How do I go on??

[Ochigal]

Re: How do I go on??

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: jamaicaboo</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
So ture but my fear is that she will hate me, but i am sure she will understand it was not me who walked away from her. I know in time it will work out but it is the adjustment I guess that is the hardest.
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Jboo...you and I have chatted thru PM about this a few months back...and you know that my story is alot like yours...babyfather walked out on us too...AND...I felt everything you are feeling...BUT I got over it...I was stronger for it...and I truley believe that it happened for a reason. Its not my place to figure out what the reason was....I just have to trust that the reason is there and is all part of the big plan. Life for me now is better than ever...My son is thriving...yes, he misses his dad...and it pains him at times that they dont have a relationship...but he loves his step father...they are very close and he looks up to him as his role model.

It did take me years to get to where I am...but I got there and looking back, I wouldnt change a thing.(well there is one thing I would change...so here it goes)

DO NOT feel guilty that your baby girls daddy isnt around....ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. I felt guilty and I let that guilt turn me into the kind of mother that doesnt hold her child accountable and doesnt set expectations. in other words, I spoiled him and let him treat me with disrespect. We are changing that now and beleive me...my son loves having the rules and the boundries. He loves me even more now that I "expect" things from him.

WE have structure where we didnt before because I let him do what HE wanted to do...not what I expected him to do. Its NOT a good thing to be that kind of parent.

So...learn from my mistakes...continue to be a mother that raises a well mannered, respectful child...dont let the guilt change you.

Lastly...have you tried to get some counseling. I went to a therapist after my sons father left us...and it helped...it gave me someone to talk to that did not judge...and helped me to find ground to stand on.

I know that today it feels like life will never get better....but it will...TRUST ME! and it will be better than you can ever imagine!!!!

[ReggaeGirl2000]

Re: How do I go on??

So sorry you are feeling this way [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/frown.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/frown.gif[/img]

Best to spend time with people you love and care for, they will help you thru this I'm sure [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/smile.gif[/img]

All the best,
RG

[wandaweberg]

Re: How do I go on??

Jamaicaboo ! How lovely to see you on the site!!! Wish your circumstances were better. Big hug to you and Likkle Boo.

The words from the women above are true. And putting them into practice takes determination and strength which is what you need for your daughter. I am seeing one side, but I believe your words, and this man has not treated you or your daughter with the respect each of you deserve.

I too have been through some difficult times with relationships, as I’m sure many have, and one thing that’s for certain, only YOU can make YOU feel better! And I do have to reiterate and quote what MrsOchigal said, “I know that today it feels like life will never get better....but it will...TRUST ME! and it will be better than you can ever imagine!!!!”

You are as strong as you allow yourself to be.
Think positively to yourself. Say the words out loud. Give them strength! You can and will make it through this. Each day is another opportunity to live well!


[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70459-hugs.gif[/img] for Jamaicaboo and [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70459-hugs.gif[/img] for daughter too

[Yvonne N.]

Re: How do I go on??

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: ReggaeGirl2000</div><div class="ubbcode-body">So sorry you are feeling this way [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/frown.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/frown.gif[/img]

Best to spend time with people you love and care for, they will help you thru this I'm sure [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/smile.gif[/img]

All the best,
RG </div></div>

...((jamaicaboo))...what RG said...[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70409-waytogo.gif[/img]

[winni]

Re: How do I go on??

Jamaicaboo - I'm feeling your pain.

From someone who has gone thru the mill, I will tell you that the pain in your chest will eventually lessen. During the hard times, I turned to counselling and was continually told that breakups are as painful as someone dying. You are grieving for the loss of the relationship you had, good, bad or otherwise.

Time does heal, give yourself time and allow yourself to heal. Above all allow yourself forgiveness, guilt has no place during this time...

[MarieK]

Re: How do I go on??

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[MarieK]

Re: How do I go on??

You know I often wondered what happened to you.

