Sexual Temptations...

[Diplomat]

In Matt 5: 27-29 (The Message Translation), we read: "27 You know the next commandment pretty well, too: "Don't go to bed with another's spouse.' 28 But don't think you've preserved your virtue simply by staying out of bed. Your heart can be corrupted by lust even quicker than your body. Those leering looks you think nobody notices--they also corrupt. 29 "Let's not pretend this is easier than it really is. If you want to live a morally pure life, here's what you have to do: You have to blind your right eye the moment you catch it in a lustful leer. You have to choose to live one-eyed or else be dumped on a moral trash pile."

In what ways do you feel the culture in which we live encourages sexual temptations? How does the Christian - or anyone else desiring to abstain - resist such temptations?

[DC]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

A very real subject for discussion CEW.

The Bible says the eye is the window of the soul and therefore it is not difficult for a child of God to be easily deceived and fall into sexual sin as we are being inundated with sexual images and innuendos from every sector of our society(we are human beings!)

You are driving down the road and your eye glances at a billboard and there is a man or woman dressed scantily/provocatively and the product being advertised is a car, perfume, a bank card [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] or such. The television commercials, sitcoms, Pg13 movies etc. have all become bolder in blaring sexual images or messages to its viewers.
Now, in a world such as this how do you resist temptation as a young christian trying to be focused and at the same finding it difficult to ignore the urgent needs of our bodies?

I think its more than just reading the Word and praying(which are very important of course). I think we need to be honest with our selves and realize that God created us as sexual beings. I think if we recognize this and celebrate our sexuality and realize when God says it is good, he had included our sexuality. I believe this knowledge would allow us to become more confident and secure in our selves as sexual beings.
As sexual beings we have been given sexual freedom which includes the freedom to remain pure. We have to realize that Christians are not the only ones who will make a decision to abstain. That is the reason why I believe as the Christian we should also think deeply about the reason why one would abstain or delay sexual gratification. Is it because the Bible says so, or is it because I have certain goals and dreams to fulfill first, or is it because I think my body is the temple of the Lord or is it because I just want to obey my parents?
Abstinence is not popular, but it is a choice being included in campaigns today. Some people abstain because they decided that they would want to wait till they get married, wait until graduation, personal growth etc.
So what makes the Christian choice christian? For the Christian, it is the fact that we understand the biblical purpose as to why we were created and in whose image we were created and why we feel it is quite necessary to portray that image in today’s world. Along with that clear undestanding of who you are and the willingness to assume the responsibility of being the image of God in a world that has declined morally, coupled with the strength and help of the Holy Spirit-we can indeed stay focus on our course.

I think the same strength we receive from God to aid us in stabilizing our mind and emotions so that we can remain sane as we endure some of life’s perplexities, it is the same strength we will receive when we need help in our decisions to remain pure. Some people say it can’t be done-but it can be done. The choice should become a life choice and not just a choice for a moment. That takes growth.

Just need to be practical and spiritual at the same time about it. But who says that is easy? [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Those are my thoughts on the matter...

[Diplomat]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

Originally posted by DC:

As sexual beings we have been given sexual freedom which includes the freedom to remain pure. We have to realize that Christians are not the only ones who will make a decision to abstain. That is the reason why I believe as the Christian we should also think deeply about the reason why one would abstain or delay sexual gratification. Is it because the Bible says so, or is it because I have certain goals and dreams to fulfill first, or is it because I think my body is the temple of the Lord or is it because I just want to obey my parents?
Abstinence is not popular, but it is a choice being included in campaigns today. Some people abstain because they decided that they would want to wait till they get married, wait until graduation, personal growth etc.
So what makes the Christian choice christian? For the Christian, it is the fact that we understand the biblical purpose as to why we were created and in whose image we were created and why we feel it is quite necessary to portray that image in today’s world. Along with that clear undestanding of who you are and the willingness to assume the responsibility of being the image of God in a world that has declined morally, coupled with the strength and help of the Holy Spirit-we can indeed stay focus on our course.

I am awed by the profoundness of your insight. I brought this subject up - being aware that some people may not be comfortable with it - because of the fact that a lot of younger Christians are struggling with this very issue. From what I gather, the decision to not get involved sexually - before marriage - seems more because of Church "pressure", than it is the personal conviction that "my body is the temple of the Lord" and as such we need to be very careful about what we do to and with that temple.

