The Christian Woman and Non-Christian Males

[Tropicana]

CEW's thread made me think of another aspect of male-female dynamics that I have frequently discussed with other Christian women. As a Christian woman, I have observed that a lot of Christian men have very archaic notions when it comes to expectations of women. Also, the Christian single men I know who are White tend to be attracted to women who fit Hollywood stereotypes of beauty and pay little attention to the internal spiritual maturity and personality characteristics. They tend to have very old fashioned notions about the role of men and women in the home to the point of stil seeing chores and child care as the woman's job. Also, and I have mentioned this before, most of the White Christian men tend to be really conservative and racist and will not even consider dating a woman who is not White.

By contrast, non-Christian men seem to be more open to consider women who do not conform to Hollywood's rigidly defined standards of beauty. They tend to place more emphasis on a woman having it together in terms of goals, values and career focus. They also tend to be less traditional in terms of male/female roles and responsiblities around the house and more willing to date women who are not White. I am interesting in hearing from both Christian and non-Christian men about why this may be the case.

[Dailybread]

Re: The Christian Woman and Non-Christian Males

Originally posted by Tropicana:
[qb] CEW's thread made me think of another aspect of male-female dynamics that I have frequently discussed with other Christian women. As a Christian woman, I have observed that a lot of Christian men have very archaic notions when it comes to expectations of women. They tend to be attracted to women who fit Hollywood stereotypes of beauty and pay little attention to the internal spiritual maturity and personality characteristics. They tend to have very old fashioned notions about the role of men and women in the home to the point of stil seeing chores and child care as the woman's job. Also, and I have mentioned this before, most of the White Christian men tend to be really conservative and racist and will not even consider dating a woman who is not White.

By contrast, non-Christian men seem to be more open to consider women who do not conform to Hollywood's rigidly defined standards of beauty. They tend to place more emphasis on a woman having it together in terms of goals, values and career focus. They also tend to be less traditional in terms of male/female roles and responsiblities around the house and more willing to date women who are not White. I am interesting in hearing from both Christian and non-Christian men about why this may be the case. [/qb]

Tropi, I have to disagree. If you look in your Church or surroundings. Amazingly enough you may find that the women who do not have the 'coca-cola' bottle shapes, hollywood profile are usually married and the others not. Could it be because 'men' in general are looking for more than just a shape?

I think that in dating, going out all that is good but not necessary in a marriage. It is an asset to have the coca-cola bottle shape and have substance as well but who wants a empty coca-bottle? I don't even think they are reedeamable anymore.

[Tropicana]

Re: The Christian Woman and Non-Christian Males

Dailybread, based on the way I have seen the Christian men (White) in this area behave, I would have to respectfully disagree with you. I have heard men say this themselves that they are looking for someone in their twenties or early thirties who is slim, fit, with a good figure and Blonde (long hair of course). These are Christian men and this is what they have said. They will consider no one else. Even the White women who don't fit the stereotypes have problems. I know of one who got so fed up she got a job in Ireland and she will not be returning to Canada and she is Canadian.

I am looking for reactions from the men to help me understand why so many Christian men have such archaic and sexist notions and the non-Christian men seem to be more enlightened and progressive.

[Tropicana]

Re: The Christian Woman and Non-Christian Males

NO comments from the men?

[dahjah]

Re: The Christian Woman and Non-Christian Males

Tropicana the way you painted Christian men makes me wundah why you would waan fe deal wid any a dem so-called christian.

How could they be called christian if a suh dem tan.
Mi tell yuh ahreddy dat de man ya look fah nuh een a de chuch [img]/forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[Tropicana]

Re: The Christian Woman and Non-Christian Males

Originally posted by King dahjah:
[qb] Tropicana the way you painted Christian men makes me wundah why you would waan fe deal wid any a dem so-called christian.

How could they be called christian if a suh dem tan.
Mi tell yuh ahreddy dat de man ya look fah nuh een a de chuch [img]/forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] [/qb]

Some good questions dahjah. I ask myself the SAME questions on a regular basis. Since last October, I have been dating men who express and interest in dating me instead of waiting around for one of these racists to take an interest. Of course, none of the men who have expressed an interest are Christians...not one.