You cannot isolate yourself in times like this, now is when you need the support more than ever, I know a lot of crap goes on on this board but let me tell you, some of the greatest help I have gotten have been from people on this board. Many of us have been there, we know the hurt and the pain, but the most important thing is to divorce him and move on.

You know the history between my ex and I and if you need to be reminded PM me, and you always told me it would be better and it is.

JBoo, get a lawyer and have him out of yorulife, if he doesn't sign within appropriate time you can get a divorce by default. Then sue him for Chidl support and if he doesn't show up oh well, I am sure the system will find him. Don't worry about torturing him, he's not worried about torturing you.

Move on, mistakes happen, people change but never regret your marriage, because had it not been for him, you owuldn't have your daughter right now.

Oh and about his family, now YOU need to change your number. They don't need to call you any family who will support the decision a man makes in abandoning his family is nothing but opportunistic lowlifes. I dont' care if you treated him like crap, he needed to be there as a dad and he wasn't so oh well.

Oh and another thing, do you think a man of his caliber is suitable to be around your child. Girls marry the men they grow up with so if you raise her to be around a self-absorbed loser she'll marry just that.

[julie*mango]

Re: How do I go on??

Listen JA-Boo...it's wrong. And it's tough. But life is not easy. Wipe your tears. Dust yourself off and move along. If not for yourself do it for your daughter. Yo uhave to stay strong for her. The fact that that your husband walked out on not only you but his daughter proves he is not a man. Why are you pining over filth? I am sure you can find much better out there but this is not the time for that. Take as much time as you need to heal but don't let this loser break you down to the point that you cannot function.

Hang in there. You'll be fine [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70459-hugs.gif[/img]


For you and every woman in your situation

[jamaicaboo]

Re: How do I go on??

I cannot tell you how much I need support right now, I have no family within 5 hours of me so it is just her and I.
I thank you all so much fot your words and trust me I am trying and I just need to realize it will take me some time.
I really do apperciate all of you and I am hoping I can get the support I need, you have all always been a wonderful group of friends thanks [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/smile.gif[/img]

[Suesumba]

Re: How do I go on??

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: jamaicaboo</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I cannot tell you how much I need support right now, I have no family within 5 hours of me so it is just her and I.
I thank you all so much fot your words and trust me I am trying and I just need to realize it will take me some time.
I really do apperciate all of you and I am hoping I can get the support I need, you have all always been a wonderful group of friends thanks [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/smile.gif[/img] </div></div>

there must be a public health place somewhere close to you. they can suggest support agencies to help you.

[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70459-hugs.gif[/img]

[DearK]

Re: How do I go on??

(((((Jamaicaboo))))) I remember you talking about your journey with this man. Unfortunately one phase is over and you're moving into another with your daughter.

Like Susumba suggests, reach out to your community! You'd be surprised at the number of people out there who can offer support. Are you a member of a church, or other org that has events etc? Is there a support group for single parents?

I think Seveen also suggested returning to some of your passions, join a class and meet other people. This is the time to broaden your world, not isolate... Get upa dn get out there

[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70459-hugs.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70459-hugs.gif[/img]

[QK13]

Re: How do I go on??

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Seveen</div><div class="ubbcode-body">don't give that bway so much control over you that you're sick

the buck stops with me </div></div>

Can I get an AMEN here Sistah!! [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70409-waytogo.gif[/img]

[QK13]

Re: How do I go on??

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: SueSumba</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> woman yu mad?!!! you are actually pining for someone who would treat you this badly?!! you lovehim? </div></div>

Tell her Sue!!

[Wahalla]

Re: How do I go on??

was this not one of those cases of LDR and how wonderful Jamaican men were ????

[applepie]

Re: How do I go on??

Dont blame yourself like one poster says nor feel guilty, nor try to figure out what went wrong. Your duty right now is to take care of yourself and daughter. Everything else will fall into place in due time. Live, and tell yourself everyday that this too shall past.

And no get inna no passa passa wid de man family nor call anybady dat even know de it. Avoid de whole a dem like de plaque.