ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

[damask]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

(((((((((ILP))))))))you are a rare gem I wish to Heaven I had a Mom like you,because of the love you have to give [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/cry.gif[/img] I cry for T's kids and I also cry for T. I do not think she will ever change unless some divine intervention. She uses sex to assuage something more serious I really do feel sorry for her I really do not beleive she can help herself or is it because you are always there to bail her out. She does need tough love, unfortunately that tough love might mean her being homeless and her kids also become homeless.

Sometimes and I know this seems mean, but some people fi jus dead so their kids can have a chance of a better life. Higher bieing please forgive me for making such a statement but some women should not be Mothers. Abuse comes in different ways right on to the women who buy you designer clothes, all the money you want but dem them just cold as an iceberg when they look at you is pure hatred yu see in them yeye [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70394-bawlout.gif[/img] anyway I digress.

ILP you are truly blessed, a great human being, please please try and continue being a part of Babygirl A life. I have a feeling though that T will try to cut you out of BabygirlA life just to spite you. ((((((((ILP))))))))much love to you [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70377-loveeyes.gif[/img]

[Jamerican_Gyal]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: damask</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> Abuse comes in different ways right on to the women who buy you designer clothes, all the money you want but dem them just cold as an iceberg when they look at you is pure hatred yu see in them yeye [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70394-bawlout.gif[/img] anyway I digress. </div></div>

Damask, mi an you mussi sista cah mi modda stay same way!

[DearK]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

I have a whole different view of this [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/frown.gif[/img] ILP, I agree that the love you've shown is genuine, but I think that some of the ways you've shown that, although constructive to a degree, could have backfired. The teach a man to fish analogy comes to mind when considering the many bail-outs, and I'm not sure I agree with the expensive vacations with you...

She clearly loves her mother, warts and all, and what is there to judge? Well the flirtation w/ a minor, that's illegal for one,but apart from that, what is the problem? Her dependence on men and relationships, how many of us have clung to dysfunctional r/ships in efforts to find love....


I'm clearly missing something because it seems that T's decision to participate in reckless sex is colouring the whole picture of how she parents and shows her child love [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/frown.gif[/img]

[ILP]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

Well mi see oonu was doin much contemplating while mi did gone. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/notworthy.gif[/img]

1. Babygirl A is current 15 years old. She will be 16 in June.
2. I have already told T that I wasnt interested in being BabyPT Godmother. This conversation happend about 2 months after T had her and T began with the baby talk, "say hi BabyPT to Aunt ILP". Aunt ILP is what Babygirl A calls me. I think I nipped that in the bud. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70400-talktohand.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/rolleyes.gif[/img]
3. As for the monetary help, I have thought about that. I only helped all this time because of Babygirl A. I have heard that after T returned to work, she was transfered again. I am sure it is because she works in an elementary school and she was pregnant and unmarried. I hear the new school is geographically undesirable and it has put a strain on the finances again. But I have resisted giving money, like I use to. That has been easier because T and I dont talk. And I moved. I have however continued to do what I do for Babygirl A though (well as far as T has let me).
4. I do feel bad for BabyPT because she has T for a mother and [email protected] for a father. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70400-talktohand.gif[/img] BabyPT didnt choose that, but I just dont feel like I can watch this (the raising of BabyPT) all over again. Sorry if that sounds selfish. I mean watching T and Babygirl A has been very painful. All of it, which is why I have done what I have done with BabyPT
5. As far as college, Babygirl A wants to go. I have no doubt that she will get into whatever college she applies to. She has already taken all of the science classes that her high school offers and her high school has agreed to bus her to the community college to take science classes there. Di current mr. ilp and i are not rich (oonu nuh see how much job wi have [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70388-shameonyou.gif[/img] ), but we have talked about helping Babygirl A to go to college. T has already told Babygirl A that she was on her own for that. Kissteet...mi gwine bex again.... Part of what I do with the kids I teach during the day at work is to help them seek out financial aide for school (ie. scholarships, etc.). I think finding the scholarships will be easy and that should take the edge off.
5. I dont believe that T, actually I know that T would not give over custody of Babygirl A to me, she knows the financial benifits of having her around. I am not sure I even want to go there. Besides, I know Babygirl A would not want that and it would be too difficult to explain (at least I feel so).

Mi figet di ress of what oonu seh...mi soon come back

[DearK]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

Aside from poor judgement about sexual relationships, and being poor/having poor budgeting skills, what else is the proble w/ T as you see it?

[ILP]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dear K</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> The teach a man to fish analogy comes to mind when considering the many bail-outs, and I'm not sure I agree with the expensive vacations with you... </div></div>

I take her with me because I am going anyway. My parent raised me to "see the world and learn about yourself". I want that for Babygirl A. Thats all.

[ILP]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dear K</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Aside from poor judgement about sexual relationships, and being poor/having poor budgeting skills, what else is the proble w/ T as you see it? </div></div>

I see the effects (long term ramifications) of what parents like T have on their children. Hint, Hint look at T [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70456-eyebrows.gif[/img] I am OK about what T wants to do with herself. I mean she is [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70374-lipsrsealed.gif[/img] but if that is what she wants for herself, then, whatever. I just dont want Babygirl A to end up going down the same path. That's all.

