Sexual Temptations...

[Diplomat]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

Originally posted by Compry:

Unconditionally accept each other - Sometimes there are deep rooted reasons why your spouse has gained that 50 lbs. Accepting them is the start of getting to the root of the problem.

Playing devil's advocate here, but why is it that instead of the person gaining the weight realizing it is unhealthy, and taking steps - alone or with a spouse - to lose it, the emphasis seems always on the other spouse "accepting" what they may not particularly care for? To a large degree, aren't we stimulated or turned off by what we see?

Be committed to each other - If you are truly committed to your spouse, 50lbs will not be an issue. Instead of making the weight gain a turnoff use it to your advantage. There are many ways to lose those unwanted pounds...get creative, [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] it'll be beneficial to you both.

I think I could be truly committed and 50lbs DOES become an issue, assuming it is not illness related of course [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] . From what I have read, some of those "creative" ways of losing weight really does not use up a lot of calories [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] .

[Guest]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

Originally posted by CEW:
[qb]

Originally posted by Compry:

Playing devil's advocate here, but why is it that instead of the person gaining the weight realizing it is unhealthy, and taking steps - alone or with a spouse - to lose it, the emphasis seems always on the other spouse "accepting" what they may not particularly care for? To a large degree, aren't we stimulated or turned off by what we see?[/qb]

In most cases, the person who has gained the weight is already feeling horrible inside. The last thing they want their mate to be doing is being turned off by them. They need their spouses' support and this is where unconditional love comes in.

[qb]

From what I have read, some of those "creative" ways of losing weight really does not use up a lot of calories [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] . [/qb]

No, but it's a lot of fun [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] and once your spouse has that acceptance, he or she will be more motivated to do something extra to loose the weight.

[Diplomat]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

Originally posted by Compry:

In most cases, the person who has gained the weight is already feeling horrible inside. The last thing they want their mate to be doing is being turned off by them. They need their spouses' support and this is where unconditional love comes in.

OK, I see where you are headed and I agree with you somewhat. What about situations where the person gaining the weight is indifferent and really couldn't care? I have read of situations where some use the expression: "You are supposed to love me for who I am." Well, isn't that being unfair, and isn't that fertile ground for the other spouse to be tempted? I often have to wondered if in some situations, the "If you are truly committed to your spouse..." argument isn't something like psychological blackmail. It reminds me of the line some men use - "If you really love me..." - when they are up to no good.

[Tropicana]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

Originally posted by CEW:
[qb]

Originally posted by Compry:

Unconditionally accept each other - Sometimes there are deep rooted reasons why your spouse has gained that 50 lbs. Accepting them is the start of getting to the root of the problem.

Playing devil's advocate here, but why is it that instead of the person gaining the weight realizing it is unhealthy, and taking steps - alone or with a spouse - to lose it, the emphasis seems always on the other spouse "accepting" what they may not particularly care for? To a large degree, aren't we stimulated or turned off by what we see?

Be committed to each other - If you are truly committed to your spouse, 50lbs will not be an issue. Instead of making the weight gain a turnoff use it to your advantage. There are many ways to lose those unwanted pounds...get creative, [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] it'll be beneficial to you both.

I think I could be truly committed and 50lbs DOES become an issue, assuming it is not illness related of course [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] . From what I have read, some of those "creative" ways of losing weight really does not use up a lot of calories [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] . [/qb]

Every one has a different metabolism. For some women, it is extremely difficult to lose weight and keep it off after child birth. Men are really being unrealistic if they expect their wife to maintain the figure of an 18 year old forever. That's WAY too much pressure.

[Diplomat]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

Originally posted by Tropicana:

Every one has a different metabolism. For some women, it is extremely difficult to lose weight and keep it off after child birth. Men are really being unrealistic if they expect their wife to maintain the figure of an 18 year old forever. That's WAY too much pressure.

That puts a totally different spin on things, and though I am sure some men are like that, let me quickly clarify that that was not what I had in mind at all. Actually, the weight thing was plucked out of the air - so to speak - to provoke Compry's thinking relative to her post. It could just as easily have been the way s/he dresses, or simply take or not take care of themselves.

[Guest]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

Originally posted by CEW:
[qb] What about situations where the person gaining the weight is indifferent and really couldn't care? [/qb]

Why are they indifferent and don't care? CEW, there is always a reason. Something is lacking in the marriage. Chances are the spouse is out there staring or watching "whatever" and have forgotten about the person who they live with. Getting the right attention from your spouse is all the encouragement you need to look good for him/her.

"I love you"; "You look wonderful today"; "You are special to me"; etc. goes a long way. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] Finding the acceptance and attention that we desire in our relationships is enough encouragement to be the best we can be.

[Diplomat]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

Compry: Why does it have to be something the other person is doing? Couldn't it be that the other is eating the wrong foods? Too much starch, too much junk food, too much chocolates, and the list continues? [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] . Too much of the wrong kind of foods and no exercise equals weight gain. I think what I am alluding to here is personal responsibility, and though I am absolutely sure that some people have gained weight because of the things you stated, there are others who just figured that now that the marriage has taken place, there isn't the need to be as diligent anymore. Sad to say, I do know of a few cases where that has happened.

[Queen]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

there are others who just figured that now that the marriage has taken place, there isn't the need to be as diligent anymore. Sad to say, I do know of a few cases where that has happened

I could list a few true life stories myself. Some women figure that as long as they're married, there's no need to maintain themselves. I've seen this first hand. Suddenly, there's no need for a manicure/pedicure. No need to take care of the hair, forget the weight, sometimes I've seen wifes looking like their husband's mother I guess they figure, they're off the market so they don't have to look presentable anymore for potential suitors....they forget about looking good for the other themselves and the other party...sad and unfair.

