Forgive & Forget

[Yvonne N.]

Re: Forgive & Forget

Once you can get past wanting revenge, it becomes easier.

There are many types of personalities in the world and by our mere presence here we are bound to have interactions that are good, bad or just plain ugly. Enjoy the good. File the bad under guidelines to things you do not like. Extract what you can to help you grow and move on.
More importantly, watch to whom and what you give credence because they will surely shape your ways for better or worse.

It's not easy but it becomes easier as you age.

[Kurlie]

Re: Forgive & Forget

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: nattydreadgirl</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I forgive, let go, however, I don't forget! </div></div>

yep, me too [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70409-waytogo.gif[/img]
Mi not mekking nobody mek me blood pressa go up...or mek mi heart heavy, but mi not putting meself in armsway fi dem hurt mi again

[tsophra]

Re: Forgive & Forget

i firmly believe in "fool me once shame on you..fool me twice shame on me"

I don't forgive or forget..i don't sit around dwelling on past wrongs...but if you've screwed me over I will keep you at arms length..people don't really change their stripes i've found

[MarieK]

Re: Forgive & Forget

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Jaded</div><div class="ubbcode-body">i firmly believe in "fool me once shame on you..fool me twice shame on me"

I don't forgive or forget..i don't sit around dwelling on past wrongs...but if you've screwed me over I will keep you at arms length..people don't really change their stripes i've found </div></div>

read my signature.

I don't forgive or foget either, but that doesn't mean that the person consumes my every breathing second.

[SOPHBOPH]

Re: Forgive & Forget

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: LadyZ</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Compry</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Not sure if this is the same as malice...but when you've been hurt too many times by the same person, it's best to just move on and not place yourself in the same situation that will get you hurt again.

You can (I can) forgive and move on. To me it's not malice, just self-perservation as you said MarieK. </div></div>malice mi seh [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70371-jump.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/proud_jamaica.gif[/img] </div></div>

Mi agree...a malice dis...

[Seveen]

Re: Forgive &amp; Forget

i forgive myself for dealing with them and i forget them forever [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70400-talktohand.gif[/img] too many fish in the sea

[SOPHBOPH]

Re: Forgive & Forget

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Mrs. MarieK</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I too beleive that you can let things go without forgiving or forgetting, it's not consuming your life but you still remember it.

Kinda like my wedding a certain person wasn't there, everyone was saying I should forgive because it's the right thing to do.............. yeah right. </div></div>

I think forgiving shows that you are a better person than the one that did you wrong....'who know better must do better'...even if you think revenge might be sweeter.....remember, you have now learnt some valuable lessons about how to deal with this person in the future.

[Compry]

Re: Forgive & Forget

MarieK, you can forgive without allowing someone back into your space. So not inviting the person to your wedding does not mean you cannot forgive.

There are some people who will NEVER acknowledge the wrong they've done because they can't see beyond themselves. That doesn't mean they qualify for unforgiveness...you forgive and move on. Forgiveness is not about the other person..it's about you (me).

[MarieK]

Re: Forgive & Forget

Ok Compry, well can u forgive but refuse to have anything to do with the person or is that not true forgiveness.

I mean there are some people I would not want in my air space

[Compry]

Re: Forgive & Forget

Absolutely. Sometimes for your own peace of mind, it's best to stay away from certain people. Staying away does not mean you've malice the person or haven't forgiven them.

[Nunya]

Re: Forgive &amp; Forget

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Mrs. MarieK</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Ok Compry, well can u forgive but refuse to have anything to do with the person or is that not true forgiveness.

I mean there are some people I would not want in my air space </div></div>

Some people are just toxic. Staying away from them does not mean you haven't forgiven them. It just means that you're preserving you.

[Diplomat]

Re: Forgive & Forget

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Mrs. MarieK</div><div class="ubbcode-body">...can u forgive but refuse to have anything to do with the person or is that not true forgiveness.

I mean there are some people I would not want in my air space</div></div>
It really isn't but in situations like these, a lot of it seem to depend on one's spiritual values. While the unbeliever can get away with it, unfortunately the believer can't. Just a part of what makes being a believer so challenging. A very good question that's not as easy as it looks.

[MarieK]

Re: Forgive &amp; Forget

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: CEW</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Mrs. MarieK</div><div class="ubbcode-body">...can u forgive but refuse to have anything to do with the person or is that not true forgiveness.

