ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

[Gen]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

okay mi speed read choo the last installment and gwine give a quick reply while me ponder deeply [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/grin.gif[/img]

you must NEVER think about breaking off ties with babygurl A or else she will have abandonment issues..try to see her all the way through to college [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70384-praying.gif[/img]

second you MUST explain your side to her and let her know that you love her and care for her and will always be there for her..let her decide...she nuh haffi know seh you and har madda argue but she still need fi hear your side ...she is a young adult so she needs you

[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70394-bawlout.gif[/img] poor babygurlA

[HIMdaughta]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

go to the christening show your "support" that way.

Keep in contact with Babygirl A cause it will be so easy for her to fall into the life that she sees around her and repeat the same mistakes. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70384-praying.gif[/img] however be sure not to come in between her and her mother. If she wants to vent to you that fine, but don't take sides or talk about her mother to her. Because believe me one day she will remember what you said about her mother do her (even though she may have agreed with you at the time) and it will come back to haunt you.

Keep in contact with T also but on a very minimal basis. Just so that she can still feel comfortable about the relationship that you and BabygirlA have and so she won't feel like you are going behind her back. (Cause she can try to use that against you also, something like "if you can't respect me, you can't be in my childs life", you know how people try to spin things around sometimes)

[dr. bones]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

This is a tough situation now. I do agree w/ Current Mr. ILP on this one. I bet T will continue to call, but I don't think any amount of talking or writing heart felt letters will get through to her. Sounds like you are one of the only people that has stuck by her, and I'm sure she is terrified to lose you. She just seems really emotionally immature.

Isn't BG A almost 18 now. If she is an adult, she can choose to maintain a relationship w/ you even if you don't have one w/ her mom.

[Ochigal]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

Call T...remind here where you stand, and why.

Talk to BabygirlA...she is your goddaughter and close to being an adult now. She is smart...she knows whats up...she just doesnt understand. Tell her how you love her and how you have done all this because of her...but that you cannot condone her mothers behaviour anymore. Tell her that you know she loves her mother and that she should..but that the should learn from her mothers mistakes and NOT follow that path in her future.

You will NOT bew overstepping your place...your place is exaclty where you are...smack dab in the middle of it all...and babygirl A deserves your honesty and your support and needs you as a roll model. Your place is to be her GOD MOTHER....her mother under god.....

[mountaingal]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

ILP should you decide not to keep this mr., could you send him my way, pls? im sound very sensible. i would take his advice about being the alternative to Babygirl that you've always been. it sounds like you're hurting about T's behaviour (you've reached your limit with her it seems), but all the work you've put into your relationship with Babygirl needs to continue bearing fruit for both you and Babygirl. So pls try to help her understand you and what you are feeling, that might help her understand her own feelings too.

((((ILP))))

[Kimberley24]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

But how can someone of that size be in a swingers club [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/confused.gif[/img] is it a fetish to sleep with such people?

[Gen]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Kimberley25</div><div class="ubbcode-body">But how can someone of that size be in a swingers club [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/confused.gif[/img] is it a fetish to sleep with such people? </div></div>

yes kimberly fetishes come in all shapes and sizes and things

[Bandana]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">He seems to think that for Babygirl A's sake that I should try to work on things with T. </div></div>

For once mi agree with the current mr. ilp... [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/frown.gif[/img]

But within limits...

The woman needs to understand how much her actions have affected you. She must know that you can't go through this with another child. She must be shown that keeping you away from Babygirl A will only hurt her. T needs to live her own life and make her own decisions (however bad they may be) and suffer the consequences... She can't expect ilp to rescue both her children every time she done make foolish mistake...

The sad thing is Babygirl B (mi forget what you call her) is just as innocent as Babygirl A was all those years back... [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/cry.gif[/img]

T need some tough love right now ilp, I don't think the silent treatment gonna help at all. But mi understand why you not want to talk to her [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/mad.gif[/img]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
I also need to talk to Babygirl A about things and explain my side. I dont agree wid him on that. He seems to think that Babygirl needs a place to vent, as I have always been that place/person. But I have never overstepped my place and I dont want to begin now.
</div></div>

I don't think that telling Babygirl A about your side is overstepping your place. You are her Godmother, you are a part of her family because you have been there for her all these years... The girl needs to know why you a distance yourself from her mother... But how you do that, with out sounding like the judge and jury pon the only mother she will ever have...???

sigh...