While some would not be caught dead in pre/extra marital sex, we do have the problem of dealing with what is going on around us. As you rightly pointed out, we are bombarded with images with various levels of sexual innuendoes. Movies and music are filled with it, and unfortunately even in our Churches, the very liberal dressing of some who show up for services really puts a lot of stress on others who try to remain on the straight and narrow in their thought life.

What Jesus said in verse 28, "But don't think you've preserved your virtue simply by staying out of bed. Your heart can be corrupted by lust even quicker than your body. Those leering looks you think nobody notices--they also corrupt." is rather profound. I am much better able to appreciate Job saying "I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?" (Job 31:1). I really do think this is one of the silent struggles of a lot of Christians, as well as others, who are trying to live with a disciplined thought life.

[DC]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

Great comments CEW!
Yeah..It is an uncomfortable topic but I think its time the church celebrate sexuality and be open and honest about the reality of our culture and also the struggles of its younger generation. It should not be a taboo in the church! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

I do not have a spouse nor do I have any children but I do have christian married couples as friends some with children and some without. I learn a lot and I am learning a lot from them. It takes a lot of wisdom, patience(more than ever I think) to raise these children in a world where "anything goes"/pragmatic society. I realize just saying " just pray to God and he will help you" sometimes is not the direction to take off the first bat. I think christian parents will have to teach their kids how to think deeply about their decisions(not just sexual decisions) because the world is not the same as it was in my parents' day. (Of course, I am not a parent so feel free to correct me in my opinions [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] )

That word "corrupt" is a word that indicates(to me) that time plays a very important role for something to reach this putrid state. We cannot prevent the bird from flying over our heads. However, when we allow the bird to begin to make a nest on our heads-then there is a BIG problem. It is my head. Somehow, I will have to take responsibility and get that bird off if I am determined not to let it become comfortable on my head. The question is do I want it to make a nest on my head? Surprisingly, some people do not mind.

However, as I've said it is easier said than done. I love that verse from Job you mentioined in your post. I read somewhere that Christian parents are beginning to employ strategies such as planning dates(fathers especially with their daughters) with their teens or pre-teens and challenging them to committ to virtue until married. They would present 'covenant' rings and the child would wear this as a reminder of her/her covenant with their parent to remain pure until marriage.
Apparently, there are successes with this suggestion.

Good stuff! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[Guest]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

I read this in last month's "In Touch" magazine. It's from a married male's perspective, however women can adapt the same principles.

Bouncing the eyes: This idea may seem obvious, especially to the female mind. Yet many men—even Christian men—are so engrossed in popular culture that they find this suggestion almost novel. Bounce the eyes? You mean you want me to train myself immediately to look away from anything or anyone sexually appealing who isn't my wife? Hmmm.

Precisely. It will take weeks if not months of practice. But it is attainable for the serious student who desires the fixed standard of obedience. It grows easier over time, as reported by legions of Every Man's Battle readers, including the aforementioned Michael.

"I haven't really approached anything that's been as practical as these steps are," Michael says. "The whole idea of training the eyes to bounce was very helpful to me. It's something that I have to continually refresh on. It's easy to revert to old habits, but the practicality was good."

Avoidance: Men must bounce their eyes at the unexpected. And they must simply avoid the expected. A Christian man should have great difficulty rationalizing a subscription to a premium cable channel. He also should know never to surf the Web alone if he struggles with Internet pornography. Some men even have asked hotels to remove the TV from their assigned rooms on business trips. Avoidance is common sense, but, as one Southern football coach drawled: "Common sense ain't so common anymore."

Finding a Sword and Shield: Your greatest weapon is to saturate your mind with the best possible input, God's Word, and then wield it in times of temptation. Be prepared to use verses like 1 Corinthians 6:18 and Ephesians 5:11 (look them up; you're going to need them).

Accountability: Scary word, isn't it? Yes, this age-old mechanism is promoted by Arterburn. And by everyone else of repute. The reason? Because it works. Get over the fear so you can get on with the victory.

"You need to find someone near you whom you can trust, someone with whom you are willing to be totally vulnerable,'' Swindoll says on netaccountability.com. "Now, this is a hard step. But pornography gains strength in privacy, in solitude, in darkness. Trust me, you will not find victory confronting the problem alone. You need a friend."

Telling Your Wife: Those of you who are married may not feel comfortable divulging to your wife explicit details of your past struggles, but it is wise to use aids like Every Man's Battle as springboards to open, honest discussion with her. Men have discovered their wives to be incredibly compassionate, though some initially have been hurt.