I mean there are some people I would not want in my air space</div></div>
It really isn't but in situations like these, a lot of it seem to depend on one's spiritual values. While the unbeliever can get away with it, unfortunately the believer can't. Just a part of what makes being a believer so challenging. A very good question that's not as easy as it looks. </div></div>

Glad u touched on this CEW. On a personal note, I am a believer and it bothers me that many of my friends and family members who are especially my MIL. She is always telling me that as a beleiver you have to look past what the other person did but she has never answered my one question, does it make me less of a believer because I choose to have nothing to do with someone? What if you don't speak to someone anymore is that a sign that you haven't forgiven the person. Does forgiveness require you to engage in rapour with the offender, as a believer that is. Do you consider my choice to not have anything to do with someone results in me being less of a believer (an no dis is not a set up question, I'd like your honest opinion because mi MIL has rebuked me to eternal damnation [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/wink.gif[/img] )

u must have read my mind cuz I was thinking about this just this a.m.

[Kurlie]

Re: Forgive & Forget

you not forgiving dem fi dem sake, you doing it fi you.

[Diplomat]

Re: Forgive &amp; Forget

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Mrs. MarieK</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: CEW</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Mrs. MarieK</div><div class="ubbcode-body">...can u forgive but refuse to have anything to do with the person or is that not true forgiveness.

I mean there are some people I would not want in my air space</div></div>
It really isn't but in situations like these, a lot of it seem to depend on one's spiritual values. While the unbeliever can get away with it, unfortunately the believer can't. Just a part of what makes being a believer so challenging. A very good question that's not as easy as it looks. </div></div>
Glad u touched on this CEW. On a personal note, I am a believer and it bothers me that many of my friends and family members who are especially my MIL. She is always telling me that as a beleiver you have to look past what the other person did but she has never answered my one question, does it make me less of a believer because I choose to have nothing to do with someone? What if you don't speak to someone anymore is that a sign that you haven't forgiven the person. Does forgiveness require you to engage in rapour with the offender, as a believer that is. Do you consider my choice to not have anything to do with someone results in me being less of a believer (an no dis is not a set up question, I'd like your honest opinion because mi MIL has rebuked me to eternal damnation [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/wink.gif[/img] )

u must have read my mind cuz I was thinking about this just this a.m. </div></div>
Funny enough, I came back to this thread to ask your permission to use your question as the basis for an article I've been mulling over. It is an issue I've personally struggled with, and so I can only tell you my thoughts as I understand the requirements for the believer, as per the Scriptures, and believe me, I've been thinking about this subject for quite sometime now.

Your MIL is correct in that the person offended have to look past what the offender has done; Whether the hurt is a result of circumstance or consequence is another subject all together. For most of us, we can do the "looking past" bit but the next two questions are difficult ones: 1) What next?; and 2) What is our responsibility, if any, towards the offender?

I do not believe that where an individual is cantakerous and just plain miserable that we are obligated to put ourselves out of the way to engage them in daily conversations. Paul's admonition to believers is that we live peaceably with all men, and while the disposition of certain individuals make them a prime candidate for our "ignore list", the fact is we can't really go that far. We are still required to have a healthy attitude towards them, something the believer cannot do by themselves. The whole purpose of the Christian is to show, even in very difficult circumstances, the attitudes and characteristics of Christ. So, the better question would be: WWJD in such a situation? This is where "easy believism" can mess us up, because it is not a simple case of "forgiving and moving on". We are mandated to love not only those who are nice and wonderful to us, but also our enemies, real or imagined, and those who have been hurtful. For the believer, how does that love manifest itself towards the offender if we "wash our hands" of them? How do we demonstrate the superiority of the Biblical mandate to overcome evil with good, if we do not do so in tangible ways, which means interacting with them?

I guess at the heart of the issue is what is forgiveness? When the believer asks God for it, we not only claim it, but we also believe that our relationship with Him has been rightfully restored. Unless there are serious mitigating circumstances, I think the command to "Go and do thou likewise" is applicable here, because forgiveness and restoration for ourselves is conditional upon our extending it to others. In other words, if God doesn't wash his hand of us despite our dirt, what gives us the right to do it to someone else?

Someone once asked me "Can we forgive someone and not tell them?" At the time I said "no", and I still firmly believe that to be so. If the offender is another believer, it becomes even more important to attempt reconciliation because as members of the Body, we're all connected to each other. That person is our brother/sister in the Lord, and Paul also gave us instructions on how to proceed in that regard. If the person is an unbeliever, then our attitude towards them should reflect God's love and the transforming power of that love in our own lives.

At the end of the day, it isn't so much about whether or not a certain course of action make us any less a believer. It is about living our lives and conducting ourselves in a way that is truly representative of the Divine truths we claim to embrace and the teachings of Christ. See, it is not only the things we do for which we are accountable, but also the things we should have done but didn't do. Not easy, but I guess that's why He who knows said all who would come after Him first have to deny themselves, and take up their cross before they could follow Him. There really is never anything easy about carrying that cross, is there?

More questions than answers maybe, but questions worth pondering if our desire is for true intimacy with the Almighty,