Dis nah easy [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/crazy.gif[/img]

[tsophra]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/frown.gif[/img] what a really sad story..i feel so sorry for her [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70394-bawlout.gif[/img]

[Kimberley24]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

I agree with everything said above but also important ILP please do not go spending all your money and investing yourself emotionally into this other child. I can see it breaking you down in the future especially if T no have no intention to change her ways. If she ask you to be Godmother by your accepting the invitation to go to the Christening tell her no you will pass on that role. One Godchild from her is more than enough.

[kia027]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

As echoed here by many others you have to talk to her for Babygurl A's sake. You have demonstrated you have taken your role as Godmother seriously and as u done know already by how T chase afta de man dem she nah stop calling so you might as well be clear in what role you want in her life (minimal) and what role you will continue to play in BabygirlA's life.

BabygirlA has to be made to understand (by you) how much you care for her and how difficult it would be to take on another child. You have been BabygurlA's demonstration of a way to a better life and you cant abandon her now.

[diabolical_Tanya]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Di current mr. ilp seems to think that I need to speak with T, as she will keep calling. I need to re-state were it is that I stand as she didnt get it from the letter that I wrote to her at her baby shower. He seems to think that for Babygirl A's sake that I should try to work on things with T. I also need to talk to Babygirl A about things and explain my side. I dont agree wid him on that. He seems to think that Babygirl needs a place to vent, as I have always been that place/person. But I have never overstepped my place and I dont want to begin now.
</div></div>

clearly the current Mr ILP is the current Mr ILP for a good reason. I agree with him 100% ..an juss caus BabyA vents to you does not mean you are overstepping you place. you are her friend/mentor not her mother.

[Bandana]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

OK lets discuss this in here so ilp can read it when she done work out....


SHOUT BOX CHAT:

[Kia] legally adopt babygirlA and call it a day
[Kia]
[Bandanna] ok... mek we wait
[Bandanna] yes Kia, but it don't sound like T would go for that
[Bandanna] and as much as she say she don't care, me know ilp care for T and nah want to take her kids away...
[Kia] she can wait till babygirl is 18
[Kia] ilp care for the kids
[mountaingal] adoption sounds like a solution, but BG love T...
[coolbeans] BG muss almost 18 by now
[Kia] T can have visitation rights (limited to x hrs or what can be worked out)
[Bandanna] I don't see T ever agreeing to that... mi think she just want another free ride for the next pikney...
[Bandanna] trips to yard and chile - school supplies and then she gonna use ilp love for BabygirlA against her if ilp not treat next pikney same way [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70400-talktohand.gif[/img]

[Hush Darlin]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

advertising time is over now
time for the ress a de story

[Jamerican_Gyal]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

You have probably been the one stabilizing force in Babygirl A's life thus far. She needs you to continue to be there for her, and you must sit her down and explain why you have pulled away from T. She needs to know it has nothing to do with her and that you love her same way. She needs you in her life, and she needs to know that no matter what, you will always be there for her.

ILP, it is obvious that T is a very manipulative and selfish woman who puts her needs above everyone else. T will bleed you dry with this new baby, and she is wicked for saying you can't see Babygirl A if you don't pony up for the new baby as well. For Babygirl A's sake, I suggest you talk to T and make her know she is wrong to emotionally blackmail you to get what she wants. I doubt she will fully understand, but you have to tell her she can't come between you and Babygirl A, especially you being her godmother. She entrusted YOU with her care in case something befalls T, and that still stands.

As far as PT, establish now that it is not the same kind of party as it was with Babygirl A. That situation was different, and she can't expect you to financially raise this baby as well. If you feel to, go to the christening, if not, don't go. But don't let T guilt you into doing anything you don't feel to do.

What a wicked woman...