Women supported by spouse

[777]

Re: Women supported by spouse

Women must thrive to be independent at all times. No man nah come use dem peanut pan mi and then if and when things go bumpy ina di night dem use ie gense mi....yuh mussi mad

And mine you what goes for the goose goes for the gander (sp)....it works both ways.

There is no guarantee in life therefore women as well as men should always have a contingency plan...yuh cyaan neva go wrang

True wod de EP..
true wod!!

(in case u dont know..
U sound just like me madda..
A dem tings yah, she raise me up a tell me..
dem same words ya.. )

[777]

Re: Women supported by spouse

u know something, dat me never tell any of unno..
My parents are divorced and separated. So I know first hand, what goes on in relationships, even before me get inna one meself..
My father ..big police sargarent..
Mother ..secretary/secretary of the Governor General of jamaica/ Sir Clifford Campbell..
Anyway,..because of the divorce, we (my brothers and sisters and mom) moved to another house in the same town a Kingston.
We saw our dad almost everyday..
but u know something..
That experience of watching my parents go thru their divorce, taught me something..
U have to be independent as a woman.
Dont think that just because a man is with you for years, and supports u or offers support, that he will be there forever..
If its not in his heart, to do the right thing, he will be gone..
If its in his heart, by the Lord's grace, he will be there forever .
My parents were married for a heck of a long time..
before the divorce *17 years*..but still dem divorce..
but it taught me first hand, that a woman *have to be independent and empowered* no matter what the relationship....
Enpowerment is a heck of ting enoh..
Once u get it enoh, man..no man can touch u, or even begin to bruk u down..

[niceniss]

Re: Women supported by spouse

unnoo sound like unnoo a talk bout full dependence. annoh dat me a talk bout. me a talk bout being in a situation where regardless of your financial status, u do sumpn fi yuh spouse or yuh spouse do sumpn fi yu den one a unnoo tun roun tek it cuss the other.

this scenario can happen at anytime whether there is dependency or not. me see people inna peoples court bruck up caw girlfren owe bwayfren $50.

[msgoody2shoes]

Re: Women supported by spouse

Originally posted by 777:
[qb]

U have to be independent as a woman.
Dont think that just because a man is with you for years, and supports u or offers support, that he will be there forever..
If its not in his heart, to do the right thing, he will be gone..
If its in his heart, by the Lord's grace, he will be there forever .
My parents were married for a heck of a long time..
before the divorce *17 years*..but still dem divorce..
but it taught me first hand, that a woman *have to be independent and empowered* no matter what the relationship....
[/qb]

Like you said, if it's in his heart, by the Lord's grace...
My Mother has been married to her husband for 22 years now. She has not worked a day in their married life and they are 62 and 56. She will never work and he will forever take care of her. He married her when she was a widow with 7 children. They had 6 more kids and she nor us female children worked. He has taken care of her and her kids and their kids. If ever a man needed cloning...

My sister has been married 18 years and she has not worked a day in her married life as well. For the most part, I did not work in my 2 year marriage. My Moms' and sisters' husbands take care of their every wants/needs. Mine took care of my needs and I took care of my wants. Unlike their husband's, mine was a Christian in word and was not used to taking care of a woman. So, if you have a good man, a Christian man, you can be dependent on a man and still maintain your enpowerment and freedom.

[dr. bones]

Re: Women supported by spouse

Goody, your mom had 13 kids?

[msgoody2shoes]

Re: Women supported by spouse

Originally posted by dr. bones:
[qb] Goody, your mom had 13 kids? [/qb]

"Be ye fruitful and multiply". I think that verse was written for her. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

Yes, I am #3. God blessed her to have 2 that I raised since I do not have children. I helped raise the others. And she still looks like she is our oldest sister. Beautiful, strong and healthy. Her saving grace was that she married young, 16, and had us older girls to help her when she remarried. She carried and birthed them, then we took care of them. We are 10-40 years old.

[777]

Re: Women supported by spouse

Ms goody..
explain the word empowerment inna your words..

[777]

Re: Women supported by spouse

it nice fe have a man tek care of you yes, but me noh know if me coulda tek the staying at home fe-ever..
Tried it fe a little bit, when me had the kids, so me know the odds, and ends, but me need a likkle more dan dat... seen? Fe me brain, need more stimulation... but to each his own...


Fe some women, the word empowerment means, having your own, or being able to *produce* u own if needs be..
How can u do so, if you 100 percent dependent pon one man? U haffe depend pon him fe lunch money, pad money and ting..
I am trying to think of the purpose of all of this..
It is supposed to mek the man feel like a full man? Or mek the man feel seh him can have full control, or dominate the ooman?
Is it meant to teach the ooman *her place?*..
bwoy, me noh know..
help me out deh

Oh wait..
define the word *empowerment* as it pertains to your world.
This way, we can all get a better sense of what u truly a talk bout from *your reality*..
(U know how it goh..different cultures sometimes do different things) so, please enlighten we some...

[msgoody2shoes]

Re: Women supported by spouse

Originally posted by 777:
[qb] Ms goody..
explain the word empowerment inna your words.. [/qb]

777, what I mean is that a woman, like my Mom/Sister, are fully dependent on their husband's financially. They go out and make the money and the women stay at home and keep the house. Neither of the men know what they have because they have turned total control over to the wives. When they need money, they come to the wife for it. The entire paycheck goes to the wife.

