mention that they were functioning alcoholics?... mom's blood/alcohol level was .36 when she had her stroke. Now she has narcotic cocktails...anyway..I gotta vent or I"LL go crazy, ya know? </div></div>

Does your state have an Acquired Brain Injury waiver? your mom would qualify for that program. They pay aides to go in depending on your mother's needs. That way your dad can keep his full time person.

TD...feel free to vent here if it makes you feel better. None of this is easy. My father contributed to his stroke because he was not taking heed when we were telling him to control his sugar intake. I am mad that he still won't take care of himself and have made up my mind that I will not attend his funeral.

**turtledude** · 02-12-2007, 10:48 PM

Re: Help!

yea Nunya, that's kinda what I've been tryin to do....and then when I did go there...this is what I walked in on....man,...as much as I don't particularly like it, I'm still feel somewhat responcible cuz my brother and I are entrusted to invest the money that allows this "thing" to keep going...what a tangled web!

**turtledude** · 02-12-2007, 10:50 PM

Re: Help!

I honestly don't know why this happened...the caregiver knows she can call me anytime she needs help...and we have another person that fills in if needed, as well.

**Nunya** · 02-12-2007, 10:55 PM

Re: Help!

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Skelly</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> My father contributed to his stroke because he was not taking heed when we were telling him to control his sugar intake. I am mad that he still won't take care of himself and have made up my mind that I will not attend his funeral. </div></div>

If you don't attend his funeral, you'll just be hurting yourself. Memba say im a go dead an gone and you'll be the one re-living what you'd failed to do. If you have/had a good relationship with him, you will need to attend...

Our parents lived their lives, mostly they lived it, how they wanted to. We are now living our lives, again, mostly how we want to. We don't want our parents to dictate to us how we should live our lives, and we shouldn't dictate to them how they should live theirs.

If his dad and mom are happy going out drunk and wallowing in shyte, if they see a certain beauty or symmetry to it, then who are we to demur?

If your dad wants to eat what he wants, hates his meds and is happy in his choices, who are you to punish him by telling him that you wont be attending his funeral???

I know you're prolly talking from a place of pain, but we've got to let them go out how they want to. It's their right.

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