Women supported by spouse

[777]

Re: Women supported by spouse

I dunno, 7's. I know a lot of women, a whole lot of women, who would love to have the opportunity to be at home to raise their children. Women with multiple degrees, making great money, who independently lived before marriage. The thing is, they don't want to give up an upper-middle-class lifestyle to do it . And in most Black families in the US the only way to achieve that lifestyle is if both parents work.

hey lyn...que pasa?
yeap a guess a lot of women would love that, and I am sure a lot of women have been able to do that at some time, but many women work, not necessarily because they have to, but because they *want* to..
Case in point..
Have a good friend who is a physican assistant and hubby earns good money too..
She doesnt *have* to work. House was paid for in full from the get go..she did a whole second floor addition (house was a rancher)- but she works..
but she works because she wants to..
She was just recently seriously ill. she returned to work, part time because she was tyiad of being at home..
She has a in house nanny to take care of her 3 year old..

Work for some women, is a defination of themselves... [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

There are exceptions, of course. There are some men who make enough to support a wife and kids very well without the wife working; but here that requires an income of at least $100,000 per year. There are also exceptions in that some families are willing to live a more modest lifestyle in order for the mom to stay at home. My cousin and her husband, for example, who have a Ford and a Hyundai instead of the Mercedes and Beemer they had when they married who have a 3 bedroom house with a one car garage instead of a 6 bedroom one with a 3 car garage. Those are exceptions, though.

I think thats what I was saying..
Some work because they *want* to..
Some work because they *have * to..
some dont work, because of other things..
Either way, u as a women have to weigh the pros and the cons and figure out, if its compatable to what u seek from yourself, and outta life..

[Lynntt]

Re: Women supported by spouse

Originally posted by 777:
[qb] I think thats what I was saying..
Some work because they *want* to..
Some work because they *have * to..
some dont work, because of other things..
Either way, u as a women have to weigh the pros and the cons and figure out, if its compatable to what u seek from yourself, and outta life.. [/qb]

Yeah, what you said [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[Shefreen Clarke]

Re: Women supported by spouse

Originally posted by Lynntt:
[qb] I wanted to add this earlier, but ran out of time on my break.

I believe that each person, each party in a marriage or relationship has to decide what is going to work best for him or her, and for their relationship. For my mom and my cousin, they feel that being a good mother is the most important job in the world. They each worked before they had children, they both have degrees, yet they both say raising solid, healthy children is the most important job they have ever had. It is important, if you want to be a stay at home mom, to choose a man who agrees that being at home with the children is important. My dad didn't feel that my mom wasn't contributing to the family because she didn't have a paycheck. Indeed, he thought that her job was much more important than his of simply being the breadwinner. And then there's the added fact that he was able to rise much higher at work, and provide a better life for all of us, because she kept the home running smoothly.

I also want to say that I don't think it's necessarily 'progress' that so many moms work outside of the home. Most of the mothers I know do work outside of the home, and most are great moms, but it IS harder to be a working mom because generally the woman still has the major responsibility of home and child rearing on top of her paid work. I don't know any wife who would disagree.

In my opinion, the fact that women have more choices today than my mom did 40 years ago is a great thing; however, I don't think it's a sign that a woman is 'primitive' in her thinking or 'unevolved' if she chooses to stay at home. It just means her priorities are different, and different does not mean bad. [/qb]

What if the couple has no kids or if the woman is infertile and still want to stay at home just because she is married? Is that not primitive or unevolved?

[kia027]

Re: Women supported by spouse

What if the couple has no kids or if the woman is infertile and still want to stay at home just because she is married? Is that not primitive or unevolved?

It would then depend on the couple. I know of some women who have chosen to be childfree as a couple. When the wife got too stressed from her job, was able to stay home and take care of the home, while she pursued activities which helped launch her new career.

A man may have a position where he travels frequently for work and having a wife who has the flexibility to travel with him or vice versa.

It all depends on the couple.

I live in an area where at least 50% of the parents have a parent at home at least part time. In our development there are 2 stay at home dads. The kids love the fact that a parent is there to greet them as they leave on the bus to school and are there to greet them as they get home with school at take them to their activities. These parents have made the decision to have one parent home for their children as a very high priority.

[777]

Re: Women supported by spouse

but it IS harder to be a working mom because generally the woman still has the major responsibility of home and child rearing on top of her paid work. I don't know any wife who would disagree.

but if the mom works and the dad works, then its only fair that their be an equal distribution of labor as not to overwhelm each partner..
Most dual income families are doing such, or if not, are hiring others who can help out where they are lacking..