[dahjah]

Re: The Christian Woman and Non-Christian Males

Cause everyone a dem a look fe a easy ooman fe wipe up aftah dem, serve dem an be there at ever bawlin.

[musa]

Re: The Christian Woman and Non-Christian Males

peace,
in my experience (as a muslim male) christian men are as many different kinds as possible. to be nominally christian does not mean there's any real faith or even interest in knowing God.
plus, there's a deep difference between various christian denominations.
it is an historical fact that a racist attitude has been way more pronounced among protestants than catholics.
here in italy, for example, (a predomenantly catholic country) i know many young males (often practicing christians) who are attracted to black women for both their physical features and their attitude perceived as more relaxed and spiritual than white women.
still, unfortunately, most men in western world are victim to the brainwashing of the system and learn from tv what kind of women they want.
sadly that applies to most women as well.
one love,

[Dailybread]

Re: The Christian Woman and Non-Christian Males

Originally posted by Tropicana:
[qb]

Originally posted by King dahjah:
[qb] Tropicana the way you painted Christian men makes me wundah why you would waan fe deal wid any a dem so-called christian.

How could they be called christian if a suh dem tan.
Mi tell yuh ahreddy dat de man ya look fah nuh een a de chuch [img]/forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] [/qb]

Some good questions dahjah. I ask myself the SAME questions on a regular basis. Since last October, I have been dating men who express and interest in dating me instead of waiting around for one of these racists to take an interest. Of course, none of the men how have expressed an interest are Christians...not one. [/qb]

Tropi, are you a christian? You said you've been dating, are you planning on settling down anytime soon? Just curious.

[britisha]

Re: The Christian Woman and Non-Christian Males

Tropicana your opening post is news to me. I have yet to see christian black men married to white women or women who fit the Hollywood potrayal of women where I worship. I visit several chuirches depending on how I feel. There is a wide crosssection of people, fortunately enough, an almost equal amount of men and women. I have not seen what you speak of, ie I've seen black women wih black men and whites with whites etc. I am beginning to wonder if this is a Canadian thing.

I agree with Dahjah, I wouldn't wish to be around any of those men either, nowhere other than in church, muchless the home.

[Tropicana]

Re: The Christian Woman and Non-Christian Males

Britisha I am not talking about Black men. If I meet one Christian Black man who is single every two years I am lucky. I'll go back and clarify that in the opening. Remember I got attacked the other day for stating up front that the person I was talking about wasn't Black (not by you Britisha by someone else). It is important to state this to avoid confusion. Thanks for pointing it out so I can clarify this. Sorry for the confusion.

Britisha I have lived in the Canada, US, and Jamaica. I have travelled to over 2 dozen countries. I can safely say that this type of discrimination when it comes to dating coupled with hyprcrisy and denial is worse here in canada than anywhere else I've been. The Toronto area is particulary bad. I do notice some improvement in the high school kids and young adults in their early twenties but the operative word is some and it has been LONG in coming. Even then, the changes in the church are lagging far behind those in the society at large.

Yes Dailybread. I am a born again Christian. I am divorced. I would have LOVED to have settled down LONG ago but I have waste years waiting around for Christian men to take an interest in me. I know few Black men who are Christians and the White Christian men (so-called) are just not prepared to date Black women. I see few exceptions. I am now dating men who are interested in me and inviting them to church related functions. It is the only viable option open to me other than not dating at all.

[Dailybread]

Re: The Christian Woman and Non-Christian Males

Originally posted by Tropicana:
Yes Dailybread. I am a born again Christian. I am divorced. I would have LOVED to have settled down LONG ago but I have waste years waiting around for Christian men to take an interest in me. I know few Black men who are Christians and the White Christian men (so-called) are just not prepared to date Black women. I see few exceptions. I am now dating men who are interested in me and inviting them to church related functions. It is the only viable option open to me other than not dating at all.