Addendum: This however, goes both ways. I've seen men that just let the body let loose and flow in whichever direction it chooses [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] So it's not only women that are guilty of this kind of stuff, but men too.

[Guest]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

Originally posted by CEW:
[qb] Compry: Why does it have to be something the other person is doing? Couldn't it be that the other is eating the wrong foods? Too much starch, too much junk food, too much chocolates, and the list continues? [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] . Too much of the wrong kind of foods and no exercise equals weight gain. I think what I am alluding to here is personal responsibility, and though I am absolutely sure that some people have gained weight because of the things you stated, there are others who just figured that now that the marriage has taken place, there isn't the need to be as diligent anymore. Sad to say, I do know of a few cases where that has happened. [/qb]

Sad to say, I also know a few people, men and women, who because of the lack of attention in their marriage/relationships stopped taking care of themselves. Some of lost a tremendous amount of weight, others have gained, some don't even bother dressing properly. Very sad indeed.

Wow, I've really strayed from the subject. Yes, sexual temptation is present however it's up to the individual to guard themselves against these temptations.

[Diplomat]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

For what it is worth, some pointers for engaged - and dating? - couples:

DECIDE NOW
“I suggest that when couples become engaged, they should verbally commit (or recommit) to sexual abstinence before marriage. They should also avoid the double standard of giving the young woman the primary responsibility for maintaining standards. . . . Both male and female, I believe, mutually share the responsibility for sexual conduct before marriage.”

AVOID LONG ENGAGEMENTS
“Many young couples are unaware of the temptations that await them after they get engaged. They are equally unaware that familiarity creates familiarity – and that the longer they have to wait for sexual intimacy, the more difficult it is to do so. . . . Once a couple decides to marry, they should marry as soon as possible. This implies that they have been careful in the first place in deciding to get married – the process of coming to a decision may take several months. But once the decision of who to marry is made, the when should generally follow quickly.”

STAY OUT OF BEDROOMS
“It is wise for engaged couples to stay out of bedrooms no matter how honorable the intentions may originally seem. Bedrooms clearly have sexual connotation; by avoiding them one can also lessen temptations.”

LEARN TO CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS
“If it is true that ‘as we think so we become,’ then we should constantly guard our thoughts, particularly during the engagement period. Some engaged couples believe they can go to questionable PG-13 or even R-rated movies and come out unscathed. Or they believe they can watch provocative videos or read erotic magazines and not let it affect their behavior. They’re wrong, of course. What we see affects what we think. And ‘as [a man] thinketh in his heart, so is he.’(Prov. 23:7.)”

Source: Worth Waiting For.

[Diplomat]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

Compry: You had made mention of a husband talking to his wife about his temptations and here is something I came across on that:

"A good marriage is characterized by an ability to talk about anything. This does not mean that it is easy to talk about everything, but rather that any subject can be addressed in a way that is profitable.

One area where talking can be difficult is in the area of sex—particularly in discussing the sexual temptations which come at the relationship from outside. Because sexual discussion between husband and wife can be difficult for many reasons, there are a number of things that a husband should remember as he takes responsibility for undertaking such risky business. At the center of everything is his duty of Christian contentment.

First, a husband should be clear in his mind that he is talking about his temptations, not giving way to them. In short, talking should be honest talking, and not a form of discontented manipulation. He should understand what his temptations actually are, and what they are not. His wife should be able to help him resist those things which are temptations to sin. But if he doesn't believe something is sin, but talks to her as though he is "struggling" with it, he is actually trying to manipulate or corrupt her, not talk with her."

Source: Sexual Grumbling.

[Diplomat]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

An interesting article from the Assemblies of God's website.

Sexual Purity

Why is maintaining sexual purity so vital to the life of a Christian?

"Moral purity is not a devious plan to eliminate enjoyment from a Christian’s life, though Satan deceptively threatens such a loss. Instead, purity is God’s infinitely wise foundation for true happiness and long-lasting family relationships.

The Assemblies of God Statement of Fundamental Truths has pronouncements about sanctification (separation from evil and dedication to God) and "the alarming erosion of national moral standards" (worldliness). But we must turn directly to Scripture for the Assemblies of God position on sexual purity.

We believe that the biblical standards of morality are universal and timeless. They are applicable to all generations, to all societies, and to all subcultures. They apply to New York, Los Angeles, Singapore, and your community just as much as they applied to biblical Corinth and Rome.

Today’s society is obsessed with sex. The question Christians must ask: How should we as followers of Christ, living in an increasingly secular and amoral society, behave concerning sexual activity? Certainly not as atheists and agnostics behave! One way to recognize a Christian today should be by his or her sexual purity. Yet it is difficult to maintain purity in a culture obsessed with sex and permissiveness toward all forms of sexual expression. That difficulty makes sexual purity a good test of who really is a follower of Christ. It takes more than the best effort of natural humanity to maintain sexual purity. It takes the redeeming and sanctifying work of God in our lives."

Read the rest here: Christian Character.

[Guest]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

Good stuff.

So one of the points that I didn't mention, Being each other's best friend, really becomes vital in this situation. You can talk to your best friend about anything, including your weaknesses. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[Diplomat]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

Compry: In theory, yes [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] . I am still not sure that a lot of couples could handle that kind of honesty. It really would take quite a bit of maturity on both persons' part.

[Guest]

Re: Sexual Temptations...

Originally posted by CEW:
[qb] Compry: In theory, yes [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] . I am still not sure that a lot of couples could handle that kind of honesty. It really would take quite a bit of maturity on both persons' part. [/qb]

So you wait until you are mature enough. Too many people rush into marriage to have legal sex. Lack of sex won't kill anyone. Not that I've heard of anyway