[777]

Re: Women supported by spouse

In my opinion, the fact that women have more choices today than my mom did 40 years ago is a great thing; however, I don't think it's a sign that a woman is 'primitive' in her thinking or 'unevolved' if she chooses to stay at home. It just means her priorities are different, and different does not mean bad.

yes, which brings one back to the original thought ...
*Is a bad ting when a man who teks care of u, tek it trace u*..
if a woman decides to stay at home, thats her choice, and he SO
but if she stays at home and it becomes problem and the man talks about it, then that is a whole another issue..
Hence the post..
When I say unevolved, I am really refering to women who stay at home, and know full well, that financially, the relationship cant handle it.
What happens if u have a SO who says , go to work, and u dont, because u have other responsiblities, (kids, cooking, cleaning,) that u feel is best taken care of by you..rather dan hiring a outside *agency* to help out..
I know of one particiluar girl who did that..
It was difficult..
Her house got foreclosed, her hubby left her with the kids for another working woman who had the same goals and dreams as he did..
but u know of course, before the marriage, it was agreed upon that she should stay home..
but den, times and situations changed.. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

[777]

Re: Women supported by spouse

What if the couple has no kids or if the woman is infertile and still want to stay at home just because she is married? Is that not primitive or unevolved?

Yes, I would think that this is a lazy ooman..
Who wouldnt want to stay at home..(at least part time? and relax and just cock up de foot deh..? ) I think all women would..
especially likka today, when it a Friday...heck yes , but u know that u have a responsibility and u have to do what u haffe do.

.
I feel that a woman who does this - stay at home when their are no kids or the kids are grown up - is inconsiderate and thinks only of herself..
What she going to do a day time?
Watch soap opera, and nyam bon-bons all day?
As far as me concerned , this only going to lead to the walls talking to her and depression..
yes, and me hear all the women dem..
Me will volunteer..
yes, voluntteer and go keep u mind active and go find a j-o-b!

[777]

Re: Women supported by spouse

It would then depend on the couple. I know of some women who have chosen to be childfree as a couple. When the wife got too stressed from her job, was able to stay home and take care of the home, while she pursued activities which helped launch her new career.

As I am still struggling with the issue of women stating that they want to be childfree..
(Pennysection...no badda.. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img] )
but if the wife wanted to stay home and can afford to do so, then thats her perogative and her right..
She chose to do her life the way how she wanted to..hence her reasoning to further her career..
but if a woman choses to have kids, and knowing stays home, when the finances are in dire straits..
den something wrong with the mentality of the SO and their partners..
[img]/forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

[777]

Re: Women supported by spouse

live in an area where at least 50% of the parents have a parent at home at least part time. In our development there are 2 stay at home dads.

and they are stay at home dads because mom earns more money and they - dads- can afford to do this..
nutten wrong with dat..
Is just that society's roles for these couples have changed...
but hey, its a new generation..
Big up to de daddies dem.. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70365-flirt.gif[/img]

The kids love the fact that a parent is there to greet them as they leave on the bus to school and are there to greet them as they get home with school at take them to their activities. These parents have made the decision to have one parent home for their children as a very high priority.

all moms whether they work or not would state that the kids are high priority for them... [img]/forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img] :verymad:
Its just that some moms know that in order for them to have a roof over their heads and to continue their lifestyles, no matter how modest, they may haffe work..
What the issue is...when dem stay home because its a high priority inna both of dem minds at the time of this decision, and the hubby tell dem lata fe galang a work..and den tek it trace dem.. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img]
Hence de post...

[kia027]

Re: Women supported by spouse

why couples get married and chose to be childfree? = sex on demand with benefits -plain & simple. It is not every couple want to have children. This is someone one sees a lot in manhattan (dem a live life good & know that children will cramp dem style and are true to themselves).

but if a woman choses to have kids, and knowing stays home, when the finances are in dire straits..
den something wrong with the mentality of the SO and their partners..

well what works in theory may not work in reality.. and dat is the time when things must change fi keep the family unit going? But questions must be asked, where can they make the cutbacks? must they have the 6 bdrm 3 car garage home or can get live better in a 3bdrm 2.5 bath/ 1 car garage home?

The couple near me did just that, sold their 6 brdrom mcMansion and traded down for a family friendly neighborhood and bought the house cash. so all they worry about now is the property taxes.

if the money naw mek it when dem do dem budget & dem cyan cut back no more den she haffi go to work at a job that can cover more than the cost of childcare and outside help plus the cost of bills.