Starving the Eyes: As you learn to bounce your eyes, you also must learn to starve them. Keep 'em bounced, and resolve to achieve the standard espoused by Every Man's Battle: You can consider yourself sexually pure when no sexual gratification comes from anyone or anything but your wife. Many men, like Michael, have enjoyed near-miraculous results by swearing off the "junk food" of lust.

"We create in our minds that image of what we think is the perfect woman, and the way it affects your marriage is that your wife can never live up to those standards," Michael says. "The great thing for me in my marriage was as you begin to starve the eyes, you begin to see your wife as that focal point. And as she begins to understand more about what you're trying to do for the marriage, then she becomes responsive to that, and, man, you see her in such a different light and see what God has blessed you with through your wife."

Now there's a hint every man should embrace.

[Diplomat]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

Originally posted by DC:
[QB] Great comments CEW!
Yeah..It is an uncomfortable topic but I think its time the church celebrate sexuality and be open and honest about the reality of our culture and also the struggles of its younger generation. It should not be a taboo in the church! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Agreed. We were designed for desire, however there are boundaries contained in the design that we are asked to observe. On the issue of premarital sex, I am aware that some Churches are addressing the issue through various channels, but it is usually from the point of "hammering" home what the Bible teaches. The problem there however is that lost in that process is something that would cause one to feel proud about waiting for marriage.

As Compry's post points out, it is not just pre/extra marital sex that we have to be concerned about. There is a growing constituency of people, non-christians included, who even in marriage, struggle with the lure of the eyes. The first look is unavoidable, but it is the double-take that poses the problem [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] .

Instead of dulling our sexual senses, I think the mass media has instead heightened them. When I was a teenager, it really did not seem that much of an issue, yet now as an adult, children are exposed at a more tender age that it is simply frightening. The work place - despite sexual harassment laws - has become a fertile ground for sexual conflict for both genders. As you so rightly pointed out however, we cannot stop the birds circling over our heads, but whether or not we have the motivation/incentive/will to stop them from nesting in there, is another issue. I think covenant/purity rings are a great idea to encouraging abstinence. I have read also where teaching youngsters about the "blood covenant" is proving very effective as well.

[Diplomat]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

Compry: Thanks for posting that bit from "In Touch". I do agree with the author, though I do have some reservations about disclosing one's struggle to one's spouse. That could get really tricky as I do not think most would take kindly to knowing that their partner has sexual thoughts of another [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] .

Avoidance: Men must bounce their eyes at the unexpected. And they must simply avoid the expected. A Christian man should have great difficulty rationalizing a subscription to a premium cable channel. He also should know never to surf the Web alone if he struggles with Internet pornography. Some men even have asked hotels to remove the TV from their assigned rooms on business trips.

From my readings, the author have hit upon one of the real problems for some males. It is extremely easy in the confines of a hotel room to give in to watching X-rated movies. Even the billing is done to mask this activity, so the industry has made the practice relatively safe.

I read recently of a man that was caught using his Church's computer to view porn. He has made them aware that he cannot work alone in the Church's office.

It used to be that one needed speciality channels to watch adult movies, but subscribers to regular movie network, through a particular provider here in Canada, can view these (rated R!) without any problem. The compound the problem, they are *not* on in the wee hours of the morning either! The author's "You can consider yourself sexually pure when no sexual gratification comes from anyone or anything but your wife." or husband I suppose, is rather profound. One of the problem is that some do not find their spouse sexually attractive anymore.

[neutral]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

Originally posted by CEW

In what ways do you feel the culture in which we live encourages sexual temptations? How does the Christian - or anyone else desiring to abstain - resist such temptations? [/QB]

our culture as such does not necessarily encourage sexual temptations,but it does create a climate where temptations are rife.

we are only human,we are a product of nature,we can only function in the way nature intended us to function,and that includes our sexual antennae.
sex is a natural part of human biology,and is necessary to advance our species.
where the confusion arises is where restrictions are placed on how we may act sexually towards each other.
nature intended us to get sexually aroused...and to act upon those sexual feelings.
however,the laws of the land dictates the rules under which sexual practises should be carried out.
its unnatural to abstain from sex,thats not how nature intended us to act,it goes against the rules of our biological make-up.

men in prisons are reduced to having sex with each other simply to release sexual tensions.
and as for those in the church that are restricted through religious beliefs.....I am sure they too have the odd tete` a tete` with mary palm and her five sisters.

[Diplomat]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

neutral: Interesting thoughts.