[DearK]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

But how does that affect her parenting?? Many parents make poor choices, therefore set a poor example. I'd hate to think people question my love for my chid based on the fact that I only brush my teeth once per week (poor hygiene example), and I drive without a seatbelt. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/eek.gif[/img]

And in the example where T chose to keep her daughter with her for the summer, Babygirl told you that the only thing she did was phone the boy and drop off gifts... could it be that the child deprived of her fun chose to tell you only the bad parts in order to gain your sympathy?

Could it be ILP that you've blurred the line a little bit between godmother and mother?

[ILP]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dear K</div><div class="ubbcode-body">But how does that affect her parenting?? Many parents make poor choices, therefore set a poor example. I'd hate to think people question my love for my chid based on the fact that I only brush my teeth once per week (poor hygiene example), and I drive without a seatbelt. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/eek.gif[/img]</div></div>

mi cyan even ansa dis fi real, cah you cyan be serious...

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dear K</div><div class="ubbcode-body">And in the example where T chose to keep her daughter with her for the summer, Babygirl told you that the only thing she did was phone the boy and drop off gifts... could it be that the child deprived of her fun chose to tell you only the bad parts in order to gain your sympathy? </div></div>

i thought of this. dear k, I am a teacher. i know how kids manipulate. i understood T wanting to keep Babygirl A home with her. if i was giving birth, i would want my family around me, too. I found T's using Babygirl A to do her "dutty wuk" offensive. If T wants to chase [email protected] that is her choice, but her young daughter should not be in the middle of it. THAT IS INAPPROPRIATE. Period.


<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dear K</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> Could it be ILP that you've blurred the line a little bit between godmother and mother? </div></div>

This one is easy. NO.

[DearK]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

My apologies, it is not my intention to hurt you even further. Your heart and love shine through so clearly in what you've written... having worked with poor families (ghetto moms, some might say), it's hard for me to colour T with a black brush.

IN most of what you've written tho, the focus has been on T's sex life and her poor judgements there, as well as her financial struggles... that shows nothing about her parenting.

[julie*mango]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

But Dear K you can clearly decide what kind of parent she is by those factors alone.

Her sex life - Dragging her child into her quarrel with the baby daddy.

Her finances - Using her child's SS# to open credit accounts.

What parent in their right mind does those things?

[ILP]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dear K</div><div class="ubbcode-body">My apologies, it is not my intention to hurt you even further. Your heart and love shine through so clearly in what you've written... having worked with poor families (ghetto moms, some might say), it's hard for me to colour T with a black brush.

IN most of what you've written tho, the focus has been on T's sex life and her poor judgements there, as well as her financial struggles... that shows nothing about her parenting. </div></div>

How have I painted her with a black brush? I just wanted some advisement on whether people thought di current mr ilp was correct? I have never, ever disrepected T's "parenting" (at least I dont believe so) as I know the job is hard. I am just at my breaking point becasue I feel like I have been stressed with "this" for a while. And something must give. I am willing to be the person that "gives", I just dont want my decision to harm Babygirl A. That's all.

[DearK]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Skelli0n</div><div class="ubbcode-body">But Dear K you can clearly decide what kind of parent she is by those factors alone.

Her sex life - Dragging her child into her quarrel with the baby daddy. <span style="color: #6666CC"> I must have skipped that part. Sorry</span>

Her finances - Using her child's SS# to open credit accounts. <span style="color: #3333FF"> Do you now how many 3 y/olds have a phone/light bill? poor desperate parents do this all the time, not saying it's right, but does that mean she doesnt hug her child at nights, talk to her, care about how well she does in school etc? </span>

What parent in their right mind does those things? </div></div>

I agree w/ everyone that what ILP has done is wonderful... being a mentor for a child is necessary. AND I think ILP is taxed and will continue to be disappointed with T because they have different values.

[Gen]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

this is nat the DearK mi know..the one that used to comfort mi [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70402-thinking.gif[/img]

madaratos is wah unnu do wid the ole DearK [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70394-bawlout.gif[/img]

[DearK]

Re: ILP Have a DearK delimma...sigh....

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: iluvportland</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dear K</div><div class="ubbcode-body">My apologies, it is not my intention to hurt you even further. Your heart and love shine through so clearly in what you've written... having worked with poor families (ghetto moms, some might say), it's hard for me to colour T with a black brush.

IN most of what you've written tho, the focus has been on T's sex life and her poor judgements there, as well as her financial struggles... that shows nothing about her parenting. </div></div>

How have I painted her with a black brush? I just wanted some advisement on whether people thought di current mr ilp was correct? I have never, ever disrepected T's "parenting" (at least I dont believe so) as I know the job is hard. I am just at my breaking point becasue I feel like I have been stressed with "this" for a while. And something must give. I am willing to be the person that "gives", I just dont want my decision to harm Babygirl A. That's all.

</div></div>

I skimmed, so maybe I missed the positive attributes you cited. And I know it must be hard to see any positives in this woman who is not appreciating the gift she has in BG. At this point because of what you've invested in T and her family, I can understand your frustration and anger. It has to be hard as hell to watch the mistakes you see her making.

I disagree with Mr ILP, and agree with you. I dont think you should speak with her right now. Drop her a card with a little check and let her know you're unable to make it, but you know it will be a wonderful ceremony and wish all the best for PG (was that the newbaby name? [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/smile.gif[/img] ).