[777]

Re: Women supported by spouse

You can be intellegent, bright, articulate, whatever, if you do not have a piece of paper to show what you have done or what school you went to, dawg nyam yu suppa when looking a job.

If I have daughters, I will allow them to learn different skills because they may not want to be a homemaker like me. I would prefer them to be, but it will be their decision

It would be a wise parent who support their girls to be empowered themselves..
We say that we are forward thinkers now, but years from now, when technology is at its peak, and dem can fend for themsleves and noh haffe depend pon a man...they demselves will feel efficient, vibrant and empowered.. because they out there doing it and not having to depend upon a man..
Personally, I think that men respect a woman much better when she works..
and men of the board, if u want to aswer feel free - no mek de ooman dem answer fe u.. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[kia027]

Re: Women supported by spouse

Originally posted by 777:
[qb]

live in an area where at least 50% of the parents have a parent at home at least part time. In our development there are 2 stay at home dads.

and they are stay at home dads because mom earns more money and they - dads- can afford to do this..
nutten wrong with dat..
Is just that society's roles for these couples have changed...
but hey, its a new generation..
Big up to de daddies dem.. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70365-flirt.gif[/img]

The kids love the fact that a parent is there to greet them as they leave on the bus to school and are there to greet them as they get home with school at take them to their activities. These parents have made the decision to have one parent home for their children as a very high priority.

all moms whether they work or not would state that the kids are high priority for them... [img]/forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img] :verymad:
Its just that some moms know that in order for them to have a roof over their heads and to continue their lifestyles, no matter how modest, they may haffe work..
What the issue is...when dem stay home because its a high priority inna both of dem minds at the time of this decision, and the hubby tell dem lata fe galang a work..and den tek it trace dem.. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img]
Hence de post... [/qb]

As fi the original issue of the post whe the working spouse tek it trace dem- the issue is dem a trace wid it cause it is a sympton of a bigger problem in the marriage. If de bills dem getting paid and there is cash flow and de stay at home naw spend $$ like it going out of style, den is a control issue.. but if there are money problems, the issue is that the working spouse needs additional income into the family unit and the other spouse nah pull dem share.


What mi observe wid the 2 f/t working parents household in my area is there are a lot of material things within the home and dem complain how dem cant meet dem bills.

[kia027]

Re: Women supported by spouse

Personally, I think that men respect a woman much better when she works..

when children are involved the dynamic changes though

A woman by all means must be able to take care of themselves and not depend on a man financially. When you are dating someone with the intent of marriage then all issues related to working and time off from the workforce have to be discussed.

[777]

Re: Women supported by spouse

finances are in dire straits..
den something wrong with the mentality of the SO and their partners..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

well what works in theory may not work in reality.. and dat is the time when things must change fi keep the family unit going? But questions must be asked, where can they make the cutbacks? must they have the 6 bdrm 3 car garage home or can get live better in a 3bdrm 2.5 bath/ 1 car garage home?

The couple near me did just that, sold their 6 brdrom mcMansion and traded down for a family friendly neighborhood and bought the house cash. so all they worry about now is the property taxes.

of course, this is all inna fe u reality..
but a noh so inna everybody's world..
How many people can actually say that they presently own a home? and one for over 10 years that have significally increased in valve where they can afford this *option* that u speak of?

well what works in theory may not work in reality.. and dat is the time when things must change fi keep the family unit going

yeap, but some's *reality* is just keeping food in the kids mouths and keeping a roof over the family's head..
Scenerio..family lives in Brooklyn, rented brownstone, hubby works at mcdonalds, wife works at local bank, two kids..
tell me ...
how hubby going to support the family and bills without wife's income..
Wife wants to stay home, and hubby does too..but the bills a knock at dem door..
That is reality for some families out side of the suburbs..

if the money naw mek it when dem do dem budget & dem cyan cut back no more den she haffi go to work at a job that can cover more than the cost of childcare and outside help plus the cost of bills.

true, but u know how many women still work, pay childcare, and only have a little something leff over....fe ketch up de brah-ta?
Reality is, in some families lives, is that both have to work, until they can do better..and everylikkle bit helps..

[kia027]

Re: Women supported by spouse

what de fa! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

if the family unit cannot mek it pon on income then both spouses will go to work.

As for the rate of those who own homes or not dont know the relevance as related to the thread.

Lyntt stated that she knew someone who changed their lifestyle from a 6brdm home to a 3bdroom one and I related there are others out there who have chosen to do the same in order that one spouse remain home.

and in the reality of those families where both spouses work until they can do better, I guess their husband would never tek up de issue of whe dem a work and fling in them face eida?