...nature intended us to get sexually aroused...and to act upon those sexual feelings.
however,the laws of the land dictates the rules under which sexual practises should be carried out.
its unnatural to abstain from sex,thats not how nature intended us to act,it goes against the rules of our biological make-up.

From this point of view and without being facetious, the question in my mind is: are there any boundaries to our "acting" on our desires in this scenario?

[neutral]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

Originally posted by CEW:
From this point of view and without being facetious, the question in my mind is: are there any boundaries to our "acting" on our desires in this scenario? [/QB]

oh yes,the boundaries are clearly there,I dont know what boundaries exist in the church for those that are abstaining through their beliefs,
but there are clear boundaries where the laws are concerned.
you cannot,or must not have sex with another man`s wife for instance, [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]
and its considered a very serious offence to "act" upon your desires by forcing a woman to have sex

I am of the opinion that if these boundaries did not exist then far more men would be forcefully imposing their sexual desires on women everyday.
sexual tensions are very powerful indeed,more power to the bishops that abstains,or I really should say,more power to their right hands [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[Diplomat]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

Originally posted by neutral:

sexual tensions are very powerful indeed,more power to the bishops that abstains,or I really should say,more power to their right hands [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

You are just way too much [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] . I would much rather think that they all have treadmills in their quarters that they ride 2-3 times per week to "destress" themselves [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] .

[Guest]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

Originally posted by CEW:
[qb] Compry: Thanks for posting that bit from "In Touch". I do agree with the author, though I do have some reservations about disclosing one's struggle to one's spouse. That could get really tricky as I do not think most would take kindly to knowing that their partner has sexual thoughts of another [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] .[/qb]

Yes it could get tricky but if you both make the commitment to make each other your accountability partner, then it gets a lot less tricky.

I believe it's my husband's role to hold me accountable in ever areas of my personal and spiritual growth/life. Knowing this, I will ensure that I *bounce* to *avoid* because he won't be too happy knowing that I find someone else sexually attractive.

[Guest]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

Originally posted by CEW:
[qb] One of the problem is that some do not find their spouse sexually attractive anymore. [/qb]

Hmmmmm, that's because they've flooded their minds with imagines of what the perfect woman/man is supposed to be. The beautiful skinny woman on the billboard is paying a huge price for looking like that. She is starving to death.

We need to starve our eyes and see our partners for who they are and what they've added to our lives. Funny thing Mr. C, once we start to give our partners the attention that they deserve, they will be responsive and all of sudden, they will be extremely attractive to you.

[Diplomat]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

Originally posted by Compry:
[qb]

Originally posted by CEW:
[qb] One of the problem is that some do not find their spouse sexually attractive anymore. [/qb]

Hmmmmm, that's because they've flooded their minds with imagines of what the perfect woman/man is supposed to be. The beautiful skinny woman on the billboard is paying a huge price for looking like that. She is starving to death.

We need to starve our eyes and see our partners for who they are and what they've added to our lives. Funny thing Mr. C, once we start to give our partners the attention that they deserve, they will be responsive and all of sudden, they will be extremely attractive to you. [/qb]

Interesting point. I am going out on a limb here, but isn't it the case that some people stop taking care of themselves once married? I do not think it is necessarily a case of filling one's head with images of the perfect man/woman as that removes personal responsibility to take care of ourselves. If my partner do not care for fat guys, should I be putting on 50lbs? She just find that quite the turn off.

[Guest]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

Originally posted by CEW:
[qb] Interesting point. I am going out on a limb here, but isn't it the case that some people stop taking care of themselves once married? I do not think it is necessarily a case of filling one's head with images of the perfect man/woman as that removes personal responsibility to take care of ourselves. If my partner do not care for fat guys, should I be putting on 50lbs? She just find that quite the turn off. [/qb]

Be careful on that limb. I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] (((Mr. C.)))

Last week on Creflo Dollar he highlight ten ways to honor your marriage. I won't list all ten but here are three things that he spoke about which would fit easily here.

Encourage each other with words - If you see that your spouse has lost interest in their appearance, say something, encourage her or him. Go for long walks together, shop for healthier foods, etc. If you show a positive interest in your spouse's well-being, trust me, it will make a difference.

Unconditionally accept each other - Sometimes there are deep rooted reasons why your spouse has gained that 50 lbs. Accepting them is the start of getting to the root of the problem.

Be committed to each other - If you are truly committed to your spouse, 50lbs will not be an issue. Instead of making the weight gain a turnoff use it to your advantage. There are many ways to lose those unwanted pounds...get creative, [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] it'll be beneficial to you both.

Make each other your top priority [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]