Even in this arrangement that works beautifully for them, both women are fully empowered to do what they please. As in every marriage, or should be, each one consult with the other on major decisions. But neither of them are under bondage, lock and key or total control to their husbands because they depend on them for even much their sanitary pads. They have their own minds and freedom to do what they please.

They have been empowered with the ability to run their homes and finances with integrity and honesty and their husbands respect that and them. There is no "I am the King of the Castle because I pay everything" attitude in their houses.

On the other hand, I had a husband who ran things because he paid the way. He was one of those men these Ladies are talking about who acted like a dipstick because "I pay the bills!". Therefore, I make sure that I am independent and able to take care of myself because I never want another man to feel like he has even partial control over my life because he takes care of me. It does not have to be that way.

It's hard to find a man like my Mom/Sister have, I tell you that one. A good Christian man or a good man for that matter, would not use his paycheck to keep a woman down or under his control. It takes a good man to support a woman and still allow her to know that she is not obligated to dance to his tunes.

[Lynntt]

Re: Women supported by spouse

Originally posted by msgoody2shoes:
[qb] ...if you have a good man, a Christian man, you can be dependent on a man and still maintain your enpowerment and freedom. [/qb]

I agree, though I would specifically state financially dependent, because my parents were equals in every way. My mother was a stay-at-home mom until the youngest child was in middle school. She worked part-time when she and my dad were first married, but they decided before they got married that it was important for her to stay at home once they had children. Because my mom kept the home running well, my father was able to advance rapidly at work. We were able to live a very comfortable life, and my father always credited my mom with being his true helpmate.

Here's the key, IMHO. First of all, my mom chose a man and got to know him, they planned marriage the kind of marriage they wanted, and they planned when to have children. There was no "ooops - got pregant, now what do we do?" She purposefully chose a man who had the qualities she wanted in a husband and father for her children. She waited until she had her first college degree to marry, at the ripe old age of 24 (which was old in the 1950's). By my parents' actions we learned that life is much easier when you have a plan and stick with it.

Even though my mom never had to work, she always made sure that her 3 daughters understood the importance of being able to support self (and any children we might have) should a man not be around to do so. And we have all done so.

[niceniss]

Re: Women supported by spouse

no uh! me cyaan see meself a depend pon noh man at all. at all.
no brabra!

him can do things like paying for dates and trips and such but sole dependency? not a backside!
but I guess me inna di wrong thread...

[777]

Re: Women supported by spouse

k..
me come back..
me read u thoughts Ms Goody, but it would have to take a man who is trained, possibly by parents etc to want to establish a home, where he is the sole provider.
Dont think that I am saying that this is a wrong approach, absolutely not,
but me just a wonder if, in this day and age, if u have men, who would continuously support a woman fe well past the years of the children, being able to go to school, and or the kids being out of the house, and having their own families..
Most men, now a days will do it for a certain, time, but after a while..
Dem a goh start throw wud..sey, u fe goh look work..

[msgoody2shoes]

Re: Women supported by spouse

Originally posted by Donnika:
[qb] no uh! me cyaan see meself a depend pon noh man at all. at all.
no brabra!

him can do things like paying for dates and trips and such but sole dependency? not a backside!
but I guess me inna di wrong thread... [/qb]

And you are not alone my dear. It's a scary thing for some people. Then some women just aren't about to go there. Especially if they have never depended on anyone outside of their parents.

Even myself. After depending on a man and becoming independent now, it will have to be a real Man of God for me to go back into that role. My decision is based largely on my religious belief that a man is supposed to provide for his household and the wife is to take care of the home/husband/children. Of course, single women are on their own if they are not still at home and being taken care of by their parents, like I was for many years.

[Shefreen Clarke]

Re: Women supported by spouse

I learned from my Grandmother that I must be independent. No women in my family depend pon man fe support. Their relationship tends to be more co-dependent. In other words, they are there fore each other. They both contribute to the household chores and the finances.

Besides learning the moral of the story behind my granny's first marriage, I have my own philosophy about grown people who are capable of earning a living, but choose not to, because they want someone else to do it for them.

I don't mean to offend anyone, but I always believe that when a woman expects a man to support her, it is an unfair approach to a relationship that stems from selfishness and laziness. How can a person love someone and find it in their heart to have the person overwork themselves just so they don't have to work?

For all the women who see nothing wrong with depending on a man (completely) for support, I have one question for you: If one day he gets tired of working and come to you and say "Darling, I don't want to work anymore. I'm tired. I think it's your time to go out and work and support this family" what would you do? Would you return the favour? or will you go off to find someone else to live off of? Will it become a big argument? Or will you work with it?

[777]

Re: Women supported by spouse

me dis a read...
but this ya

If one day he gets tired of working and come to you and say "Darling, I don't want to work anymore. I'm tired. I think it's your time to go out and work and support this family" what would you do? Would you return the favour? or will you go off to find someone else to live off of? Will it become a big argument? Or will you work with it?

is a valid point..