Tropi, am I to take it that you are more interested in dating a white male? I don't want to take it out of context so please correct me if I am. It would appear to me that, that's indeed the problem. You said that Compry's Church was an exception where you did not see this problem. How about try attending her Church? You may be surprised at what could happen. Also, have you personally approached any of the men you may have a interest in? There may be one or two that are interested in you but simply find it hard to approach you. Maybe they sense some anxiety [img]/forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img] Just a thought.

[Tropicana]

Re: The Christian Woman and Non-Christian Males

Dailybread, I am not more interested in dating a White man. However, as I have gone to over 30 churches and just about every inter-church Christian singles organization in the area I rarely run into a Black man. I just don't know where the Black Christian men are hiding. (I asked CEW once but he wouldn't tell me.) There are always Christian women who are Black at these functions but I don't know why the men don't come.

There are some Black churches in the GTA like Deeper Life, Revival Time, Raymer Ministries. Prayer Palace has a lot of Jamaicans but I hear it is WAY over the top. I also attended a service at Evangel Temple. The demographics were great and there was a large West Indian contingent in the congregation. Adjusting to the worship style would take some doing for me. The services are LONG (close to 3 hours) and MUCH more shall we say animated than what I am used to. (I don't like dead churches either but I am more used to Baptist, Associated Gospel, Brethren and denominations like that). I guess I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and get used to a radically different style of worship that's outside my comfort zone. I'm not sure I can hack it. It's either that or continue to date non-Christians (or see if I can get the guy to change churches..but I haven't met him yet. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] ) Now People's has a fair bit of diversity and the style of worship is one with which I am ore comfortable (albeit a bit old fashioned in terms of the music) but I have been to a couple of singles events there and none of the Black men ever attend. I don't get it. It's not exactly easy to walk up to someone in the middle of a church service and hope he'll ask you out.

At Compry's church I attended a Christian singles conference. There were about 4 Black men there which was surprising given the make up of the congregation. I said hi to everyone but the men pretty well stuck to themselves and didn't approach any of the women. There were a TON of Black women on their own. Compry checked for me a while back and the singles class has a ratio of 60% women and 40% men. Compry today posted that most of the single men at her church go no where near the singles classes or singles events. I'm not sure why. (Compry, do you have answer for me on that one? Why don't the singles go to the singles functions? Compry where do they go.) If it's just to the services, then, yes, I guess it's worth a try.

One more question for any of the Christian single men on here in the Toronto area. Why don't the Black Christian men go to the singles functions in this city?

[Ivory]

Re: The Christian Woman and Non-Christian Males

Originally posted by britisha:
[qb] Tropicana your opening post is news to me. I have yet to see christian black men married to white women or women who fit the Hollywood potrayal of women where I worship. I visit several chuirches depending on how I feel. There is a wide crosssection of people, fortunately enough, an almost equal amount of men and women. I have not seen what you speak of, ie I've seen black women wih black men and whites with whites etc. I am beginning to wonder if this is a Canadian thing.
I agree with Dahjah, I wouldn't wish to be around any of those men either, nowhere other than in church, muchless the home. [/qb]

Britisha...Trust me...this is not a Canadian thing! The same scenario you are seeing, black with white, and white with black, is the exact same thing here as anywhere in the world. The woman are not Hollywood types, nor are the men. They are your average everyday people whether Christian or not.

Please don't let your perception be clouded. Once the blinders are on, that is when we lose sight of reality.

[Tropicana]

Re: The Christian Woman and Non-Christian Males

Britisha...trust me..I am not making this up. Many of the very women who say there is no problem aren't dating much (like the one I referred to in the thread on denial who hasn't had a date in 4 years yet declares there is no problem). Go back and check the postings for Friday and Saturday nights and you will find many of the women who insist there is no problem are right on here posting week after week on a Friday or Saturday night.

In this area, you will see Black men with White women and even some Asian women with White men but you will rarely see a Black woman with anyone other than a Black man and in the church you will see a ton of Black women with no one. These are FACTS!!